A/N: Goodness, life got crazy all of the sudden. I am so sorry for the time between posts. If you're still reading, here's another. is down. So sad. It's a consolation of sorts that I'm going back home for a week. I haven't been in 9 months so I'm super excited. I love the Big Apple, but there's nothing like your old stomping grounds!
The mood in the house was tense when Elliot got home from work. All signs pointed to him turning right back around and leaving. He wouldn't though, because the days of avoidance were gone. He'd already turned his back on one family, and he'd vowed to never go down that road again.
He surveyed the scene, taking in the array of toys that littered the floor. In the middle of the chaos, his wife sat at the kitchen table, leaning over the hard surface with her head in her hands. Her fingertips were white from the pressure of rubbing small circles on her seemingly aching temples.
He grabbed the edge of the table for support and lowered himself down onto the floor into a crouching position. Ever so slowly, he placed a comforting hand on the back of her shoulder.
"Your sons are killing me, Elliot." Her voice was thick with emotion. The tears had stopped an hour ago. She'd tried to put on her best poker face when Casey had come over to pick the boys up. She knew her friend had seen right through to her frazzled nerves.
He knew the 'your' she was referring to. The boys had the occasional wild, insubordinate streak that came from being a Stabler. Those times were the moments when she let him take the reigns. Of course, they were 'hers' when they were stubborn and refused to ask for help with anything. He had visions of Zackary sitting on the floor for a solid hour trying to tie his shoes all by himself. He braced himself for the day. Thankfully, he had a little while.
He let his eyes wander to the wall on his left. The muted television could be heard from the other side. He knew that it was most likely serving no purpose other than to further drive up the electric bill. Before he could ask, she answered the question lingering in the confused expression on his face.
"I asked Casey to pick them up. I sent my own kids away, Elliot. What kind of a mother am I?" Mentally and physically exhausted, she was tapped out, and her guilty conscience had paved way to thought after thought of how poorly she was doing as a parent.
"The kind of mother who knew the boys were pushing her buttons. The kind who understood that she needed a break. Casey called me on the way home." He pushed her forward gently and pulled her shirt up, his hands catching on the back of her bra as he cleared an area for his hands to work.
"I thought she probably would." She dipped her head forward, giving him access to her tired muscles.
"She knew you wouldn't." He rolled up the fabric and tucked it under her breasts so that it would stay put as he worked to relieve his wife's stress. He chose his words carefully, as well as their delivery. Long before he'd gotten home, he knew she'd been beating herself up. "You're too stubborn for your own good."
"What would I say? 'Hi, honey. I'm failing our children and I need you to come save them'. I'd rather not." She felt the rough pads of his fingers turn soft as they worked their way up the plane of her back. The stopped to rest on her shoulders where they began to work their magic.
"I think you're the one that needed saving." He peered around her shoulder to read her face, to know if he was pressing too hard. "It's okay to ask for help, honey."
"I know. I just…I don't know. I can't think." She sighed and her eyes closed on their own accord.
"Then don't. Just relax." He willed his body to behave, to not react to the physical contact with his wife so that he could be there for her emotionally. To provide comfort after a long evening with two boys. "Tell me what happened."
"What didn't happen? Zane came stomping in from school because he lost his hat somewhere at school and didn't want to wait for me to pick Zackary up to go back and look for it. I finally got him to calm down and change into his play clothes. We spent forty-five minutes driving around. Zack was getting hungry. We went back home and after that it was downhill. I didn't make Zane do his homework. He couldn't concentrate after the first problem. He's got two pages of math."
"I'll work with him. When did they leave?" He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. His kids were getting older and they needed him more. They didn't have two other siblings to help his wife out or to keep each other occupied. Seeing Olivia so stressed out bothered him. It was time for damage control.
"Right after we got back. Zane was in a horrible mood and Zack was acting his age. They should be back soon to wind down before bed." She felt the tension slowly leave her body, relieved to have Elliot home to talk to.
"Want me to make you something for dinner?" He remembered all the times he'd have to force her to eat just so she wouldn't pass out. She, too, had changed and had taken better care of herself. They'd both mastered the art of stepping in to help each other out when they'd neglected their own needs.
"Just something light. Maybe some toast." She slipped her hand into his and felt the warmth spread throughout her body. "Casey had Shannon with her. She looked so happy, El."
"Who did? Casey or the little one?" He pulled her up and helped fix her shirt.
"Both. I think this is a really good thing for them. Did you know Casey was thinking of being a foster parent to the little girl you found in that basement last week?"
"No, but Casey was there when they brought her in to look at some pictures." He bit his lip thoughtfully. "Two kids, huh? Well, it's not like she hasn't had experience with our kids. The little girls are around the same age, though, I think."
Olivia nodded. "She wants to ease Shannon into meeting other kids her age. She's always been bounced around." Olivia's heart swelled at the thought of Casey and those two little girls. It would be a while before she heard if her friend could have Hayley as well, given her situation. She didn't have any surviving relatives, and everyone involved wanted to make sure she was placed in an environment that would help her emotional recovery.
"How long 'til the boys are home?" He unwrapped the loaf of bread and dropped the slices into the toaster.
"They should be back in time to unwind before bed. I'll get Zane into the shower and Zackary will crash before long."
"I am here, you know." He watched her plan the nighttime ritual in her head and how she would squint when making accommodations for an unexpected glitch in the schedule. It was obvious how much she did to keep everything running smoothly on the nights he had to work late. "I'll take care of Zane. You go hop in the shower and I'll make some eggs. You need to eat more than toast, honey. You'll be hungry afterward."
"Thank you." She smiled and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. She hoped he knew what she meant. He'd been her rock for so many years and she always wondered if she showed her gratitude for having such a good man in her life. He'd been a constant source of comfort when she needed one.
"You're welcome. Take your time, Liv." He watched her walk from the room and grinned. He never got tired of the sight.
The sound of Elliot scolding one of the kids could be heard the moment Olivia turned off the water. She wrung her hair out before toweling off. She ran a brush through her hair and dressed quickly. She heard giggling on the other side of the door and smiled. Carefully, she opened the door.
The little girl smiled up at her and bolted from the hallway and into Casey's outstretched arms.
"Mom!" Zackary jumped up and down as he greeted her, is little boy excitement infecting her instantly.
"Zack!" Olivia laughed as she watched him run off to the living room. "Where's Zane?"
"He's finishing up his homework. I got him started and he seemed to be alright from there."
"We girls, we kept them in line, didn't we, Shan?" Casey poked the little girl gently in her side, resulting in a fit of laughter. "We have to stick together."
"That's right, sister." Olivia held her hand out, her palm facing upward. Tentatively, the little girl smiled and slapped her hand down.
"That's my girl." Casey beamed, watching the shyness slowly ebb.
"Sit down, Liv." Elliot placed the plate in front of her and handed her a fork. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, observing her until she took a bite.
"Yes, dad." Olivia rolled her eyes as she chewed, suddenly feeling hungrier than she'd felt before. "You're on vacation soon, aren't you? What are you two going to do?"
"Oh, I thought we'd hit the Build a Bear workshop and the American Girl doll place. I had no idea the thing even existed, Liv. You should come, it'll be fun." She saw a brief flash of something pass over Olivia's face and frowned.
"Sounds like it." Olivia smiled weakly, suddenly interested in a series of scratches on the surface of the table.
"Alright, kiddo. Let's get you home to bed. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Seeing Olivia nod, Casey ushered the little girl out of the door.
"You okay?" Elliot took a seat beside her on the chair and stole a piece of her toast. He nibbled, giving her time to work through her emotions.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She worked her fork up and down over the eggs, chopping them into tiny pieces.
"You tell me. You like doing that girl stuff and Shannon wouldn't look at me the whole time they were here. She wouldn't even come close to me. She likes you, Olivia."
"She's a special little girl. I'm so happy for them." She ran her fork over the surface of the plate until a small pile of eggs worked its way over the metal prongs.
"But you want that for yourself. I see it in your eyes, Liv. It's not the same with little boys."
"No, it's not, and I feel horrible for even thinking that much less saying it out loud." She sighed, finally setting her fork down.
"I remember how happy I was when Dickie was born. I finally had the son I had always wanted. I could see us having the relationship that I'd always wished I'd had with my father. Now I have two more and I feel like I've been blessed so many times over. I look at you, though, and I want to give that to you. I want you to have that bond, too."
Olivia slid the plate away and slowly turned in his direction. "Do you mean that?"
"With all my heart. I know you love the boys and I know you're fine with the family we have now. Let's not get our hopes up, but let's say we try for a little bit and see what happens. I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's make us a little girl." He smiled, watching her try to hide an obvious smirk.
"You know what that means. That means more diapers, more spit up on your favorite suit jacket. That's not even the first year. Don't forget about the PMS and endless phone conversations with prospective, future son-in-laws."
"Trust me, I know. I have to worry about all of that right now with the the teenagers I have now. We haven't even uh, you know…" He let his voice trail off, trying to find a way to phrase the necessary, planned act of conceiving a child. "So…we'll need another date night."
"We will. How's Friday night looking for you?"
"I think I can free up some time." He wrapped her in a one-armed hug. "Now eat the rest of your dinner. Gotta' get that beautiful body of yours ready to conceive my baby."
"Real smooth, Elliot."
"I know." He left the room, feeling the tension suddenly leave.
