A/N: *Justin Timberlake Voice* xoxArtimisSalvatoreBennettxox this goes out to you, you, you. Dedicated to you, you, you (Listen to the beginning of his song Strawberry Bubblegum and you'll get it). Seriously though, your review gave me everything. Also to Damonismyhomeboy, VizzyIAM, and the rest of you who asked for a certain…well, I'll let you get to it.
Damon
Lying in the middle of the street was something I got from a gypsy. She told me that whenever she felt out of sorts with her life, she'd lay in the middle of the darkest street and let fate decide for her. If something came from the right, she would follow her mind. If from the left, she would follow her heart. I'm not sure what direction told her to come out with me, but I was glad she did. She was some of the sweetest blood I'd ever had.
I stared up at the stars in the night sky. As a vampire I could see their true form if I focused hard enough and didn't have to worry about being blinded. Frankly I found them vastly uninteresting, but even I could admit their beauty. In Mystic Falls, you never really got the chance to look at the stars. Some blame the lights that kept the town running, but I blamed something else. You couldn't take your eyes off anything without someone trying to kill you here, let alone stargaze.
Why had I come back?
Backtracking was something I had never done. When I'd left Mystic Falls the first time, I vowed never to return. There was nothing here for me, there never had been. Katherine had been a motive, one that had driven the state of my life for well over a century, but she hadn't been the only thing out there for me. I think that on some level I knew that, much like I always had.
When I was seventeen, I found myself. I knew what I wanted, I knew how to get it, I knew how to achieve what I wanted in life. I wanted to travel the world and be an artist, to have my paintings line the walls of galleries and royal walls of France. I wanted to go to my family's origin of Italy and let the enchantment of the city bring out my inner Italian. I wanted to sail on Rivieras and paint on cliffs.
My father didn't agree.
Stefan had always cited Katherine as the downfall in our relationship, but that only proved how blind he was. Our father, Giuseppe Salvatore, had completely ruined whatever chance my brother and I had at any real meaningful relationship. He pitted us against each other in the worst ways, the reward his affections. If I beat Stefan it was because I was older. If Stefan beat me I was weak, a daydreamer, foolish. The family business was mine when he died although he felt Stefan would do it more justice.
"You're too compassionate." He would say. "Too much of your mother in you."
And he was right. My mother was a kaleidoscope of a woman with long, thick, black hair that hung past her waist. Her eyes sparkled like lapis lazuli in sun and her full lips always smiled a secret smile just for me. I was told I looked just like her twin brother, which was how I'd gotten my name. She would wake me up in the early mornings to watch the sunrise with her and dance around the magnolia tree that grew in the yard behind our house. She would sing with the birds and twirl in the wind, holding my hand and spinning us in a circle. Looking back on it, those were my happiest times as a child.
Thinking about it now, they were my happiest times period.
Stefan was more interested in what our father was doing, but my mother was okay with that. Whenever I got mad because he'd turned down time with our mother, she'd rub my shoulders and soothe me.
"Damon, my love," she would always start. "Why are you so angry with him?"
"He never spends time with you mother, never." I'd say. "He's spoiled and dismissive."
"He's his father's son, like you are mine." She'd say. "I don't remember you being excited about learning your father's business. Or am I wrong?'
"You're right."
"Do not be mad at your brother for his interests. Love him for who he is."
"Yes ma'am."
"Besides, does this not leave more time for us?" she'd wink.
Where my father broke me down and instilled a work ethic, my mother nurtured my soul. She allowed me to draw the things I wanted and encouraged my tastes in music. She was the one who taught me to waltz whenever there was a ball at the Lockwoods. I remembered how she would cheer for the both of us whenever our father made us compete. When either one of us won, we were spared no rewards thought Stefan got my father's approval when he did. When I won, my mother would sneak a bite of chocolate.
When I was eighteen, she died.
I can't even remember how it happened really, some disease that went around at the time. It bothered me so much because it seemed as though no one cared but me. My father handled her arrangements with businessman prestige and my brother did whatever my father told him. I remember laying in my bed and wanting to die when Stefan came into my room.
"Father wants you out of bed and dressed in ten minutes sharp." He'd said.
"Father can go to hell." I'd murmured.
Stefan shook his head. "You aren't accomplishing anything by acting this way. Father has a tough enough time as it is without his oldest heir acting out."
I sat up and looked at my brother. Where I'd gotten my mother's pale skin, he'd gotten our father's sun kissed tan. Where my hair was as black as my mother's, he'd had our fathers sandy brown. They had the same brownish hazel eyes, the same stubborn set to their jaws, and the same brow that would always furrow before it did anything else. I saw nothing of my mother on him, nothing except maybe her height. That was something we'd gotten from the other parent. I would always be taller than Stefan.
"Did you even love her?" I asked.
Stefan's eyes narrowed. "She was my mother, of course I loved her."
"You never spent time with her. You never did anything with her."
Stefan shook his head. "Father needed help. While you were drawing your pictures, I was helping father around town. While you were busy with dancing and music, I was busy getting to know the doctors and learning about what I wanted to do with my life."
Stefan headed towards the door. "Maybe you spent the most time with her, but you weren't the only one who loved her and you weren't the only one she loved."
At the funeral, my brother got most of the condolences. I guess when I thought about it, I shouldn't have been surprised. Stefan knew these people and cared for them. He helped them when he could and spoke pleasantly when he talked. His humor was suited for his age and not of someone older. The doctors loved him, which would work in his favor when he wanted to go into the medical field. The girls thought he was handsome which only flattered him more. My brother was smart, gifted, ambitious, loving. Most of all my brother was adored by the only parent we had left.
Needless to say all of my plans for my life took a completely different turn.
It wasn't until after I died that I truly started to do the things my father was against. I'd traveled and explored the different cultures around me. I met other vampires who taught me how to survive. When they asked me who my maker was, I guarded Katherine like my own little secret. I was ashamed that a woman had gotten the best of me and longed for my brother. I was embarrassed that I had nothing to show for it other than puncture wounds.
By the time I'd come back to Mystic Falls, I was a changed man. I'd reveled in the sex, blood, and music of the ages. I'd surrendered myself to my vampiric nature ten times over. I'd made long lasting connections with people who felt just as out of place as I did. I'd solidified myself as a vampire and a man. I'd seen the world, I'd done it all. I fucked up, I fucked around, I rebelled against the values I'd been taught. I let the bloodlust and the hunger sate itself while I watched. I turned my humanity off for six years and turned it back on. Now all I needed was the one thing I should've avoided.
Katherine.
Seeing Elena was probably my second undoing. She had all the looks of Katherine and all the fire of a girl unrealized. I saw the compassion inside of her, the thirst for more from life. I saw that even though she'd broken up with her boyfriend, she'd felt better that she was free. Her smile was so genuine and warm, her face flawless. She was just like Katherine and nothing like her at all.
And somehow, Stefan got her.
I shouldn't have been surprised, Stefan got everything. It wasn't his doing, I never once blamed him, but it was something that he'd been born with. My father had raised Stefan with the destiny of a champion. A destiny so strong that even when he rose from the dead, it favored him. I was the one with the heavy heart and the vampire doppelganger on my back. I was the one with the hate and the envy and the longing. And so I did the only thing I could do, I caused chaos.
But after looking at Elena for so long, I realized something else. A few weeks ago, in the living room, I noticed Bonnie Bennett for the first time. I'd always seen her, Bennett witches were hard to miss and our lives had been endangered more than enough times, but it wasn't until now that I noticed her. If I'd thought Elena was bored before, I hadn't been paying attention. Bonnie Bennett was the girl that managed to appear like she was paying attention and be off in her own world. She'd been on that same page for twenty minutes, her eyebrows raised every so often, and she rocked her legs every three minutes.
I made eye contact with her.
The girl had fire, more fire than anyone I'd ever seen including Katherine. What Elena and Caroline had in modern girl ways, Bonnie had the appeal of a classic. Her eyes blazed with a fiery spirit and when she spoke, it was usually valid. Her decisions were hers and concrete and her morals didn't waver. After watching Caroline who bounced between Clueless and Girl Interrupted, and Elena who couldn't decide if she wanted adventure or safety, I could appreciate a girl who was over it all.
I flipped her off.
While she was so many good things, Bonnie also irritated the living shit out of me. Her magic was always faulty, she let everyone tell her what to do. She put me in my place but couldn't stand up to her friends. She saw me for who I was, but couldn't keep her friend away from death and his brother. She fought hard and stupid, almost killing herself in the process. She judged too much, she stayed in her shell, she never took it easy on me. She didn't pity me when Katherine wasn't in the tomb. She had magic beyond the imagination and iron will, but the wherewithal of a teenage girl.
Of all of us, she had the most hope.
It sickened me that she knew me better than anyone else. It annoyed me that she wasn't as trusting. Bonnie could spot my bullshit from a mile away and would let me know when it stunk. She didn't beat around the bush about her dislike for me, even though she knew her best friend did.
She was also the first person to know what me and Elena felt for each other.
Helping Bonnie with her magic was something I signed up for because I'd forgotten what actual potential looked like. The girl had serious abilities and we needed to hone them. She took to magic like a fish to water whenever she got the guidance. She gave lip, but backed it up better than anyone I'd ever met. The one thing I strived for her to have was control. Once she had it, no one would ever take it from her.
Until the day in the forest when I realized how powerful she was. I could feel her latch onto something inside of me, something deep in my core. When I moved, she moved and kept fighting. The faster I let my body move, the more she kept up. Soon we were going at a speed no one, not even a witch, should've been able to keep up with. She ducked and dodged me with a seriousness in her face and wildness in her eyes. Then she pulled.
It was like being exposed. I'd always thought I didn't have a soul until that day, and Bonnie showed me I still had something. There was something inside of me that still held who I was and kept me alive. There was something that woke me up and fueled me and my desires. This girl, this witch had shown me that the feeling of emptiness I'd been living with for years had been emotional and not biological. And I hated her for it.
I hated her even more for that damn fire in her eyes. I despised her for it. All of that fucking vitality and longing for more was the thing that drove me over the edge. After Stefan fucked Elena, Bonnie showed up. Her eyes blazed with anger from my ignoring her. Truth was, what did you say to someone who'd had their hand on your soul? What did you say to the person you could feel from a mile away? How did you let them know that you hated them for showing you the truth and wanted to kiss them for doing it?
"I'm fucking done." Bonnie spat me. "I'm done with you, I'm done with this vampire bullshit, and I'm done with this love rhombus all of you are in. I'm leaving."
Rhombus? Cute.
She turned her back on me, the first woman to ever do it. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was my bullshit day, but I wanted to do something else. I got tired of pining for a doppelganger and I got tired of fighting my damn brother all the time. I pinned Bonnie against the wall and saw the hurt in her eyes. I'd said some fucked up things in anger, like I always did. I stared at her heart shaped face filled with innocence and defiance. I looked at her lips and wanted to taste them. Her eyes were greener than normal, than ever. I told her as such.
I kissed her.
I thought she'd send me to the floor like she usually did, but she pressed herself against me. She was shorter than Elena and Caroline, though curvier than the both of them. I teased her with my tongue and tasted the heat of her mouth. I pressed myself against her and felt her writhe slightly. I'd been wrong about the prude comment.
And here I was, staring at the stars. My mother had taught me all of the constellations and I remembered them just to stay close to her. It had been days since I'd pressed Bonnie against that wall and years since I'd tasted anything so pure. She'd been using her magic, probably doing the spells I'd killed that witch in England for. I could feel her magic deep inside of me like a hum from a harp, thrumming through my veins and giving me breath I didn't need.
Nothing was coming from either side of the street. This highway was dead.
Somehow, I wound up at Ric's. He opened the door and saw my ripped shirt and shook his head.
"Who won?" He asked, closing the door behind me.
I shrugged. "Had to be there."
"Looking at you, I'm glad I wasn't."
I sat on his couch and crossed my ankles. "You got whiskey?"
"That bad huh?" He smiled.
"Bad enough."
Alaric poured us both a glass and sat in the chair next to his window. I liked his place, it wasn't big and overly spacious like the boarding house. Apartments always appealed to my inner nomad. The thought of packing everything and just leaving made so much sense to me. I never needed a house.
"Do we need to have the talk again?" he asked.
"No we don't need to have the talk again."
"It's looking like we need to have the talk again."
"We don't need to have the fucking talk again, Ric."
He held up his hands. "I'm just saying, you're angry and you're going to break one of my best glasses."
I loosened my grip. "Sorry."
"Right." He said. "What exactly happened?"
"I snapped."
"I figured. What made you do it though?"
"Stefan and Elena are back together." I sighed.
Ric's eyebrows shot up. "That's an interesting development."
I didn't respond.
"Can you say you're shocked?" he asked.
"I was getting closer." I told him.
"No you weren't. You were moving towards a girl whose boyfriend turned into an asshole to save her life."
"She loves me, Alaric. I'm not stupid."
Ric sighed. "Say she does love you. Then what? She's still in love with Stefan, Damon. That's not changing."
"I thought I said I didn't need the speech." I said.
"Tough shit, you're getting it." Ric went on. "You're wasting your time, Damon. She loves him, really loves him. They have more history."
"History is nothing these days." I said. "You can have history today and chemistry tomorrow. You're a teacher, you should know that."
"I also know, as a man, when it's a lost cause. Elena isn't easily swayed. The amount of work you put in to even get as far as you have should speak for itself. When it's real, it isn't work. You're not picking up or off the scraps of someone's relationship. It's yours."
"She kissed me."
He kept going. "Again, an emotionally sensitive girl was going through a rough patch with her boyfriend and found comfort elsewhere. That's not love, it's solace."
I wouldn't look at him. I felt stupid.
Ric sighed. "Look, I'm going the bed. The couch is yours if you want it, but let me ask you something. You're a vampire. You've lived, outlived, and will over live. Do you really want the most interesting thing about you to be a feud your brother's already won? Twice?"
He patted me on the shoulder and went back to his room.
As I lay back on the couch, my thoughts wandered. Alaric's point was valid, as it usually was. How long was I going to pine over a girl who may or may not have feelings for me? How long was I going to love a girl who didn't know what she wanted? How far was I willing to push the already hectic relationship with my brother?
What did I want for myself?
I licked my lips and my thoughts wandered to Bonnie. What the hell was that? I'd gone from avoiding her, to shaming her, to making out with her all in the span of five minutes. I could still feel the way she pressed herself against me, still taste her in my mouth. Whiskey gets rid of a lot, but it wasn't getting me away from that.
Strangely enough, I didn't want it to.
The next day, I went home. It was a school day which meant the Scooby gang was occupied and well away from me. The house was still a wreck when I came home, which meant Stefan had either spent the night at Elena's or decided I was cleaning it up since I started it. Understandable either way.
I straightened the chair in the and returned it to its rightful place in the living room. I swept up the broken glass and picked up all the books. I cleaned up the bottle of bourbon and that about what it'd interrupted. Every time I passed that spot in the hall, I stared for five or more seconds. I moved around the house righting everything and pulling the place together. Cleaning was a pretty good outlet which was probably why Stefan and I were neat freaks. Him more so than me though, I didn't care about the state of my bed.
By the time the house was clean, everything was thrown away and put back in place, I was bored. I hated when I didn't have anything to do. I couldn't leave because Elena might be attacked. I couldn't do anything because Mystic Falls was a shit pit town with nothing more than a tour on things I already knew about. Alaric was teaching so the Grill was out. I didn't eat human food so the Grill was definitely out. I was avoiding the inevitable and I knew it. I picked up my phone and texted the only person I could really take right now.
The Forest. After School.
A/N: Sooo I decided to write a Damon POV. The only reason I did was because I promised I would write when he had a reason to be heard. And after last chapter, he did. Mainly I wrote this so that everyone could get a look inside of the head of MY Damon. Still Very much in love with Elena, but definitely feeling something else. Also, is it just me or did Ma Salvatore never make it into the series. If she did my bad. If she didn't well…there you go. I'm not making this a chapter because I still want this to be very much a Bonnie story. Not saying Damon won't get a chapter, but like I said, when he needs one he'll get one. My Damon is hard on the outside because of the things he's gone through. I think on the show, how he is with Elena, like when she tried to kill herself and they were in her bedroom afterwards, I think THAT'S the real Damon. That's how I'm going to write him at least. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this. If not, I'm NEVER doing another one again lol. I just wrote this because he was speaking to me and I wanted to write his thoughts. That, and I wanted there to be some fact to him and not just what bonnie interprets. Know what I mean? Chapter 9 coming soon!
