Into the Clear
by mikan
Chapter Nine: Sacrifice
Ayumi clasped the parasol and gave the proprietor a sweet smile. The man bowed deeply in return.
"Arigatou gozaimashita!" he called out.
"Domo," Kenshin said, inclining his head slightly. He turned to look at Ayumi.
"Happy?" he inquired.
She smiled and linked her arm with his.
"Of course. I have the loveliest parasol imaginable, and I get to have a snack right now with the best-looking man in Tokyo.Plus dinner later tonight. And I get to take him home after that. What more could a girl ask for?"
A light flush rose in Kenshin's cheeks. He shook his head.
"The things that come out of your mouth, Ayumi!" he murmured. "Your uncle would be shocked."
She laughed.
"What have I said but the truth?" She turned to the proprietor, who was watching them both with a bemused smile.
"Isn't that right?" she asked the elderly man. "Isn't this young man here the most gor—"
Kenshin made a hasty bow and purposefully headed towards the door. Ayumi stumbled after him, her arm locked at his elbow. She tossed an apologetic smile behind her shoulder as Kenshin pulled her through the doorway.
The brightness of the afternoon glared into her eyes. She squinted and took a look around. The street before them was noisy and thronged with people. She inched closer to Kenshin's side.
"Ken--" she started to say, when a furious, strident voice sliced through the din on the street:
"KENSHIN!"
Her head whipped to the right, where the voice had come from, and she saw a blur of a fist heading straight for her face. She stared at it, frozen with horror.
Suddenly Kenshin's arm swung out, and she found herself thrown to the ground.
The impact knocked the breath out of her chest. She lay there for a stunned moment, trying to comprehend what was going on. Her arm was twisted under her, and sharp stabs of pain shot up from her elbow. Then she heard the crack of bone crashing against bone, and she looked up to see Kenshin's head snap to the side as a brutal punch landed on his jaw.
"Kenshin!" she cried, her voice shrill with terror as she watched his body fly backwards in the air and land in a crumpled heap several feet away. She stared at his unmoving body, a sudden rush of fear paralyzing her.
Then she heard the voice again.
"Get up."
She looked up. The crowd had formed a circle around them, and people were watching the scene in mute fascination. The man who had punched Kenshin stood a few feet to her right. He was tall, seedy-looking, and clad in a shabby white outfit. Bandages were wrapped around his hands. His eyes were narrowed into menacing slits focused unrelentingly on Kenshin. He spat out a fishbone and began walking over to where Kenshin lay.
The fear that had paralyzed Ayumi suddenly turned into a cold liquid that raced through her veins, jolting her into action. She dug her injured elbow cruelly into the ground and pushed herself up. Pain seared her arm. She bit her lip and forced herself to stand up. She stumbled past the white-clad man, and sank to the ground beside Kenshin.
His lip had been cut open. Blood trickled down the side of his mouth. Ayumi touched his face with a shaking hand and wiped the blood away.
"Kenshin," she whispered, her voice hoarse with fear.
"Get up!" the harsh voice cut in again. She turned to find the stranger standing behind her, looking down at Kenshin, a sneer curling his lip. He clenched his fist threateningly.
"What do you want?" she cried out at him, tears of anger and desperation starting to streak down her face.
The man's gaze flicked to her briefly. Ayumi suddenly felt a touch on her arm and she looked down to find Kenshin staring up at her.
"Daijoubu?" he asked her quietly.
She had scarcely nodded when he rose to his feet and helped her up. He thrust her protectively behind him, then he faced the white-clad man squarely.
"Sano."
The man snorted.
"Nice to know you still remember me, Kenshin." His eyes raked over Kenshin insolently. "Don't you look great. New gi, new girlfriend, huh? Too bad you've let your training waste away. That punch was nothing, and you almost snapped like a twig."
Kenshin said nothing for a long moment, then he made a curt bow.
"I'm glad to see you again, Sano," he said politely. He started to turn away.
Sano's voice stopped him.
"Are you really? Well, I bet you'll be even more glad to see this person."
Sano strode to the circle of onlookers and grasped a woman by the arm. He dragged her forcefully before Kenshin. She stumbled free of his grip and fell to her knees in the dirt.
"Remember her?" Sano asked, his voice rough with rage. "Not too long ago she was the love of your life, wasn't she?"
Kenshin was caught completely off guard. The bland expression vanished from his face, and he stared down at the woman, his eyes wide with shock. His mouth opened slightly, but no sound came.
Ayumi glanced at him worriedly, then watched as the woman shakily got up from the ground.
What is going on? Ayumi thought desperately. Suddenly she looked up as Kenshin murmured something.
"Kaoru-dono," he breathed, his eyes fixed unwaveringly on the woman's bowed head.
The woman kept her head bowed and her eyes downcast.
Ayumi regarded her with newfound clarity.
So that's her. That's Kamiya Kaoru.
Then the woman looked up, and Ayumi gasped.
It was not the face of the raving beauty Ayumi had imagined her to be. The woman who stood before them now was a weary, defeated woman –- her eyes dull and tired, her face a haggard mask. She remained silent, only lifting her eyes to meet Kenshin's stare.
Suddenly the dullness slipped off her eyes. Ayumi was stunned by what she saw in their depths.
Kamiya Kaoru's eyes were extraordinarily blue and brilliant with pain. Ayumi felt as if she were seeing the woman's heart laid bare before her. Such pain, and sadness, and. . .love. Enduring, aching, all-consuming love. She watched as Kaoru's eyes moved slowly over Kenshin's face, pausing tenderly as if she were memorizing its lines and shadows, and the color of his eyes. At that moment, Ayumi knew that Kamiya Kaoru loved Kenshin beyond her own life.
Kenshin. . .
Ayumi glanced at him again. He was still staring at Kaoru, still rigid with shock.
In that instant, Kenshin's mind was racing. He could not tear his eyes away from Kaoru's face.
What happened to her? he thought frantically, taking in the paleness of her face and the thinness under her kimono. What went wrong?
"Have a good look at what you've done to her, you bastard!" Sano shouted at him furiously.
Kenshin saw the fist coming again, but he made no move to dodge it. He was held frozen by the keen sadness in Kaoru's eyes.
Sano's fist connected with his jaw, and his vision went white with the pain. He fell backwards onto the dirt. He could hear Ayumi screaming at Sano to stop.
The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. He grasped at the dirt and forced himself back up.
Sano did not give him a chance to catch his breath. He pummeled Kenshin, then dealt him a swift kick that sent him flying. Kenshin landed on the ground with a sickening thud.
Absently he wondered how many of his ribs had been broken.
I deserve this, he told himself. Whatever happened to Kaoru happened because I wasn't there to protect her.
You're not supposed to protect her, the voice in his mind retorted. Ryou is.
Ryou. Of course. The trouble had to be with Ryou.
But I thought Ryou loved her. And I thought she loved him too. What the hell happened? What's going on? I'm so confused.
Suddenly, the coolness of silk fell against his face. Kenshin opened his eyes and found himself cradled in Ayumi's embrace.
"Stop it!" she was sobbing, shielding him with her body. "Stop it!"
Sano merely looked down at them.
Ayumi wrapped her arms around Kenshin's shoulders and pulled his head onto her lap. She smeared the blood and dirt off his face, then looked up at Sano, her eyes fierce.
"Haven't you hurt him enough already?" she screamed at him.
"No," Sano replied flatly.
Ayumi breathed in sharply and stared at Sano in disbelief.
"You're a heartless monster!" she cried.
"Don't bother sobbing your heart out for him," Sano told her, idly adjusting the bandages on his hand. "He's got the toughest hide you'll find on any bastard this side of hell." He glanced at Kenshin. "Are you done enjoying her lap yet, Kenshin? I'm waiting."
Kenshin grit his teeth and started to force himself upright. Pain shot up his side. Ayumi saw him wince, and tried to push him back down. He shook off her hands and got to his feet, swaying slightly.
Ayumi stood up quickly and caught his arm.
"Kenshin, you're hurt," she whispered, tears spilling uncontrollably down her cheeks. "Please stop," she pleaded desperately. "Please, let's go. Let's just go." She pressed her face against his chest and wept into the folds of his gi.
Kenshin looked up to find Kaoru staring silently at them both. Her face was blank and her eyes veiled. She held his gaze for a moment longer, then turned and walked away. The crowd of people that clogged the street parted to let her pass.
Sano shot Kenshin one last malevolent glance.
"Don't ever go near her again, Kenshin," he muttered grimly. "You've hurt her enough already."
He turned and followed Kaoru down the street.
Ayumi knelt in front of Kenshin and dipped the tip of the washcloth into the bowl of water. She reached out and dabbed gently at the cut on his lip.
The sting made him shrink away from her touch.
Ayumi let out an exasperated breath.
"Hold still!" she snapped. He obeyed.
She cleaned up the cut and moved on to the other bruises on his face. He noticed that she was using only her left arm. He looked down at her other arm, and frowned. It seemed to be swelling slightly.
"Ayumi, your arm –-" he began, but she cut him off.
"It's fine. I told you not to move."
"But you're hurt! Is it broken?"
Ayumi flung the cloth onto the floor in frustration, and stared at him.
No, Kenshin, she thought, it's probably not broken. It's probably just sprained. Your ribs, however, are definitely broken. And more than one of them, too. How can you possibly worry about me now?
"Will you stop worrying about me?" she told him. "I'm fine. It's nothing. You should be more worried about yourself."
"I'm fine."
"You are not fine!" she retorted. "That is just the problem with you! You worry about everybody else but yourself!"
He fell silent. Ayumi looked at his badly bruised face, and felt the tears begin to spill out of her eyes once more.
"Just look at you," she said softly. "Haven't you had enough of this, Kenshin? All these years, all the things you've gone through –- don't you think it's time you had some peace and happiness?"
"I don't ask for peace and happiness, Ayumi," he replied. "Just the chance to make up for all the suffering I've caused."
She shook her head.
"You are so wrong, you know that, Kenshin? You fought to bring about a world where everybody could live in peace and have the chance to be happy. Everybody. That includes you. The fact that you're living miserably is a betrayal of what you fought for."
He looked away from her and said nothing.
"The way you're living now is a dishonor," she continued coldly. "It dishonors the memory of those you've killed for the sake of the Meiji, Kenshin! The Meiji is a time of happiness and hope. You are living with neither."
"Ayumi," he interrupted her wearily. "What's your point?"
"My point is that you're miserable, Kenshin!" she answered him. "You're miserable! Do you realize that?"
"I'm fine."
"Would Tomoe-san agree with that?"
His gaze swung to her sharply. Undaunted, she went on:
"Tomoe-san gave her life for you. She died so that you could go on living and have a chance for happiness. But you're not happy, Kenshin, and you're not planning to do anything about it! Living like that is a dishonor to her sacrifice. You're throwing away what she gave up her life for."
He bowed his head, hiding his face from her. She wiped the tears from her eyes impatiently.
"You love that girl, don't you," she said flatly.
Kenshin stared up at her in surprise. Ayumi looked at him expectantly. He made no reply.
"At least you could be honest with me!" she cried in exasperation. "I'm not asking you to pledge undying love for me, Kenshin, or to promise that you'll always stay. All I ask is that you be honest with me. Can't you do at least that?"
He remained silent.
"If you love her, why don't you go to her?" she persisted.
No response. She seethed with frustration.
"Alright, fine, you're not gonna do that because you're not interested in your own happiness. All you want to do is atone for all the suffering you've caused." Her eyes narrowed and her tone became cutting.
"Well let me tell you, Kenshin, you're not doing any atoning at all. You're just causing more suffering. To yourself, to that poor girl, and to me. That girl loves you. I don't know why you left her, but clearly she's been miserable since then. Did you see her today? Did you have a good look at her? She's devastated. She's not happy. I'm not happy. I care about you, and I can't stand seeing you like this. So you see, your decision to ignore your own happiness for the sake of atoning really isn't working at all. Nobody here is happy, or at peace."
There was a long moment of silence.
Ayumi was about to give up, when he suddenly spoke.
"She doesn't love me," he said simply.
"That's not what I saw," Ayumi replied.
"Well, you haven't seen everything," Kenshin snapped, in a sudden flash of anger. Forcefully he pushed the memory of Ryou and Kaoru's kiss out of his mind.
What the hell am I doing talking about this, anyway? he asked himself, irritated. He grabbed the sakaba and rose to his feet.
"I'm going out to get a doctor to come here and look at your arm."
She said nothing. He paused before the door.
"You really shouldn't worry yourself about this, Ayumi. It's only a waste of time. There's nothing to be done about it." He slid the door open.
"You're wrong, Kenshin," she said quietly, her voice heavy with sadness. "Peace and happiness are things that must be fought for. You of all people should know that. Love is just the same way. You have to fight for it. But if you refuse to see that, then there's nothing anybody can do. You'll never be happy."
He stood there for a moment, completely still. Then he stepped over the threshold and slid the door shut behind him.
The muted rustle of clothes brushing against the tatamis stirred her from sleep. Ayumi opened her eyes and saw Kenshin folding up his futon. He pushed the bedding into a corner, then stood and reached for the sakaba propped against the wall.
"Where are you going?" she mumbled, pressing her cheek against her pillow.
He looked down at her.
"Just to run a quick errand," he answered. "I'll be back right away. Don't go anywhere."
"Mmmm," came her drowsy response.
"I mean it, Ayumi," he said firmly. "Promise me you'll stay here until I get back."
"Yes, yes," she muttered, turning her back on him.
There was a short silence, then he asked in a gentler tone:
"How's your arm?"
Her arm, now encased in a sling, was cushioned comfortably by a pillow at her side. It was still a little sore, but it didn't hurt as much, thanks to the expertise of the elderly doctor whom Kenshin had brought in the day before.
What was his name again? she asked herself. Ginza, Genza. . .Genzai! That's it, Genzai! He was a very nice man. I have to drop by his clinic and thank him sometime.
The doctor was a very nice man, and she had had a good conversation with him. She had been able to chat him up because Kenshin had left shortly after he had brought the doctor in.
"I'm going out for a walk," he had said abruptly.
She had been so irritated with him, she hadn't even bothered to respond. Instead, she had begun to talk amiably with the good doctor, who, she had been fascinated to discover, actually knew Kenshin very well.
"I used to see Kenshin everyday," the old man had told her while he had carefully tucked her arm into a sling.
"Really?" she had asked. "Were you neighbors?"
"No, not quite," he had answered. "Kenshin used to babysit my two grandchildren."
She had smiled with genuine delight.
"Grandchildren? How old are they?"
"Oh, they're still very young. Two very energetic toddlers. Kenshin always had his hands full. And on top of that, he had to do the laundry, too."
"The laundry?" Ayumi's eyes had widened.
"Yes, the laundry." The old man had chuckled. "That was Kenshin's share of the chores at the dojo. That and the grocery shopping. Kaoru always kept him busy."
Her smile had dimmed at the mention of that particular woman's name.
"I see," she had murmured, then, on an impulse, she had touched the doctor's arm lightly.
"I've heard so much about that dojo," she had continued, forcing into her voice an eagerness she did not feel. "Where is it located, anyway? I might swing by one of these days just to have a look at it."
"Oh, it's just a short walk across town," he had informed her cheerfully. "Just take the main road and cross the first two bridges and you'll practically bump right into it. And if you get lost, you can always ask anybody on the street. Everyone knows where the Kamiya dojo is."
Take the main road and cross the first two bridges. . .
"Ayumi."
She suddenly realized Kenshin was still waiting for her answer.
"My arm is fine," she answered without turning to look at him. "You should really get going on that errand."
She waited until the door opened and slid shut once more. Then she allowed herself to fall onto her back. She stared up at the ceiling.
Today Kenshin's going to find me a job. Tomorrow he's going to leave. Forever.
I only have today.
A short walk across town, the doctor had said. Ayumi sat up and flung the covers away. She rose to her feet and walked over to where she had laid out her kimono for the day.
I've lost you, Kenshin, she thought. I've lost you to her, and I'll carry the pain of that loss for the rest of my life.
But. . .
She pulled at her sash forcefully and let her yukata slip to the floor. She dressed as quickly as she could.
The morning sunlight shone in warmly through the window. She slid the screen open and looked out. To her left lay the long stretch of the main street. In the distance, she could see a bridge.
Slowly, she drew the window shut and closed her eyes.
But if I have to bear that pain, I want it to be worth something. I want to be able to tell myself that it was the price of your happiness. Because that's the only way I'll be able to bear it.
I'll be damned if I'll give you up to her and still have you be unhappy.
She turned away from the window and headed for the door.
It was time to pay Kamiya Kaoru a visit.
Kenshin dug his fingers into the grimy doorframe and flung the dingy shoji wide open. The dank smell of old laundry and perspiration assailed his senses. He stared down at the body entangled in the sheets on the floor.
"Sano."
The large foot sticking out from under the sheets twitched slightly, and Sano's spiky head shot up from the pillow. He squinted at Kenshin, then sat up.
"Well, well, if this isn't a surprise," he muttered, slowly disentangling his legs from the twisted blanket, and standing up. "So you're back for more. I knew I was too easy on you yesterday."
He cracked his knuckles and flashed Kenshin a nasty smile.
"You came all the way here first thing in the morning, huh? Well, let's make it worth your while!"
His fist came speeding at Kenshin in a blinding flash.
Kenshin did not even wince. He slid the sheathed sakaba from his sash and blocked the punch effortlessly.
Sano's leg swung out. Kenshin leapt into the air with easy grace, and brought his sword crashing down on Sano's head. Sano wavered slightly, then collapsed.
Kenshin looked down at him.
"I didn't come here to fight you, Sano," he said quietly. "I just want to find out what's going on."
"I've had enough of your bullshit, Kenshin!" Sano muttered as he rose to his feet with amazing swiftness. "Just shut up and fight!"
Kenshin lost patience. He pulled the sakaba from its sheath and cut the air in one powerful slash. Sano flew backwards and crashed through the paper wall. Kenshin walked over to him slowly. As he expected, within two seconds Sano pushed himself up and dragged himself upright. Before he could swing his fist again, Kenshin whacked him in the side with the blunt edge of his sword. Sano fell flat on his face.
Kenshin flipped the blade of the sakaba and pressed its sharp tip against Sano's back.
"I'll say it one more time, Sano," he said coldly. "I'm not here to fight you. But if you still insist on wasting my time, you can kiss your precious shirt goodbye."
Sano went completely still. There was a long, tense moment of silence. Then Sano turned his head and craned his neck to the side.
"You really are a bastard, Kenshin," he muttered. "Get your fucking sword off my back, then we'll talk."
The blade did not move.
"You can start talking," Kenshin replied.
"Goddamn you!" Sano shouted furiously. He was shaking with rage, but all the same, he was careful not to move an inch. The tip of the sword was poised directly on top of the 'aku' kanji emblazoned on the back of his shirt.
My one and only favorite shirt, he thought tearfully. Damn Kenshin.
"Do you mind easing it up a bit?" he snapped. "I can't even breathe in without getting stabbed!"
The tip lifted slightly, but Sano could still feel its sharpness through the cloth on his back. He cursed Kenshin under his breath.
"That's not what I'm waiting to hear, Sano," Kenshin cut in.
"What the hell do you want from me?"
"What's wrong with Kaoru-dono?"
At that, Sano started to chuckle.
"What's wrong with Kaoru? I swear, Kenshin, you are such a riot. If your goddamn sword wasn't pointed at my back, I'd be rolling over and laughing my fucking ass off. You're so thick in the head! What's wrong with her? What the hell do you think is wrong with her? You left her, you goddamn cowardly bastard!"
"So?" Kenshin countered. "I didn't think she wanted me around much longer anyway."
"Well, that's because you're a sorry, thick-headed bastard, like I said. You saw her yesterday. Did she look happy to you? Did it seem like her life's been all peachy and fantastic since you left?"
"It's Ryou, isn't it," Kenshin murmured.
"No, Kenshin, it's not Ryou. It's you! You're the one to blame for what's happened to Jo-chan. You're the one who left her behind, even though you knew that Ryou was a first-class bastard all along. Her life is so fucked up right now, I wouldn't be surprised to hear one of these days that she's killed herself. If she does, it would totally be your fault. You'd damn well better realize that." Sano chuckled harshly. "So congratulations! You just might manage to -- yet again -- cause the death of a woman who's had the misfortune to love you, you worthless piece of shit."
Kenshin's grip on the sword tightened until his knuckles went white. He jabbed the tip of the blade viciously into Sano's flesh.
"I could kill you for that," he hissed.
Sano grit his teeth, feeling the warm blood begin to trickle down his back.
"Go ahead," he retorted, his breathing becoming labored from the shaft of cold steel embedded in his back. "At least you'd be true to yourself for once."
In the silence only Sano's heavy breathing could be heard.
Then, without warning, Kenshin withdrew the sword and slid it smoothly back into its sheath. He turned his back on Sano and walked out.
Sano scrambled to his feet and almost fell back down from the sharp pain that shot up his back. He touched the back of his shirt and found his fingers stained with blood. He stared out at Kenshin's retreating form.
Every nerve in his body was screaming for him to run after Kenshin and beat the puny little bastard into a bloody pulp. Yet something held him back. He watched as Kenshin rounded the corner and disappeared from view.
If he'd pushed that sword an inch deeper, I'd be one dead son of a bitch.
I should've gotten him for that. Why the hell didn't I run after him?
Sano muttered a curse and slid his door shut.
He knew why. He'd sensed that, somehow, he had managed to get through to Kenshin. Something he'd said in the midst of all his cursing had struck a chord within the rurouni.
I'd bet my life he's heading over to the dojo right now.
Sano smiled slowly.
Boy, is Ryou in for a surprise.
He sank back onto his beaten futon with a relieved sigh.
Before the day was over, things would finally be set right. Kenshin would kick Ryou's ass, Kaoru would have Kenshin back, and Ryou would hobble out of the dojo forever. And Yahiko would finally move back into Kaoru's house, where he belonged.
That brat's too whiny. Good thing he's out working today. He'd better sneak away some sukiyaki for me tonight. That's the least he could do. He's living here for free!
I'll go after Kenshin some other time. After he's done dispatching Ryou. After all, I wouldn't want him facing Ryou in less than perfect shape. He'd better kick that bastard's ass good.
Sano shifted slightly, and felt his shirt sticking to his back. The fabric was soaked through with blood. He cursed Kenshin again, then dragged himself to his feet.
I'll definitely get him for that, he thought grimly. Later. But for now. . .heh! At least I have an excuse to see the foxy doctor today.
With that cheering thought in mind, he left his apartment and set out for the clinic.
Ayumi stared at the wooden sign that hung on the doorpost.
Kamiya Kasshin Ryu Kenjutsu Dojo.
The nervousness that had been nagging at her now escalated into a fierce anxiety.
What am I doing here? she asked herself. What was I thinking?
What would she say when she found herself face to face with Kamiya Kaoru? How would she even begin?
'Hi, you must be Kaoru. I'm Ayumi –- the girl with Kenshin yesterday?. . .'
Ayumi shook her head in despair.
I should just leave, she told herself.I should just go back to Otsu and let Kenshin wander off to wherever. To hell with everything.
Then a breeze swept past her, carrying cherry blossom petals in its wake. One petal landed on her shoulder and got caught in her hair.
She pulled it out with her fingertips and stared at it for a moment.
A sudden memory came to her, of a long-ago afternoon in the garden of the teahouse in Kyoto. She had been standing under a cherry tree, when a breeze had scattered a rain of petals upon her head.
"Aaahh!" she had exclaimed, her hand flying to her hair. Frantically, she had dusted the petals off.
Kenshin had been leaning against the tree, watching her quietly.
"What's the matter?" he had asked her.
"My hair. Ikumatsu-san just fixed it. She'll scold me again."
"Then we should probably head back in," he had said, pushing himself away from the tree and walking over to where she stood.
She had nodded gloomily, unwilling for their afternoon together to end.
"Hai." Slowly she had begun to make her way up the cobbled path back to the house.
Suddenly, she had felt a touch at her ear. She had looked up in surprise to find Kenshin standing before her, a single pink petal caught between his fingers.
"You forgot this one," he had said with a smile.
The sight of that smile had warmed her heart.
As she looked at the petal in her hand, the memory of that smile warmed her still. She looked up at the wooden door before her.
I've already been able to share my life with him. . .even if it was only for a little while. As long as I live, the memory of that time will always be in my heart.
The image of Kamiya Kaoru's hauntingly sorrowful face surfaced in her mind.
But this girl. . .she has nothing. Nothing but the memory of him leaving her behind.
There was only one thing to be done.
She raised her fist and pounded forcefully against the door.
