A/N Hey guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter and it isn't too sappy for you ;) Wana make me happy? Please review! Thanks to CourtneyHorse and Morgan Elizabeth Jacobs for reviewing last chapter. It means a lot.


Dean leaned over the cot and whispered to his brother- emotion filling his voice. "Sammy, this is where were gonna be. So get your lazy ass out of bed and come meet us." He placed the paper with the address and a gun next to Sam's head and stood up. He looked at Zara and made sure to get eye contact so she knew it was important. "Can I trust you to stay with him?" She nodded. "You won't haul ass as soon as we leave like last time? "

She scoffed. That was under completely different circumstances. Dean stared at her longer. "I promise." She said finally. Dean sighed and he and Bobby left Zara alone to care for the sleeping Sam.


Chapter 9

As soon as Zara saw the older men off, she went back down to the panic room to see Sam practically seizing on the cot. "Sam!" she yelled as she bolted down the last few steps and into the room. She tried to hold him down as well as she could so he wouldn't hurt himself, but she could only do so much against him. He was too big and too strong even in his comatose state. He finally quieted down again and lay as still as he had before but Zara was quite shaken. She had never witnessed something like that in real life before. She then thought about what the seizure meant- that he had reconnected with one of his missing pieces in his mind. He was fighting! He was trying to get back to reality! Now there was just one more piece before he woke up, but it would be the one that would ultimately drive him insane- the Sam who remembered Hell.

She pulled up a chair next to his head and started stroking his hair comfortingly like she remembered doing for her little cousins when they were young. She knew things were going to be hard, so hard, for him. She just wanted to take his pain away. She thought back to when he was younger- when she first started watching the show. Sam was happier then, they all were. She wished things could be like that again. She took out the journal. Maybe he could hear her. Maybe she could remind him of the good things. Maybe it would help him through the pain. She started to talk.

"Remember when, after you left Stanford, you fought that Wendigo? You saved that girl and her brothers using a handmade blowtorch and M&M's. And after that, you fought a ghost in a lake and you saved that boy and his mother from being drowned. Dean had a thing for the mom." Zara smiled. "And then you fought a demon on a plane. Dean was so freaked out and you barely got him on there in the first place and then you saved every single person on the plane including yourselves." She continued recounting all of the adventures Sam and Dean had had in the order she had written them down. She told him of all the funny bits along the way that had made her smile and she told him of how he had saved hundreds of people. She talked long into the day. She didn't know if he was listening but he seemed to be calmer and it was calming her down too. She got all the way to the present and stopped. "And you're saving me- you and your brother." Her voice cracked- filled with emotion. "And I will never be able to thank you enough- just like all the people before me- and I know… I know it's going to be tough getting through this. Remembering will be one of the hardest things you will have to face but I know three more years of your life Sam Winchester. You save hundreds more people. They need you to wake up. Dean needs you to wake up. We'll help you through this. Promise."

She looked down at him and sighed. He didn't move. She thought maybe he would wake up right then but she knew it didn't happen like that in reality. Those things only happen on TV but she hoped it helped him somehow. She stood up and walked to the door to go up and grab some dinner- it was getting late and her stomach was growling. She put her hand on the doorknob. That was when she heard Sam gasp as if he had been under water. She turned around to see that he had grabbed the gun Dean had placed next to him and was pointing it at her with wild eyes. She knew he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings yet and so she just quietly said, "Sam. You're at Bobby's. I'm Zara. Remember me?" Sam blinked and a wave of recognition passed over his face. He looked like normal Sam for a second and then the memories hit him. All the pain and horror of the Pit was running through his head. He let out an unearthly cry and slumped over- his head between his knees. He dropped the gun to the floor.

Zara rushed over and sat on the cot next to him- rubbing circles on his back. His breathing was fast and heavy. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal. Zara couldn't believe how well he was taking it. She knew that, if she were reliving Hell, she'd be unashamedly screaming her head off. Sam straightened and looked at her. His face looked quasi normal but she could tell all the pain he was going through by the look in his eyes. "Thank you." He said with more feeling than she felt necessary for just rubbing his back. "I heard you. You were my light home."

She gave him a little half smile. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." She started helping him up.

He started looking around quickly. "Where's Dean?"

Zara sighed. She knew that Sam would want to follow Dean as soon as she told him where he went but she also knew that Sam was in no condition to do so. "He'll be back. Let's get you upstairs and we can see about getting you something to eat." Sam glanced at her- not quite believing her- but he nodded and let her lead him upstairs. He had to lean on her a bit because he was still a bit wobbly and out of it but they got to the kitchen eventually. She made him a peanut butter and banana sandwich and, when he practically inhaled it, she started making him a couple more. By the time he had finished the third sandwich, he looked much more like himself, as long as she didn't look at his eyes. They still held a haunted quality. Zara wondered when exactly Lucifer was going to make an appearance in his head. It definitely hadn't happened yet but it was coming.

"Now tell me where Dean really Zara." He sounded tired but firm.

Zara looked at him askance. "I don't think that's a very good idea. You're in no condition to-"

"I'm fine." He snapped. "He's going after Cas and Crowley isn't he?" She nodded. "Then I'm going too whether you come with me or not."

Zara knew she wasn't going to be able to stop him and Dean would definitely tear her a new one if she let him go alone in his state. She sighed and stood up. "The address is on a paper downstairs. You go get that and I'll go find the keys." Sam smiled- glad she wasn't going to fight him about it. He headed downstairs and she cleared his plate off the table. This was a really bad idea.


Dean and Bobby finally got to the address that Balthazar had written down. It was a large mansion guarded by several angels. They were about to try to figure out how to go in undetected when they noticed something that felt like an earthquake. Then the sky darkened. Black smoke had covered the moon and was rushing towards the mansion. Something had gone wrong with Cas and Crowley's arrangement and now Crowley was attacking. Dean and Bobby rushed back into the Impala. It was the safest place since it was warded against demons. The demons still managed to flip the car over before going on to the mansion. They could hear the sounds of a battle going on ahead.

"You alright Bobby?" Dean groaned as he eased himself out of the overturned car. "Bobby?" He could hear the older man groan beside him. "We gotta get in there. We gotta stop them." Bobby grunted and crawled out too. They cautiously headed into the mansion- careful to steer clear of the sounds of angels fighting demons. They could hear someone chanting in Latin coming from the basement somewhere. It echoed up into the corridor. They got to a door and could see into some sort of laboratory. Crowley and another figure were standing in front of a wall that had some sort of symbol scrawled all over it. Presumably, this was the portal into Purgatory.

Dean eased open the door and Bobby followed him inside. They were at the top of a metal staircase that went down into the room. Form this vantage point, Dean could see the other figure and realized that this must be Raphael. His last vessel was killed and he was forced to take another one. It looked like Raphael found a woman in a smart business suit this time. Dean had a clear shot so he took out the angel blade and aimed for Raphael's head. The two in front of the wall took no notice of them as far as Dean could tell. Crowley just continued chanting. He let out a breath and threw the blade at him/her. Raphael easily caught it behind his/her head without looking. Crowley stopped chanting for a minute and glanced at them nonchalantly. He had been expecting them. He lifted a hand and turned it sharply. Bobby was thrown down the stairs and Dean was thrown over the railing and onto a table below.

"A bit busy gentlemen." Crowley stated calmly. They just groaned in response. "Be with you in a mo'."


Zara drove up with Sam to see the Impala flipped over. "Looks like trouble." Zara mumbled. They got out of the car and headed down the hill towards the mansion. There were several figures strewn around the lawn- wing shapes singed into the grass. "You sure you wana do this Sam?"

"I need to be there." Sam grunted. The pain was overwhelming him but he pushed on. He needed to be with his brother. Zara nodded and they cautiously headed inside.


Crowley continued chanting. When he finished, both Crowley and Raphael looked expectantly at the portal. Nothing happened. "Mmhmm… maybe I said it wrong."

The sound of angel wings filled the room. Cas was here. "You said it perfectly but what you needed was this." Cas' voice was somehow different- calmer, more calculated. He held up an empty jar stained red from the blood that had been stored within. Bobby and Dean stood up and shuffled behind Castiel. Something was off about him.

Crowley glared at Cas. "I see. And what were working with is-" He went over to the wall and wiped a bit of the blood off with his finger. He tasted it and spit it out disgustedly. "-dog blood. Naturally."

"Enough of these games Castiel. Give us the blood." Raphael finally spoke.

Crowley rolled his eyes- clearly annoyed with the angel. "You- games over. His jars empty." He said speaking slowly so as to get it through Raphael's thick skull. "So Castiel, how'd your ritual go? Better than ours I'll bet."

Cas slightly opened his trench coat and a blinding light filled the room blinding everyone. Yes, apparently Cas had done the ritual and was supercharged. "You can't imagine what its like." He said. "They're all inside me. Millions and millions of souls."

"Sounds sexy. Exit stage Crowley." Crowley said before he disappeared. He knew when he was beaten and when to run away.

"Now what's the matter Raphael?" Cas asked condescendingly. "Someone clip your wings?"

Raphael was trying to teleport out as well but Cas wasn't going to let him/her. "Castiel please." He/she pleaded. "You'd let the demon go but not your own brother?"

"The demon I have plans for. You on the other hand?" Castiel snapped his fingers and Raphael exploded into little bits. Dean and Bobby shifted uncomfortably. They didn't quite know how to deal with this version of Cas. "So you see? I saved you." He was still trying to prove to Dean that he did the right thing.

"You sure did Cas." Dean said reassuringly. He was realizing how supercharged Cas was and was trying not to make him angry. "Thank you."

"You doubted me. Fought against me. But I was right all along." Castiel accused.

"Okay Cas you were. We're sorry. Now let's just… diffuse you okay?" Dean made a placating gesture.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked offended.

"You're full of nuke and that's dangerous. So before the eclipse ends, let's get them souls back to where they belong."

"Oh no. They belong with me." Cas was not about to let all that power go. He had much more to do.

"No Cas it's- it's scrambling your brain." Dean reasoned. He was trying to reach the part of his friend who was still Cas.

"Oh but I'm not finished yet. Raphael had many followers and I must punish them all severely." Cas' calm voice was putting Dean over the edge. Didn't he realize how off the reservation he was?


Sam and Zara snuck down the stairs and behind Castiel. Dean and Cas didn't notice, they were having a heated discussion, but Bobby did. Sam looked at him and got a feel for the situation from just that look. Cas was off the deep end and needed to be stopped. He pulled out his angel blade and looked at Zara to make sure she didn't alert Cas. She just shook her head a bit. He listened to the conversation a little more to see whether stabbing his friend was warranted.


"Listen to me. Listen. I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you, please. I've lost Lisa; I've lost Ben; and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too." Dean pleaded. "You don't need this kind of juice any more Cas. Get rid of it before it destroys us all."

"You're just saying that because I won, because you're afraid. You're not my family Dean. I have no family." That hit Dean the hardest. How could say he wasn't family? After all they had been through.

Suddenly, Sam stabbed Cas in the back with his angel blade. Nothing happened. Cas looked back at Sam and Zara's stunned faces boredly. Sam looked lost- as if he hadn't really meant to do it. He had lost all control after hearing Cas say he wasn't family. The pain was throwing his judgment off. Cas pulled out the blade and placed it on the table beside him. He did everything so nonchalantly as if he hadn't just been, quite literally, stabbed in the back by one of his closest friends. It was as if he already knew this was going to happen.

"I'm glad you made it Sam, Akele, but the angel blade won't work because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new god- a better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me your lord or I shall destroy you." His stare captivated them and dared any of them to disobey him.

"Well alright then. Is this good or do you want the whole forehead to the carpet thing?" Bobby started bending his knees to bow to Castiel. "Guys." He motioned for the rest of them to follow suit but they hesitated.

"Stop." Castiel sighed. "What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me. Not love. Not respect. Just fear."

"Cas-" Sam started to try to talk Cas down.

"Sam you have nothing to say to me." Castiel interrupted. "You stabbed me in the back. Get up." He motioned to Bobby and he stood up again.

"Cas come on. This isn't you." Dean pleaded.

"The Castiel you knew is gone."

"So what now?" Dean asked. "Kill us?"

"What a brave little ant you are." Cas smirked. "You know you're powerless. You wouldn't dare move against me again. That would be pointless. So I have no need to kill you. Not now. Besides, once, you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me."

"Who are you?" Dean whispered. Whoever this was, it was not his friend. This was some monster wearing his friend. It had to be. He couldn't believe that the Cas he knew would be like this.

"I am god and, if you stay in your place, you may remain in my kingdom. If you rise up, I will strike you down." Cas said loftily and then glanced back at Sam who had slumped to the floor hyperventilating somewhere during the conversation. He had cut his hand pretty badly on the smashed glass on the floor and it was bleeding profusely. "Not doing so well are you Sam?"

"I'm fine…. I'm fine," He barely got out. Zara was trying to help him but she couldn't get him to calm down enough to even look at his hand.

"You said you would fix him." Dean's voiced cracked at the sight of his brother. "You promised."

"IF you stood down- which you hardly did." Castiel pointed out matter of factly. "Be thankful for my mercy. I could've cast you back into the pit." The threat was not lost on any of them.

"Cas come on this is nuts. You can turn this around. Please."

"I hope for your sake this is the last time you see me." Cas looked over at Zara and vanished without a sound.

Dean rushed over to his little brother trying his best to calm him down and patch up his hand. "Sammy you okay?" Sam just squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. "Bobby, Zara, come help me." Bobby didn't answer for a second. "Bobby?"

"Dean." Bobby sounded odd. Dean looked up at his stunned expression. "Zara… Zara's gone."

"What?" Dean asked half standing up and started turning around to look for her.

"Cas took her." Bobby sighed. "He looked right at her before he vanished and then, she was just gone. He took her, Dean."

"Son of a Bitch." Dean swore.