Trust
Star Trek Voyager Fan Fiction
Season 5/6
Captain Kathryn Janeway had one goal – get her crew and ship back home. The Captain puts her mission above everything else, but would that also stop her from falling in love?
No copyright infringement intended. Purely for fun.
Written by LaughingLee (First fanfiction :)
CHAPTER 9
Captain Janeway greeted crewmen as she walked through the corridor on her way to Cargo Bay 2. Ensign Lee had been busy the last week with Seven. Apparently the ex-Borg had needed some advice and Lee had been her sounding board after their duty shifts. Kathryn had wanted to respect their privacy, but thought a quick chat with her girlfriend wouldn't be intrusive. The cargo bay was empty as Janeway entered and she frowned.
"Seven?"
"Captain," Seven answered walking out from behind one of the larger containers. "Did you need something?"
"I'm looking for Ensign Lee," Janeway replied. "Has she left already? Did you discuss what you wanted?"
"I don't understand, Captain," Seven answered, clasping her hands behind her back. "Ensign Lee hasn't been here today."
"And yesterday? The day before that?"
"No, Captain. I haven't seen or spoken to her in the past week. I had assumed she was spending time with you."
Janeway crossed her arms and frowned. "So you haven't been discussing some personal matters with Lee? Something you needed her opinion on?"
"No, Captain," Seven replied. "Is there something wrong? Is Ensign Lee all right?"
"I'm not sure, Seven. Have you noticed anything strange in her behaviour recently?"
"Perhaps only the fact that I haven't seen much of her to notice anything strange. Ensign Lee has been somewhat absent lately."
"Thank you, Seven. I'll leave you to your evening."
"What are you going to do, Captain?" Seven asked Janeway who was already making her way to the door.
"Find some answers," Janeway replied determinedly. She went to Lee's quarters first, but wasn't surprised to find them empty. The computer logs indicated Ensign Lee vanished off Voyager immediately after her shift. Janeway muttered a few Klingon curses. Lee had probably done something to her comm badge. Where to start looking, Janeway wondered, more concerned about the state of Lee's mind than her disregard of Starfleet protocols. A sudden inspiration hit the Captain and she headed to the lower decks.
Lee was sitting down. She had gone straight to the deflector controls after her duty shift like she had been doing for the past few days. Lee made sure no-one was around before opening the hatch and crawling into the jeffrey's tubes. The engineer made her way down the tube for a few metres until she hit the first junction. There she crossed her legs, leaned back and started crying. And that's exactly how Kathryn found her an hour later. Lee had been holding her face in her hands and didn't notice Janeway until she was practically on top of her.
"Lee," Kathryn breathed, carefully moving the Ensign's hands to see her face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Lee replied automatically and smiled. "I'm fine. I wanted to revisit the site of old adventures."
"Don't," Kathryn said, slight anger colouring her voice. "You've already been lying to me about your time with Seven."
"I'm not lying now," Lee argued. "It really is nothing. I was feeling a bit down. Anyway, I didn't want to bother you. I can handle this on my own. You really shouldn't worry."
"Now you're lying to both of us," Kathryn answered, wiping away the tears still falling down the younger woman's face. "Don't push me away. You're always there for me when I need you. Why won't you let me do the same?" Lee didn't answer and Kathryn shook her head. "This is what you do, isn't it? You only show the happy Lee to everyone. All your fears and sadness you keep to yourself." Kathryn shifted to sit next to the blonde woman. "That stops now. Let me in."
Lee stared at Kathryn and started crying anew. Janeway pulled the younger woman into her, hugging her tightly. After a few minutes, Lee's breathing evened and she lifted her head.
"I'm used to handling everything on my own," Lee started, wiping her face. "I don't share personal feelings. I handle the lows on my own. I never want to be a burden."
"That's ridiculous," Kathryn chided gently. "We're partners. We're in this together. I don't stay with you because you're amazingly wonderful. I stay with you because I want to share my life with you. Everything. That includes the lows. Start getting used to that."
"Wow," Lee smiled. "I've never heard you talk so much about your feelings before."
"You're trying to change the subject. It won't work."
"Yes, ma'am," Lee said, smiling when Kathryn continued to glare at her. "I got a message from my parents. You know, from the last time we aligned with the communications array? It was great. My mom was telling me all the latest family gossip. My brother's gotten married, which I didn't think would happen so soon. The message was light-hearted and funny, exactly like I knew it would be from my mom. She never mentioned the possibility that I might never see them again. Not once. Not even a tiny hint. She acted as if I were around the corner and nothing was impossible."
"Sounds like a remarkable woman," Kathryn commented.
"She is. The fact that I've managed to turn out even slightly mentally balanced is thanks to her and my dad," Lee said. She paused and wiped away a few stray tears. "But, I started doubting. I've always known deep down that we would get back to the Alpha Quadrant. Either in the next 20 years or by some engineering miracle or wonderful wormhole. I've never lost hope. But, after I read my mom's message, I lost something. I'm scared we're going to die a horrible death at the hands of some random alien species or freak spacial anomaly. I can't stop thinking about it. And I can't seem to get out of this depression and I hate using that word! I feel guilty. I should stay positive, but I can't."
"Is that all?" Kathryn replied, smiling at the disbelief on Lee's face. "I've lost hope at times as well. I wonder how we'll ever get out this quadrant. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're afraid. So am I. We will get through this. What do you love quoting when Voyager seems to be on the edge of disaster?"
"You are the hero of your own story," Lee said. "And the hero always wins."
"And, even if that's not true, believing it will make it true," Kathryn added. "Isn't that what you're always telling me? That we create our own reality."
"I didn't realise I was so intelligent," Lee quipped.
"You just needed someone to remind you."
"No, I needed you to remind me," Lee said, getting a smile from Kathryn.
"Now, fix whatever you did your comm badge. I never want to have to look for you again."
"What? O, that. Computer, stop running program Lee-hide-and-seek."
"Acknowledged, program terminated," Voyager's computer replied.
"Computer, delete program," Kathryn commanded and Lee raised her eyebrows. "Extra precaution." Lee nodded and leaned into Kathryn's embrace.
"Can we stay like this for a little while?"
"Yes."
"Thank you, Kathryn," Lee said, tilting her head and kissing the auburn-haired woman.
"There's nothing to say thank you for," Kathryn said, pulling Lee tighter against her. "Don't do this again."
"Yes, ma'am," Lee replied, wrapping her arms around the Captain.
