a/n At the time of writing this, 525 people are following this story.
Damn.
Well, firstly, thank you. Though please appreciate that is both quite pleasing that you enjoy my story and utterly terrifying that so many people have taken interest in this fic.
Hell, I wasn't expecting over 30 when I wrote chapter 1.
This chapter is a little shorter – however it also has much more plot than usual. You heard me right. I finally got off my ass and wrote something that wasn't filler.
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Just realised I haven't put a disclaimer in this story (whoops) so here is a blanket one:
I do not, will not, and have never owned Naruto. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
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[edited 07/04/2016 - stats changed on the nin-cards]
[edit 28/05/2017: grammar, flow ect. if you've been reading up to here you know the drill. changed some of the categories for the nin-cards]
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To a simple, passing eye, Hanran Hara village might appear well off, even prosperous. Its houses were large, clearly tended to, the streets relatively clean, many people wandering around – just as you'd expect in a fair-sized trading town. And at one point, that was all it was - one, simple town amongst the many that dotted the Fire Country landscape.
Of course, you'd be pretty stupid if you took a second look and didn't notice that it was all an illusion.
Neglect had clearly taken the place in a firm grasp – peeling paint on windowsills and the like. Stalls were near deserted, with only the odd farmer trying to charge people through the nose for a few measly vegetables. Even the vegetables themselves were wrinkled, more closely resembling tree bark rather than whatever plant it was supposed to be.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if some of the beggars turned their noses up at the more rotten looking parsnip-mutations.
For my two teammates, who'd only ever seen the bustling market squares of Konoha, overflowing with ever-fresh produce, their faces looked utterly revolted.
If only I had a camera.
"Well, first we're going to meet who ordered the mission." If you looked at his expression, Inoichi might as well have been taking a pleasant stroll around one of Konoha's civilian parks. "It's a local barkeeper, by the name Kobayashi Yoshikazu." Walking along multiple winding roads, quite reminiscent of country roads in the back end of Europe, I was about to sarcastically enquire if the bar in question existed - or at least, if he was certain he hadn't gotten us all lost - until we came across building clearly marked 'BAR'. You know, just in case someone was slightly blind. "Well, here it is."
Blinking, I took a quick survey of it. A few flowers wilted in front of the window, so he had (at some point) a fair amount of money to throw around; however, it was likely they'd fallen into harder times. Much like the rest of the entire town, peeling paint seemed to be a staple, as well as an artfully smashed window with a few haphazard planks keeping the elements out.
Of course, my in-depth evaluation of his (poor) living standards was briefly put on hold as an angry, apparently half-drunk farmer stumbled out, eyes bloodshot and reeking of alcohol. Following him, the apparent bar owner looked rather irritated, as well as throwing glances back inside his bar, as if one of his other customers would try pulling the same shit on him.
"Get out if you don't have the money!"
Real-life soap operas. If only they knew how much producers would pay to film this sort of thing.
"Pah," here I made an expression of distaste as he dry retched for a few seconds. "'f got-tah moneh… jus' sto-opid l-la…" Apparently, in his drunken state, he couldn't pronounce the word 'lackeys'. Or any other word, for that matter. "…slaves." He finally settled on.
I'm sure his farmhands would be delighted to know they were deemed 'slaves' by him.
"I don't give a f-" At Inoichi's pointed cough, he finally recognised our presence and quickly switched words. "-flying squirrel!" Not that it mattered what curses were thrown at this point since the drunk was now actually vomiting and looked just about ready to fall unconscious.
Ah, there he went. What a lovely place to sleep, on the side of the road in a puddle of your own bile.
At his departure from the... conversation, so to say, both our attentions turned to the opposing party. "So you're the ninja?" His rather unimpressed expression spoke many unsaid words.
Next to me, Shirai and Shoda tensed against the slight, however didn't say anything. It was a fair judgement to an untrained eye, after all. Moreover, he was the one paying us.
"Correct." Ever charming, Inoichi stepped in where it was clear we wouldn't cut it. "Team 5 from Konohagakure no Sato, here to complete the C-ranked bandit extermination mission." Once again, an overwhelming sense of grimness fell over our group.
Inwardly, I sighed.
Sure, I could understand why they sent us on this mission.
Unlike Team 7, all of us were expendable. After all, they wouldn't want to accidently alienate the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki further than they already had, of course, and traumatising the Last Uchiha (well, adding to Sasuke's rather long list of trauma-inducing events) was out of the question, even when his clan was still alive.
So, of course, they got the mission that didn't directly reference killing.
On the other hand, if we couldn't handle killing – well, that was too bad, wasn't it? There would be no chance of promotion further than genin (or maybe chuunin – if we lucked out), and so we wouldn't be worth their time, money or a valuable jounin.
In fact, the only one of us with the slightest bit of worth (in the cold eyes of Administration) was Shoda, and even then – if he wouldn't handle combat, they'd simply rope him into being a hospital iryo-nin.
Yet that didn't make it settle better with my teammates, and I had neither the skill nor inclination to help them out of their rut.
Turning my mind back to the slightly grimy barkeeper in front of us, Kobayashi dismissively grunted and waved us away. "Sure, okay. At least you, Blondie, look like you'll do a half-decent job." Ungrateful arse.
Huh. I wonder if this is how I make other people feel?
Oh well.
"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, Kobayashi Yoshikazu." The aforementioned barkeeper's eyes narrowed – direct address makes people feel uncomfortable like that. "We'll need a few details on the nature of the bandit attacks in order to locate them."
"Tch." Turning his eyes to his bar – no doubt inviting underage ninja in would kick-start the rumour mill like nothing else – he beckoned us in. "Sure, whatever. Don't touch anything, or you're paying for it." Pausing for a moment, he looked at us – in particular, my teammates – and added to his statement. "Also, no drinking. I don't want a bunch of drunk kiddie ninja in my bar."
"We're 13, sir." Rolling my eyes – of course Shoda would think people would make intelligent choices rather than the choice being waved around in front of their faces – I walked through the threshold of the bar, politely closing the door behind me before turning and taking in the full image of 'the Bar'.
Well, at one point it was undoubtedly nicely painted with a somewhat fancy lacquer (for a bar) and was likely quite a reputable destination for well-to-do farmers and tradesmen. However, that was where my compliments ended. Now, grime collected on various nooks and crannies, something slightly sticky on the bar tables, and the leather on the seats was riddled with cracks and stains.
If this weren't the mission, then there wouldn't be any chance of me touching the tables, even with a barge pole.
Surveying the patrons next, I took in the sight of someone passed out on one of those very tables, a small puddle of drool by his mouth.
Yes, I'm very happy I made a concerted effort not to touch a single surface except the floor.
Face slightly pinched, the barkeeper pulled out the unconscious man's wallet of sorts (it was practically falling apart at the seams), before counting out a few bills and then, in a feat of strength, dragged him outside and laid him out on the pavement.
"He does that all the time," Our partially curious, partially disgusted looks slid off him. "and he's never worried about it before."
Feeling distinctly uncomfortable as the full smell of alcohol, grease and an undertone of vomit assaulted my senses, we walked towards the back of his shop.
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It was another day of trying to squeeze every last penny from farmers and every last drop from beer bottles.
"We were supposed to have an import of Rice Country sake today." It was Sunday, typically the day when farmers flocked here with their extra earnings – although, during these times, it was more like wallow in their sorrows and try to forget their money troubles. "Where is it?"
Of course, he already had a pretty good idea, but might as well ask.
Next to him, his brother raised an eyebrow however, regardless, conceded the information.
"Robbed and sent packing." Well, shit. All of them were feeling the strain, and they had barely half the amount of beer they needed for the Sunday rush. "Seriously, when are those ninja going to get their sorry asses over here? We paid through the nose for them."
"They're supposed to be coming today." Standing – no use poring over their bank statements for any extra funds that went 'missing', there was no money to be given – he walked towards the front of the bar to open for the morning. "You coming?"
"Nah." Seizing another few sheaves of paper, his sibling began poring over them again. "All it's going to be is a bunch of farmers looking to blow their money on cheap sake."
Shrugging – he had a fair point – he went to the counter, hiding an expression of distaste when he saw a few farmers already there, counting out their pitiful earnings.
For most of the day, it ran like standard – check they had money, serve them drinks, kick them out when their either ran out of cash or got too rowdy. Or vomited. They were definitely getting the boot if that happened.
It was just after kicking out yet another drunkard that they came.
A slight cough came from his side when he was just about to curse out the fool, and he turned mid-swear just to see a man with a ponytail - with the Konoha emblem on his forehead - escorting three preteens.
Hastily changing his curse into something a little more innocuous – to which he received a belittling smirk from that creepy girl – he checked the man really was unconscious before leaving him a safe distance from his bar.
Having people passed out right by your door was bad for business.
Then he turned and gave them a second look. "So you're the ninja?" Sure, their apparent leader of sorts looked competent.
Those kids? Not so much.
One of them was pulling a face and fidgeting like a toddler, another looked like he had all the emotional range (and mental capabilities, for that matter) of a bean plant, and their female teammate might be knocked over if a strong enough wind blew.
All in all, not worth his savings.
"Correct." Ponytail man stood forward, giving a somewhat beatific smile. For a moment, he felt himself relaxing - before nearly slapping himself around the face. These were ninja, and no matter how harmless they looked, it was practically their job to get under people's defences then stab them. "Team 5 from Konohagakure no Sato, here to complete the C-ranked bandit extermination mission." At that point, he noticed a marked depression fall over the two boys.
Wait, extermination?
Damn.
Yet no matter how remorseful he felt at that (they couldn't be older than thirteen, surely), they were still being paid out of his pocket and had a job to do.
"Sure, okay." Pausing for a moment, he regarded the team again. "At least you, Blondie, look like you'll do a half-decent job." He turned to go back to the bar – he'd left his brother to staff it for a little while, however those shipments wouldn't line themselves up.
"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, Kobayashi Yoshikazu." Gritting his teeth, he turned to face them again. They were supposed to get rid of the bandits, no need to lash out at them. "We'll need a few details on the nature of the bandit attacks in order to locate them."
Huffing slightly, he turned it over in his head for a moment. Those bandits really did have to go, or else they wouldn't last another year. And that'd be bad, because harvests were at an all-time low, meaning no extra grunts required... and he had no other skills. In other words, he'd be so stuck it wouldn't even be funny.
Lips thinning as he realised exactly how much he was pinning on those ninja succeeding, he beckoned them in. "Sure, whatever. Don't touch anything, or you're paying for it." Pausing for a moment, he re-evaluated them. Ninja didn't have any honour code, and he doubted that these would be any different. Plus that kid kept twitching. "Also, no drinking. I don't want a bunch of drunk kiddie ninja in my bar."
"We're 13, sir." Nearly snorting - hah, if he had a little more time, he'd tell him the story of how he found those teenagers in the storage, drunk off their asses - he made his way inside, followed by a soft patter of feet.
And of course, Kijimuta was out like a light. Again.
Flicking his eyes over to his brother - he was busy trying to convince some half-mad farmer that no, you didn't get a discount on your fifth glass – he sighed and took the payment for the array of bottles in front of him before dragging him to sit next to the other unconscious guy.
Walking inside again, he quickly noticed the emotions of bemusement and morbid curiosity. Ah, it must have looked rather bizarre to them – it barely registered with regular patrons, but these were just kids. Kids who'd probably never been in a bar before. "He does that all the time." Well, since those bandits started, anyway. "And he's never complained before."
Now that he thought about it, he was probably giving them a rather poor impression of what a bar was.
Ah well. It wasn't his problem.
Setting a brisk pace towards the back, closely followed by the ninja, he pushed a few trade files to one side – gah, why couldn't that girl just stop staring – and directed them to a few of the overflowing piles of chicken-scratch documents. Those were all the details they'd compiled on bandit-related incidents concerning their business - and no doubt, there was stuff from the other businesses as well.
"Those ones have all our information on the bandit stuff." Picking up one, he just managed to smother a smirk. "Be warned, they were written by my brother, and his handwriting's awful."
"We'll be fine." Wait, he hadn't gotten Ponytail man's name yet, hadn't he?
Hang on a moment, what had possessed him to want to know their names, as if he was going to get all buddy-buddy with mass murderers?
"Now, Norio-kun? I want you to…" Tuning out Blondie's instructions with a certain amount of trepidation - Blondie was scarily good at getting people to like him, he decided as his theory - he went out the front where his brother was wiping out a few glasses. Well, pretending to. It was clear that he was really waiting for news.
"Those were the ninja? Didn't look like much."
Sighing, he took his own rag. "Nah, they didn't." Taking a cursory look at them, he hastily went back to his glass when wall-faced boy called him out on it with a sharp look. "Though, their leader looks pretty capable, so hopefully it'll get done."
"Yeah. Hopefully soon."
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"Hey Inoichi-sensei…" They'd been looking at these files for around quarter of an hour now, and Satoko already thought she had something? Damn, he needed to up his game if he wanted to prove his worth. Honestly, his only saving grace was that he was improving at the same pace as Shirai. "See, on over three events they changed routes and bandits were already there. Does that mean…"
"Yes, the bandits are likely well-integrated members of the community." Almost gawping, he stared at Inoichi. Honestly, he looked exactly the same as always, as if he hadn't just flipped their investigation on its head. So far, they'd been operating under the assumption they had abandoned their homes and were rogues, perhaps moving from another area, and now he's saying they're actually ordinary people?
Pushing his anger down under several layers of mental steel (turn that anger into resolve, tou-san always said) he flipped through several more pages, and it settled into relatively peaceful working silence.
"Hey, look at this!" Pushing my files over to one side (they were pretty much useless anyway, filled with complaints and baseless rumours), I devoted my full attention to Shirai's map, hoping that it wasn't going to be something idiotic. Next to me, Satoko gave it something like half an eye, far too absorbed in her own files to be paying any attention. "See, these houses haven't been robbed. And they're in the poorer area, meaning they have incentive to rob stuff!"
"Or," and there was Satoko, their resident ray of sunshine, "they could just not have anything worth robbing." Sulking, Shirai went back to his map.
"Hey, Norio-kun, don't look so disheartened. It was a nice starting theory." Giving Shirai an amiable pat on the back, Inoichi then clapped his hands, drawing attention. "So, anything new?"
Shrugging, he turned back to his files. Next to him, Shirai was still slightly sulky and so merely inclined his head. Though, it seemed Satoko have an idea…
"Well, I suppose you were sort-of onto something, Shirai," Next to him, Shirai perked up at Satoko's half-assed compliment. God, that guy was far too easy to push around. "Even if I did start looking for it before you. I'm looking for their incentive."
"H-hey, who said you could drop the 'san'?" Shirai's half-hearted grumble fell flat.
It seemed he really liked the praise.
Of course, his complaint (whether there was any intent behind it or not) was completely ignored by their kunoichi teammate, who was flipping through piles of near-illegible documents at lightning speed.
Then she snatched Shirai's map.
"What the hell, Satoko-chan!" Although Shirai might have been in a slightly better mood than usual, he still really didn't appreciate having his property stolen, and he reached a hand out to get it back.
"Shut up, Norio-kun." Absentmindedly she batted his hand away, while drawing circles around some mountain range with her finger. "I think they're ordinary villagers who are being bribed by either Yamaki village or Oka Firudo village…" Pausing, Satoko gave a yawn. "I dunno; go find out who's doing the bribing or whatever."
"Hey, how do you expect us to do tha-" Suddenly breaking off, Shirai shot a confused look at Inoichi, who'd stood and was dusting off his shorts. A glance at Satoko saw her seemingly daydreaming – chakra sensing, perhaps - before suddenly jumping up.
Honestly, by this point, he really wouldn't be surprised if she was capable of it. There seemed to be an awful lot that she so conveniently forgot to mention.
Like goddamn fuuinjutsu - he wouldn't have bothered digging into his savings for poor-quality store-brand storage seals if he knew his teammate could literally write him an improved, high quality version.
"Who are they, Inoichi-sensei?" It seemed extremely out of place for Satoko to sound confused… wait- they?
"Who's 'they'?" Shooting glances at the door, he allowed a questioning lilt to colour his voice.
"A group of around 9 civilians, all with no formal combat training." With their sensei seeming supremely unconcerned, he decided that they weren't a threat and relaxed, along with his teammates.
"Civilians, okay." Exhaled Satoko next to him, seeming relieved. Well, that was pretty shitty chakra sensing if she couldn't distinguish ninja from civilians.
Of course, there was the matter of why a group of nine civilians would be coming. It might be a bunch of farmers looking to drown themselves in liquor, sure, however that seemed awfully unlikely, considering there was still produce left in the market to sell – and the fact most would be sensible enough to cut their losses and not buy loads of alcohol.
Plus it was only three in the afternoon. Although the farmers were desperate, he'd assume few were desperate enough (or rich enough, or stupid enough) to blow off what was arguably one of the busier days of the week in favour of drinking.
"Why would they be coming here?" Shirai had settled into what he'd mentally dubbed as his 'thinking pose', one hand under his chin while the other scratched the back of his head, looking at sensei – as if sensei would give them a straight answer.
"Why do you think, Norio-kun?" As he said – why did his teammate ever expect a straight answer?
Personally, he thought he already had it – though considering his notes were all detailed reports on how 10 different businesses were doing in regards to trading and business, it was a big giveaway.
"Well, since this is a bar, the obvious answer would be that they're here to drink." His teammate flinched a little as Satoko's raised eyebrow came to rest on him. "That's not the answer? Damn."
"Don't strain yourself, Norio-kun; your brain isn't used to all that work." Ray of sunshine. Seriously.
Though, it was impressive how she managed to listen to Shirai's garble and deliver such decisive smackdowns, all the while gathering piles of unintelligible notes into seemingly random piles.
"And no, it isn't." Seemingly adding that point as an afterthought, she then began crushing the piles back into what were presumably their original boxes.
"Wait, wait! This is a group thing they formed against the bandits!" At his nod, Shirai's face practically lit up. "See, even though these notes were all written by that dude's brother, they all have a slightly different take on the situation, which means there are many people!"
"Eleven people. I have the reports for the financial health of ten different businesses here." Flashing them at Shirai, he seemed scandalised.
"What? That's so un-"
"What's so unfair, Norio-kun?" Next to him, his two teammates started – neither had noticed Inoichi leave at all – he saw a troupe of several civilians come in behind him, looking distinctly mollified.
What had Inoichi said to them, exactly?
"This is that anti-bandit group you were talking about." Appearing oblivious to the slightly terrified looks the civilians were giving him, Inoichi gave a short introduction. "They'll be helping us with our investigation."
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OMAKE: Early life
Standing up, I enjoyed a brief moment of fulfilment before crashing back to Earth. However, no, that did not deter me from my ultimate aim.
Being able to walk around like an ordinary human being.
Because, quite frankly, it was humiliating having to be carried everywhere.
And, just to prove my parents my parents loved me ever so much, they were having another child. Some junk about having a 'strong heir'. Seriously, fuck that sexism. As soon as I was tall enough, I was slugging him – that father, he calls himself – in the face. Then he'll see who's 'strong'.
Struggling to my feet again, my mother ever-so-inconspicuously peered around the corner. Amazing. It was such a feat of stealth that a 7-month-old baby noticed it.
Well, of course, I wasn't quite 7 months old, however she didn't know that.
"Mummy," searching through my limited vocabulary, I found a match, "don't stare!" Giving a weak smile, 'Mummy' slipped back around the corner, cheeks flushing from embarrassment.
Now, standing! Struggling to my feet yet again, this time I managed to get a solid balance. Grinning in happiness, I stepped forward with one foot…only to fall back onto my face. Treating the ground with a harsh stare, as if it caused all the pain I was in right now, I struggled back into sitting position, ready for another try.
Of course, then my mother took that moment to rush in, holding a bundle of cloth.
"Here, Satoko-chan-" eugh, that name brings bad memories "-try on these clothes for kaa-chan, okay?" Not leaving me any room to protest – and even if I did, I had no power to back up my (rather dirty) arguments (hey, what did you expect when I listened to farm workers all day?) – she pulled out one of the most disgusting things I'd ever laid my eyes on.
Lurid pink, with ghastly yellow accents, topped off with sparkly nets.
Fuck this.
"Mummy, no!" Shrieking slightly – perhaps it was undignified, however I was physically only a few months old, dignity was lost on them – I began my attempted crawl to freedom.
Unfortunately, it was not to be.
After many struggles and bruises, it all came down to the inevitable truth that baby bodies were not suited to combat. Therefore, ten minutes later – despite my efforts – the outcome was ultimately not in my favour.
Although, to my quiet delight, there were now several new bruises adorning 'mammy's' limbs.
"Look how sweet you look!" trilled 'mammy' next to me, subtly massaging one particularly nasty lump on her forearm.
Serves her goddamn right!
"No. Fucking ugly." Next to me, she went pale.
"Satoko-chan-" that's it, I'm changing my name. I was going to be a plain old Aoi or Sakura or something. "-where did you learn that word?"
"Shitty fucks on an ass!" Aha, this was fun. Seems like all that eavesdropping on farmhands was really paying off.
"Satoko-chan, listen to me-"
"Nope!" Okay, so, maybe I was giggling. However, this was literally too funny. Although, it was also reaffirming my vow of never having any children.
Struggling for words, she inhaled deeply, pinching her nose bridge. "Look, Satoko-chan-"
"Nope."
"Sa-"
"Nuh-uh."
At this, she gave a cross between a scream and a growl – you know, I was never aware human vocal chords could produce that sound until now – and stormed out.
About time. Besides, I needed to get back to walking.
Tugging the sparkly monstrosity over my head and hurling it (as best I could) into the corner of the room, I pulled myself yet again onto shaky feet, crowing in delight as I stood.
Baby steps, sure, but they're still steps.
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A wonderful reviewer named 'pregar' has pointed out that it gets difficult to keep track of my OCs (since I switch between using their first and second names, which I should really stop doing), so I took up their suggestion and have made ninja card-esque profiles. You will be able to find these on my profile as well.
They will probably be nothing like an actual card, because a) I don't have pictures and b) I can find at least 4 different types of ninja cards on the internet.
Assume, for all the attributes with numbers, that:
0 Civilian level
1 Academy student
1.5 Bog-standard newly graduated genin
2 Your average (experienced) genin
2.5 Bog-standard newly graduated chuunin
3 Experienced chuunin
4 Jounin/ANBU (ANBU will have multiple skills at 4, while jounin will be more specialised, maybe reaching 4.5 in 1-2 attributes)
5 Kage (as good as you're going to get)
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Koike Satoko
Rank: Genin
Gender: Female
Speciality: Ninjutsu
Special:
Reborn professional chess player from another universe
Knows the basic outline of the future
? (will be revealed later)
Elemental affiliation: Lightning
Best move: N/A
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Team: Shirai Norio, Shoda Katsu
Sensei: Yamanaka Inoichi
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Speed: 2 / 5
Stamina: 1.5 / 5
Power: 1.5 / 5
Intelligence: 4 / 5
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Genjutsu: 1 / 5
Taijutsu: 1.5 / 5
Ninjutsu: 2 / 5
Weaponry: 2 / 5
Kekkei Genkai (bloodline): 0 / 5
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Exams taken: 0
Missions:
S - 0
A - 0
B - 0
C - 1
D - 10
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Shirai Norio
Rank: Genin
Gender: Male
Speciality: N/A
Special:
?
Elemental affiliation:?
Best move: N/A
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Team: Koike Satoko, Shoda Katsu
Sensei: Yamanaka Inoichi
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Speed: 1 / 5
Stamina: 1.5 / 5
Power: 2 / 5
Intelligence: 1.5 / 5
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Genjutsu: 1 / 5
Taijutsu: 1.5 / 5
Ninjutsu: 1 / 5
Weaponry: 1.5 / 5
Kekkei Genkai: 0 / 5
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Exams taken: 0
Missions:
S - 0
A - 0
B - 0
C - 1
D - 10
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Shoda Katsu
Rank: Genin
Gender: Male
Speciality: Poisons
Special:
Comes from a ninja family specialising in poisons
Elemental affiliation:?
Best move: N/A
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Team: Shirai Norio, Koike Satoko
Sensei: Yamanaka Inoichi
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Speed: 1.5 / 5
Stamina: 1.5 / 5
Power: 1.5 / 5
Intelligence: 2 / 5
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Genjutsu: 2 / 5
Taijutsu: 1.5 / 5
Ninjutsu: 1 / 5
Weaponry: 2 / 5
Kekkei Genkai: 0.5 / 5 (inherited poison resistance)
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Exams taken: 0
Missions:
S - 0
A - 0
B - 0
C - 1
D - 10
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a/n
Well, only some of it was filler. I reckon that's an achievement – that it was mostly plot. Mostly.
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Anyway, if you have anything to say at all (really anything, including criticism)
please
press
the
button
and
leave
a
review!
Thank you!
- rosinban
