Author's note:
Oh my god, thank you again for all the reviews and alerts! It's so encouraging to see that you like my story! Thanks so much (:
Here's chapter eight now (: Poor André tries to save the day and Beck gets even more confused but finally makes his decision. And Tori? She needs another girls talk with Cat :D
I obviously don't own Victorious cause if I did, Beck and Tori would be together by now... All rights belong to Dan Schneider (:
Ps. There's going to be a suprise in the next two chapters :P
CHAPTER EIGHT
LITTLE TALKS
ANDRÉ'S POV
Shit! Why couldn't I keep my trap shut? Excuse, excuse, I need an excuse! Damn it, so much for not interfering their business... Okay, just act like nothing had happened. You didn't say anything! Wow, that was probably the worst excuse I ever made...
"Beck, you need to break up with Jade! You can't use her... that's not you! And I'm pretty sure she'll break your face if she finds out. And she will find out!" He gave me a confused look obviously thinking that I was trying to avoid his question, but then he just nodded and burried his face in his hands.
"I know... I know. But..."
"No ifs and buts!" I said in a rage. Argh, he almost drove me insane. How could someone be so... so ignorant? And why had always have to be me who ended up in such a conflicting situation? Remember how I said I didn't want to interfere their friendship/relationship and everything? Well, forget about that! These two obviously needed a medium. And if that was supposed to be me of all people... Fine. I didn't have to spill Tori's little secret, I could only try to push him in the right direction, right? Nobody would know that I knew what was really going on. Wow, what a plan! Let's just hope everything goes well... "Have you ever thought that Tori might feel the same way? And instead of telling her what you really feel you're doing this crazy shit..." I finally said trying to sound as if it was just another normal question everybody else would ask in this situation. Damn it, André. Be careful!
"Yah... yah, it is... I know, it's bullshit. But... whatever. I'm not even sure if I want her to know..."
"There's no option, I think. You don't want to loose her, do you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you blind? Ever since you and Jade started dating she's at sixes and sevens. She tries to act like all is well but you could tell from her eyes that absolutely nothing is okay! She has feelings for you, Beck! I'm sure she does! And you're too blind to realize that!" With an encouraging smile I laid my hand on his shoulder. "You need to tell her before it's too late!" A sigh slipped my lips as I noticed the confused expression on Beck's face. Playing Cupid was even more stressful than I thought it would be. Honestly, was I the only one in the world who had just found out what was going on between them? Were they really this blind? Well, this was going to be interesting...
"If she really felt the same way, how come she didn't make any move?" Beck finally replied making me shoot him a "Seriously?" look. This boy really needed a broad hint...
"Dude, I can't believe it! How do you expect her to realize you're in love with her if you're dating another girl? Who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental!"
"Thanks." He murmured sarcastically.
"You're welcome!" I replied with a laugh, but then immediately gave him another serious look. "Look, Beck. I know, it's your business and I shouldn't interfere it... I actually don't even want to. But... if you want an advice: Be honest to Tori. To her, to Jade and especially to yourself! I can't promise that everything will end up the way you want it, but this hide and seek of yours is useless. Go and check things with Jade and then talk to Tori. Show her how you feel! You'll never know if she feels the same for you if you don't tell her." I winked. Without waiting for a response I stood up, nudged his shoulder and then turned around to slowly walk over to the door of his RV.
"I know, I know. I know you're right... But..." Beck finally said as I reached the door. "I would never forgive myself if I ruined our friendship. I don't know what to do. I guess I need some time to think it all through."
"Don't think too long..."
BECK'S POV
When André left I was even more confused than before. I knew he was right and I somehow felt relieved that I had finally told someone. And André had actually been helpful, even though I still didn't really know what to do. Breaking up with Jade was kind of obvious, right? And I had to do that sooner or later... But first I needed to think about how I could break it to her gently. And then there was Tori... The most amazing girl I ever met. What if André was right? What if she really felt the same for me? I couldn't blame her for not admitting it... She thought I was in love with Jade. "How do you expect her to realize you're in love with her if you're dating another girl? Who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental!" André's words popped up in my mind again. Haha, that was actually true. God damn it, why did I have this stupid habit of making it all much more complicated than it had to be? Maybe I should talk to her... Just like André advised me to do. She deserved to know what was going on with me and I was tired of holding back my feelings. What had happened between us last night made it even more difficult for me. But then again... there was still this fear I would ruin our friendship. I didn't want to loose her. I couldn't loose her!
"God damn it, I've made a mess of things!" I sighed and burried my face in my hands again. If only I knew what Tori really felt...
TORI'S POV
As soon as Beck had left I felt some sort of relief rushing through my body. Relief that I wouldn't be exposed to this inappropriate urge of kissing him, this urge of telling him that I didn't want to be just friends, this urge of pulling him close and never letting him go anymore. God damn it, I never thought I'd have to fight against this. And I actually didn't even want this to happen. But I just couldn't help it. The way he looked at me, his laugh, his cute smile, his eyes – oh my god, especially his eyes – made me weak. Since last night it was more or less official: I was in love with Beck Oliver. And that was bad! Really bad! Well, at least it wasn't good. It probably wouldn't be this bad if it wasn't for Jade and this whole shit of how I just wasn't able to hide my feelings. He must think I'm completely insane...
After taking a shower I decided to make breakfast. Or lunch... Whatever... I was about to take out a bottle of milk when my phone rang which made me almost jump.
"Jeez!" I groaned as I quickly pulled out my pear phone. Cat's face appeared on its display. A sigh slipped my lips. Ugh, please not now... I wasn't in the mood for her or at least not for her happiness. C'mon Tor, don't be rude, she's your friend!
"Hi Kitty-Cat!" I finally said as I picked up. Friendlier! My inner voice yelled at me.
"How do you know it's me?" A shocked voice screamed back.
"Because your number is stored in my phone?" I replied trying to sound happy and nice. No, I definitely wasn't in the mood for her.
"Oh... Okay... How you're doing?"
"I'm... fine. Yeah... Uhm, Cat, I'm a bit busy, would you mind cal-"
"Did you and Beck try to kiss again yesterday?" She cut me off in her generic enthusiastic and high voice.
"WHAT?" I shrieked and almost dropped the bottle of milk I still held in my hand. Damn it! Here we go again... I could feel some sort of panic rushing through my body. How did she know about that? Gosh, she didn't observe us, did she?
"You guys were so cute! You couldn't keep your hands off each other! I knew this would happen, hah! Oh, and where did you go? André and I were looking for you! Did you stay with Beck? Did you finally tell him the truth? Tell me! I want to know everything!" She giggled excidetly. Okay, she obviously did observe us. Argh! That just wasn't true! This girly really drove me crazy...
"Cat! How do you know about all that? Did you track us?"
"Yeeees, you were sooo cute! And I wanted to know how things are going between you and Beck. Please don't be mad at me! Nobody noticed except me! And now tell me! Did you guys kiss?"
"No."
"Oh. No? – Oh yay, that rhymed. No – oh. Hahahahaha!" She giggled again. I decided to ignore her last fit of giggles and just went on with an explanation.
"No, we didn't... I wanted it so badly and there were several times we were so close, but... somehow every moment was... ruined." I said ineloquently.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought you two would finally be together!" Cat replied sadly.
"That's sweet of you, Cat. But... honestly I don't think that this is ever going to happen. He thinks I'm his best friend, nothing more, nothing less." I said trying to stay calm. I couldn't hide my sadness any longer. Thinking about how many chances we had last night I could feel pain in my chest again. If there really was a chance for us he would have shown me yesterday... He would have tried to kiss me if he had really wanted it. But he hadn't.
"Tori! Don't say this!"
"But it's the truth!" I groaned.
"What makes you so sure?"
"Everything? He stayed with me yesterday night and..." I could hear Cat screaming excidetly again as I spilled the truth. "and he didn't do anything. He could have tried to kiss me and I wouldn't have complained. He could have done everything he wanted, he could have taken advantage of my state if he had wanted to... But he didn't! The only thing he did was stroking my cheek and making sure I'm safe."
"But that's so sweet of him!" She shrieked. "Beck wouldn't do anything that would hurt you! He would never take advantage of your state! He has cared for you, isn't that proof enough?"
"Proof for what?" I asked confused. I knew she was right. Beck wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to do and he wouldn't use me just because I was drunk... But... he could have at least tried to kiss me again, right? We've been so close the whole night. Why hadn't he made any move?
"He's in love with you!" Cat screeched making me almost drop my phone.
"W-what?" I asked. Now I was even more confused.
"You've been so close from kissing and you really would have done it if you weren't interrupted. He couldn't take his eyes off you the whole evening and everytime you were around he was smiling like non-stop! Aaaand he stayed with you to make sure you're okay!"
"He only stayed because I begged him" I admitted feeling a bit ashamed.
"He could still have said 'no'! But he didn't! He wanted to stay near to you! And he didn't want to rush things, I bet! He doesn't want to loose you, he thinks you don't love him back."
"Caaat, why are you so sure about this?" I sighed.
"Because it's obvious! And you don't want to face it. You're scared!" Ouch. She touched a sore spot. Yeah, I was scared. This whole thing between me and Beck wasn't good. We were just friends, we've always been just friends. I knew he meant so much more to me than only the best friend, but I didn't want to show this to him. What if he didn't feel the same way? And he still had Jade. And as long as Jade was his girlfriend I couldn't admit my feelings...
"I... I'm not... sca-scared!" I tried to deny the truth.
"Are too! You need to tell him! Please, Tori! You don't want to loose him, right?" Cat said with a much more serious voice.
"Why would I loose him?"
"Because if you don't tell him he'll never know. He'll stay with Jade and sooner or later you can't handle this any longer! And then it's too late..." Damn it, that even Cat needed to have these stupid lucid intervals! I took a deep breath and swallowed. I knew she was right. And I knew I needed to tell him sooner or later. But I would have been glad if I could have avoided this moment...
"Cat, this is all easier said then done" I finally replied. "He's still with Jade and I can't show him how I feel as long as he has a girlfriend! That's... that's just not right! And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't find words to tell him the truth when he stands in front of me anyways..."
"Well... how about you don't tell him directly?" Cat giggled meaningfully.
"What?" I asked confused. What was she up to?
"Come over to my house, we have a plan to concoct..."
BECK'S POV
I was on my way to Jade. I had made my decision, I wanted to break up with her. I still had no idea how I was going to do this, but nothing would hinder me now! And afterwards I wanted to check things with Tori – another thing of whom I had no idea how I wanted to do that... But... It had to be done. She needed to know the truth and I couldn't handle this any longer. And besides... Jade didn't deserve this. She wasn't the dream of a girlfriend, but nobody deserved it to get betrayed, right?
My hands got a bit sweaty and there was a weird feeling in my stomach when I knocked on the front door of Jade's house. God damn it, why did I have to be this nervous? Breaking up with someone you didn't really love couldn't be this hard, right? There was no need to worry, everything was going to be fine. Okay, come on Beck, get a grip! Tell her that you don't feel comfortable with this relationship anymore! Tell her you don't like the way she treats your friends and that you think it's better to give it a break. And for god's sakeness don't talk about Tori! Jade better doesn't know that you're in love with her. She would kill her... Right after killing you, of course... And don't run away like a little child! You can do this! That shouldn't be a problem for you, right?
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice how someone opened the door.
"Hi babe" She said with a smirk on her lips. "So you're reasonable now? Come in." Great! She probably thinks you want to apologize for yesterday night and you're going to break her heart instead! I slowly followed her to her room and took a seat on her bed. Jade didn't hesitate to do so either and immediately tried to pull me closer obviously thinking she could start one of our little make-out sessions again. With an awkward expression on my face I cleared my throat and backed off a bit. She gave me a confused look.
"Can we just sit down for a while and talk?" I asked. I didn't want to beat around the bush. I needed to end this quick and easy. It would be better... for her and for me.
"Uhm, sure" She replied still a bit confused. What was that? Was she uncertain?
"Look, I... I know you're mad at me because of our fight yesterday... But..." Before I could say anything else she cut me off.
"I'm sorry, babe! I overreacted and I didn't mean to call you a bad boyfriend or stuff like that. I'm really sorry!" My eyes widened as I caught her eye. God damn it, Jade West was apologizing? And... that wasn't even the worst thing. I could tell from the guilt in her voice and this painful way she looked at me that she really meant it. She was sorry! Shit! Why now? Why can't she just freak out again? I couldn't remember when I had ever wanted her to yell at me so badly but now. That would make things much easier... But no, instead of starting another fight she decided to apologize. Damn it!
"Jade" I began not even sure of what I wanted to say "that's not... that's not what keeps bothering me. It's... Look, you... you make a claim on me almost every free minute and you treat my friends like shit. You insult Tori, you scare Cat and one time you made Robbie cry! I... I just can't handle this any longer!" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath waiting for her to explode. She didn't. Why the hell didn't she explode? That was the first thing she did usually! I opened my eyes again and sighed. There was silence between us for a while and I wasn't even sure if she had understand what I had just said. But then she suddenly spoke up again.
"I'm sorry" she whispered "I... I'm a bad girlfriend, huh?" There was sadness in her eyes and I felt guilt rushing through my veins more and more. Beck, don't lose sight of your aim! You came here to break up with her, remember? Without breaking eye-contact I forced an awkward smile before I replied.
"No, it's just... I don't think we're good for each other. We had problems from the beginning and..." My voice broke as I saw her tearing up. God, no! Please don't start crying! Don't start crying! What was wrong with her? That's wasn't the tough Jade I knew. Jade West never cried! And god damn it, it was my fault. I was making her cry...
"You mean... you wanna break up with me?" She whispered.
"I... Yeah... I mean... ugh, don't you think it would be better for us? This relationship drags us down..."
"Beck, please! I know I've made mistakes... But please don't throw it all away now! I'm sorry for everything... And I want to show you that I mean it. I will get along with your friends, if you want to! But please give me a chance! We can work this out!" Another sigh slipped my lips and I quickly stared down at my feet. I couldn't look into her blue eyes anymore. She was begging me to fight for our relationship. Was this really the same Jade West who had yelled at me yesterday? "Please, Beck! Please!" Shit! No, Beck, don't give in! You need to go trough with this! You don't love her, you can't pretend anymore! Biting my lip I faced her again. That was a mistake. Now she was really crying. Jeez!
"Jade, please don't cry! It's okay. It's okay!" Without knowing why I pulled her a bit closer and stroked her head. She burried her face in my shoulder and cried for while making me feel even more guilty. "You really think we should give us another try?" I didn't even know why I asked this and right after the words had slipped my mouth I wanted to slap myself. This whole thing didn't turn out the way I planned it. Not at all...
Jade finally backed off a bit and looked at me with this begging expression on her face.
"Yes" she sobbed and nodded. God damn it, Beck! You're such an idiot! I sighed again before I finally said the words I knew I would regret.
"Okay..." Argh, Jade, why do you have to make me feel guilty? You're making it even worse. She slowly approached and gave me a soft kiss. It didn't feel right and I already knew I made a mistake (nothing new, I was making a lot mistakes lately...), but I just couldn't do that to her. Not now. Not after seeing this sadness and despair in her eyes. I knew I had to... But right now I just couldn't do it.
"So, you love me again?" She whispered and a slight smile appeared on her face. Instead of answering I just forced a weak smile. Plan Break up with Jade had totally failed.
