Disclaimer:

I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of it's characters I just make them do naughty things to each other=)

A/N

Here's Chapter Nine! Yes I know the last chapter was short but I thought it would be a bit weird if I had to end it somewhere into this chapter so I made it a separate chapter.

I'm so glad Sam got a good smooch and don't worry he'll be getting more in the future. And as for Jacob and his nice improvisation of a yoyo aka – him being all hot and cold with Sam, it's getting to me too but hey, after two years of him thinking he's a killer of course he's not just going to drop the self-loathing stuff like that.

Don't worry he'll get better…I'll make sure of it.

Also a few people have made comments saying I tend to lead people on with little things and then never mention it again, for example- the little voice Jacob heard in his head at Emily's party and the fact of how he has kinda forgot what it is to be a shifter. DON'T WORRY!! I haven't forgotten, it all ties up in the end.

ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS SO FAR-

PLEASE KEEP 'EM COMING!!!!

I hope everyone is still liking the storyline and is still addicted to it just as much as I am!!!

WARNING: Rated M for language, angst, and sweet, sweet lemons

Enjoy!

Phoenix


-Wolf Bite-

Chapter Nine

Sam's P.O.V

After rummaging around in my closet for a pair of fresh clothes for both Jacob and me. I pulled on my own and emerged from my bedroom, following the sound of what seemed to be the hushed foraging of a hungry wolf.

At least he wasn't letting himself starve until he was offered food by someone. I thought quietly to myself. Looking back on this fact now, after what Jake told me last night about his pack and how he blamed himself, I could see now that he'd been slowly punishing himself. He didn't feel like he was worthy to eat unless it was forced upon him, he didn't feel like cleaning himself because he wanted everyone to shy away from him, to look away in disgust and whisper about how he looked like some sort of monster.

Monster…

Hadn't Jacob called himself that last night? Did he really think that he was the reason behind the death of his pack?

Yes…. yes he did and he probably always would.

But what of his family? Did he blame himself for their deaths as well? He'd only mentioned their deaths, leaving out all detail about how or when they died. Did Michael kill them too? Who was Michael anyway? I knew he was Jacob's brother but that was all. Why did Jake hand over the pack to his own brother? Why when he was his father's heir? And why did Michael kill off his brother's pack? Why did he kill them when they came under his leadership and not before?

It didn't make any sense.

I shook my head, clearing it from such morbid thoughts and poked my head around the door and peered into the kitchen only to find my Jacob moving from bare cupboard to bare cupboard in the vain attempt to find some food.

I leaned on the doorframe, watching him for a moment, my eyes inspecting the way the loose kaki pants he still wore from last night brushed across his thigh as he stretched up to open the high cupboards and how it tightened over his arse as he bent down to look in the lower cupboards.

I felt my tip brush against the front of my jeans. I snapped out of my thoughts, any further and I might have to repeat the little shower scene I'd had only moments before.

"Is there anything decent to cook with?" I asked, finally announcing my presence in the need to distract myself. At the sound of my voice, Jacob, who had now moved to the fridge jumped in fright and snapped around.

"Er…um-I-I found eggs," he pointed to half a carton of eggs in the fridge. I watched as his eyes met mine, surprise written all over them. Then he lowered them, a slight tinge of pink fluttered over his cheeks. It would've been a cute expression if it weren't for the obvious shame that drowned his features.

He regretted last night.

"W-well that's something I guess" I fought to keep my tone light, unthreatening, as a painful blow hit my heart. I had disappointed my imprint. But how? I thought last night…-the kiss had been mind-blowing. I thought he enjoyed it- but straight after he'd withdrawn again, further back into his shell and further away from the truth that I was his imprint.

"I-I er…got you a fresh pair of clothes. Do you want to change while I fix us up some breakfast?"

"O-Okay" Jacob gave a small nod and hesitantly walked over to me. He took the spare change of clothes, careful not to touch me. I watched him cringe away from me and hurried down the hallway into the spare room.

Another blow to the heart.

Was he afraid I was going to jump him? Attack him as I had last night?

I thought he liked it, I thought we were making progress… or maybe it only seemed that way to me.

Oh God.

What if he hadn't liked the kiss? What if I really had disappointed him? Is that why he was so distant now? Had I imagined him reacting to the kiss? -

No… the hand in my hair and the mark on my arm told me I hadn't imagined that, but what if-

What if he'd just being humouring me? Was I really that bad?

I walked further into the kitchen and pulled the eggs out of the fridge and cracked them all into a bowel preparing to make scrambled eggs. I worked out of habit, my mind racing with newfound worry.

So much for avoiding the morbid thoughts…

What if it wasn't me at all? What if he was just upset about telling me of his pack and what happened because of absence? Was he ashamed of his confession to me? Was his wounded pride the reason for his now withdrawn state?

Or was just I looking too far into it?

"Something smells good" I looked up from the stove at the sound of Jacob's hushed murmur. It sounded like he was shy, unsure of himself. He stood in the doorway, his hands fidgeting at his sides and his eyes shyly hidden behind a short, black fringe that had grown overnight. It was a shifter trait; you could shave someone bald and the next day they'd wake up with new hair, looking like they never cut it in the first place.

"Er yeah- scrambled eggs" I quickly returned to serving the mass of scrambled eggs onto two plates. If I looked at him too long with that expression on his face I would loose my head, and all I would be able to think about would be his lips on mine, his fingers running through my hair...

Jacob's P.O.V

Sam continued to stare at me as he took in my new regrowth. I was glad it had lengthened overnight, I didn't like my hair short… not really. Neither did Sam, though he hadn't seemed to mind last night when he'd-

Oh God- this kiss….What have I done?

Sam quickly dropped his gaze, returning his attention to serving breakfast. I was glad, I felt my cheeks burn in shame. How could I? How could I let someone as pure as him be tainted by me? A mon-

-If you say monster one more time, I swear to dear God-I jumped, startled.

Who was that?

Didn't we already go though this? I felt Goosebumps rising on my skin, my thoughts were talking back to me- without my control.

Chill dude, relax, breathe The stupid sarcastic tone mocked me.

My mind was talking to me!

Hello? What do you think thoughts are?

"Jacob?" I jumped at the sound of Sam's voice. At some point he had moved the eggs to the table and was now waiting for me. He frowned. "Are you alright? You look pale?"

Maybe you should kiss him again that'll put some colour in your cheeks-

"What!"

"I said, you look pale" Sam repeated, slowly, taken back by my sudden rise in tone.

"Not you" Sam's frown deepened.

"Jacob are you okay?" I shook my head violently, trying to dispel the laughter coming from the back of my mind.

"Y-yeah… I'm okay…just tired" I muttered lamely. The voice continued to mock me with its laughter.

Can you shut the hell up?

Huh?

Leave me alone!

Can't do that kid, I'm apart of you

"Jacob?" Sam was still watching me. Unsure if I had been telling the truth. I moved towards the table.

Please be quiet. I almost begged the voice.

Hmm, choices... choices

Please? I sat down at the table. The voice finally let out a tired sigh.

Sure, sure whatever you say kiddo

I froze.

I used to say that in high school- all the time. 'Sure, sure' Sarcastic cool, Jacob all over… my old self.

Bingo

"Jacob- you're starting to scare me" Sam's voice broke though my thoughts. He was on the edge of his seat, tensed and unsure.

"I'm okay- really," I added seeing his doubting expression. "I'm just having a weird day." Sam stared at me, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. "What?" at my question he seemed to realise what he was doing and instantly composed himself.

"N-nothing" he quickly dropped his gaze back to his plate, and then I knew: I hadn't spoken a full sentence to him since I got here, unless it was in a fit of anger or sadness. Even when conversation had required my input I barely said anything other than 'yes', 'no' or 'okay'.

What was happening to me?

I felt his eyes wander back to me, waiting to see what I thought of his cooking, even if it just was scrambled eggs. he seemed nervous, eager to please and…exactly like an imprint trying to impress his mate.

I ended up meeting his gaze. I too had been looking to him, waiting for him to eat first, but for a different reason. The strongest, the Alpha always got first pick of the meal, he always ate first and everyone else filed behind according to their ranks. If the Alpha didn't eat when a meal was served, no one else would either unless they were given permission to do so.

It was a shifter trait-more like a pack trait and although I wasn't apart of his pack, I knew he was the strongest Alpha in the room and that meant he had to eat first to give me the okay.

"Are you going to try it?" He asked questionably.

"Umm…aren't you?" He frowned, confused before suddenly realising what I was implying. Ranking hadn't really effected us lately, Sam had always made sure I ate first, I didn't know why I seemed to be making such a big deal out of it today.

We both took a bite at the same time. Sam watched, gauging my reaction.

I chewed slowly, my eyes widened as I savoured the taste. He's added something, done something… they were the best scrambled eggs I'd ever tasted. I swallowed.

"They're good" Sam smiled, pleased at my reaction.

"I'm glad you like them" I swallowed another mouthful.

Make conversation.

"Huh?"

"Did I get a bit of eggshell in there?" Sam asked worried at my outburst.

"Oh n-no, I was…just-"

You're blowing it.

"-Cooking?"

"What was that?"

"Cooking- do you l-like cooking?" I managed to get out.

Smooth the voice of my younger self mocked me. I could almost see him rolling his eyes.

"Y-yes…well sort of" Sam also seemed to be lost for words. I couldn't blame him. I mean, since when had I started trying to make conversation? "It's more Emily's influence than anything else." Sam continued determined to keep the conversation going as long as possible. "When we were younger, for a long while me, Emily and Rachel all lived in Dad's house. It was just after he died and we all felt closer to him by living there." Sam quickly pushed on, keeping his tone light and not letting me dwell on the deaths of his parents or mine for that matter. "Emily cooked for all of us, she'd always been the mother out of the three of us and I think she felt that after our parent's deaths it was her job to take our mother's place just as it was mine to take my father's. Soon after that she pretty much forced me to learn how to cook, I think it was her way of letting me fend for myself without going hunting for a kill. Emily always did speak through her cooking. At the time of these lessons, I was also thinking about moving out and getting my own place. I think she saw that coming as well and that was why she pushed the lessons on me then and not later." Sam let out a small sigh, remembering.

"S-so did you move out?"

"Better than that, I built my own place" he gestured to the room around him. "It took a while, but I was ready to leave. I was ready to be out on my own and to stop cowering in the shelter of my father's house."

"What about Rachel?"

"Rachel was independent from a very young age, she was the boss of our threesome and although she loved dad she wasn't as close to him as I was. She was more a fan of our great grandmother, who was also 'one with the spirits'."

"Your sister is a reader?"

"Oh- didn't Jarred tell you?"

"No…not really, he just said that the elders are the why, she is the how" Sam laughed at my confused expression.

"The elders tend to state the situation, Rachel tells you how to fix it…in her own way"

"Oh"

"Mind you, she'll tell you one thing but not another. She's just like a typical big sister"

"How so?"

"Always teasing the shit out of you" I coughed, almost choking on the last of my eggs. I'd never heard Sam speak like that. He laughed at my reaction then let out a small sigh. "She moved out before me. She moved into our grandmother's house. Old Tabitha had left it for Rachel in her will when she died."

"And Emily?"

"Emily never left. Dad and Beth were always having at least one or two of the pack members sleeping over and Beth was always cooking for them. Dad's house is one of the biggest on the reservation, you won't find another like it elsewhere"

"S-so you mean, Emily's house is really…-"

"Our father's house, the place we grew up in" He paused letting me sink it all in.

"Is it hard?" I asked suddenly. "Going back there after… after your family…" I let it hang.

"It was, in the beginning, not now…not really. I mean, you'll always have that sense of dejavu when you arrive, but other than that it doesn't really bother me." We sat for a moment in comfortable silence before Sam rose from his seat and gathered up our empty plates.

"Well I might as well get into town and get those groceries before lunch- do you want to come?"

"Well I-" I was stuck. I didn't really feel like going out but it would feel weird if I stayed in another person's house while they weren't there…

Say no, we got some talking to do

What about?

Just say no.

"Umm…would it be okay if I just stay, I'm kinda tired still and-" at the sound of tired Sam became all motherly- no scratch that- all imprinty with concern.

"Maybe you should take a lie down, there was a lot going on yesterday" Sam said suddenly worried.

"Is it okay?" Sam quickly walked over to me. I felt my barriers go up. I may have touched him once and in doing so I had possibly tainted him, I would not do it again.

Seeing my sudden withdrawal Sam stopped half a step away from me. His eyes darkened with sorrow and hurt. I turned away from him ashamed at the pain I put in his eyes.

"Anything you want to do is fine" He murmured softly. I winced at the hurt evident in his tone. I felt him walk past me. I heard him grab his wallet and car keys off the hook.

"I'll be back soon" he called, forcing his tone to be light. I heard the door close and eventually the reve of an engine as he drove away.

I stood unmoving, I'd done it again. I'd hurt somebody. But not just anybody… I'd hurt Sam, the one who was so good, who'd been through so much. He didn't deserve to be hurt, not by anyone-especially not by me.

Will you get over yourself? The sarcastic tone snapped me out of my misery.

What?

I mean seriously- can you here yourself think?

Leave me alone.

I stalked over to the kitchen sink. Determined to clean up the breakfast remains in an act of apology for my behaviour.

Maybe you should just kiss him and say you're sorry that you're so brain dead for not kissing him again sooner.

You know I can't do that. I thought back angrily as I began to fill the sink with scalding hot water.

Why not?- oh yes that's right- you're going to taint him.. I growled at his mocking dramatic tone.

Will you leave me alone!

Seriously kid how are you going to taint him? You can't taint people; you haven't got anything to taint them with.

I refused to respond and continued my cleaning.

So what? you're going to clean every time you refuse a kiss or something because you feel guilty about hurting him.

Well I don't think he'd let me slit my wrists or starve myself do you? I continued to scrub the dishes angrily.

No…but doing the dishes is so…pathetic.

Well what would you have me do?

Kiss him.

Will you give it up! that isn't going to happen again.

Come on- would it really be that bad?

It's wrong.

How so? Besides you know you'll like it- well I mean after seeing you cling onto him so desperately in the forest as if he was your life force with your hands in his hair and the other….-

Stop it! I'm not his imprint. I don't have a right to touch him.

Sure, sure.

Don't say that!

Why? I used to say it.

What do you mean 'you' I used to say it.

No he drawled. I used to say it, then you went all self-loathing and became somebody else.

You know why I did. I murmured quietly. My younger-self let out a loud, frustrated sigh.

Look, who you are now isn't you, isn't the old you.

That's probably because im not the old me…im a mon-"

Now what did I say about using that word?- He cut me off before I could protest. Look all im saying is that you aren't who you pretend to be now, and you aren't you're aren't me either. You've changed and it's about time you learned to accept who you are now by getting over the past.

And how can I do that? You know who pushed father off the cliff, you know who killed mum, you know who handed the pack over to Michael- who ran away from the fight-

You didn't run away from the fight, you didn't even know there was one until it was too late.

I was surposed to protect them.

And you thought you were by giving them to Michael, you weren't in any condition to be the Alpha after…

After I killed my dad.

For once the voice was silent.

That is why I can't touch Sam, why I can't let him touch me. Because if I become close too him, if I relax around him, I could black out and the next time I do I would wake up to find Sam's broken body at the bottom of the cliff just like my father's.

'The further I stay away from him the better' I whispered softly.

That's bullshit and you know it.

It's all I've got.


YAY! chapter nine done, we're onto double digits now!!! victory pose

Yeah i know this chapter was slow, things begin to pick up in the next chapters again and Sam and Jacob's relationship becomes a bit more steady and not like some yoyo.

So what did you think of Jacob's lil voice from his past? i wasn't sure about putting it in or not, but it seemed to make sense putting it in because he's would has a side, Jacob's real self has a side and what he is today has a side as well. to be able to imprint and move on he needs to bond with all three and Sam's help and sweet loving can only go so far..

REVEIW!!!! please tell me what you thought about jacob's little voice- was it annoying? keep it? chuck it? or just tone it down.? his voice will be toned down in future chapters mind you, right now its just like his real self is trying to give himself a good push in the right direction.

listen guys, im really sorry 'bout this but the next chapters going to be out in 2WEEKS not ONE. assesment has really been a killer and this wee comming i need to get some serious cramming going.

im really sorry guys.

please don't hate me!!

REVEIW!!!!!!!!