Friday, August 7th

It was a little after nine when I woke up to an empty bed and a quiet house. It was by far, the best sleep I've had in a very long time. God bless that boy and his stamina.

I could probably lay here and snuggle for another hour, but quite frankly, I wanted to be where he was—but where was he?

After searching the house and not finding him, Nick popped into my head. They all did a really good job of freaking me out about him and making me paranoid. I was getting a little worried as I headed out behind the barn to look for Lonnie, and when he wasn't there, I started to panic. I turned to run back to the house, when I spotted him way out in the yard, almost at the edge of the field. It looked like he was working on the engine of a riding mower. It was then that I realized that the grass I was standing on had recently been cut. I wiggled my toes and took a deep breath. I was standing on a little slice of heaven.

I went back inside, slipped my sneakers on, poured a glass of iced tea, and headed out to him.

The hood was up and he was bent over, working on the engine. I took a second to appreciate the view.

Damn.

I climbed up and gently sat in the seat.

"Don't you ever sleep in?" I asked.

He looked up.

"Mornin'," he nodded to me.

I melted a little on the inside because that nod took me back to the very first time I saw him peeking around the corner of Francie's kitchen. I remember melting then, too.

"Morning to you," I nodded back.

"The yard needed tendin' to. I try to do it before the heat of the day starts ... less sweaty."

"When are you not sweaty?" I asked playfully.

"December," he said with almost a straight face.

My laughter made him smile, and that smile gets me every time.

"Here, thought you might be thirsty."

"Thank you," he said, nodding appreciatively.

He took a big drink and I took another deep breath.

"My favorite smell of all time," I said.

"What's that?"

"Fresh cut grass. It's a rare treat when I get to smell it. Sometimes, I go weeks without even seeing it."

"Really?" he asked with a look of mild shock.

"Yep. I live in the heart of the city, nothing but concrete as far as the eye can see."

He looked around the yard. "I can't even imagine that."

I looked around the yard too, to the field behind it, and the woods beyond.

"Yea, well …it's all I've ever known. You, on the other hand, are a very lucky man. This is really beautiful."

There were things to do at the house, so I slowly climbed off the mower to head back.

"What time's Penny comin' to pick ya up?" he asked.

"One o'clock, why? You're not gonna try to talk me outta going again, are you?"

He ignored my question and checked his watch. "Go for a ride with me."

"On that thing?"

He closed the hood, put his tools in the back compartment, and climbed on. When he got comfy, he guzzled down the rest of the tea, and patted his lap.

"C'mon, Hop on up here."

"How long will it take?"

"Right quick. Just somethin' I wanna show ya, back yonder," he said, nodding towards the woods.

I put the empty glass in with the tools, climbed up, and as gently as I could, sat side saddle on his lap.

"Ya okay?" he asked. "Movin' kinda slow, there."

"Well, if you must know, I'm a little sore."

"Is that right?"

I know I was blushing because my face was on fire.

He, on the other hand, was positively smug. I couldn't physically see it, but right now, he was patting himself on the back.

I was slightly embarrassed so I buried my face into his shoulder.

He chuckled a bit, but then became still and quiet. I looked up and found him staring straight ahead. I glanced to where he was looking and saw nothing.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Is he outta your head?"

I was so touched that he even asked that, and I wish I could have told him yes, but I had to tell him the truth.

"No."

He looked at me with concern.

"But, you're in there now, too, so his space is a lot smaller."

His face softened at my words. He kissed me, started the engine, and off we went.

Right now, at this moment in time, this almost felt like home.


The old John Deere was loud, so there was no talking between us. I just held tight and enjoyed the ride.

Lonnie looked more country right now than he has the whole time I've been here. From his old baseball cap, Aerosmith shirt with no sleeves, greasy hands and old work boots, to the way he smelled like musk, sweat and grass. Damn, he was cute.

I hope you don't mind waiting, Penny.

As we made it along the path, I realized that what I thought to be a small patch of woods, turned out to be more like a forest; thick with tall, old trees, lush bushes and beautiful, flowering plants in spots along the way.

We got a good ways in, when we came up to several big branches blocking us, so we had to stop and make rest of the way on foot. As soon as Lonnie cut the engine, I could hear running water.

I followed him off the path, deeper into the woods, where we came upon a small creek, complete with little rocky waterfalls. It was absolutely beautiful; postcard beautiful. I walked across some of the bigger, flatter rocks, to the slightly deeper water, to dip my feet in.

I wonder how many lucky Sparta girls got this tour.

I turned back around and was surprised to find Lonnie right behind me, barefoot, pant legs rolled up, standing in the shin deep water.

"Is the water always ice cold?" I asked.

"Yep. My daddy used to say "Jesus keeps the creek just the right amount a' cold to keep your beer perfect. Praise the Lord!""

I laughed as I grabbed his arms for support. I leaned back and looked straight up into the tall trees.

"Lonnie, this is …I can't even tell you how amazing this is! To have this practically in your backyard!"

"This is my backyard," he said matter-of-factly.

That surprised me. "Really?"

"Yep, but this ain't what I wanted to show ya. C'mon."

He took my hand and led me through a shallower part of the creek, to the other side, and a little deeper into the woods.

It was beautiful in here and I was really enjoying the walk, until I saw the carving on the tree.

As we got closer, I could see that It was a heart, with the initials D. J. and K. J. inside it, along with a smaller heart carved in the center.

Lonnie removed his cap.

My own heart got a little heavier.

"Your parents?" I asked, knowing all too well, it was.

He nodded, not taking his eyes off it.

It just hit me, and hit me hard …he really is all alone in the world. The only family he ever knew is gone. My heart ached for him so bad. I couldn't imagine being so young and so alone.

I lightly squeezed his hand and he looked down at me.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I asked.

"No real reason. Ain't never brought nobody back here before. Just somethin' I wanted to show ya."

I put my arms around his waist and held him as we both looked at the heart. "You wanted me to meet your parents."

He pulled me in closer.

"Somethin' like that," he said.

I was happy just to be there for him, but after a few minutes, I decided to try and lighten his mood. I walked up and placed my hands on the heart and traced the letters.

"Okay, let me guess; D is for …David?"

He smiled. "Nope."

"Donald?"

"Nope."

I had an aha moment and remembered his high school diploma that was hanging in the living room. He was adopted, but I had a gut feeling.

"Daniel," I said with assurance.

His eyebrows raised a bit.

I was right.

"Did they give you the name after the adoption?"

They raised a little bit more. "How'd ya know it was my name?"

"I saw your diploma on the wall."

"Ah. Well, it was gonna be my first name, but momma said I was used to Lonnie, so she left it alone. They changed my middle name as soon as the adoption was final."

"I'm glad she left it alone. I like Lonnie," I said.

A little blush mixed in with his smile.

"Ya might find that one a little easier," he said, pointing to the tree.

I lightly traced the letter K.

I wondered how this one could be easier, and only one thing came to mind.

"Kathy?"

He shook his head.

I thought for a minute and decided to give up. "I have no clue."

"Kay," he said.

I did a double take. "Really?"

He nodded and smiled like he had just let me in on some huge secret.

I rubbed the letter again.

"You have your own Kay," I said through watery eyes.

He came up and held me from behind.

"I think she woulda liked ya, my momma."

"Think so?"

"Well, she might a thought ya a jezebel at first, but once—"

I busted out laughing and turned to face him.

"A what!?"

"Don't ya know—"

"I know what a jezebel is, Lonnie." My laughing stopped and I took a step back. "Wait, is that what you think?" I asked.

"Me? Naw! It was just a word momma used. She was old fashioned, is all. You're older, and ya had a child—"

"—out of wedlock, right!"

I knew that he would never care for someone with a child, and I accepted that because, new emotions aside, this was just sex, but I never expected him to insult me, and that's exactly what this felt like.

"Now you hold on, I never meant—" he started.

My motherly defenses kicked on and something in me snapped.

"Bullshit! I'm the jezebel because I have a child, when you probably had your dick in half the girls in that bar last night, including me! You know, they got a word for that too!"

He looked like I slapped his face.

I turned and started to walk away when his voice boomed in anger. It seems that he was feeling defensive, too.

"You stop right there!"

I stopped, but did not turn around and that only ticked him off more.

"Ya ain't no saint! and ya ain't no virgin! and ya do have a child! We both have a past, Cath, ya said so, yourself! Now, you listen …I nev—"

I turned around.

"No! You listen! My past happened to me, Lonnie! Yes, I had a child without a husband …do you think that was by choice? Didn't you listen to anything I told you! Why would you call me that! "

I was doing a good job of keeping the tears from falling, but they were right there, ready and wanting to fall.

He just stared at me.

"Don't compare what happened to me, to what you choseto do for kicks," I added.

That got my point across. He looked ashamed.

My tears began to fall freely now.

"I'm sorry," he said, "…but …I didn't mean it …I swear, It—"

"I don't care what you meant …only what you said."

I turned and left him standing there and started the long walk back to the house. It gave me plenty of time to mull things over and try to find reality again, if I could. I was worried that I was too far gone. I was a wreck, but it was all my fault; all of it. I wanted him in a way that I had never wanted another man and I didn't even think about the emotions of it all.

Why did I think I could handle this?

I know why.

I let myself get carried away, for sex.

I felt my own shame.

The walk back helped me clear my head a bit. My heart was another matter. I didn't know what to do.

As I got closer to the house, I could see someone standing by Lonnie's car. As I got even closer, I could see it was the Barbie doll from last night.

Just fucking great.

This week would have been so much easier if I had just been afraid of him.


A little over an hour passed and I could finally hear the mower out back. I left Barbie sitting on the loveseat and walked into the kitchen. I watched Lonnie from the window over the sink as he unloaded the tools and equipment into the barn, and a few minutes later, headed for the house. He was red from the sun and soaked with sweat, and I thought he was beautiful. I hated that I loved him.

There's my reality.

When he came through the door, he headed over towards me with the dirty glass.

"You have a visi—" I started.

"Hi Lonnie."

He turned to see her standing halfway between the living room and kitchen.

I will say, she was very pretty; the kind of pretty that doesn't take work. She was meticulous in her appearance too, and I'd bet she's never worn her hair up in a messy bun a day in her life.

"Oh, hey Kathleen," he said.

He looked over at me like a deer caught in the headlights. I turned away, hoping to keep my feelings hidden.

"Can I speak to ya …in private?" she asked him.

As mixed up as my head was, I still felt sad at how alone he was, and I realized that this could possibly be a good thing for him. But even after what happened earlier, it was impossible not to feel like a jealous girlfriend.

I tried to reason with myself.

You're leaving in three days Cath.

She can make him happy.

She can give him what you can't.

It was no use. I was jealous.

"I've got your lunch ready," I said to him, as I walked to the fridge, keeping my eyes away from his. "You two can have the table."

She didn't waste any time taking a seat.

"I need to wash up first," he said, as he headed for the hallway.

A few minutes passed when he called out, "Hey Babe, where's the towel?"

Babe?

I excused myself to the bathroom.

"Babe? You mean me or her?" I whispered with half a smirk.

He was not amused. He pulled me in and closed the door.

There was an anxiousness about him. "What's she doin' here?" he asked.

"Well, it seems she wants to apologize to you for last night."

"Did she?"

"Not to me, no. We talked a bit, but I'm not the reason she's here."

"Aw, hell," he said, as he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor behind him.

Damn my eyes.

I resisted the urge to pick up his shirt and put it in the hamper almost as hard as I resisted the urge to touch him.

"Is it really that bad that she's here? She's cute. Could be—"

"Stop! Dammit, woman, what is wrong with ya! Not twelve hours ago ya told me ya loved me …and now you're tryin' to fix me up! Ya ain't normal!"

"Yesterday was just a kick, Lonnie. You know it, and I know it. Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

"Man, I really hate it when ya say it like that. Kick must be your new favorite word."

"And just so you know, what I said last night ...I was out of my head …all this fucking fresh air. I assure you, I didn't mean it."

I wondered if he could tell that I was lying. The look on his face only told me that I hurt his feelings.

"Yeah, well, it don't matter what ya meant, only what ya said."

What a jerk, using my own words against me.

I turned for the door and he grabbed my arm. I was expecting an apology, but instead I got an order.

"Ya stay with Penny at all times and if ya change your plans in any way, ya call me. Ya hear me? I am still respons—"

"Yes. Sir."

I grabbed the towel off the hook and threw it at him.

"Your towel …babe."

As I walked past the kitchen on my way to the front door, I said goodbye to Kathleen.

"You're leavin'?" she asked. The look on her face was a mixture of surprise and pure joy.

"Yep. He's all yours."

I just made her day, and myself sick.

As much as she made me feel like a toad, though, I really didn't hate her.

She was pretty, independent, and intelligent. I might just be looking at the future Mrs. Lonnie Jamison.


When I got in the car, Penny was waiting for the dirt.

"Is that Kathleen Whearty's car?"

"Yep."

"Ya wanna pass on today?" she asked sympathetically.

My heart was screaming yes, but my head told her "nope."

"Well, we're meetin' Parker for a quick bite and then we'll be off, okay?"

My mind was somewhere else. I nodded.

"Cath, ya sure ya—"

"Yea, I'm sure. I need to get away from here."

She put the car in reverse, and we backed out of the driveway.

She hadn't even put it in drive yet, when I asked my first question.

"You ever meet Kathleen?"

"Twice, I think."

"How long were they together?"

"Month or so. I don't think it was ever serious."

"Any idea why they broke up?"

"Well, from what I remember Parker saying, she liked to party, a lot. Lonnie changed when his momma got sick. He lost all interest the bar scene. Last night, was a …well, I don't know what last night was, but it wasn't normal. Parker's been tryin' to get him to come out for ages. Why?"

"I think they make a cute couple."

"Sugah, ya ain't normal," she said.

Tell me something I don't know.

"He's so lonely. It's just …sad. I think they look good together."

"What are ya talkin' about darlin'? You're here!"

"You know what I mean, Penny."

"Well, I think you and him look good together!"

I chuckled a bit. "Yea, for three more days."

"A lot can happen in three days, sweetie."

I had to smile to myself, because she was trying to play matchmaker for me and Lonnie.

"Ya love him, dontcha?" she asked.

I looked at her. I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious, but it was ridiculous either way.

"Don't be silly. I've known him for all of a week."

"Sweetie, there ain't no time frame on when you can start lovin' someone. Do ya?"

I put my face in my hands to hide my frustration.

"Penny …I don't know even know what love is. It doesn't matter anyway …I'm going to be on a plane in three days and I'll never see him again."

I'll really never see him again.

That thought depressed me more than I thought it would.

We pulled into a spot right outside of the restaurant.

"Are ya thinkin' 'bout him and her bein' alone together, right now?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Does it make feel like ya wanna throw up all over my nice clean car mat?"

I looked over to her. I must have given her a look that satisfied her curiosity.

"Yep, ya love him."


The Magnolia Café was just across from the police station. Parker was on duty, so we me him there for lunch.

He was seated at the table and stood when we walked in. I didn't know guys still did that.

We ordered our food and chatted about our plans for the day. Penny informed him of the whole Lonnie situation, and I requested that the conversation be Lonnie free. He agreed, but only after I promised him that I'd ask Lonnie to come to dinner tonight at their house.

I guess he didn't get the frustration I was feeling. I'm sure Penny will explain it to him when we don't show up.

When the food came, Parker looked at me like I had three heads. "What in tarnation are ya doin' to those fries, girl?"

He made it sound like I was committing some sort of blasphemy.

"You've never had gravy on your fries?" I asked in disbelief.

The face he made told me no, he never had.

"Oh, good Lord, here …try it." I put a few fries on a separate plate and added a few spoons of gravy.

"Are ya tryin' to poison me?" he asked.

"Wait just a minute!" I said. "You laughed at me when I wouldn't eat a crawdad, but you refuse to at least try gravy on your fries? You do realize it's just gravy …and potatoes, and not some creature with a face looking at you."

He wrinkled his nose and pushed the plate away. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

Having lunch with these two turned out to be very enjoyable. They were adorable together, but it was time for Parker to get back to work. He leaned down and kissed Penny goodbye. "Love ya, darlin," he told her. "PS, I love you," she whispered. He said his goodbye to me and headed back to the station.

I had just started to ask her about her little goodbye message when I heard a familiar voice.

"Afternoon, ladies. How y'all?"

I looked up to see Chief Gillespie tipping his hat in our direction.

We didn't even have a chance to return the greeting, before he addressed me directly.

"Ms. Morgan, I must say, I'm a little surprised you're still here. People usually take my advice …especially my officers."

Uh oh.

"Well …sir, I really didn't think I was in any danger, and as you can see, I'm fine. Lonnie tri—"

Penny cleared her throat to cut me off. When I glanced at her, I noticed that she was very subtly shaking her head. I kept my mouth shut and turned my attention back to the chief.

"Yea, well, I hope you're enjoyin' your time here," he said. He seemed quite genial, so I put any worries out of my head.

"I am, thank you. I actually love it here."

He chuckled under his breath.

"Ya know, they say, 'people that live here are stuck, if they like it here, they're stupid'."

Penny sucked in her breath, shocked at his remark.

"Chief! How could ya ever say such a thing!"

"Well, now, I didn't say I believed it …it's just somethin' people say, is all."

"Well why on Earth would ya even repeat such nonsense! I happen to love livin' here, and I am far from stupid!" she declared.

She was clearly upset and I noticed several customers beginning to stare.

The chief was dumbstruck. I felt a little sorry for him because I don't think he meant anything by it and I seriously doubt he believed it, he was just attempting to make small talk.

"Miss Ross, I do apologize …oh Lord, I didn't mean to offend …Joann! I need a cuppa coffee here!" he said, pointing to a table a few spaces from ours.

He started to walk away and then quickly turned back to me.

"Young lady, you listen here, I expect to see my sergeant bright and early Monday mornin' ...in one piece." His tone was deceivingly sweet and it made me feel uncomfortable.

"Excuse me?" I said.

So much for geniality.

He tipped his hat and continued on to his table.

When he sat down, I stood up. I had every intention of going over to him, but before I could say a word, Penny grabbed my arm and we were out the door and on our way to the car.

"Oh, that man makes me so mad!" she fumed.

"What the hell's his problem?" I asked.

"Who knows! I never liked him much. Sometimes, he's so belittling to Parker, but Parker swears by him; says he's tough as nails and twice as sharp …Oh! I am so mad I could spit!"

"It's creepy, the way he said …"I expect to see my sergeant in one piece." It sounded …indecent to me. Did you hear it?" I asked.

"Oh yes, I heard it. He must think you're gonna break Lonnie," she said, as we pulled out of the parking spot.

I looked over to see a wide sneaky grin on her face.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, I don't think I'll break him," I said, " but I sure would like to try to make him walk funny."

We both busted out laughing.

I think I found my new best friend.


The small brick rancher screamed country; from the flower beds near the curb to the rockers on the front porch. It was beautiful. The inside was just as perfect. I wouldn't have expected anything less from a southern belle.

"Penny, you have a beautiful home."

"Thank ya darlin'. Truth be told, it's Parker's house. I been here about a year, now."

"Well, that makes it your house too, doesn't it?"

She smiled. "Yea, I guess it does. Still getting used to it. C'mon, let's see if we can find ya a bathin' suit for tomorrow."

There was a huge orange tabby sprawled out across her bed.

"I knew Parker was a cat man," I said.

"Well, he wasn't at first. Still question it now sometimes, but my Leo here was part of the package. Before I moved in I told Parker, where I go, Leo goes." She picked him up and cuddled up to him. "He's my family."

"You guys ever talk about kids?"

"Oh sure. Parker wants a baseball team, can ya imagine that!" she said with a nervous laugh. "I reckon we'll start as soon as I say 'I do' …If he ever gets around to askin'."

"You know he will. He's crazy about you."

She smiled. "Well, he better get a move on it. I ain't gettin' any younger."

"Lonnie wants kids too. Somebody's gonna be so damn lucky."

"Now I done told ya earlier, anythin' can happen. Ya don't know where you'll be in a year …5 years. Look at me!"

She didn't know my whole story, so I told her everything,andshowed her …everything.

I expected her to look horrified at seeing my scars, but instead, she looked sad.

"Oh, Cath. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you couldn't have anymore."

I sat on the bed feeling sorry for myself.

"Yeah, well, Lonnie made it clear, I have something he doesn't want, and he wants something I can't give him, so there's no chance …even if I lived next door."

"Did he actually say that to you?"

"It doesn't matter," I said, as I laid back on the bed. "Oh, I messed up bad, Penny. I messed up so bad. I should have never let this happen. How could let myself fall for him!"

Quiet tears started to fall.

"Well, I would think after ten years, ya were ready to bust!"

"I was handling it fine! I even accepted it as just …you know, the way my life would be forever. And then I met him, with his stupid bare feet and jeans and that stupid country accent."

She smiled and laid down beside me.

"Yeah, well …country boys do kinda put ya under a spell."

She was quiet for just a few seconds, and then said something that changed my whole outlook.

"Ya know, you're welcome to finish your stay here, if ya want."

I sat up. "You'd let me stay here?"

"Course I will! But, Cath …ya gotta know, that plane ride home is gonna hurt either way …no matter where ya stay."

"Trust me, I know."

"Well, why dontcha try to enjoy the last few days ya have with him? Could be a lot of fun."

I fell back on the bed.

"If Kathleen Whearty has her way, I might not have a choice."


I waved my goodbye as Penny backed out of the driveway. I was so glad that I got to spend some time with her. I really do think we could be best friends. Besides the fact that she offered her home to me, she was brutally honest with me about things and made me realize how crazy I am, trying to fix Lonnie up. She also helped me understand that the rest of my stay could be a lot of fun if I took her advice. It was good advice, but I wasn't sure if I could follow it as easily as she thought possible: love him while I had him.

Sure. Sounds easy. Right?

I turned and headed for the porch. As I got closer to the door I stopped. I could just make out the sound of a piano playing, over the noise from the air conditioner. I opened the screen door slowly, put my ear up to the front door, and listened. Someone was definitely playing the piano, and playing it well, and If Lonnie was the one doing the playing, I wanted to see it.

I opened the front door as slowly as I could, only to find him just standing up from the bench in front of the piano. Damn it, I was too slow.

"Sorry," I said, as I came through the door, "didn't mean to interrupt you."

He brushed it off with a shrug. "Was just messin' around."

He walked over and sat at the kitchen table. There was an open wooden box on the table in front of him and it looked like there were letters and cards laying around it.

"It was beautiful. I didn't know you played."

"Only when I'm in the mood."

In the mood, huh?

I closed the door, leaned against it, and started thinking: What did Kathleen do to put him in the mood? A jealous imagination sure can make up some crazy stuff. My mind started creating all kinds of things that she could have said and they could have done in the last few hours. And then I wondered, what didn't I do, to make him want to play? That bummed me out a little.

I headed over towards him.

"I take it that means you had a nice visit with your friend," I said as innocently as I could. The look that he gave me stopped me dead in my tracks.

"It ain't even like that," he said with a tone that told me not to say another word about it.

I took his tone as a cue to leave him alone, so I went into his bedroom where my bags now were. The welcoming feeling was gone and I was already considering Penny's offer. I tossed the few things she gave me, onto my bags, and sat down on the cedar chest at the foot of his bed trying to decide if I should stay or go.

A few minutes passed when I heard him come to the bedroom door. After a few awkward moments, I turned to see him leaning against the door jam, staring at me.

His face was softer and he looked so damned handsome just standing there. Those butterflies started raging again.

I really didn't want to leave, but I was so damn curious about what Kathleen did to put him in the mood to play, that I had some fishing to do before I made up my mind. If there was even the slightest chance they were going to try again, I would bow out gracefully.

"Did ya enjoy your visit?" he asked.

"I did …Listen, Penny said I could finish my stay at her place, if I wanted to."

He stood up straight.

"Do ya want to?"

"Honestly, no. But, I think it'd be best, considering."

"Considerin' what?"

"Everything! Yesterday, this morning …you and Kathleen."

"There ain't no me and Kathleen!" he demanded, as he came over to me.

"We talked before you came in this morning, Lonnie …and she didn't beat around the bush. She wants you back and she wants me, gone. She made it perfectly clear why she was here."

"I don't care what she said! If ya wanna go, go. I can't make ya stay. But whatever ya decide, ya gotta stop this!"

I walked over to my bags and started to put the things Penny gave me, away.

"I just don't want to be in the way …if you and her—"

He lightly grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him.

"You're not, okay? Drop it," he said. His face softened as he spoke.

It seemed as if he was trying to defuse the situation but I had to know what happened.

"Something obviously happened, Lonnie. I'm not stupid."

"What are ya talkin' about!"

"Well, she did something to put you in the 'mood to play'."

"Wait …Is this about the piano? Aw geez, woman …come here."

He took me by the hand, led me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table in front of that wooden box. He grabbed another chair, pulled it beside me and sat down.

He reached into the box, grabbed a few photos and handed them to me. They were all of him at various young ages, sitting at the piano along with, I'm assuming, his mother.

I looked through them and then looked at him. I didn't know what any of this meant, so I waited.

"Momma taught me to play. It always made her happy, so I played all the time. But, after daddy died, not even the piano cheered her up. So now, I just play when I'm …in my feelins', ya know?"

I shook my head.

"When I'm feelin' down, mostly, and after this mornin' I been feelin' that way …I never should have used that word. I'm sorry."

I could tell that he was being sincere and I knew even this morning that he never meant anything by it, it was just the shock of hearing it directed at me. Now, it was my turn to apologize, sort of.

"Ya know, I could have lived my whole life not knowing what your dead mother thought of me, Lonnie, but I accept your apology. I'm sorry too. I may have made more out of it then I should have. But you have to know I tend to get very defensive when it comes to my daughter, and I won't apologize for that. She's all I have in this world. You'll only understand it when you have your own."

He turned my chair to face him and took my hands in his. I studied them; his hands, so big and strong and callused from being a man …and being a cop. Yet, so tender as they moved against my skin.

"I need to ya to do somethin' for me," he said.

I would probably do anything he asked, truthfully, but for some reason, he was making me nervous.

"What?"

He looked down at our hands as he gave mine a gentle squeeze. He kept his head down as he spoke.

"Well, ya remember what I said about kids …about wantin' my own and not wantin' another man's?"

"Yes."

He looked up at me.

"Forget I ever said it. Can ya do that for me?"

He will never know how impossibly hard he made the rest of my existence.