Addiction

Disclaimer: I owned nothing but the ideas

Words can not sum up the apology I owe you all. I hate leaving such a gap between chapters but getting convinced to change this from a drabble to a story has led to me biting off more than I can chew right now.

The good news is my other story is now finished so this has my full attention and I promise I won't start something else until this is finished. That said I have no idea if I have 2 more chapters to write of 10 more. I have no plot or outline for this story so I am just following my muse (which I should warn you all has a mean streak).

Thank you for your support and patience.

. . .

Penelope stared at him as if he had suddenly grown a second head or fairy wings or something else as equally improbable. Her heart and brain both frantically trying to process what he had just said. Her head was on reboot. It had completely done the endless freeze followed by the whole blank screen moment. Now she could see the flurry of commands as her mind mentally restarted. This whole process was hindered by her heart singing so loudly that her ears rung: "He loves me, la, la, la, la, la."

Instinctively she reached for her glass for something to do. Her breath was shallow and she suddenly felt extremely hot. Passing out would not be good, though it may be a relief from the tension that hung between them both. Penelope focused on the empty glass, not know what to do next. She couldn't look at him, she could already feel the intensity of his stare. She knew he was waiting for her to say something . . . but what should she say?

"Tell him you love him too," her heart shouted, rattling the cage bars she had placed round to protect it from hurt, "Let me free so we can love him fully. Friends . . . blurgh . . . lovers . . . mmmmm." She physically shook her head, willing her mind to gain control again. To tell her what to say, but the reboot had done nothing. The blank screen was still present.

Aware of a gentle caress of fingers across her hand she looked up. She meet his dark eyes full of concern. Gulping she tried to find her voice, but words failed her.

"I love you Penelope Garcia. Always have done and always will. Why I haven't told you before, God alone knows. I came close a few times . . . so close . . . but . . ."

She could physically feel the intensity of the sigh he released.

"But I was scared you didn't feel the same way. I still am. I know this is out of the blue and unexpected and nothing like I hoped it would be but . . . I love you. Not just in the best friends thing we have been hiding behind for years. I have loved you more than friends for as long as I can remember. I just didn't believe you felt the same. It is me that should be offering you the chance to run, to get away and maintain our friendship . . . but selfishly I want you here, with me. All mine!"

Penelope gulped once more, her heart free of it restraints, her eyes welling with tears. He wanted her! He loved her! It was all too much. She could feel the panic flooding her body. She knew she just had to say those three magic words. Words she'd said to him before as a friend, words she'd dreamed of saying night after night. She looked at him, his eyes pleading with her to speak.

"I need some air . . ."

It was all she could manage before she grabbed her purse and ran. She was aware of Derek standing as she moved, and soon realised he was behind her. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy to get away.

Stepping outside she gulped in the cool night air. Deep breath after breath, trying to steady herself she held onto the wall. Passers-by may think she was drunk but she didn't care. She was aware of his hand on her shoulder.

"Baby, you ok? Can I get you something?"

"I just . . . Derek . . . I'm sorry. I need to go home."

"I'll get my car and take you," he said, the jingle of a set of keys could be heard.

"No," she said abruptly, "I'll get a cab. I need . . . I need to be alone."

He looked stunned, tears pricked her eyes as she watched the hurt morph his fine features. She would have done less damage had she actually slapped him.

"I'm sorry . . . it's not you . . . it's me . . . I need to think . . . to . . ." but it was too late the damage was done. He turned away.

"I'll ask them to call you a cab," he spoke softly, his voice cracking as he stepped back into the restaurant.

Now the tears fell, stood alone. What had she done? Why hadn't she just said it? Why not tell him she felt the same? That she loved him and always had. Mentally she kicked herself, but still she didn't turn to stop him. She stood stock still and waited . . .

. . . waiting for a cab to take her away from all of this.

This farce!

Now anger bubbled in her, pushing aside he hurt and the pain. If they had left her and Derek alone this would never have happened. Her mind clearly seeing the hurt in his eyes, an image that she would never forget but still she wasn't able to rectify.

"You left this."

She lift her face at the flat sound of his normally friendly voice, then looked down as he held out the cell she had left on the table.

"There will be a cab here shortly. If you don't mind I'll wait here to see you are safely collected. I promise I'll leave you alone," his tone flat and cool.

Instinctively she took the phone from him in one hand and lay the other on his arm.

"Derek . . . please . . . I'm sorry . . . I just . . ." she sobbed. "It's not you . . . It's me . . . I . . ." her voice trailed off, unable to find the words she needed.

"I know, you said. I understand. I do."

She watched as he tried to smile, the corners of his lips curling, but the sentiment didn't come close to reaching his eyes. Those dark pools reflected the sadness within. She couldn't remember ever seeing him this battered.

"Please . . . give me time . . . time to think."