Chapter 9
disclaimer/ I do not own divergent
Tobias POV
"You're right. I'm sorry, I must of just been confused, but then the thought of her actually being here just took over my senses."
"I know, man. I know. Let's get back to the group though, okay?"
I nod my head and begin to follow him back down the street.
But not before I turn my head looking for her one more time.
We walk back to the group and I am met with strange looks.
"Man, what was that? One minute you were here and the next you were sprinting across the street", Peter says.
My face hardens.
"It was nothing. I just thought I saw something", I say bitterly.
If anyone doesn't believe me, they don't say anything.
"Well your back now, so can we please actually enter the shop?", Christina says annoyed.
Everyone nods and goes to enter the store.
"Umm, I'm actually going to head back to the hotel, but I'll see y'all when you get back", I say at the last minute. After seeing Tris, or someone I thought was Tris, the last thing I want to do is go shopping.
"Are you sure? We were still going to g-"
"I'm sure", I interrupt. I just need to get away from them before I completely break down.
"Okay man. I'll text you when we get back to the hotel", Zeke says.
"Thanks", I say swiftly and turn on my heel.
"Wait!", Shauna calls out. "How are you going to get back? It's kind of far to walk."
"I need the fresh air."
And with that, I leave them at the shop entrance.
XXX
The walk to the hotel takes about 30 minutes. I'm not exactly speed walking though because my head is so messed up. How is it possible for her to seem so real, but in reality be a figure of my imagination? It's not.
Right?
I approach the hotel and go straight to the stairs when I enter, ignoring the elevator completely.
When I get to my room, I shove the key into the lock and rush inside, slamming the door behind me. It's now, alone and behind closed doors, that I let the tears fall.
Any progress I had made with coming to terms with her death has completely been thrown out the window. It was her. She was here. My imagination couldn't of made her up. That long blonde hair that has grown out back to her original length was Tris'. Those stormy grey-blue eyes filled with life were Tris'.
I gather myself off the floor and the next thing I know I'm throwing the vase that was on the coffee table at the wall.
The tears begin to fall faster and I start to throw anything I can get my hands on.
The thoughts come faster and faster to where I have no control. I fall to the floor, alternating between sobbing and screaming her name.
I saw her. I saw her. I saw her.
But that's the thing.
I didn't see her.
Because she's gone.
And she's not coming back.
XXX
I must of fallen asleep because when I hear a knocking at my door, I'm still laying on the ground. I look at my watch and see that it's been 4 hours since I got to the hotel.
I stumble my way to the door and open it to find Zeke.
"Hey T, there you are. I've been trying to text you to te-"
He stops as he takes in my appearance.
The next thing I know, he's pushing past me into my trashed room. He looks at the room, and then at me, and then back to the room.
He sighs.
"Tobi-"
"No, Zeke. I don't want to hear the whole "she's gone" and "it wasn't her". I know, okay? I know", I say defeated.
"I was just going to say that everything that happened to Tris shouldn't of happened. Not to her and not to you. Y'all deserved better than what you got. And I'm sorry that you're still in so much pain and that I don't know how to help you."
I look up at him and give him a small smile.
"Thanks, Zeke."
He smiles at me before saying, "Okay enough of the girl talk. Let's clean this pigsty up before the housekeeping finds it like this and has us kicked out."
I laugh at his antics and stand up. I don't fell better though. Not at all. But if Zeke went through all of the trouble to plan this trip and then try to comfort me, the least I can do is to pretend to not be hating every second of it.
XXX
The next morning everyone is supposed to meet downstairs in the lobby for breakfast, yet I cannot force myself out of bed. My whole night was filled with dreams of Tris. About her being alive and and me finding her here.
I sigh and shake my head. Throughout the year since she die, I've always had a small flame of hope that she wasn't actually dead. It had slowly be dwindlying. The events from yesterday caused it to skyrocket and then almost deminish completely.
Almost.
Even though I know she's gone, I also know that no matter what, I will always have a twindle of hope that maybe she's still alive.
I sound insane.
She. Is. Dead.
I need to accept the fact before I can actually ever try to begin to heal.
"We're heading downstairs and eating in 5!", I hear Christina yell through the door.
I sigh again and get up to brush my teeth.
When I finally head downstairs, everyone is already sitting around one of the many breakfast tables.
They all give me some sort of greeting. I sit in between Zeke and Christina and grab some bacon.
"Are you feeling better today, Tobias?", Cara asks me.
Huh?
"Oh yeah, I told them how you didn't feel good yesterday and that't why you had to leave after lunch", Zeke says.
I shoot him a thankful look and then turn my attention back to Cara.
"Uhh yeah, a little bit. Thanks."
She gives me a slight nod and goes back to her conversation with Caleb.
I zone out until I hear Peter talking about the restaurant/bar he wanted to go to while we were here.
"Yeah, it's called Sparkys and it's supposed to be one of the top places in New Orleans", he continues.
I look down again. I honestly couldn't care less where we end up eating. I sigh because I know that no matter what any of them do, I'm not going to enjoy another minute of this trip.
XXX
Apparently no one had any objections to Peter's place of choice because Zeke pulls our rental car up to a decent sized building with a big sign saying
Sparkys Bar and Grill on it. We head inside and are instantly seated. A couple minutes later a man, probably in his late 20's, comes up to us.
"Hi guys. My name's Michael and I'm the general manager here at Sparkys. The waiter's section you were sat in is actually being split up for different servers because the original called in sick. I just wanted to let you know that since your server has more tables than usual, there may be a slight delay. We will be providing you with two free appetizers to make up for it though!"
"Oh that's no problem, but thank you for the appetizers!", Shauna says with a smile.
"Of course! You're server will be right out."
I sigh quietly. I just want to get back to the hotel as soon as possible, not be stuck at a restaurant for longer than usual.
I really need to try harder at not being miserable. I made a promise to Tris and I'm not planning on going back on it.
I shake my head and join in on the conversation between Zeke and Christina.
I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS :) but poor Tobias/: This chapter was kind of depressing for him. Please let me know what y'all think and how you think the confortation is going to go! I'm so greatful for every reader and review. It means the world. R&R for more
-M
