A/N: Okay so this is a long chapter, well for me anyway. So on with the show!
Mesmerize me is my amazing beta, the fact that you have words spelled correctly and commas in the right spots is all her doing. ;-)
Stephanie Meyer owns it all, including my dear multiplella and sadward. *sad face*
-Esme-
When you return to a place, it is easy to point out how some things change and some things remain the same. The feeling you get when you return to that place, however, that feeling never changes. Returning to Seattle after all of these years felt almost like coming home. It was so close to some of my happiest and saddest times.
When Bella called and asked me to stay with Edward for a while, I knew things had gotten bad. We'd kept in contact over the years, and other than asking that I not tell Edward anything, neither of us have ever mentioned him. Therefore, when I received her call, I knew that I had no choice but to go to my little boy.
As the cab pulls up to the apartment building that Edward now lives in, I gather myself and prepare to be strong for my son. It does not take long to find his apartment and I raise my hand to knock on the door.
Suddenly, I am assaulted by a man throwing his arms around me with such force and conviction that I am too stunned to react. The man begins to pull me down with his weight and I can hear sobs coming from him. It takes me only a second longer to realize that this is my Edward. My beautiful son has been reduced to this blubbering mess before me. I sink down next to him, his grip becoming even tighter around me.
"It's okay sweetie, I'm here." I look around and see that there is beginning to be a bit of an audience in the hallway. "Come on, son, let's get you inside."
Edward wipes his eyes and, composing himself, he reaches for his keys to unlock the door. As soon as we are in, I lead him to the couch. I sit down and pull him down next to me and lay him down so that his head is on my lap. He begins to cry again and I run my hands through his hair and whisper encouragement to him. I hate to see him in this state, but I know that he will talk to me when he is ready.
When Edward finally falls asleep, I scoot out from under him and take a good look around me. I am shocked that only a few boxes have been unpacked. He has been here for over two weeks and he is still living out of boxes. I make my way to the kitchen and begin unpacking and putting things in their proper places.
I work well into the night making this small apartment a home for my boy. I hope that this will help him in a small way. It is almost three in the morning by the time I am finished with everything and I make my way over to Edward's recliner and bunk down for at least a few hours of sleep.
Beep-beep
Beep-beep
Beep-beep
I open my eyes when Edward's alarm wakes me. I stand up and stretch out my sore muscles before going back to his bedroom to turn the alarm off. Walking back into the living room I see Edward still sleeping on the couch. He has thrown the light blanket I had given him on the floor in the night and even while sleeping, his face still appears contorted with pain. I know there is no way I am leaving his side today. I gently nudge Edward's shoulder and he slowly wakes, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he turns to look at me.
"Good morning," I whisper softly, unsure how he is feeling.
"Morning." His voice is raspy from sleep and crying.
"I'm going to put some coffee on if you want to call your work and tell them you are sick today." Edward simply nods and reaches for the phone.
I start the coffee and begin pulling out eggs, cheese, milk and bacon from the refrigerator to begin making us some breakfast. I have always loved to cook and taught Edward a thing or two when he was growing up. I was happy to see that he had a full spice rack, until I noticed that not one had been opened. My son was sinking even further away and I felt helpless to stop it.
I am stirring the eggs when Edward walks in and sits down. I smile warmly at him but I am not sure that he sees it.
"Mom, not that I am not happy to see you, but why are you here?"
I take a moment to think about my answer. I do not want to tell him more that I am allowed.
"I had a dream that you needed me. It looks like I was right." I felt that leaving it to Mother's intuition would be enough.
"Well, at any rate, I am glad that you are here." Edward pours himself a cup of coffee as he looks around as if noticing everything for the first time. "Did you unpack my stuff?"
"Well it's been two weeks and you were still living out of boxes; I'm sorry if you didn't want me to do that."
"No, it's fine. It's just that now I don't know where anything is." He lets out a small chuckle and for a moment, I see the Edward I know under all of this pain. For the first time since I arrived, I feel hope.
We eat breakfast and I spend the rest of the morning showing Edward where I put all of his things. He seems anxious as we enter the bathroom, but relaxes when he sees that I left his toiletries for him to put away. I know he has always been very picky about where things go in his bathroom.
I was telling him a funny story about his father when I noticed that Edward kept glancing at the time, as if he was afraid of missing something.
"Edward, dear, do you need to be somewhere?"
"It's just that I've kind of made a habit of going to this little sandwich shop for lunch every day."
I could tell he was nervous about it and that there was more than he was willing to tell me. I checked the time and saw that it was indeed lunchtime.
"Then we'd better go if we're going to beat the lunch rush." Edward beamed at me and began rushing around the apartment getting ready to go.
We walked to the sandwich shop and got there in good time. We walked in and almost immediately Edward began searching the small dining area for something. It did not take long for his eyes to fall upon a timid brunette in the back corner reading a book, her hair falling around hiding her face. He seemed to calm down once he had spotted her and we went up to get our sandwiches. Edward ordered a turkey sandwich and I had the roast beef. Once our sandwiches were ready, we grabbed our trays and went to sit near the young woman in the back. As we neared, the woman began collecting her things and began to walk toward us.
"I am sorry Edward, but I have a very important meeting I have to be at. Enjoy your lunch." The woman said as she neared us.
Edward seemed deflated and almost hurt be her words. "I just wanted to introduce you to my mother."
"Hello Mom." I could hear a bit of a smile in the woman's voice, but more than that, I could hear something else, something very familiar.
"It's a pleasure to meet one of Edward's friends." I told her, but I had a strong feeling that we've met before.
"I would love to stay, but I really must go. Goodbye." We watched as the young woman exited the shop and headed down the street. Edward closed his eyes and sighed deeply before claiming the table the young woman had been sitting at. I eyed Edward carefully as he unwrapped his sandwich and began to eat.
"Was she the reason you were so eager to get here Edward?" I suppressed a laugh as Edward blushed.
"Yea, her name is Isabella." He was smiling as he said this but I could tell that he did not miss the look of shock on my face. "We just talk here at the shop, but she's the closest thing I've had to a friend in a long time."
Luckily, Edward mistook my shock as being surprised at hearing the woman's name. I was a little stunned at hearing that, but that was not what had me almost speechless now. I knew that voice, I knew that woman.
"But who knows, you and Edward just might run into me," Bella's words from our conversation yesterday rang clear in my head.
I listened intently as Edward described their interactions. There was a part of me that could not understand how he was not able to recognize her as his Bella from all those years ago. Maybe his mind was refusing to entertain the idea out of self-preservation. Then there was a part that was glad that he did not know who she really was. He was not ready for that yet.
We finish our lunch and walk back to Edward's apartment; it starts to rain on our way and we get inside his building just before it begins to pour down.
-Edward-
When Isabella rushed away, I could not help but feel that it was because I had another woman with me. If Isabella were anything like me, she would have grown to enjoy our little lunches and would be wary of anything that could burst our little social bubble.
I could not let her think that I was there with another woman; well I was, but not one that I was romantically involved with. I quickly introduced her to my mother and she seemed almost amused by it.
When my mother and I sat down she asked about Isabella and I told her what I knew and about our lunches together. She seemed surprised when she heard Isabella's name, but she seemed to get more comfortable as I talked.
I toss away the remains of me and my mother's lunch and we walk back to my apartment; we barely beat the latest rainstorm and I suggest a movie. Settling on one of my mother's favorite movies, The Mouse That Roared, we both laugh at the antics of Peter Sellars and enjoy the small break from reality.
As the credits roll, my mother goes into the other room to call my father and I pull up a list of local restaurants on my laptop, wanting to take my mother somewhere nice to thank her for coming to see me and trying to cheer me up.
A few hours later, we head out the door to the new Japanese restaurant downtown. As we walk in the door, I know that I chose well, my mother loves Japanese food and sometimes I think she loves the decor even more. It is not long before we are shown to our table.
"Oh, Edward this is lovely," my mother says as I pull out her chair for her. The waiter comes over to us quickly and takes our orders, leaving us to talk about little silly things as only mothers and sons can do. I want tonight to be a distraction; I want my mother to leave feeling that things are going to be okay. As she sits across from me laughing I think that it might just happen.
Our food arrives and we dig in; it is absolutely delicious and I am really glad that we chose here. After a while, I notice my mother is staring at something behind me, her light blush tells me that she probably shouldn't be looking, but she is anyway. I turn and see a blond haired man down on one knee holding out a ring to a cute brown haired girl. It is obvious that he is asking her to marry him; she has her hands over her mouth and tears falling down her eyes.
"Yes Mike, of course I will marry you!" The girl practically squeals in delight. The man, Mike, jumps up and pulls her into his arms, nearly lifting her off the ground in his happiness.
"Thank you, Jessica. Thank you. You've made me so happy." They share a deep kiss and sit back down to finish their meal, each of them with huge grins on their faces.
I turn back toward my mother to find that she has returned to her food. I know I should feel somewhat uplifted at seeing that, proof that there is still love in the world, even if it's not for me. However, all I feel is remorse and longing. I place my hand in my suit jacket pocket and take hold of my keys. It does not take long to find what I am looking for and soon I am running my fingers over the diamond solitaire ring attached there. I had mowed extra lawns, done extra things around the house and worked extra hours at the hospital to save up enough money for the small ring. The diamond was barely visible, not even one eighth of a caret, but it was mine to give to the girl of my dreams. I had planned to ask my Bella to marry me. I knew it would be a few years before we could, after college at least, but I wanted the world to know that someday she would be my wife. I never got the chance to ask her though, and even once I realized that my Bella was lost to me forever, I couldn't find it in me to part with it. It was a part of who we were, who I wanted us to be, and I couldn't let go of the dream.
I pay the check and we head back to my apartment. Once again, I find myself sobbing in my mother's lap while she tries to sooth me. I hate feeling so weak in front of her, but I am glad that she is here. I weep for my embarrassment, I weep for my fear, but most of all I weep for the life I wanted so badly but would never have.
A/N: I wanted to explain a few things for anyone feeling confused.
A while back Edward mentioned that he felt that he had forgotten something. With his long day, and researching colleges at Isabella's suggestion, he forgot to flogg himself. It showed a small step in the healing process.
Also, the reason Edward was nervous when they entered his bathroom is because this is where he keeps his flogger and he was afraid that his mom had found it when she was putting stuff away.
Thanks again for reading and as always, reviews get a teaser!
