I disclaim. I own nothing.
Chapter 9
Donna didn't love Opie's bike. To be honest she was scared to death every time she climbed onto the back. The fear did lessen somewhat once her arms were wrapped securely around Opie's waist but she'd freely admit to being almost painfully relieved when the bike pulled to a stop. She never said anything to Opie about it, instead she made the mistake of telling Wendy. And Wendy, Donna knew, had told Tara who had obviously said something to her brother as Donna noticed the difference between how Opie road when she was on the bike as compared to when she wasn't. As big and scary looking as he was Opie was easily the biggest sweetie she'd ever met.
Take tonight, for example. There was a party at the clubhouse and despite her sweetheart of a boyfriend, the only time Donna truly felt comfortable at a Sons party was when Tara was there because her boyfriend, more often than not could become pulled into some ridiculous game by Jax. When left alone Donna would either get picked on by a crow eater or hit on by some drunken idiot. If Tara was beside her neither of those things happened. And because Tara was busy tonight, Opie didn't even bother to mention the party opting instead to take Donna to the movies and dinner afterwards.
Unfortunately they had barely tucked into their burgers when Jax and Kyle showed up. Donna didn't mind hanging out with Jax, though Kyle could be an absolute pain in the ass when he wanted to be. Still there were times when she preferred to spend time with just her boyfriend.
"Where's Tara?"
Opie wrapped an arm Donna's waist in part to keep her close but also to offer support until her legs were once again steady beneath her. "She's showing around that Irish chick for Clay."
With a grin Jax climbed off his bike and threw his arm around the shoulders of the chick he decided to occupy his time with. When Tara came home and saw his bike in the drive she was going to start in on him about having to leave her car on the street and how if a single scratch got on it he'd be sorry. Which is why he always parked in the driveway if he got to the house before her. He couldn't help it, he loved to make her angry, loved to the way the color rose high on her cheeks and her eyes practically lit up. He liked to imagine she looked much the same way when she was turned on. And since his best friend seemed insistent on him never finding out what Tara looked like when she was turned on Jax had to take what he could get.
"How long before you're deep in that, Jax?" Kyle asked as he slipped his hand in the backpocket of the girl he picked up on at the diner.
Opie, who was leading the group to the front door of his house, paused on the front porch. When he turned to face the group behind him everything about him was threatening. "What the fuck did you just say?"
"Whoa, bro." Kyle immediately realized what he said and what Opie heard were two completely different things. "I was talking about the Irish chick, not your sister." Having grown up in Charming and with the Winstons, Kyle knew it was safer to bathe in blood before swimming with sharks than trying to get into Tara's pants. "Everyone knows Jax is going to have the Irish chick on her back, I'm just trying to figure out his time table so I can know when to move in."
Donna couldn't keep her disgust from showing on her face. She looked to Jax who only laughed while the blonde he was with looked off pretending that she didn't hear the conversation. Not wanting to hear them further degrade a girl they hadn't even met, Donna moved ahead into the house not bothering to wait on the others.
Opie said nothing as he followed silently behind Donna. He knew Kyle showing up tonight was going to be a problem. Without fail the guy always said something that pissed Donna off. It was bad enough that Jax and Kyle decided to pick up chicks, if they continued with conversations about nailing other chicks that weren't their girlfriends they were going to torpedo his relationship.
"Is it possible that the guy becomes even more of an asshole with each passing year?" Donna asked the second Opie stepped into his bedroom behind her.
"Yeah." Opie answered simply.
Despite her mood, Donna couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. "It doesn't bother you? Doesn't it make you feel like shit when you have to see April?" She wouldn't mention Melanie, no one would call whatever the hell she was doing with Jax a relationship since Jax made no secret about doing whoever he could.
Considering he'd witness his father with women that wasn't his mother, Opie hardly blinked when it came to cheating. "I'm use to it."
Donna couldn't deny that worried her. Not only was her boyfriend not bothered by cheating, it hardly registered to him. "It's not right, Ope."
"I didn't say that it was." Opie dropped onto the foot of his bed and reaching out he took Donna by the hips and pulled her onto this lap. "It's the nature of the club, Donna. Kyle and Jax are immersed in it."
"So are you." Donna mumbled. There was so much about Opie, the life he grew up in and the life he envisioned for himself that frightened her: the bike, the club, the disregard for women. It wasn't a life she wanted, wasn't a life she could see for herself.
Opie pressed his lips to her shoulder. "I'm not Kyle or Jax."
And there it was, the thing that pulled her into a world that scared her. Opie, despite growing up in the club despite how much he loved it, was not like the other guys in the club. She didn't think about whether or not that would change. All she thought about was how the boy she loved was completely unlike any boy she'd met before.
It was only on the way home that Tara remembered Mary had picked up a few midnight shifts at the Post Office. And the realization came with a heavy sense of relief. The last thing she needed was to hear her mother bitching about her missing curfew. Looking at the clock on the dash, Tara knew it was more than likely that Piney was still at the clubhouse. Not that her father would say anything about her coming in late, all the same Tara just preferred he'd not be there. Actually she was hoping that Opie wouldn't be there either, wanting nothing more than to return to an empty quiet house. She needed to think, needed to be alone so she could.
Her hopes were dashed and her annoyance flared when her house came into view and she saw the three bikes in the drive. Not only was she just not in the mood for Jax and Kyle but now she would be forced to park her car on the street. They knew how much she hated parking her car on the street.
Now all she wanted was to get in the house and up to her room without being stopped by her brother or Jax or Kyle. Or Donna. Tara was almost certain Donna was inside as well. But as she made her way up the walk, fingers going to her still swollen lips, Tara thought having one of her best friends inside wasn't such a bad thing.
Cary hadn't just kissed her when she dropped him off at his uncle's house, which was so close to her own house she could walk it in less than five minutes, Tara didn't know how to describe the way he attacked her mouth. Knew only that kiss seemed much too tame a word for what he'd done. He wasn't rough, just…demanding and incredibly thorough. And she couldn't help but feel as though she were being marked in some way.
Unbidden, Tig's words came back to her. She heard his warnings about how guys would decided a woman was a whore and treat her as such. And she couldn't help but wonder if Cary kissed her the way he did because he decided she was a whore and not worth being kissed softly or sweetly.
"Jesus Christ, did you show this chick around Charming or all of California."
"Of course." Tara thought it was just perfect that the first thing she saw when she stepped into the house was Jax and Kyle cuddled up to two different girls than the ones she'd seen them with the day before. Jax, last she checked, was supposed to be in a serious relationship with Melanie. And Kyle had a kid on the way with April, who he'd never even pretended to be faithful to.
She'd been so stupid, thought the worse thing in the world she could be was like Melanie and April. Now she knew better. Cary probably looked at her the same way Jax was looking at the girl perched in his lap-like an easy piece of ass. Her stomach clenched and she had to fight the urge to vomit and the even stronger urge to cry. "Where's Donna?"
"Hi to you, too, Tara."
Tara barely spared Kyle a glance. She knew they were joking with her, knew they were both expecting her to start teasing back at any second. But she wasn't in a very teasing mood. "Never fucking mind." With a huff she started for the hall, but Jax was on his feet and blocking her path almost instantly.
"Hey, what the hell's up with you?"
"Nothing." But it was clear he didn't believe her. And it was all Tara could do not to shrink under his appraising stare. When his eyes narrowed, the blue sparking in a way she'd never seen before, Tara thought she knew exactly what he saw when he looked at her. She had tried, but failed, to finger comb her hair into some semblance of neatness but had only succeeded in making it appear wilder than Cary's fingers had done. A glance in her rearview had shown that her pupils were blown wide and Tara was sure Cary's last kiss kept them that way. Her face was flushed, she could feel the way her cheeks remained heated. And her mouth…unconsciously Tara brought her fingers up to touch her still tender and swollen lips which did nothing but draw Jax's attention there as well.
"What's his name?" His voice was low and dangerous.
"Whose name?" Opie asked as he came from his bedroom with Donna. "And where the hell were you?" He demanded the second his eyes landed on his sister.
"Showing Cary around like Clay asked."
"Cary?" Kyle had felt the tension that suddenly filled the room and did his best to alleviate it. He'd be damn if he let Jax's jealousy fuck up his shot at an easy lay. "The Irish chick? How cute is she?"
"Stupidly so." Tara mumbled. "But I don't think you're his type."
There seemed to be three seconds of humming silence before Jax and Opie spoke at the same time. "His?"
Tara rolled her eyes. Considering what she came home to, she thought their indignation was a little much. And she just wasn't in much of a mood to deal with the hypocrisy. "Yeah. His." When she started to push past them Opie reached out to stop her.
"You were out all night with this guy." Like Jax, Opie's eyes took in her appearance. He'd never seen his sister like this. And despite sending Donna home in much the same state a time or two himself, it pissed him off.
"I'm not in the mood for you to act like the old man tonight, Ope. So just give it a fucking rest." Tara wasn't sure who was more shocked at her words and harsh tone: Opie, their friends, or herself. She regretted what she said almost instantly, but it was the hurt in his eyes that made her ashamed. But she was too tired to apologize, too tired to deal with anything else. "I'm going to bed."
Opie let her go, looking as if he didn't know what else to do.
Donna laid a hand on her boyfriend's arm, cutting Jax a look to keep him from pushing Opie to go after Tara. "I'll go talk to her."
"It's like you've never yelled at him before." Donna forced her tone to be light as she reached the top of the stairs to Tara's room. "He looks like someone kicked his puppy."
"I didn't yell at him." Tara's words were mumbled as she pulled a pair of pajama pants and tank out of a drawer and tossed them on the bed. The words sounded hollow to her own ears. Of course she and Opie fought. They both had just enough Piney and Mary in them that they often butted heads. Usually she was the one doing the shouting, but pushed far enough Opie could get loud as well. But she'd never spoken to him as harshly as she had downstairs. And the hurt look in his eyes had her silently promising never to do it again.
Donna waited a beat, but it was clear Tara didn't have much else to say. Or at least much else she wanted to say. Donna thought this may have been a situation Wendy was better suited for. Because while Donna had seen Tara angry and sulky, she'd never seen her sulky and sad. And it was obviously over a boy, this Cary she'd shown around. Having only one boyfriend, who seemed more likely to cut off his own arm than hurt her, Donna felt completely at sea in this situation. Still, she thought it best not to leave her friend alone. "So are you going to at least tell me about this guy?"
If Tara wasn't so embarrassed by the way she had acted she'd have told Donna everything. But she couldn't tell her, didn't even know how. Maybe if she'd only been embarrassed and not so twisted up inside she wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling let alone how to explain it to someone else. Knowing Donna was stubborn enough to wait her out, Tara chose to buy herself some time by undressing.
"Holy shit." Whatever plans Donna had to sit back and wait for Tara to talk were forgotten once Tara slipped her shirt off. It wasn't the first time one of them had undressed in front of the other, she doubted it even registered anymore. But it was the first time Tara undressed to reveal a series of impressive looking love bites across her clavicle and the tops of her breasts.
Tara glanced down, eyes going wide at the marks. As if she couldn't possibly be seeing what she thought, she moved to the mirror over her dresser to get a better look. "Oh fuck." There were four marks. No, she corrected as she angled her head to the side, five. Two curving along the slope of her right breast, just over the top of her bra. Two more just under her clavicle and another at the point where her neck met her shoulder. And as her fingers tentatively reach out to touch one of the ones on her breast she realized they still hurt and could just make out the impression of Cary's teeth. "Fuck."
"Obviously."
All the color drained from Tara's face at her friend's comment. It was exactly as she feared and she could do nothing about the tears that pooled in her eyes. Tig had tried to tell her, Steffi and Wendy had been so clear. Now if Donna, her best friend, took one look at her and thought the worse…obviously Cary would think the worse as well. She was a slut, no better than the women the men passed around at the clubhouse.
Catching the tears in her friend's eyes, Donna grabbed the taller girl's shoulders and whipped her away from the mirror. "Tara? What's wrong?" When Tara's only response was to release the tears that gathered in her eyes, Donna felt dread sink into her gut. "Did this guy force himself on you?" Opie was going to kill him. Shit, Piney was going to kill him slowly. Jesus Christ, Tig would find him, chain him to the back of his bike and drag him from one end of Charming to the other. "Tara please, talk to me."
"I'm such a slut." The words barely got out before she collapsed into a mess of tears on Donna's shoulder. "Tig tried…they told me…but I was so stupid…now…"
"Tara," Donna had thought Tara so much smarter than this, figured she'd be the last person to blame herself because some asshole didn't understand the meaning of the word no. "You can't blame yourself. No way in hell Tig is going to blame you." His head was going to explode and he'd likely do something that would shock even Clay, but he wouldn't blame Tara. "Your dad and Opie will take care of this, if you ask they probably won't even tell the club." When Tara mumbled something into her shoulder, Donna was forced to pull the other girl back so she could understand. "What?"
"He didn't force himself on me." At the confusion that came into her friend's eyes, Tara moved out of her arms to throw herself across her bed. "He kissed me…and no one has ever kissed me like that before. I wanted him to kiss me, didn't want him to stop kissing me. And the next thing I know we're in the backseat of the Cutlass. And a part of me knew I shouldn't and I didn't really want to. But I didn't want him to stop either. I let it happen and…and I liked it." She may not have had experience but Tara knew what an orgasm was. And she didn't know what to do with how good it felt or how nice it was afterwards when he lay on top of her with his face buried in her neck. But then it was over and he was gone. And she found herself realizing what she'd done and wishing she hadn't done it even if she didn't really regret doing it.
It took Donna awhile to process what Tara was saying as most of it was said between sobs and got lost in the pillow she buried her face in. But the most important part, the part where this guy hadn't forced himself on her, filled Donna with a relief so strong she had to drop down on the bed before her legs gave out on her. "Tara…did you have sex with this guy?"
"No." Tara mumbled into the pillow.
Not able to stand the sight of her friend so heartbroken, Donna thought she had to do something to bring a smile to Tara's face. "Did he…" Biting her lip to keep from laughing, she took two fingers and poked Tara in the butt, causing the other girl to shoot up in the bed with a shriek.
"Donna!"
The flaming red cheeks told Donna everything she needed to know and she couldn't help but laugh. "Tara. I know how you feel okay, I felt the same way the first time Opie…" It didn't seem to matter how close the siblings were, Tara blanched at the direction this conversation was taking. "It doesn't make you a slut."
"And how long were you and Opie together before you let him get that far?" When Donna didn't answer, Tara fell back to the bed. "I stopped thinking. I knew better but every time I thought to make him stop he'd touch me somewhere else and it was like I couldn't. And now I feel…" Sitting up again, she grabbed and pillow and hugged it tight to her chest. "He's so perfect Donna. He's read The Last Unicorn, knew exactly who I named my car after and can even quote it. And he's got these blue eyes that's just…"
Donna wasn't sure what to do with this version of Tara any more than she knew what to do with the other. She'd seen Tara with Lowell and it was sweet and a little shy, but she'd never seen Tara like this. Wondered if this is what she'd been like with Opie. "Tara…"
"And when he kissed me…he'd say these things in that voice and I just didn't see anything wrong with letting him kiss me and touch me and do whatever…" The horror at what she was getting ready to admit seemed to be reflected on Donna's face. "I felt so out of control, like I wasn't even…like I knew better but didn't…I felt like…" Like she was his, Tara thought with something not completely unlike shame. He made her feel like her body was no longer her own.
Listening to her friend ramble on, for the first time Donna realize just how little experience Tara had. She knew there was Carter in San Diego she went out with a few times and the drunken kiss she shared with Hale, but Lowell was her most serious relationship. Realized now that she had been no better than everyone else in just assuming that just because Tara grew up around the club she had far more experience than she actually had. "You really like this guy, huh?"
"The way he looked at me, Donna…no one has ever looked at me like that." She couldn't help but roll her eyes at herself. "Stupid over a boy after four hours."
"It'll be okay. You went too fast, but you know better now. Next time you won't let it get so out of hand."
Tara tried a smile and failed. She didn't think there would be a next time, didn't know what she'd do if there was. Because even thinking about seeing Cary again she was filled with the same twisted feelings of wanting and not wanting whatever it was he wanted to do to her. "Think Ope would mind if I steal you away tonight." She had thought what she wanted was to be alone, but the prospect of being alone in her room wasn't one she was looking forward to.
"I think he was kind of expecting it." Climbing up on the bed, Donna plopped down so that her head rested on the pillow next to Tara's. "Now finish telling me about the oh-so amazing Cary."
