part 9 (Bonnie's POV)

I hugged Caroline when she came back. We all sat down as her and Stefan talked about their trip. "We met Dr. Wilson's family and they're so sweet. They were all undergoing the treatment with me. The apartment we stayed in was amazing. Stefan promises that we're going back some day. Bonnie you'd absolutely love the little shops there."she told us. Damon was quiet during the whole conversation. I would ask Stefan and Caroline questions but he only said a few things while sipping bourbon. I realized that this would be the last day I'd be living at the Salvatore House. Sure, we'd see each other a lot anyways. But it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be familiar with Damon's behaviors like I am living with him. I constantly learned more about him, living together left us both exposed. You can't really hide much when you're together everyday. He was different than he would be if you only spent a few hours with him. He pulled me aside before I left with Caroline that night. "You can't stay?"he asked. "I'll see you tomorrow Damon,"I told him. He surprised me by pulling me into a bear hug. I felt awkward at first because we didn't really hug that much. But I put my arms around his neck and just let myself enjoy it. He was my main source of support and I wasn't looking forward to leaving. I think I'd even miss the pancakes. "See ya,"I told him when I pulled away. Our eyes kind of lingered on each other for awhile before I looked away and went to join Caroline in the car.

"What was that all about?" Caroline asked with a scowl on her face. "We were just saying goodbye." "Yeah well you'll probably see each other tomorrow why the dramatic hug?" I shrugged. I couldn't really explain it. When we got to her apartment, I put all my things in the extra bedroom and told her everything that happened. I told her about Daniel and my last visit with Elena and telling Damon about it. "Wow, that's quite a lot..I'd really like to meet Daniel." "You will soon probably," I told her. She told me more about her trip and what it was like being human. She did end up meeting Daniel one night. We were dating for a month by then. I was contemplating breaking up with him actually, but I thought it was mainly just me unsure about how honest I could be with him in the long run. Anyways, Caroline, Stefan, Damon and I all went out for a drink one night. Daniel was with his friends and he came over to me when he spotted me. He kissed my cheek and put his arms around me. Stefan looked merely interested,

Caroline had a huge grin on her face and Damon looked amused. I hoped he didn't try to make fun of him. I chose to ignore his expression and just introduce Daniel. "This is my boyfriend Daniel. Daniel, these are my friends Caroline, Stefan and Damon." He shook their hands. We all talked for awhile, with only Damon staying silent. Daniel bought the first round of drinks. He was so sweet. He had to go towards the end of the second round of drinks because he had a big day tomorrow. "Good luck,"I told him. He kissed my lips and went to go find his friends so that they could take a taxi home. We all decided to go back to the Salvatore House. Caroline and Stefan decided to call it a night and go upstairs. Damon and I stayed downstairs and watched a movie. We weren't really paying attention to the movie though. "You were on good behavior today,"I told him. He smirked. "Guess so." He was pretty quiet for a bit. "How are you doing?"I asked him. We hadn't really been around each other that much. "I've been thinking about a lot..about Stefan. I let so much drive us apart. I hurt him intentionally …I was ruthless and despite it all. He's still here for me. He's still found his own happiness." I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you're realizing all this," I told him. "What can I do?" he asked me. "Talk to him, that's always best." He nodded.

(Damon's POV)

Who was the person I needed more than anyone else? The person that truly stuck by me even through all the hell I caused? It's Stefan. I knew I needed Stefan but I never really faced how much pain I caused him. I was angry with him for so many years. But that didn't justify the things I did, the people I killed. I killed people he loved, people I should've loved as well. I took Elena from him, the girl he loved more than anything. I always liked to think that Elena and I were meant for each other..but we never were. She was meant to be with Stefan. I was so happy when she chose me. It had something to do with the sire bond but I tried to be blind to it and just take her anyway because I needed her so much. I needed her because she was Stefan's..and he's everything I'm not. I wanted to be loved by her because it gave me value. I was so obsessed with the idea of having her and when I did, we realized over and over that we didn't work. But we just couldn't stay away from each other for long. Looking over all the conversations, I realize that she wasn't happy. As happy as I seemed with her, neither was I. I was happy to be loved by the girl who I thought would never want me. Still, I had a broken relationship with my brother as well as a bad relationship with myself. I did horrible things and I was selfish. Being with her wasn't worth the impact it had between Stefan and I. He was my family. Elena was the woman we both loved. I ignored his feelings, only concerned about being happy with Elena. I was happy that I "got the girl." At what cost? I couldn't even make her happy. I refused to give her the cure, the one thing she wanted..all because I was afraid that she wouldn't choose me a second time. Waiting years for her to come back to be with her didn't seem like something I wanted to do anymore. I wanted her to be happy and I couldn't give her that. She could live a happy human life without me. I wanted that for her. I caused so much damage in her life, it was time to break the cycle. There's a lot I have to atone for. It's not just for Stefan either. I have to atone for the things I did to Caroline. I had to atone for making Elena the worst version of herself..and for treating Bonnie like some tool to be used. Bonnie has taught me so much. She means so much to me. When I look back on all that happened in her life because of me, I'm overwhelmed with shame. And here she was next to me, supporting me through and through. She calls me out when I'm disrespectful and everyday I learn something new about her. I admire her.

I talked to Stefan after Bonnie and Caroline left the house. He was sitting on the couch reading. "Stefan, got a minute?"I asked. He put the book down. "What is it?" I sat down next to him. "This is long overdue..but I appreciate you Stefan. You are still here with me even after I made you miserable. I'm sorry for everything. For killing Lexi…and Zack and his wife. I'm sorry for trying to make sure you were just as miserable as I was. I dated Elena without considering your feelings, I didn't consider anything other than that I needed her..because I thought, if the bad brother gets the girl, he must be worth something after all. You don't have to forgive me. Just know that I realize the things I've done. And I'm sorry. I spent years plotting to make you pay for making me turn..I did awful things to you, my own brother. And you didn't deserve it..and I'll spend the next several years being a better brother." Stefan didn't say anything for several minutes. He looked stunned and looked like he wasn't sure that he could believe anything I said. I didn't blame him. After awhile, he said thanks and walked out of the room.

I talked to Caroline one day at her apartment. Bonnie was out shopping and it was just Caroline and I. She looked surprised at me showing up and immediately told me that Bonnie was out. I told her that I wanted to speak to her and that puzzled her even more. "Caroline, you have every right to hate me because of the pain I've caused you. I used you and compelled you to do things. It was wrong and I'm sorry. I thought I could manipulate people and treat them badly so I could get what I want. You never have to forgive me. I just want you to know." Caroline looked skeptical. I was saying this several years too late. "You're with Stefan now. I hope you will be happy together. I promise…I'll never try to hurt you again." "Well you said it after all this time..not sure what to do about it,"Caroline said after a few minutes. "Damon, while you've spent a lot of time not feeling a thing about what you did to me, I remember the trauma I was in. You finally acknowledged it and you're sorry but that doesn't un-do anything." I nodded. I knew I couldn't un-do anything.

I asked Bonnie to meet me at my house the next day. "Being awfully huggy lately huh Damon?"she asked, laughing a little as I hugged her tightly. "I'm trying to make things right. And with you..I'm reminding you that you're my best friend and I don't deserve you,"I told her. "What's all this about?" "I've hurt people Bonnie. I hurt you. Even if we're friends now..it doesn't erase the things I did. I treated you like a tool..and you deserved better. You had hope for me in 1994..how can I ever..really pay you back for all you did?" She looked taken a-back. What I said brought on a conversation between us. She told me how she felt, sacrificing so much for others and not having them do anything back for her. She wasn't a priority. She then told me something I didn't expect to hear. "During my last visit with Elena, she told me she didn't want you to wait for her. She plans on leaving Mystic Falls as soon as she wakes up and wants to start a life elsewhere...and I was so hesitant to tell you for obvious reasons…" Turns out it was mutual. Elena didn't want to be with me after she woke up. It would've been hard to hear it a month ago, but now I accepted that we weren't ever going to work. "I agree with that. She should leave and be happy." "But what about you?" she asked. "I'll be fine. I hope you never thought that I was ever waiting for you to die so I could be with her. You dying..that's all I'll think about when Elena comes back. You mean a lot to me Bon." She was my rock. For so many years, I failed to see the worth humans had because I was so ruthless and miserable. This woman in her short time being alive knew more about love and friendship than I ever did in my 100+ years on this earth. I wished I had always treated Bonnie the way she deserved. The same goes for everyone I mistreated.

Bonnie had hope for me. I hoped she was right. I hoped I really could change entirely. When Bonnie pulled me into a hug, I hugged her back tightly. I kept thinking about what she said. There was a lot to be happy about. I should've always known that. I had everything. I had a brother who still stayed with me even through all the pain I caused him. I had Bonnie, my beacon of hope. I also had the opportunity to change and improve myself...as well as improve the way I've treated those in my life. I didn't ask Bonnie to but she told me that she wanted me to talk to Elena one last time to talk to her. "You don't have to do this Bonnie,"I told her. "I want to,"she told me, "Just tell me when you'd like for me to send you there."