The year leading up to Paddy's escape from prison was full of changes to the structure of the Irish mob. He drafted a completely new membership and left them all behind when he disappeared. Of all the changes, I'd been most surprised about his new bodyguard- a woman whose file I'd memorized completely but never met. Lauren Dennis. It seemed so harmless but she was completely deadly.

Lauren grew up in Russia until she was smuggled out at the age of five, her parents selling her to the government so they could live. She bounced around from diplomat and drug trafficker until she was eighteen. Meanwhile, she learned how to use every weapon available, was trained in every form of hand to hand combat and was completely skilled at how to clean up dead bodies. She learned from experience when she killed the men she'd learned from. From there, she cleaned herself up, went to medical school and was the youngest woman to graduate with honors. Lauren completed her surgical residency at Johns Hopkins and was well respected in her field.

I guess that's why everyone was so surprised to find her on Paddy Doyle's payroll.

Of course she'd been the first person the BPD questioned with his disappearance but she claimed she was just consulting him on his oncology options. Lauren Dennis was released from questioning and cleared of all involvement. Call me crazy, but I'm still a bit suspicious that over three years later the woman still lives in her run-down apartment in Southie.

She was the reason I squeezed myself into the leopard print dress Maura kept at the back of her closet, it had been an impulse buy that she'd never meant to wear and hadn't. It wasn't hard for me to rip the tags off and tell myself this was all for her. I had to keep reminding myself of that fact in the four inch heels I paired with the dress as I walked into the Tilted Clover bar across the street from Lauren Dennis's apartment.

The doctor was 5'7" with long legs, platinum blonde hair, and completely clad in leather. She also had a fetish for well dressed brunettes- something well known on the street. Lauren made subtle eye contact with me as I walked into the bar, trying to find a seat in the nearly empty place.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked as I came up next to her. Her green eyes bore into mine and she smiled, offering up the chair. "My name is Phoebe, by the way."

"Lauren." She finished the beer she'd been nursing since I opened the door. "Can I buy you a drink?"

A polite smile creeped up on my lips. "That's really kind of you. I'm supposed to be meeting someone here though, they have information about my father."

"Oh come on, just one little beer? I'll keep you company while you wait." Her torso was twisted to face me and I ran my foot up her calf.

"One beer and that's it."

She placed her hand over her heart. "Scouts honor." I did the obligatory laugh as she flagged down the bartender and slid the cold glass into my hand. "Looking for your father, eh?" Lauren pried.

Swallowing the sip of beer I nodded. "He doesn't know about me, he and my mom were kind of a one night stand type thing. She hid the pregnancy from him because of his...questionable business connections."

"Did she ever tell you who he was?"

"Oh, I've known my whole life. It was something she liked to threaten me with, 'you behave or I'll send you to your mobster father!'" I laughed as she visibly paused and eyed me suspiciously.

"Mobster father, eh?" Her glass made a loud noise as she set it on the bar.

"Mhm." I took another sip. "His name is Christopher, he was Paddy Doyle's Sergeant at Arms. It's why she didn't want anything more than a one night stand."

Lauren relaxed minutely. Christopher Flanagan had been with Paddy since high school, the pair were inseparable. He was the only member of the family who disappeared with Paddy when he escaped, and it was widely known for him to have multiple children from one night stands, he never made roots and was always being left at the altar. Seemed like a lonely life, but it was one of a mobster.

I had known coming in and trying to seduce Lauren for Paddy's location wouldn't be successful. It's why I chose Christopher, he wasn't easy to access but someone would be more willing to say- mail a letter to him than they would give up Paddy.

"Didn't he disappear with his boss?" Lauren asked coyly, she was still feeling me out. Now that she knew I was looking for someone, it was all about instinct, I had to keep up the charade of Phoebe the woman in the bar searching for her father.

I took another small sip of beer and played with my hair. "I think so. I haven't really kept tabs on him but I need to get in touch with him. My mom is dying and she really wants to see him one last time before she goes. Unrequited love and all that." I placed my hand on her thigh. "I don't really care though, he was never really my father and I'm not interested in him personally. Just doing my mom one last favor."

She leaned in placed her hands on my hips. "I might be able to help you with that."

"Oh yeah?" I giggled as she started kissing my neck. It was rather blatant, as if she knew Phoebe would've said yes. But let's get real here, if Phoebe existed, she would've said yes. Lauren mumbled in agreement against my collarbone. "I've got a letter here I want to mail him, all I need is an address. Can you help me with that?"

Lauren sat up and I pressed a thick envelope at her. She took it cautiously, trying to see why I would need such a large envelope for a simple letter. "Depends, who were you meeting?"

I rummaged around in my purse until I found a small slip of paper. There was nothing written on it but I glanced it before throwing it back into my purse. "He said his name was Rondo?"

She scoffed. "Rondo's a rat, he'd more likely give this to the police than manage to get it to Topher. What's in here, anyway?"

"My mom put it together, I think there's some family pictures, probably of me and her. She wrote him like ten pages confessing all her love for him after all these years. Kind of pissed off my step-dad but hey, she's the one dying, right?"

"I'll get it where it needs to go." She placed it in a large bag to the side of her and turned back to me. I had my phone out checking fake text messages.

"Rondo changed the meeting place." I smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you around, Lauren. Thanks for the beer."

She waved as I left and I saw her turn and open the package. I'd done my job and filled it with everything I said I had. Christopher Flanagan would be confused when he saw it, especially when he heard some of the nicknames I'd used. All that mattered was the envelope inside, delicately written out in calligraphy with its wax seal stay intact. It's where Frost and I had hidden the microscopic tracking device.

Christopher would take us straight to Paddy Doyle, and I would be at his door very soon.

I came home to find my mother in my bathroom with Tommy's daughter, Charlotte. The little girl was just barely two years old and the light of everyone's life. Except TJ, he was still upset to share his parents with a younger sibling. Being six can do that to you, I had felt the same way about Tommy.

Ma was babysitting so the couple could spend some much needed time with their son and she was happy to do so. Her bathroom only had a shower so they came inside to my room to use the tub. I heard the little girl's laughter as I sat and took off the heels and slipped out of the dress into sweatpants and a t-shirt. Ma was already soaked from the little girl's splashing so I sat on the closed toilet to observe.

"Hey Janie." Ma smiled as she played with her granddaughter. I'd realized long ago when I decided not to have children I wasn't just denying Maura- I was denying my mother as well. We Rizzoli's were a backwards kind of family, the two oldest were cops who sent the youngest to prison. The youngest son had two children and was married before the oldest daughter.

I had to keep reminding them that at least I'd gotten married.

"Jay!" The little girl screamed when she saw me. "Uckie!" She held up a plastic yellow duck and tossed it toward me.

"Whoa there tiger! You have a good arm on you." I caught the duck and tossed it back into the water where it made a tiny splash.

Charlotte laughed and then looked at me with a very stern face for a toddler. "Oh no. Spash!"

Ma and I laughed and watched the toddler entertain herself. "How'd it go today?" Ma asked as she leaned against the tub to look at me.

"Fine. I got what I needed done, it's just a waiting game now." I fiddled with my wedding ring.

Her knowing eyes never left my slumped body on the seat. I knew she was being diligent and also paying attention to Charlotte but I was her priority now. "Did you ever find Maura's?" It was a soft question. Angela Rizzoli had decided years before my birth the best way to deal with difficult or uncomfortable questions was to barely speak them aloud. I guess it was her way of softening the blow or something.

I looked into her eyes and shook my head. "She tucked them into her bra before putting on her gloves." Her hand came up to my knee.

"Would they help?"

Trying to hide the anger and pain on my face I turned away. Would having Maura's wedding rings help? It had only taken me months to find the perfect ring and even longer to save up for it. We'd talked about it a couple of times and I always felt Maura would have wanted those giant one stone diamonds.

She always managed to surprise me.

Instead, she told me she wanted something unique and kind of old. Like an antique, almost rustic Jane; she'd told me. I finally found it in a small boutique when we were out shopping. It was three platinum bands that fused together at the bottom and had small diamonds going around, but nestled on the top of each band was a ruby flower with a platinum middle. It just screamed Maura. And of course they were real diamonds and rubies and 18k platinum so it was the most expensive purchase I'd made in my entire adult life.

But it was one I was happy to make only once for the woman I loved.

The wedding band was simple- platinum with alternating diamonds and rubies around. I surprised Maura by engraving the phrase "I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honor" around the band. It was taken from the Declaration of Geneva which was supposedly a revision of the Hippocratic Oath for modern times. I wanted it to reflect not only her dedication to her job, former and present "patients", but also to us and the marriage we were building.

Maura cried when she saw it at the wedding.

My wedding band is platinum, inlaid with redwood and a stripe of crushed mother of pearl through the middle. Maura engraved the words "ut servirent eis, et protegam" in her own handwriting inside the band. When I asked for a translation, she told me proudly it was latin for "to serve and protect". She said it was her way of reminding me of the two oaths I'd taken.

I guess great minds think alike.

So it did beg the question- would having them help? All of her belongings and possessions had a story and memory and all of them were inherently her. The first couple of months she was gone was so hard to wrap my mind around this absence of her- I was living in our house with all her life pouring in around me.

"No." I said after a brief pause. "I guess it would just be one more reminder of what I've lost, you know?"

Ma nodded and swooped up the laughing toddler in a towel. She tickled her granddaughter and then playfully tossed her over her shoulder. "Want me to drain the water?"

I looked down at the tub before shaking my head. "Nah, I got it." She closed the door after them and I slowly peeled off my clothing and sat in the few inches of lukewarm water.

I'd just gotten home from the longest day at work. I was picking up Maura's ring at the jeweler's so I went in late and stayed late. By the time I got home Maura would have already eaten dinner, showered and been reading her nightly medical journal. This gave me just enough time to hide her ring in my side of the closet. The one so unruly she just left it alone.

I took the stairs quietly but two at a time, almost hoping my girlfriend would be asleep when I pushed the door open. Surprisingly, our bed was empty and the water was running in the bathroom. Maura was in the shower. Perfect. Now I definitely had enough time to hide the ring.

Taking quiet steps over to the closet, I puttered about trying to find the perfect spot. Where could I hide the small black box that she wouldn't find it? My sock drawer? Too ironic. The plastic bin full of French lingerie Maura bought and I refused to wear? She sometimes forces me. In the gun safe artfully hidden behind the shoe racks? Yes. The water shut off. I cussed under my breath, shoved it in my pocket and went to the closet doorway.

But my brilliant, patient, loving girlfriend never showed up.

With a tentative hand, I pushed open the bathroom door to find her sitting in the middle of the bathtub, water mid-calf as she curled her arms around her legs and rested her chin upon her knees. It was heartbreaking, I hadn't seen her all day, none of our cases overlapped this week. I walked toward her quietly. "Maur?" She didn't even look up or acknowledge my presence.

I stripped naked by the tub and climbed in behind her, wrapping my arms around her. Maura relaxed instinctively into my embrace and closed her eyes. "Maura?" I tried again, rubbing circles against her thigh.

"A five year old boy was on my table today." Her voice was cold and empty. Trying to stave off the horrors of the day. "Domestic abuse. There were signs of sexual abuse."

I gripped her tighter as she began to cry, her entire body shaking against me. Taking a washcloth, I began to wash her body carefully, knowing she would want to be clean before bed. Maura sat up and let me do it, every look she gave me showing her adoration. I knew in these moments I would never have her love me more than this.

"I have something for you." She twisted in the tub to face me as I dug around in my pocket and pulled out the velvet box. This had not been the way I wanted to ask Maura Isles to marry me. I wanted the most expensive French restaurant in Boston, I wanted the candlelight meal, the perfect suit. I wanted roses and chivalry- everything she deserved.

But what I wanted most was that look in her eyes. The one she was giving me now, for bathing her when she was too exhausted to.

Her hand shot up to her mouth when she saw the box and I handed it to her carefully. Trembling hands reached out for the box and as she opened it, I stared into her amber eyes. "Maura Dorthea Isles, will you marry me?" It was simple and soft spoken. Not a declaration or demand. Soft, caressing.

Tears began to pour down her cheeks as she saw the sparkling rubies against the diamonds and smiled. Carefully, she set the box down on the closed toilet seat and flung herself against me. "Of course I'll marry you, Jane." She breathed against my ear. "Thank you."

And with that, I knew I would love this woman forever. The woman who thanked me for loving her so much I was tying myself to her for the rest of our lives.

Armed with a picnic basket, I exited my car in the parking lot. The cemetery was in an upscale neighborhood of Boston, the same one where Paddy had the fake grave of baby Maura Doyle.

While my wife wanted to be buried at sea, there hadn't been enough of her body left to dump. Instead, what little remains we had left were cremated and spread throughout the harbor. The tombstone in the graveyard was just like the one next to it- a placeholder.

I sat down on the grass and leaned against the granite headstone of my wife. Sitting next to me leaning against the tombstone of the sister she'd barely gotten to know was Cailin Martin. We had had these picnics on Tuesdays between her classes the first few months after Maura died. Now that she was graduated and working full time it became a routine.

Cailin handed me a beer from her small cooler and in return I handed her a sandwich handmade by Angela Rizzoli.

"How's work going?" I asked her, taking note of the light purple scrubs she was wearing.

"Don't give me that look, I just got off a thirty-six hour shift, I think I deserve a beer." She retorted. After Maura's death, Cailin decided to follow in her big sister's footsteps to become a forensic pathologist. She was still paying her dues and finishing up her residency program at Mass Gen.

I held up my hands. "Hey no judgement, I know exactly how that is. We both do." I patted the headstone behind me.

"She's not actually there you know." Cailin said taking a bite of the sandwich. "Mama Rizzoli make this?"

I nodded. "You know, you're welcome to any of the Rizzoli family dinners or pop into the Dirty Robber. Vince and Angela would love to see you."

She shot me a look. "Don't tell me they're a thing now?"

"Oh god no!" I gave her my best look of disgust. "Korsak bought the Robber a few years back as his retirement plan. Ma was hired as the bartender and also the day manager. They're happy with the arrangement. I get free beer and lunch. I'm happy with it too." We both laughed.

"I wish my mother was like that." Cailin was quiet for a brief moment. Neither of Maura's mothers had taken her death well. Constance buried herself in remodeling her mansion in France. Hope had packed up and gotten herself hired with Doctors Without Borders and was constantly traveling to war torn and diseased countries. "It was different, when I was still in Med School, when Maura was here and accessible. All she wanted to do was stay, to rebuild the relationship she never had."

I fidgeted with the lettuce on my sandwich. It wasn't any secret that Cailin resented her mother for the about face in the way she treated her youngest daughter when she decided to right things with Maura. In fact, it had been one of my wife's biggest concerns, and she spoke at length about it to Hope. It was also why in past few years we made it our goal to be involved in Cailin's life, even if her own mother wouldn't.

We invited her to family dinners, holidays, a few vacations, and Maura took her out for some sister nights occasionally. And in return, Cailin invited us to birthdays and graduations and anything else she wanted her big sister at. The three of us had grown quite close- when Maura couldn't make an event due to work or illness, it was almost a guarantee that I would be. And so here we sat, trying to keep up in each other's lives the only way we knew how.

"Cailin-" I paused, hoping the words coming out of my mouth weren't going to hurt her. I took a sharp inhale, made a small chuckle and changed my whole approach. "You know, I was raised with two brothers and a mother who wanted me to be as girly as my wife. She wanted a big Italian wedding and dresses and a football team worth of babies. That was my mother's dream for me. Hope had a dream for Maura too, that she would be the reason Paddy would stay, that they would get to be a family. And when she 'died' all those plans went with her. Anything her daughter might become." I paused.

"And when she had you- it was different. Her plans were that you lived, then you became sick and well you know that story. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I consider you my sister and while Hope was trying to be well meaning in her devotion to get to know Maura and make up for all those plans she missed, she missed out on yours too. And I know it doesn't make it better, but Maura and I tried to be there when she wasn't and we enjoyed every milestone we got to spend with you. I hope you won't let that fade because Maura isn't around anymore."

Cailin chewed on her sandwich some more, peering into the basket for other snacks. I sighed and leaned against the headstone and ate my lunch quietly, staring up at the tree canopy. "I think of you as a sister too." She said quietly. "Maura actually sat me down and gave me the whole 'Jane may be wife but she's also another sister' talk."

I groaned. "Come on, Maur. That is so uncool."

We laughed together. Cailin turned to look at me. "You don't have to do that, you know? Pretend like she's still right here. It's different now, and I want to continue this relationship but we have to figure out how to work it now that our connecting piece is missing."

"I'm glad." I finished off the beer and tossed it into the picnic basket. I didn't know what else to say, it was hard for me to move on from Maura, especially with all the evidence I was gathering against the whole idea of her death. But I couldn't share that with Cailin, it was a long shot that I could even find Maura, and who knew what Cailin might think if I told her everything now. Cailin dug around in her purse before coming out with a 5x7 Manila envelope.

Cailin stood up and fidgeted with the envelope nervously. "I meant everything I said today, Jane. Please believe that." I looked at her cautiously. "I got this hand delivered to me at the hospital five days ago, I meant to give it to you sooner but I needed some time to process everything. I'll be here next Tuesday, I hope to see you but if not I get it."

She handed me the envelope and walked toward her car. I waited until she pulled out of the cemetery and was driving toward her condo before opening the envelope. Inside was a folded half sheet of paper with a small 4x6 photograph with it. The paper was in Maura's handwriting but I immediately went to the photograph.

Maura was standing against a plain white wall, smiling. Her hair was shorter and thinner, she was wearing a scarf as a headband and a plain blue t-shirt tucked into a khaki skirt. At first I thought it was an old photograph but her hands were clearly visible- as were the wedding bands on her fingers. She was clutching what looked like a store apron, but I couldn't make out the name or design. I flipped the photo over and stopped breathing at what I read.

Rhea Waters- 4.30.15

Los Angeles, CA