Chapter Eight (Dreams and Rebirth)
The sound of his sobbing sounded hollow in this empty hall. How could she do this to him? This woman that he thought of as a friend, maybe even thought of as more than that, how could she have betrayed him, taken him for what his mark gave her and then killed him. Then. Then she had the audacity to call upon him to fight for her.
"I hate you Kagome!" The little boy screamed out. Look what she had made him; he would lash out the claws of his little hands at the walls, tears pouring from wide gold eyes. "I hate you! Look what you did to me!" But she couldn't hear him. She couldn't see him. He was locked away, a little boy inside of his hate. The sting struck across his face and the tears instantly sprung to his eyes. His small hands clutching over the stinging welt left there.
"You do not hate my little one." The velvety glass voice was one that he knew well. She seemed so huge when he had been this little, looking up at Saiuri again the tears came. "You do not know what hate is."
"I do mother!" He said stomping his foot, his wide eyes narrowing at her some, scowling. "I have learned, I am not so little anymore!"
"Really?" She asked.
"Yes!" He exclaimed.
"You look little to me. This is what your heart remains asmy son." She said, she knelt before her son, her long slender fingers brushing through his white locks. Sesshomaru looked into her eyes, remembering how much he had missed her over the years.
"I am mother! I am little still! I need you, I need to stay with you!" He threw himself forward and into her awaiting arms, she coiled one around under his rump and lifted him, the fan now in the other hand, held defensively at her side.
"There are many things here than can hurt a little Sesshomaru like you my child." She said softly, kissing his temples like he used to when he was really this little and they were both alive.
"I will protect you from them!" He declared puffing out his chest some.
"And who will protect you?" She asked touching her clawed finger to his nose
"This Sesshomaru can protect himself!" He announced proudly.
"This Sesshomaru needs to go back my child." She said softly as she started to walk with him. His eyes went wide again and he pushed off of her.
"No! This Sesshomaru doesn't want to! This Sesshomaru wants to stay with his mother! Stay with This Saiuri!" He cried holding tightly onto her.
"Please my baby, it is not that This Saiuri doesn't want This Sesshomaru with her." His mother said, she clutched him close against her body, pressing a soft kiss on his head. "But it is not This Sesshomaru's time to join her just yet. You have to return to The Miko."
"I don't want to!" He yelled pulling himself free from her. She placed him on the floor and he stormed away, tears streaming down his face. "I hate her!" Again came the sharp pain, as she slapped him across the face with her closed fan. "I do! I hate her!" He sobbed, his tears stinging the bleeding cut on his face. "I do! I do!"
"You do not. And I don't want to hear you say that again!" His mother growled.
"You hate her?" His brother's voice came. He spun and when he faced the Hanyou he was grown again. "I don't even believe that. Look at this, she made you, the Great Sesshomaru run coming crying to your mommy."
"To hell with you InuYasha!"
"You don't hate her! I know you don't and you know you don't!" He growled, flexing his fingers, Sesshomaru heard the bones pop some as he flexed his fingers.
"You know nothing of this Sesshomaru!" He growled.
"I know you love her." InuYasha said as if stating pure fact.
"Love her! Are you insane?" Sesshomaru growled. "This Sesshomaru doesn't love any human!"
"No? But this Sesshomaru protects them, and This Sesshomaru mourns them, why wouldn't this Sesshomaru love them?" InuYasha asked, crossing his arms across his chest. He looked at his brother, and narrowed his eyes.
"This. Sesshomaru. Does. Not. Love. Humans!"
"None?" His heart stopped. He almost didn't want to turn from InuYasha, but he did it anyway. "Does that mean that Sesshomaru-sama never loved Rin?"
She stood there, her wide eyes staring at him, tears filling them, he didn't know what to do, he came forward, reaching for her and pulling her against him.
"No That is not what it means Rin." Sesshomaru said. "This Sesshomaru did love you."
"Did?" She asked softly.
"Does." He answered.
"But you said This Sesshomaru doesn't love humans and Rin is human!" She wimpered.
"Looks like This Sesshomaru loves humans after all?" InuYasha chastised.
"This Sesshomaru doesn't love that human!" He growled.
"Bull shit." InuYasha said walking over, he slipped Rin from his arms and Sesshomaru grasped for her, but she just went with InuYasha. "She just deceived you like you did so many others, you can't take your own medicine so you hate her for it. Just like you hated InuTaisho for falling in love, and hated your mother for dying, like you hated Izoai for being loved and me for being born of that love, free from your responsibility. You never hated any of us though did you?"
"Of course I did, I hated all of you." He growled.
"Liar." InuYasha answered.
"This Sesshomaru does not lie!" Sesshomaru snarled.
"Right, just like this Sesshomaru doesn't love humans right?" Sesshomaru came forward as if to strike but the hanyou held Rin in his arms, he couldn't risk hurting her, failing her again.
"Why won't you admit it?" Now he was grown and staring at the woman that had been so much larger than life when he was small. She was standing behind InuYasha, and she took Rin from him. She smiled at Saiuri and went to her willingly. "Do you know why she did what she did?"
"No, why is unimportant!" Sesshomaru growled.
"Still rash my son." The other voice came, he cringed internally, but outwardly his face showed no emotion as he turned to face his father. "Don't you see, 'why' is the only thing that is important now."
"Why is the only thing that can save you." His mother said.
"And most of all, why is the only thing that can save her." InuYasha said. "Believe me big brother, you don't want to get stuck here with me if she ends up hurt."
"And what will you do?" Sesshomaru growled.
"He is not here alone." The feminine voice came as Kikyo stepped out next to him, and then Miroku on his other side. "He has everyone who loved him in his life and died before and after him, what do you have Sesshomaru?"
"I have… " He started. But nothing came out, they were all standing near InuYasha, his mother walked over and handed him Rin.
"You have your heart Sesshomaru." She said. "I always told you that. She did it to save you."
"She killed me to save me!" He growled as he took Rin, who curled in against him.
"Yes. Your mark assures she can use Tenseiga to bring you back my son. She is trying to as we speak. Now you have to want to return." She said running her fingers through his hair.
"Go back Sesshomaru-sama." Rin said.
"But…"
"No. Rin is ok. InuYasha, and InuTaisho and Saiuri-samas all take care of Rin now! Sesshomaru-sama needs to take care of Kagome-chan before she gets herself killed. Dona Kyo-sama is gonna kill Kagome-chan if Sesshomaru sama doesn't go home!"
"Come now Sesshomaru." His mother said. He was in her arms again, his head resting over her still heart, no sound emanating from within her cold chest. "It is time."
"Yes mother." Sesshomaru answered as the pulse tore through him and he felt himself torn from her arms.
With a gasp Sesshomaru's eyes shot open and he gasped for air. Wide eyed with near panic he looked around as he sat quickly. Kagome was there, Kyo, and Sango as well. He came to his feet and lurched forward, Kagome had moved toward a glass she had seated next to her but Sesshomaru didn't wait, he would scoop water into his hand from the fountain and drink of the clear water. Gasping to catch his breath.
"Sesshomaru?" Kagome said softly. He didn't move, he didn't know how to approach this. All that his mother had said to him in that dream was real and he knew that she would never lie to him, but something inside of him still screamed for him to take her head… or just… take her? No! That was a thought he would quickly vanquish, she smelled like his venom, that was what attracted him to her. InuYasha was a fool, there was no way he, him, HE could love Kagome, absolutely none. Her voice was shaking, he could smell the fear that came from her, and from her friend Sango, he could smell the shock from the large bird, and he could smell the rustic scents of the four beast gods around him. But fear stood out most, her fear. Had she ever feared him before, he couldn't really tell, he couldn't remember if she had. No, he was sure that back when he longed for it, the bitter sweet smell of her fear would have been something that he would not have forgotten, but for now, for this very moment, he didn't want to smell it. It was disheartening. Then, he forced himself to remember that he was not happy with her. Not happy? What was a drastic down play from his death land proclamations of complete hate…
"Are you… really…" She started and he raised his hand. If he listened to her talk, the fear-laden voice, the tremors in her voice than he would not be able to continue being angry.
"Explain yourself. Quickly and plainly." He ordered. She blinked at him, tired, he thought, she looked tired and weary and… broken. Yes broken, that was how she looked. For a moment he stood, his compassion for her spiking he raised his hand to rest it on her shoulder and this time he looked at it, feeling something odd around it. Blink. Beads? Blink. Again! What the hell was the meaning of this? A deep growl rumbled up through his throat and that hand swung forward, perfect aim would have landed it across her cheek.
"AWAY!" Kagome screamed, the fear making her voice shrill and high, none of the conviction she used in her 'sit' command. Suddenly those beads lit up, Sesshomaru braced himself to keep from flying toward the floor, but was taken completely off guard when his arm was torn back, causing a shooting pain through the joint and he was dragged to the nearest hard surface as far from Kagome as he could be placed by the beads.
"Damn you woman!" He growled. Everything his mother said was forgotten.
"I did it because I had to." She said softly as his arm was released from the spell, he came forward again. "Sesshomaru, don't make me put you to that wall again, I don't want to."
He stopped, that snarl coming, his eyes pulsing red before he was hit with a clean and hard wing, landing him face down on the ground. Something came down across his back, and he was carefully and tenderly lifted.
"Please Sesshomaru-kun." The affectionate usage of his name was not something Kyo had done since he was very small. "I lost you once this day, let us not make it twice, hear what the Miko has to say and then if you want her dead, I shall gladly end her existence for you."
Sesshomaru nodded and his eyes turned to Kagome.
"I had to. I had to take the cross hairs off of you!" She cried out.
"What is a cross hair woman!" Kyo demanded.
"It is the crossing line on a target. Used to aim." She said. "Like looking down the feather of an arrow." She said as an after thought. "Anyway. Now he thinks you are dead, his attention is drawn to me and I will be able to take the slack for this battle. You are safe Sesshomaru so that you can plan and work on defeating Rimiku."
Could it be possible that what she was saying was true? That was what his mother had told him, that she did it to take the fire off of him. His mind turned his eyes back to her, seeing her in an entirely new light that he was not sure was only the venom inside of her. He stepped forward; she took in a breath as he raised his hand, flinching when he reached for her. It hurt him. What? Was that correct? It hurt him when she pulled away? How did that work? No, it was a moment of shock, not pain.
"Kagome." He said almost gently. But he stoned his resolve. "Come here."
"Yes Sesshomaru sama." She responded and stepped forward as if walking to her execution. His long nails coiled in her black hair and he pulled her forward, his tongue sliding over the bleeding wound on her neck, sealing the venom in and his mark in place, for the very least… a week. She slipped out of his grip quickly, her hair slipping through his fingers as he stared at the place she stood only a moment before.
"Wear this." She said handing him a necklace. He glared at it for a moment. "It will make you take the appearance of any breed of Youkai you chose, think about it and it will be done." She said and she started to walk away. He glanced at her, she was hardly befitting of the Lady of the West, which would have to change.
"And what of you?" He asked softly looking at her with hard eyes.
"I am going to leave now. Let you finish what has been started here." She said, drawing herself up with a posture that while she did not usually show, fitted her nonetheless. It reminded him tragically of his mother, and how she used to stand before InuTaisho in that poise when the then, princess, Izoai was around.
"No you are not." He said sternly.
"Why not?" She whimpered. "Am I not permitted to fade into the sunset and pray for peace!"
"No, you are not." Sesshomaru answered, his golden eyes shown like ice. "No, you granted the people of the Western Lands peace of mind to think that with their Lord dead as it is, there is at least a lady bearing the heir to a promise that the House of InuTaisho does not fall!"
"Is that all I am here for now?" She asked.
"That is one of the things. You took my mark Kagome, now you must accept all that comes with it! You must take the responsibility and make them at least think, until I can return, that there is some hope in the future." Sesshomaru growled. "Establish yourself before word spreads that it was you who 'killed' This Sesshomaru, then you will be hated."
"Did you ever stop to think that they might love me for it?" She said boldly. He froze, no that was a thought that had never crossed Sesshomaru's mind. Love her for it? Ridiculous, he was their leader, their lord and master of these lands!
"What are you implying?" Sesshomaru growled, he stepped towards her now, this time when she cringed however he did not feel bad for it. This time when she cringed he thought that she was best to do so because he was ready to kill.
"I am saying Sesshomaru that the people are not going to hate me for putting you to death. Those that are not youkai are going to praise the ground I walk on for freeing them from your tyranny." She said darkly.
"You forget your place woman." Sesshomaru growled.
"I forget nothing!" She hissed back at him, Sesshomaru's hand rose and went to strike forward, this time however she did not cringe back. "AWAY!" She cried out, clenching her eyes so not to have to watch as the beads lit and dragged him against the wall again. Sesshomaru peeled himself off the wall… his angry golden eyes locking on Kagome:
"Prepare yourself Lady, we leave for Shidi this night." He said sternly, not a request an order. She bowed slightly, murmuring something he didn't hear and slipped out with Sango following. "Kyo leave me, this Sesshomaru must confer with the gods."
"Of course sire." The bird stated and in a flutter of feathers he was gone.
"Kagome." Sesshomaru said. She stopped on the path, not turning back to face him. "Under my bunk in my quarters is a gold gilded black box. Take it, and wear what is inside of it, also take one of my outfits and make it yours. It will help you be convincing as the Lady of the West and help prove you are carrying the heir you are not." He said softly. "You are not are you?"
"No, Sesshomaru sama, it did not go that far." She said, bowing to him with her back turned, as if she was not honorable enough to lay eyes upon him and she moved off towards town again.
"Are you ok Kagome?" Sango asked as Kagome sunk into the hot waters. Sango was sitting next to the spring, Shippo coming and going with the things that she needed in order to make this outfit. Sango was only marginally good at sewing and Kagome, well she had two left thumbs, last time she tried to sew something she sewed it to the leg of her pants.
"No." She answered solemnly. She had gone to get the box as she had been ordered to do by him. In her fingers she was twirling the jade and golden hairpin that clattered slightly as the stones lightly tapped one another. "No, I'm not." She said softly.
"Will you be?" Sango asked. She hissed as she pricked her thumb and sent Shippo skittering off after a bandage from Kagome's first aid kit.
"No." She said as she shook in a silent sob. "You know Sango, I don't think I will be." She placed her arms on the edge of the spring and rested her head on it, letting out a soft sob as she buried her face in them. "I really don't think I am going to be alright this time!"
"Shh." Sango purred softly, her fingers trailing softly over Kagome's head. She took the bandage from the concerned kitsune and then ushed him out of the area. Kagome let out another sob. How could she shh? How could she be alright ever again? There was no way! She was never going to find that trust she found in Sesshomaru, she was never going to regain the moments they had shared together, those odd moments, like the one when he told her she was his friend, or when she hugged him at the table when he had regained his sight, or when she was watching him torment Buyo the way InuYasha used to, though he didn't know she saw that. None of that were ever going to happen, no more private moments between just the two of them because he would never trust her again.
What did you expect! She asked herself. You killed him! Did you think he was going to pretend that it never happened? Did you think that your simple little explanation would be enough to win his trust back?
No, but she had hoped, hoped that he would understand, hoped that he would see, hoped that he would… he would what? What did she want from him? She wanted him to hold her. Yes. She wanted him to kiss her. Yes. She wanted him to want her. Yes. But how much of this was her emotions and how much of it was the venom that was starting to peek in her system making her feel a little punch drunk and far more sexually aroused than she ever had been.
When Sango's comforting hand sent a shudder through her body she had enough, sliding away from her, not liking that feeling at all.
"Kag?" She asked softly.
"I'm sorry, that just feels…" She said.
"I know, you don't have to tell me." Sango said. "We did extensive study on those that had been marked by a youkai, it seems that they adapt some of the traits of the breed that bit them. A woman marked by a fire youkai would be drawn to heat and away from cold places, even if she were from the cooler regions. A woman marked by an eagle demon like Kyo would become obsessed with flying and heights, even if she were afraid of flying. I am sure you know that a woman marked by a wolf demon would become much more free and comfortable with herself." There she sent a pointed glance around the rocks to where several of the wolves were gathered around Yuki, who was lounging, completely nude in Kouga's lap.
A jerk of hatred sparked in her. MINE! The guttural growl came from deep within her throat begging to be released. Suddenly Kouga slipped out of her line of sight and she was turned back to Sango, "and those marked by the Inu become animalistic and possessive, it seems that you have also taken on some of Sesshomaru's coldness as well."
"How do I make it stop?" She sobbed softly as she sunk down to her neck in the water. Sango cringed, she was afraid Kagome was going to ask her that, and honestly, she didn't want to answer it… "Sango? How do I make it stop?" She asked again, Sango's silence did nothing to ease the dread in Kagome.
"You…" She said looking away.
"I what!" Kagome gasped, biting her lip.
"You have to… consummate the mating." Sango cringed as the reaction came right on cue.
"WHAT!"
"Or wait a week!" Sango gasped after.
"WHAT A WEEK!" Kagome yelled, she didn't notice that Kouga and Yuki were both looking her way now. "I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS FOR A WHOLE WEEK!"
"Or you could…"
"I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH…." Sango covered her mouth, remembering that Sesshomaru was supposed to be dead, and that Kouga and Yuki didn't need to know otherwise.
"Kags, it's the only way…" She whimpered softly.
"Oh hell…" Kagome sobbed, falling against Sango once more. Her eyes turned dangerously to Kouga. "And will you get lost!" She screamed at him.
"What!" He gasped looking around, his blue eyes widening.
"Take your damned mate and go fuck somewhere else!" She snarled. Kouga just blinked at her. Sango tried to gesture to him to just go, but he wasn't looking at her, his crystal blue eyes just looked at Kagome like she had smacked him clean across the face.
"But we weren't…" He started.
"Your presence here wolf is starting to annoy This Kagome greatly." She growled deeply. Kouga's eyes widened and he bit his lip. "Now go!"
Kouga jumped when she yelled and turned and slunk off. Yuki pulled her Kimono back on, shooting a pointed glare at Kagome, that was met with the cold brown eyes of the Miko and then turned and followed Kouga.
"Did I just do what I think I just did?" Kagome asked looking at Sango.
"Well if you think that you just chewed out Kouga for checking to see if you were alright and then stared down his mate after, than yes, you did." Sango said, forcing a smile for her.
"That was what I was afraid of." Kagome said. "Sango! I can't do this!"
"Stay strong Kagome, you can do it, you are Kagome, and you can do anything." Sango said smiling at her, she only wished that she had as much faith in herself as Sango seemed to have in herself.
"Sire." Normally the fact that Kyo came back when he told him to leave would have annoyed him. Normally he would want to rip of his feathers and shove them in his beak, not that he had a chance of ever doing so, but normally he would have wanted to. But, at the moment, there was nothing normal about what Sesshomaru was feeling.
"You came back." Was all that he said, his eyes were closed and he was leaning against the wall, twirling Tenseiga in his hand.
"Of course I did Sesshomaru-sama." He said softly bowing to the floor. Sesshomaru made an absent gesture, allowing the bird to stand again. "I wanted to talk to you."
"I was going to confer with the gods." Sesshomaru said, he opened his eyes now; Kyo had glanced away, as if he were being scolded for interrupting Sesshomaru. "But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what to say, or what to ask, and so I found myself unable to bring myself to do it."
Kyo blinked and Sesshomaru stopped taking in a deep breath. He had given too much information unprovoked; his tongue ran up and over his long eyeteeth and then back into his mouth before that ivory cage closed around it. He never gave up information that willingly. It was because it was Kyo he was talking to, yes, that had to be the reason, he felt as comfortable with no one as he did with Kyo and that was why he was telling him these things.
"Yes Sesshomaru-sama." The great bird chuckled. He sat down on his knees before Sesshomaru, his huge clawed feet tucked under him, his wings settling around him, his clawed hands on his knees. "First I would like to know, are you alright?"
"As well as one can be considering I was dead." He answered. He closed his eyes softly and simply listened to the room, thinking about when he had been blind. He had to depend so much on his other senses, now he simply listened, letting his ears see for him.
"Sesshomaru-sama?" He said softly, Sesshomaru simply tilted his head slightly to show that he was listening. "What can I do to ease things for you?"
"End this feeling." Sesshomaru said without even glancing back at him. "End this inability to control my feelings, end the need to talk and tell others what is wrong with me, end my want for… for her."
"One weeks time sire and it will end." Something tugged inside of him. "One week and I shall kill her for what she has done to you."
"If anyone is to kill Kagome for that, it shall be This Sesshomaru." He answered, glaring at the bird.
"This Sesshomaru can not risk coming out of hiding for that purpose so This Kyo will gladly aid him in his time of need." The bird said, a small smile twisting onto his hooked beak. Sesshomaru chuckled, he was a little iffy about the fact that this was his currently marked that he was talking about, but he heard a bit of jest in those words and this eased him some. "Tell me Sesshomaru, tell me what you saw happen to you."
"She killed me." Sesshomaru answered.
"A little more specifically." Kyo said with a bit of authority.
"Why?" Sesshomaru asked canting his head some.
"Please Sesshomaru, I need to know that what you saw and what I saw were the same." What he saw? For a moment Sesshomaru wanted to ask him why it was, if he saw the whole thing, would he allow it to happen. But then the urge to question his loyalty passed as soon as it surfaced. Sesshomaru thought for a moment, closing his eyes and allowing the horrid moments to again play in his mind.
"She brought me into the woods with her, to get me away from the camp, because it seemed, that they wanted to kill me. Of course they were hunters, and I the creature they hunted, but I was not afraid of them. Then she cried on me for a little while, and used that moment of weakness to slip the beads around my neck." He cringed a little as he recalled. "She kept forcing me to the ground, pushing my buttons, making me bend to her whim, and the things she said to me, that hurt more than anything."
"Calm Sesshomaru." He didn't even realize that he had started to gasp for breath as he had been talking, as if fighting back tears. He didn't respond to Kyo other than to take a couple of deep breaths to regain himself.
"Then, the next thing I remember was looking up at her with my sword through my gut. She looked at me and then pulled it up, severing me nearly in two." Sesshomaru said, his hand running over the flawless flesh where the horrid wound had been only hours before. "Then I was dead."
"Did you not feel the two others in the area?" He asked softly, his orange eyes widening, if that were indeed possible seeing how large and round they already were. "Did you not feel them?"
"What are you talking about? I felt no others there, but once I bit her, I don't remember anything else until I was dead." Sesshomaru said, his eyes opened now and he leaned forward, his arm rapped around his knees giving him a deceivingly child like appearance in the dark lights of the cave.
"I am an eagle Sesshomaru-sama, I trust my eyes, but when I saw it, even I doubted it!" He said, as if the push home the importance of what he was telling him. Sesshomaru's eyes remained locked on the fiery eyes of the eagle and he nodded some to show that he understood this. "I saw your brother Sesshomaru-sama. When you were chewing down on Kagome, InuYasha stood right before you, watching, as if his heart were breaking and when it came time to escape, he took her hand and pulled her forward."
"InuYasha! He was there you say?" He gasped; he pulled himself up and stood looking up at the bird.
"Yes Sesshomaru-sama. He was there, and there was another too. Miroku was there, he tripped you with his staff so that you fell on your own blade!" The bird stepped back and knelt, as if the shame of this information was too much for him to bear. "I tried to get to you Sesshomaru-sama! Please, please believe that I did! But I couldn't, I couldn't get to you, there was some sort ofbarrier! I couldn't get through!"
"Stop this now." Sesshomaru said as he came to his feet moving over to the bird. "You said their was a barrier."
"Yes Sesshomaru-sama." Kyo said, but he didn't not rise, his beaked nose to the floor as he sat.
"Who made it?" He asked.
"I believe it was the ghost of Miroku, Sesshomaru-sama!" He answered.
"Kyo rise." Sesshomaru said softly. The bird rose and saw something that he never thought he would live to see, those golden eyes filled with concern and brimming with tears. The sight of his proud caretaker kowtowed to the floor had struck Sesshomaru in a way he had never felt before, it made him suddenly want to cry. But he didn't, he held it back as he questioned the bird until he could take no more of the shaking answers.
He didn't understand where this burst of emotion was coming from, not that he felt it, but that he was unable to control it. The sight of Kyo knelt before him used to excite him, remind him that the man now belonged to Sesshomaru, but as he stood tonight in the dark room, surrounded by the beast gods, it seemed suddenly tragic to see it.
He wasn't sure when it had stopped exciting him, it must have been around the time that he stopped making him bow.
"Sesshomaru-sama?" Kyo said, now on his knees with his feet tucked under him again he looked at him. Sesshomaru stepped forward, taking the feathered head into his hands. Softly he ran his long and nimble fingers with the black feathers and looked into those fiery orbs.
"Don't bow to me Kyo. If a monk on the other side made the barrier, his strength would be unfathomable. I should doubt that even my father could have broken such a barricade." Sesshomaru said softly, he stepped in again and pulled Kyo against himself, the bird himself didn't move, allowed Sesshomaru to take the initiative, maybe he was shocked, but right now, Sesshomaru couldn't control the actions that came from him.
"But Sesshomaru-sama." He said as his head was rested over his lord's heart.
"Do you hear that?" Sesshomaru asked softly, interrupting Kyo.
"Hai Sesshomaru-sama." He responded.
"That means that This Sesshomaru is still alive." Sesshomaru said softly, once more those soft feathers were stroked by a touch that reminded Kyo startlingly of both Saiuri and of Izoai. The feeling was causing Sesshomaru's chest to tighten, to watch such a noble beast humbled like this.
"Hai." He answered, those large eyes closing.
"Than you have done your job well Kyo." Sesshomaru whispered, resting his head atop that bed of feathers.
"Sesshomaru-sama? I let you die?" He stated shocked.
"And you saw too it that I returned." Sesshomaru answered.
"No, the Miko brought you back." Kyo said looking away, as much as the praise of Sesshomaru meant to him, he would not take the credit for that which he did not do.
"Yes, she carried Tenseiga and you carried me, on wings, on prayers and on tears. Kyo, you are the only person that I know I can trust right now. Please, it is an awful thing I ask of you, that when your own heart has been broken in two and repaired sloppily, but, would you please be my pillar."
"I don't understand Sesshomaru-sama?" Kyo said, those eyes opening to meet with Sesshomaru's. Sesshomaru understood suddenly that he had never told Kyo how much he meant to him. He also understood that for some reason, with his own emotions going wild, this might be the only time that he could.
"Do you remember when I was young, and I broke my arm?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Hai."
"You were there."
"Hai."
"You were the reason I thought I could be strong against the pain." He said softly looking down at Kyo. "And when my mother died and father smacked me away from my attack on him."
"Yes, you curled up to your mother for hours begging her not to leave you." Kyo said nodding.
"Yes, and in the end it was you who came and comforted me. Coaxed me away from her so that they might allow her to move on to where ever it is that she was going." Sesshomaru said. "And when I took my lands, burning under hate for my father, it was you who quelled that fire and allowed me to see what I had to do. And when I left my lands to travel it was you who cared for them, and when I first brought Rin home, it was you that kept that wretched servant from deflowering her without her want or consent."
"I understand that Sesshomaru sa…"
"No. What you don't understand Kyo is that you have always been a father to me, because my father wouldn't, or couldn't, whatever the case may be. I want you stand beside me, as that, a father figure and an advisor. You continue to work in the armies because it pleases you, that is the only reason I never promoted you to Royal Vizier." A smile worked its way onto that hooked beak.
"Hai Sesshomaru." He said, leaving a pause. Ah, I managed to get away with this little emotional outburst Sesshomaru thought. It wasn't often that happened, that he got away with an outburst without some sly remark from the bird's behalf. "I see that Kagome-chan is going to be good for This Sesshomaru."
"I hate you." He responded walking away from the bird then, but Kyo just smiled, and Sesshomaru, not facing Kyo mind you, did as well.
For four days Sesshomaru was in that blasted cave. Four days he was fasting and/or praying or doing whatever the hell it was he was doing. They were supposed to leave for Shidi that night, and Kagome and sat on Ah and Un until her ass was sore and then she stood next to him until her feet were sore before she finally gave up and walked him up, fed him, and went to bed.
She was livid. Sango had walked into her tent to wake her up so they could get to work on her outfit and got something thrown at her.
"That bastard!" She cried out, her own heart breaking, but that monster inside of her was tearing to get out again. "We leave tonight he says! And what happens four days later he is still in that fucking cave!"
Swearing was so out of character for Kagome that Sango decided it best just to leave her alone, turning and walking out. This was so damned hard, she ached, every bone, every muscle and fiber of her being was tearing at her to go to that cave, to make sure he was alright, to claim him as hers. Did Sesshomaru have to fight this same battle she wondered, did he have to wonder about everything that made him himself? Of course not, this was himself that she was feeling, so naturally he wouldn't have to fight that. BASTARD! She mentally screamed.
"Kagome-sama." Kyo said from the door.
"Go away!" She cried, throwing herself down on her bed, sobbing hysterically.
"Please Kagome-sama, I have only a moment before I have to tend to the body of our lord Sesshomaru." He said, she looked up to see his massive figure knelt next to the transparent wall. In a moment that was undeniably Kagome, she stood near just to see, and be prove right that the giant eagle was as tall kneeling as she was standing.
"Fine, enter." She said, she moved over and sat down, her feelings suddenly getting hollow when the eagle entered and kowtowed. Normally she would have gotten all jumpy about it, normally she would have told him to stand and assured him he didn't have to do this, but some how, in the face of this animal she felt as if he should bow to her.
She was after all, she thought, sitting up a bit straighter even though she didn't like the thought at all, the Lady of the West now.
"Kagome-chan." He said now kneeling. "You're guard Maru should be arriving soon." The bird threw a pointed glance at one of the men posting guard in the room. She gave a sharp gesture to the soldier the man bowed deep at the waist, turned on his heel and walked away.
"Speak clearly please."
"His Lordship Sesshomaru has been ordered four days of fasting to prove his willingness to endure for the beast gods." Kyo said. "This is why he was unable to meet with Her Ladyship Kagome as planned. This Kyo has not been asked to tell This Kagome of these things, and yet he feels that she should be well informed."
"This Kagome wonders if Lord Sesshomaru would call this treason." She said as she idly fiddled with a lock of hair. Well it wasn't idol at all; actually it was a very nervous action, yet with Sesshomaru's venom tearing through her system, it did indeed look bored and idle.
"This Kyo thinks that Lord Sesshomaru would have ordered him to do it had he been in his right state of mind." Kyo said looking at her.
"What ails Sesshomaru?" She said, all bored masks aside she sat forward, suddenly more nervous that she actually had any right to be.
"Nyah Kagome-sama." Kyo said. "His body is well, his mind is well, it is his heart that breaks him now." He bowed deeply to her and then rose to his feet. "This Kyo has said enough already, surely his beak would be a chewing bone for His Lordship should he find out what This Kyo has told This Kagome."
"This Kagome will reveal nothing of this to His Lordship." She said turning to walk away from Kyo before glancing at him. "You are dismissed Kyo…" She said coldly before turning back to him, a moment the icy visage of Sesshomaru melted from her. "Thank you!" She said smiling and bowing to him before moving back into the inner chamber of her tent.
It was almost an hour later that Sango returned with her new outfit.
"It took a lot of altering, but I think it came out really good." She said. She walked into the inner chamber to a crumpled heap of Kagome on the floor. "What's the matter babe?"
"He hates me!" She cried. "I know he hates me!"
"I don't think he hates you per say…" She started.
"Yes he does! He does because I feel like him, and if I were in his shoes right now, I would hate me!" She sobbed. She felt like shit, she had for days, her emotions were on a full-fledged roller coaster and she couldn't control them. "I don't want him to hate me, I want him to love me!"
"That is the venom talking." Sango said plainly.
"Maybe it is, but I still don't want him to hate me, he'll never trust me again!" They had gone through this at least once a day for four days, and frankly Kagome was on her last leg of sanity here. She couldn't take the emotional roller coaster any more. She wanted so bad to just do it and get it over with!
"I think you need to go talk to him Kagome." Sango said as she bid Kagome to stand. She did and Sango dressed her. She had taken Sesshomaru's hakuma and cut them shorter, putting theties back into them so that they were better suited for Kagome's height. She had pulled several seams on it and cut the fabric shorter so that the haori also fit her, yet the colored area's with the flowers were still intact.
She had trimmed back the large purple section at the bottom of the obi and sewn it along the neck, for a flare of purple that showed of his mother's jade and gold necklace beautifully. Over the hakuma was a white skirtlet, which was open in the front, with the dark red along the bottom of it, to give the outfit more of a feminine appeal to it.
The woman's obi was bright red, binding tight along her ribs and under he breasts, and then on top of that was put Sesshomaru's obi, slung the way that he always wore it. Her hair was pulled up into a bun on the top of her head and pinned into place with the twin hairpins that were also his mothers, the gems hanging from them of gold and jade. And the matching earrings were pushed through the holes in her ears.
Her hair, which was much longer than it should have been, and for what reason Kagome wasn't sure, fell to her shoulder blades even up in that bun. She painted her lips a bright red and then took the brush to paint a line over each of her eyes, similar to the way Sesshomaru wore his eyes.
"I don't know Sango. He didn't want me there before." She said softly, she took the fan and snapped it closed; it made an ominous sound when she did so, as if a sword was being drawn.
"I know that Kagome. But remember, he has hadfour days to rethink all of that as well." She said softly. Kagome tucked the fan into the sleeve, slipping it into the fan pocket that was inside of it. Then tucked her hands into her sleeves and nodded.
"You're right, we can't keep going on like this." She said softly. She stepped out of her tent and stood there, all of Sesshomaru's men were looking at her, as were all of the demon hunters.
"Lady Kagome-sama." One of the men said, he smelled horrid, of the musky smell of smoke and fire, but she didn't flinch as he approached and knelt. His hair was of the brightest orange, almost as if it was aflame, and he was well built. His voice had a bit of a gravely sound to it. "We are at your disposal as Lady of the House of the Moon, Dona Kyo-sama said that we must obey you."
"Very well. For this time we protect this keep, my guard will be arriving shortly and he and I shall be leaving for Shidi…" The demon gasped and glanced at her, then back to the ground. "What is your name demon?"
"Setsujin, Kagome-sama." The fire demon responded.
"Rise Setsujin, tell This Kagome, as we walk what it is that you know of this place called Shidi." Setsujin stood and moved next to her, calmly offering his arm to escort her, she would reach into her sleeve and take out the red fan with the blossom pattern on it, snapping the fan open and placing it between them as they walked, letting him know she took no interest in him, and letting any others know that was well.
"Shidi is a city of demons." Setsujin responded. He seemed to take no notice of the fan, when her arm was placed through his she was shocked at how hot his body was, she was a bit uncomfortable holding his arm, but that little Sesshomaru sounding voice in her head said it would be unforgivably boorish to draw from his touch now. "It is an underground city, the very face of which is carved into the stone that it inhabits. Demons of all creed go there, it is a neutral ground…"
"Then I shall be safe there?" She asked lowering the fan only a little so that a single brown eye, topped in red lining could be seen and then as soon as the question was asked, she raised it again.
"I am sorry Kagome-sama, maybe I should be more specific. Shidi is a neutral ground for demons, humans there are fair game." The demon responded. Kagome stopped in her stride turning to face him.
"Then is that to say that even as the Lady of the West, this Kagome is unsafe there?" She asked, the fan now drawn down over her chest her icy eyes watching the bright red eyes of the fire demon.
"Nyah." Setsujin said. "So long as you are with a youkai that can protect you. You said, Kagome-sama, you had a guard arriving? And might this Setsujin inquire as to whom that guard might be?"
"His name is Maru, and his is from the same noble house that Sesshomaru's late mother hailed from." Kagome said gently. She smiled softly at the man.
"Noble house? Is that was you were told?" Setsujin said, his red eyes burning like fire widened and he turned his eyes from her. "Forgive me Lady Kagome-sama." He said. "This Setsujin forgets his place."
"What do you mean? Was she not from a noble house?" She asked.
"She was from it in one fashion. Her family line were guards, and assassins, she a full trained geisha. She was wed to InuTaisho to seal a truce, and for that her family would no longer take contracts on the king's life." The demon explained.
"Well than, even better to be my guard." She answered, snapping the fan back up again.
"This Setsujin agrees, with a member of the House of the Lotus with you, there is not a demon in Shidi that would presume to give you any trouble." He said taking her arm again and continuing to walk with her. He explained to her a few things about Shidi that she had to know, things that she was sure Sesshomaru would repeat before they left.
She didn't speak much, nodding to and dismissing him when she arrived at the entrance to the cave.
