Warning: Contains material possibly offensive to homosexuals and the sensitive. I don't pay enough attention to know for sure, but I'd rather not get pentalized for being a novice. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Heh, heh, heh," Master Roshi cackled as he waited on the beach. He'd ordered a new lingerie magazine a couple weeks ago and was currently waiting for it to arrive. "Oh girls, no need to fight! There's enough of me for everyone!" He'd fallen asleep not too long ago and was currently dreaming of Kami-knows-what-and-will-never-speak-of-as-long-as-he-lives-and-beyond-the-afterlife.

He was abruptly awoken as a copter with a mail insignia landed. Roshi was up before the man could step out of vehicle. "Do you have it! Do you have my mail! Let me see!"

"Jeez old man, cool your jets," he said in annoyance. "Sign here," he presented the clip board which was signed in a milli-second.

"Give it here!" the immortal yelled excitedly.

"Alright, alright," he gave Roshi the magazine which he took with gusto. Just before he was back in the copter the man took on a lewd look and spoke conspiratorially, "Check out page 32. It'll blow your mind," and with that he was off.

Roshi laughed almost maniacally looking at the cover and reached out a trembling hand. This was a special issue of his usual magazine, so full of inappropriate and xxx rated images that the cover had to be completely void of any intimation of the contents inside to be allowed distribution. "Just turn the page," he said to himself, barely containing his glee.

Just then it was snatched out of his hands.

"Who's the wise guy!" he yelled as his treasure was taken and his eyes locked on a certain blue-eyed trouble maker.

"Give it up Roshi, you're not fooling anyone," they spoke condescendingly.

"That's mine! I bought it! Now give it back!" he held out his hand for the booklet.

"Don't you think it's dumb to waste a bunch of money on stuff you don't use?"

That threw the old master off. "What are you talking about! I use them all the time," he spoke in confusion.

"No, you don't," the person deadpanned.

"Why wouldn't I use them! They're full of the most beautiful things in the world!" he bellowed.

The person stared at them evenly, "That's debatable, but I doubt you'd find anything of interest or value in these things," the person dangled the magazine by two fingers as if it were poisonous.

"Why would would that be?" he asked, still pissed off and slightly curious.

They stated matter-of-factly, "'Cos you're gay."

Silence reigned between them for all of two seconds.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I'm as straight as ruler!" He was red in the face with anger, because as everyone knows, Roshi's nonexistent shame is incapable of and beyond embarrassment.

"Maybe a circular ruler," the person scoffed.

"You damn youngin's should be more respectful to your elders! Now give me my magazine!" He lunged for it with speed that would possibly even match Krillins, but the person dodged, instantaneously appearing on the roof of Kame House.

"It's a little hard to respect you when I see you harboring things like this," they waved around the magazine. "Honestly, you gay, dirty little men could at least try to be considerate and keep this stuff out of sight. I just hope to Kami that it's hidden away when Marron is around. No need to scare little girls."

"Stop saying that! I like women! What in blazes could make you think otherwise!" he yelled. "And gimme my magazine!"

"Ugh, what's worse than a gay is one who denies it. Look, old man. It's the 21st century. People are a lot more cool about that kind of stuff. The only thing that makes you different is that you're a perv about it and don't even have the decency to control it."

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M NOT GAY!" Master Roshi bellowed.

"Oh, yeah? Prove it!" they challenged him, using his new magazine as a hostage.

By this time he was red in the face, but on the life of his precious magazine he went into Kame House, grabbing another one from his collection and presenting it to them. "There ya little brat! Pages and pages of beautiful faces and scantily clad bodies that look like heavenly angels with seductive... pretty... girls~!" His own words sent him off into a spiral of fantasy, almost making him loose himself.

"If this isn't proof enough that you're gay, I don't know what is," the being stared disinterested at the images.

"Wah!" The old man broke out of his trance. "What are you-?" He flipped the magazine around to reveal a well chiseled man, adorning only a thin speedo.

As if it were the plague, the master dropped the magazine with disgust and distanced himself as far away as he could from the offensive image.

"WHAT THE HELL!" he cried out in horror. It was mortifying to see the manly face and overexposure of the non-effeminate body. 'My magazine... Just today it was filled with gorgeous babes and now-! Wait! If this one is like this then-!'

Far exceeding any of his age group, Master Roshi sprinted inside and threw his stash around the floor. Just as he'd suspected, testerone pumped faces all stared at him suggestively, in work out clothes, swimsuits and much less.

Oh, god.

He was starting to fell light headed and shakily stumbled backwards into a chair. "All... my... girls..." After that he began mumbling unintelligibly.

At that moment, the being walked in, watching the man with slight sympathy. They supposed that porn was all the old man really had and that they should have thought about this a little more (not that that would have stopped them, but still). In a rare moment they took pity on the old man and unceremoniously dropped the open magazine over his dazed face.

"There, that oughtta fix you right up," they spoke with a comforting tone before leaving the house and flying off.

A few minutes later, the immortal bolted awake from his trance. "What the-? Where am I!" Didn't he fall asleep outside? Hearing something papery drop he looked down and his face shown with perverted glee. His magazine was here! Forgetting the odd fact that he wasn't where he last left himself, he proceeded to carefully open the blank-covered booklet.

.

Off on a far away island a being was leaning against a tree languidly, perched on a fairly high branch. "Well, that was a bit of a waste. I take my time to go out on a scavenger hunt and he ends up with a hard core porno. I guess they do say you gotta be careful what you wish for or your words could be twisted and blow up in your face," they said philosophically (?). "'Course that didn't happen to me exactly, but..."

"I am Shenron. What do you desire of me?"

Looking up at the dragon, undeterred by its size they, yelled, "I want you to turn Master Roshi's playboys and other pervy stuff into playgirls and gay pervy stuff!" with a straight face.

"... You're really asking me this...? Me: an almighty dragon that comes out of seven f***ing balls scattered around the world that's capable of granting any wish only once per year is being asked, by you, to turn some immortal, dirty old man's female-centric pornographic magazines into male-centric pornographic magazines?" It stared at the being with mock and exasperation.

"Trying and failing to turn the androids human and being asked to melt ice," they stated simply.

"... F*** you," the dragon cursed, but, regardless, his eyes glowed, granting the being's wish.

The person perked at a thought. 'Wait, did my wish extend to every pervy thing Master Roshi owned before the wish or everything he'll ever touch?' the being pondered intensely. A faint wail of agony went through the air, unnoticed by the person. 'Ugh, I'm tired of thinking. Night, night,' with that the person went to sleep, unbeknownst to the agravation and torment they'd inflicted upon a certain perverted immortal.

.

9. Call Roshi Gay (Idea from J.W. Appel)

.

Kamiko: So, obviously not the best chapter, but it's been a while and I felt like I should update. Please excuse or point out any mistakes, but my heart just really wasn't into this one. And once again thank you to all my readers and reviewers! You make me feel special. And lastly, please feel no offense to the gay comments. It's all in fun and games at Master Roshi's expense.

J.W. Appel-It's not so much torturing as Mysterion is just looking to have a good time (which just usually happens to be at other's expense). And here you go! Also, I'd do your bulma idea, but quite frankly, I don't understand it. Pretty much everything I write has to make sense on some level, but I don't get the idea. With Chi Chi, it made sense, but not with this one...

KrillinFanGirl-That may be, but we here at the DBZAnnoyanceInc. don't discriminate. In time, everyone will have their own piece of scarring and irritation. And thanks, I kinda knew about Tien and Launch, but wasn't sure.