Warnings: incest, sort of dub-con. More notes below.
"I live for you but I'm not alive..." (Alice In Chains, Love Hate Love)
Itachi insists on washing the blood off in the nearby river. He doesn't want to bring death into their home.
Even if he is death incarnate.
Sasuke sits by the riverbed, sandals and shin guards off, toes brushing the cold water.
He watches his brother strip off his clothes and bathe without showing any sign of discomfort for the hostile temperature.
His gestures are minimal and deft. He must have done it many times.
After every mission. He never showed Sasuke the blood, the wounds, the grim reality that was his life.
Sasuke was too pure, he didn't have to see how dirty his hands and soul were.
He did it after the massacre as well.
When Sasuke passed out he cried all his tears, hugging him tight for the last time.
Around them there was only death. Bodies everywhere. Below them, only blood. So much of it.
Above them the moon, pale and cold like his face when he slew them all.
He was supposed to meet the masked man but after seeing Sasuke's little frame tainted with the blood of their parents he went straight to the river.
He thought he knew suffering. As a child he had witnessed fear and loss during the war. He had been a tool through all his life. He had seen his best friend commit suicide, trying to prevent this from happening, but it was nothing compared to what he felt that moment.
It was nothing compared to what he would feel from that moment on.
Itachi kept telling himself that there was no other option, that if he hadn't done it the blood on Sasuke's body would have been his own, because his little brother would have been killed first.
Instead, Sasuke would be alive and safe in the village, knowing nothing of discrimination and hate.
He would keep watching over his brother so that nothing happened to him, his will of fire not hiding reality from him, for he knew human nature and he knew how low humans could fall no matter how noble their ideals were.
His loyalty wasn't blind –his brother would understand it years later, the moment he slew a team of Konoha shinobi to protect him.
Waking up in a hospital bedroom Sasuke didn't imagine that his clothes were bloodstained because Itachi held him close to his chest.
In his state of unconsciousness he hadn't heard his older brother sobbing, asking for forgiveness, telling him that even he wouldn't be there anymore his heart would always be with him.
He didn't hear him saying how painful it would be to miss all his important moments. That he regretted not spending more time with him. That he was so busy that he never got the chance to say that his arm should be steadier when throwing shuriken.
He would learn though; Itachi knew Sasuke would become a great shinobi. Hate would motivate him.
Sasuke didn't feel neither salty tears on his cheeks nor his last words:
"The next time you'll see me you will kill me. I'm looking forward to seeing you."
Itachi wanted to die by his hands. His death would give Sasuke a new power.
His death would give his life a purpose.
Sasuke would purify him then.
"I love you, little brother."
There was blood everywhere on his clothes according to those who found him and took him to the hospital, while their leader, Danzo, was facing Itachi's clone threatening to spill classified information if something was to happen to him, just before disappearing in a flock of crows.
Itachi comes out of the water, droplets falling from his hair to his taut body. He has goose bumps; the breeze has become colder in the blue-gray dusk.
He dries himself off with his shirt.
The lightest contact between skin and the fabric, crusted with blood.
He slit their throats. A quick and silent killing, not a clean one.
As if killing could ever be a clean act.
Besides, he only made sure that the Inuzuka and the Aburame died instantly.
He is perfect, Sasuke thinks while getting up, he is the most beautiful creature that has ever existed.
Even when he was fighting. Especially when he was fighting, and was drenched in blood, because he looked ethereal like a supernatural creature above good and evil.
A deity who said he belongs to him. Did he really mean it?
For the first time since they are alone Itachi looks at Sasuke.
How could he look at him after having killed people again, after having willingly made two of them to suffer only because they wore Anbu gear thus they might have been Sasuke's jailers?
Sasuke's troubles are his fault.
If he had followed his plan of using Izanami on him, without succumbing to the temptation to have his brother for himself, no shinobi would have been ordered to kill his brother and no shinobi would have been killed because of that.
If he had entrusted him to the right person Sasuke would have never wanted to bring him back from the dead.
If he hadn't failed to protect him from the truth, from himself, from everyone else, the boy would have been safe.
Yet he can't change the past, and he can't overlook that if he had stayed dead Sasuke would have been endlessly forced to be someone else, alone among people who didn't care about him, who abused and manipulated him, who were only interested in him as a tool, to just toss around and dispose of when broken.
He accepted to carry on the massacre of their clan, to join Akatsuki and live separated from him so that he would never have the same fate that he had.
He tried to get them to understand his brother instead of fighting him, he tried to break the vicious circle of underlying hostility towards the only survivor of the Uchiha clan, he tried to act peacefully so that Sasuke's name wouldn't be associated to violence, he tried to be a role model because his brother only looked up to him.
He failed though, and instead of protecting him he put him in a bigger danger.
There's blood on Sasuke's ankle, probably caused by Tenzo's vine blocking his feet.
Itachi feels the rush of adrenaline again, the panic of the moment the kunai was close, so close, too close to his brother's throat.
That was the first time he activated Amaterasu on instinct.
That moment his mind, heart and body screamed that no one were to touch his precious brother.
It didn't matter if they were from Konoha or not, no one were to touch his precious brother.
Even if he didn't want to kill anymore, for he was a dead man who had killed too many people already.
Nothing was more important than protecting Sasuke though. His brother's safety was more important than the lives of their clan and the secrets of their village, it's certainly more important than the lives of a bunch of shinobi.
Itachi kneels before his brother to assess the wound. He rips off the cleanest strip of fabric from his shirt and wraps it over the younger's ankle.
"Are you hurt somewhere else?" He asks flatly.
Absentmindedly the other shakes his head. He doesn't care about a stupid wound.
He only cares about his beautiful older brother kneeling before him.
A deity who got rid of his enemies for him.
The very thought that he truly is more important than the village is exhilarating, together with the adrenaline of a fight that happened all around him, without him taking part in it.
He tangles his fingers into Itachi's long hair, urged by the need to have a proof of his brother's words of loyalty and belonging more than the need for release.
Once Itachi told him that having sex with the loved one is an almost mystical experience, where both bodies and souls unite and become one.
The other brushes his lips against Sasuke's clothed manhood.
The faint contact makes Sasuke's skin burn with desire. He reaches the buttons but Itachi stops him with the quickest motion.
So quick Sasuke didn't see the movement.
He gets up slowly, gracefully, dismissing Sasuke's push as if he had the force of a child.
Sasuke suddenly remembers the times when Itachi carried him on his back after training together. He always treated him like a little boy who needed help, no matter how good his academy grades were, and how better he was compared to his classmates.
Nothing was enough to reach his perfect older brother.
He places his palm on his forehead; not a poke, just a light touch.
"You don't have a fever. It means the vine was not poisoned. Let's head home."
Irritated, Sasuke pulls him closer by his arm and hip.
"I want you now, brother."
His eyes flicker from his brother's perfect features to his legs. The fabric of his pants is red with the traces of the previous events, unlike his bare upper body, thoroughly scraped of every drop of blood he shed.
He's not afraid of being haunted by new ghosts.
He's scared of how easy it was for him to kill those people.
He's frightened of how easy it was for him to spill the blood and cause the pain of the one who attempted to kill Sasuke, and those who might have guarded his brother's cell and taken part in his abuse.
"We have things to discuss, Sasuke. Let's go back."
Itachi pushes slightly against him, to make his point clear. Sasuke raises his voice.
"I am disgusting to you because I betrayed the village, isn't it?"
His look is angry and hurt and confused. His brother freed him, defending him against the village he loved. He said that he chose him, but maybe it was a difficult choice, he thinks, dejected.
Itachi shakes his head at his brother's words.
"Konoha betrayed you first. As a consequence you brought me back. Your absence made your comrades suspicious and the situation got out of hand so I ended them. There was no other choice."
He states the logical course of events without emotion.
He has been trained to kill, to be emotionless on the battlefield and on mission, a perfect tool, since he was a child, yet when he killed Yamato and those Anbu he was neither emotionless nor a perfect shinobi, as he caused them unnecessary suffering.
It's Sasuke who should be disgusted of him: he is tainted with blood. He is death.
Sasuke reiterates his will.
"I want you, Itachi. I want this you, right here, right now."
"You want a killer...a monster."
Itachi states matter-of-factly.
"You killed to protect me...like...back then."
Itachi is touched by these words, that show how Sasuke is truly a pure person. Still, he knows better.
"A killer is still a killer."
Itachi knows that Sasuke doesn't want pleasure now. His look is the same as when, in an almost trance-like state, he would touch without well knowing what to do, and once Itachi stopped him he would resort to beating him up, and Itachi let him do it, thinking that he needed to feel he had power over the brother he chased after for years, and over the merciless monster that slew both his enemies and his family.
Every time Sasuke acted violently he would stop for an instant and look at him in expectation and when Itachi didn't do anything but humor him, he continued.
Now it's the same.
Sasuke brings the elder's hand to his mouth, kissing its palm first, then licking his fingers. When Itachi slides them away from his hot, wet lips, apparently indifferent to the effect the alluring gesture, the boy has that broken yet defiant look, as he waits a brief moment, staring at him, before charging a raging fist.
For the first time the Uchiha prodigy feels that he was wrong humouring him, that he failed his duty as an older brother, not properly leading, under the pretense that the boy needed to feel in control over him, beating him up a few times. That instead of making him stronger and confident of his own strength he made him weaker, like a spoiled child.
Besides he had always known it. Every time Sasuke paused and looked at him, he expected Itachi to make him stop and take the lead.
Itachi stops the punch easily.
"You don't realize…"
A shiver runs through the young Uchiha's spine. Itachi's look is the same as that night.
He leans towards Sasuke..
"You should be careful for what you wish for, lest it come true."
His enchanting and frightful voice too is the same as that night, but this time he purrs into his ear, hot breath burning Sasuke's skin, his nose brushing his brother's cheek as he traces small circles before reaching the younger's lips, capturing him in a long, deep kiss.
He has never kissed him with such dominance. The younger has no other choice but to drown in the slow, unrelenting pace, so different from his own, frantic and desperate like his heart.
Sasuke doesn't need to let out his anger occasionally throwing a few punches at him to feel in power.
He needs freedom from the circle of pain and violence where Itachi threw him, and the only way to release him is to make him aware of his own power, not humouring him, but fighting for real.
Itachi stops abruptly.
"Are you sure you want a merciless killer, Sasuke?"
A merciless killer doesn't take orders, or even give them. He takes what he wants and leaves a trail of destruction in its wake.
He steps back, gesturing his brother to fight, not taking a fighting stance instead, as if he knows he's not going to need it.
It takes a few instants for Sasuke to react after his passionate kiss, but he doesn't hesitate. He likes sparring with him. Defiant, he comes at the elder with full force. He's fast, but not enough. Itachi predicts all his moves, he always does.
It's easy for him to avoid the younger's blows, grabbing his fist and yanking his arm, unbalancing him. When Sasuke reacts he sends him flying on the ground.
While he's lifted by the arm as if he were a small child, Sasuke realizes once again how strong Itachi is. He just witnessed his strength against Konoha shinobi but now that it's directed at him it's even more impressive.
Before Sasuke gets up Itachi is on him, pinning his arms above his head, his look fixed on his brother's.
"This is not a joke. Do you still want the killer, Sasuke?"
Sasuke replies by arching his back to brush Itachi's body.
With his free hand Itachi caresses Sasuke's bare torso. His hand wanders from his pale, toned chest to his hard nipples, that he squeezes and torments.
"Foolish little brother…"
His fingers ghost over his abdomen, feeling his muscles twitch in anticipation.
No matter how hard they may be, they are defenseless against Itachi's fist slamming deep into his stomach. His mouth open like a fish, Sasuke struggles for air but it's useless because the pressure doesn't decrease.
"As you wish, little brother..."
Itachi says darkly.
It's Itachi's turn to stop an instant and wait now. You can stop the killer anytime, his eyes say, but his silent command brings back memories of the time Itachi hit him in the same way.
The elder can't forget about that moment either: back then he couldn't risk blowing up his cover but his desire to touch him was devouring him so much that he kept hitting him because it the only thing he could do, until his fist lingered too long on the younger's body, in a twisted caress, or a mocking replacement for penetration, as Kisame remarked after.
He made sure that his partner never spoke about his little brother that way.
Especially because he was right: as much as he hated himself for what he was doing to his brother, a small, dark, shameful part of him craved him. As much as he was dying inside while his fist slammed against Sasuke's stomach once, twice, three times, the last one with such strength to lift him up, a part of him felt an unthinkable, unforgivable desire. As much as his mind kept justifying the way he gripped the boy's throat and forced his weight on the younger's injured body as necessary for Sasuke to hate him more, a part of him was dangerously aroused as he whispered in Sasuke's ear and breathed his very air.
He bites Sasuke's neck hard enough to draw blood. The younger moans and gasps when he licks it.
Timing is vital for a shinobi. An instant is the only thing that stands between life and death.
Sasuke could throw him on the ground when he performs a seal with his free hand. He does nothing instead, even when black stripes crawl over his arms, paralyzing them.
Itachi knows that he encountered that jutsu before; it's the one released when he was fueled by hatred and the will to avenge him against Danzo.
Getting free from the one he loves is a different matter though.
Sasuke tugs at the invisible chains almost mechanically. He wants him, despite the obvious discomfort and pain, and Itachi blames himself because his brother accepts violence as if it's normal, and he blames Konoha for having inflicted even more violence on him instead of helping him heal from his corrupt influence, and making him understand his full potential.
There is no book where his brother can study his acquired Rinnegan with the same accuracy as when he studied snakes and Edo Tensei. There is no one who can teach him either. He can only master it directly. He is smart, he already used it.
The elder wants him to use it again and realize the full extent of his potential, so that nothing will upset him anymore, so that he'll be able to get back on his feet and get rid of his dead brother and his past and move on.
To do so Itachi intends to push him into a corner, so that Sasuke will use his power against him.
To do so, Itachi intends to push all of his buttons. Again.
Itachi's tongue plunges into the younger's mouth just as his fist plunges into his stomach again.
Sasuke could bite his tongue and hit him in the head.
Instead he moans in his mouth, not caring if his breath is short and labored and his insides are being crushed.
He sighs almost inaudibly when he lets his brother breathe.
"Not even a genin would focus on himself instead of his opponents. You are a disappointment."
He can feel Sasuke's arousal pushing towards his groin. He grinds against it, crushing the younger under his weight.
How despicable of him to be turned on by the sight of his stunningly attractive brother struggling for breath, confused by his actions, hurt by his words, wide eyes and lips swollen from the hard kisses, incapable of discerning pleasure from pain, so self destructively full of love and desire for him that everything else is irrelevant. Even his own safety.
Somehow, Itachi understands him. During their fight he accepted each blow, each wound with the utmost love, seeing the satisfaction in the other's eyes. He did the same once revived, hoping that it would be enough, but he was wrong.
Itachi repeats the previous seals.
Everybody knows that chakra is weaker right before activating a jutsu, when it's only focused on it and not on anything else. It's the perfect opening to push him away but Sasuke is mesmerized, unable to think straight, overwhelmed by anticipation and fear and craving of being dominated by this Itachi.
He's different from the Itachi who reassured Sasuke that he would never punish him, as he first took him. His brother's look is dark and dangerous and so similar to the Itachi he met at the inn, and because of that Sasuke knows he should fight back but he can't, because a voice inside his head tells him that Itachi is too strong, the strongest and most perfect shinobi and even though he always fought back against everyone, he can't fight him back.
He can only submit.
He only wants to submit anyway.
He only wants his brother to guide him anyway.
Sasuke gasps loudly as black stripes appear on his throat, like an invisible hand strangling him.
Nevertheless Itachi is giving him time to react, trying to lure his real strength out using fear and intimidation and scorn, just like he did in the past.
"You want to be seen as a strong shinobi but you only proved how weak you are. You are nothing but a scared child, hiding behind a mask of arrogance."
Darkness clouds Sasuke's look. He received a hard blow, but his body takes over his feelings, making the killer smirk dangerously. He arches towards him, whose lips roam through his abused abdomen, whose tongue dives into his navel while his hand travel south, unfastening his pants.
Sasuke's lust filled moans don't last long because the merciless killer speaks again, in a tone that's cold and eerily seductive at the same time.
Like a deity playing with a lowly human.
"You lack strategic ability, little brother. Every jutsu has a weakness. Every strategy can be counteracted. I knew exactly what to do, if only you calmed down and followed my lead…"
His words are a poison that affect his system despite the lust flooding it.
Their eyes locked, Itachi pumps Sasuke's throbbing member, up and down, up and down, slow and steady then faster, faster, until the younger comes with a strangled cry, pearly seed spilling on the elder's hand.
The pale Uchiha tries to regain composure, to get a hold of his strained tone but it's almost impossible to even his breath with a clasped throat and a racing heart.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Hiding the hurt and the fear behind a mask of arrogance.
"The insects."
Says the elder as if he's stating the obvious. With the same attitude he unfastens his pants.
"The insects were the key to disable them. The Aburame shinobi should have been the first one to deal with."
Sasuke can't hide his surprise.
He looks at his brother's hard length and marvels at his incredible mastery of himself: his face is as emotionless as his voice, even when he spreads Sasuke's legs open, testing his flexibility, playing with him as if he were a toy, his muscular arms and torso twitching at his movements.
He's not playing; he's biding time for him to react, but Sasuke is deaf to his silent pleas for him to acknowledge his strong chakra and the godlike power granted by the Rinnegan.
He could free himself from the paralyzing jutsu. He should understand that he is capable of anything he wants.
Yet Sasuke only sees how perfect and strong and aroused Itachi is, and he doesn't care if he is going to be hurt because he welcomes everything coming from the one he loves, because the only thing that really hurts is his absence, his indifference, like when Itachi said he wasn't even worth killing.
Sasuke always wanted Itachi to pay attention to him; to look at him, to touch him.
Caress or punch it didn't matter.
Caress or punch it doesn't matter.
Itachi's fingers are sleek as they scissor him.
"You have the ability to travel through dimensions. If you brought the Aburame with you the insects would have lost their connection to their master. Not sensing him anymore they would have been disoriented and no longer able to counteract our chakra. My genjutsu would have been effective against the whole team, while you would have incapacitated the insect user."
Sasuke can't suppress a muffled scream when he is roughly penetrated.
His brother was born to dominate. He was a natural leader, it was obvious during the fight against Kabuto and the one that just ended. He would have been the clan leader.
Sasuke would have helped him with clan matters. He would have followed him, just like he followed his lead against Kabuto. It was natural to do so.
It is natural to do so. Letting the other do what he wants, submitting to each and every one of his desires, it's almost mystical, like being the offering to a deity, and the more Itachi becomes stronger -and his words more cruel- the more Sasuke submits, revelling in his strength, thinking that he would let his brother do anything to him.
"No blood would have been spilled. They would have come back to Konoha, alive, with the memories I would have given them. And you would be safe, no longer bound to them."
Itachi stays still, inside him, letting him adjust to his intrusion, silently fighting against the lust and the rage and the pain that are threatening to explode and turn him into the merciless beast he's pretending to be in order to push Sasuke to react and use his true potential.
"Those deaths could have been avoided. All of them. But it didn't happen."
When he starts moving his self control is already dwindling; behind the cold emotionless mask a spark of burning anger arises.
"With your ability you should have sensed Tenzo's presence long before he pointed a kunai at you."
Itachi's thrusts deeply into him, the fear of losing his little brother biting at him again, becoming a searing pain that makes the boy scream, just like the elder's soul screamed inwardly when he saw that kunai pointed at his throat."
Sasuke can't see how his Itachi's hands are shaking, as he tries to shake that image off by thrusting deeper into him, as he tries to calm down by telling himself that during intercourse the target it's easier to strike a target because they're distracted, so his brother could free himself easily now, if only he realized it.
"You could have been killed...You would have let him kill you..."
Itachi's cock rams into Sasuke, fucking him hard as he accuses him of everything that went wrong, making him see stars from the pain, and a sick, twisted pleasure, enhanced by the lack of oxygen, so intense that he is hard again.
Besides, what hurts him the most are the cold reproaches, and Itachi's detached air, so far away from him, when they should be one.
By the time he comes and his brother allows himself the same –A guttural moan, his eyes closed. When he opens them they're shiny with tears that refuse to fall– the merciless killer façade has cracked and Sasuke is aware of how bad the other feels.
He thinks it's about the shinobi he had to kill, he doesn't understand that Itachi lost it when he saw Yamato's kunai pointed at his throat.
He hasn't understood the purpose of what Itachi just did to him.
The elder has failed again.
Sighing, Itachi releases the jutsu. The black markings disappear.
Sasuke props himself up on both elbows, coughing.
His brother is already standing, still far away from him even if his words are no longer blades that pierce his heart.
"You don't understand your immense potential. It's not your fault: you have been discouraged to use it because people feared you. Nevertheless it became your fault when you ignored it even being far from Konoha. It became my fault too, because I didn't encourage you enough."
Sasuke stands up feeling dizzy. Favoring his abdomen he reaches Itachi, to face him.
Itachi doesn't want to look at him after having defiled him.
He should have stopped when he realized that Sasuke was too pure, too loving to react against him, but he succumbed to his lower instincts.
He told himself that he had to be rough to shake him but in truth he had no justification.
He hurt his little brother. He tortured him. He took him with animalistic brutality. He released the jutsu in a last desperate attempt to let him react but it didn't happen and instead of stopping because his plan had failed he continued pounding him and sadistically playing with his breath.
"The power you have been granted makes you as strong as a god, Sasuke, and no one is a threat to a god, therefore a god does not need to kill. A god is free from the chains others placed on him. A god can use his power for good. To help, instead of destroying."
Sasuke looks at his brother, no longer menacing but distant, disappointed.
He is disappointed of himself. Once again he failed to be a good role model.
He failed to bring out his potential.
He failed to protect Sasuke, from enemies and most of it all from himself and his twisted desire.
"Look at me. I was dead but you brought me back. You are a creator, not a destroyer. So don't ignore your real strength anymore."
Sasuke opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, and his brother continues in an even tone.
"Do not doubt my loyalty, Sasuke. I am yours. I have always been yours."
Itachi starts walking.
"Once we'll get home I'll accept any punishment you see fit."
His words are those of a slave, his demeanor is that of a king.
A/N:
In the old version Itachi was less shrewd and felt more guilty for having killed those shinobi. I haven't changed this chapter much, I only sharpened his motivations, and focused on something I love about him, the length he'd go to keep Sasuke safe.
He sacrificed the whole clan for him, and I'm not saying he didn't feel guilty but surely his resolve was stronger than guilt. He always thought he was doing it for Sasuke so I think that because of that strong resolve he wasn't as broken as some portrayals of him (I don't mean to offend anyone actually, I'm just justifying my choices and my evolution of thought). The love for Sasuke made him stronger and braver.
Itachi is a complex character whose thought process is sometimes hard to grasp. He talks in riddles and acts thinking steps ahead of everyone, so his methods are often extreme...or questionable. It's part of the reason why he's so fascinating, his selfless personality has a selfish trait that controlled Sasuke and decided what was best for him, yet his selfishness was selfless in itself, as it was all about protecting Sasuke…
I just can't see Itachi as a martyr who lets Sasuke do whatever he wants with him because of guilt. Not after the fight against Kabuto, that made me see that he is a leader, a fighter, a dominant person used to be a captain, a genius and an older brother. And Sasuke who usually acts arrogant naturally followed him since he respects strength and he respects Itachi, the one he considers the strongest. He is the younger and he's ok being Itachi's second.
In this chapter Itachi is is angry at himself for not having been able to keep Sasuke safe, and calm, so he could have carried on his own plan. He is worried because Sasuke doesn't understand how strong he can be with the Rinnegan, and he decides to put him in a situation of danger where he has to use it, like the time he had Orochimaru come out of the cursed seal..kind of.
On top of that he has his dark side to deal with, the attraction he feels for Sasuke. And the guilt for having killed those people, not as much for the killing itself (he is a shinobi, he has killed people and he can't feel remorse for each other them) but because he didn't kill them in a shinobi-like way, that is without emotions or hate. Yamato was about to kill Sasuke and the Anbu might have been Sasuke's jailers. It's a personal thing for him. He would have kept it under control it Sasuke hadn't reacted that way, but once it happened he was triggered too.
So he acts like the Itachi that Sasuke thought he was before knowing the truth. The only flaw of his plan is that Sasuke doesn't perceive violence the same way Itachi would like him to perceive it and things don't go as he planned.
