Chapter: 9

Note: Okay, so it's been about 5 months since I last posted a chapter for this fic! Thank you for all the reviews and gentle nudges to continue it since then. I have written a further 5 chapters so far, though delayed with more following my Dad breaking his hip (ouch), but back writing now. To help force myself back into writing, I am going to start posting the chapters up for this fic, and hope that the inspiration continues to flow.

Note2: I would HIGHLY recommend that you re-read this fic from the start. As a reminder - this was written as an future fic stemming from an AU version of Season 5 and is a sequel to a former fic of mine titled 'The Middle Son'. The rating of this fic may alter in future chapters (okay, it will change, but I'm holding back on when for some suspense).

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The tent was dark inside, though the dim night light from outside spilled in around Teyla as she pushed open the tent's entrance. John followed her inside, her hand still in his, only for him to pause once inside. The long remembered scents and feel of an Athosian tent washed over him once again. The scent of Teyla's favourite incense lingered in the air, just as he remembered, the scent bringing with it so many abrupt vivid memories.

The smell of the leather and fabrics of the tent, the faint living smell of the compacted earth of the floor – all of it combined to create the unforgettable sense of an Athosian home. That sense swamped him with memories and a renewed sense of loss. He had thought his memory of his times with Teyla had been acutely, painfully, precise in detail over the past twenty years, but the truth now was that there had been tiny details that he had forgotten. Remembering was so different from the reality of it, such as the simple experience of standing in her home once again.

Her hand tugged free of his, drawing his attention back to the present moment, and he looked round to see the shadow of her moving within the darkness away from him across the tent.

"I forgot to light a fire to warm the tent earlier," she said softly. "The fire will warm quickly." John could faintly see the counter around which she moved; her cooking area, the same shape and size that he remembered. A clicking sound heralded a burst of flame as the small cooking fire lit. The light it emitted was faint, but in the darkness of the tent, it lit up all the details for John.

He looked away from Teyla, around the tent, and again nostalgia hit him. There was so much that he remembered. Just to his right, near the tent's entrance, sat his bag which J.J had put in here for him, and John moved to it, pulling it open to push the laptop he still held back inside. He pulled off his boots, setting them beside Teyla's discarded ones, though most of his attention was locked on the tent around him. He straightened and moved forward, taking in as much of the tent as he could. He recognised several small items on the side, statues and wooden vases, even a few pieces of furniture and one particular rug on the floor.

"Is this the same tent?" He asked her, glancing back at her through the faint light. She was crouched by the fire, feeding twigs to the flames. The firelight created a halo of light around her as she looked round at him. The shadow over her face prevented him from seeing her expression, but when she spoke he could hear her smile.

"Yes, now more so than ever," she replied.

He angled his head as a question as he moved on further around her tent.

"With Korlan's departure to his own tent, the extensions to the tent were removed and it is once again simply as it was before," she explained. John thought he heard both pleasure and sadness in her voice.

John glanced at the tent wall near him. As he remembered it, the Athosian tents were expanded by attaching smaller tents, like extensions, to the sides of the main tent. He reached out towards what looked like new stitching in the wall and pulled back a hanging fur blanket. A semi circle of stitching came into view – this would have been the entrance to where one of the boys slept, where Korlan had slept until recently. He let the fur drop back into place and smiled over at Teyla as he moved onwards.

"You missing Korlan?" He asked with as light a tone as he could though still asking her an emotional question.

Across the tent, he saw her turn back to the flames and the firelight highlighted her face again, and her soft smile. "At times yes, though not his snoring," she added.

John chuckled at that as he circled the main area, moving pass a table with two long benches beside it, which, though new to him, looked well worn. He guessed this was where Teyla and her boys had sat to eat every day. Where his son had sat as he grew up, learning to eat by himself, to talk and over which he no doubt bantered with his brothers. John found the mental image both amusing and deeply sad. He looked away from the table to the other more familiar pieces of furniture, all of them holding strange little memories.

"I recognise a lot," he said quietly, running his hand along the edge of a dark wooden side table. "This was Charin's, wasn't it?" he asked looking back round to Teyla.

"Yes, it was," Teyla replied, clearly surprised that he remembered. Mainly because he had helped Ronon carry the heavy thing out of storage for her back when her people had moved to New Athos. Though, he also remembered its place in this tent, and that she used to keep Torren's toys in one of the lower cupboards. As he moved past it, he ran his fingers along the front edge, which now held the natural nicks and scratches gained from being moved around and probably from having kids climbing all over it for so many years. He wondered if J.J had climbed up on its surface when he was young, because John remembered Torren had tried when he was far too tiny to reach its edge.

The side table led him to the screen that partly sectioned off the living area from the sleeping area beyond. He paused, his eyes having immediately latched onto the large bed inside. This area held many memories and, despite the years of recalling them, they felt vivid and new again somehow. He ran his eyes around the sleeping area, focusing on the details and not the flush of warmth to his body. Candles still stood on almost every flat surface Teyla could find, including a large bulky candle on her bedside table. She still preferred to sleep on the left side of the bed. Though, as he finally ran his eyes over the bed, he began to note some differences. The headboard was different and the bed looked slightly bigger, or was that again reality meeting memories? He turned back towards Teyla, to see her watching him from the fireside.

"The bed's new though," he pointed out to her. He wasn't sure why that particular point bothered him, though he kept his voice light and amused again for her benefit. In his own head however, he was wondering how long ago she had gotten rid of the old bed on which the two of them had enjoyed many long nights, and often quite large spells during the day as well. He wondered if it had been replaced when she had moved in with Kanaan, or had she gotten rid of it before that. He felt kind of sad that the old bed wasn't here anymore.

Teyla chuckled softly. "It is. The old one was broken by the boys," she told him clearly smiling, though he couldn't see her face with her back to the fire.

John glanced back to the bed, relieved that the old bed had been broken rather than simply replaced, though the symbolism of their old bed having been 'broken' was not lost on him. He focused instead on what she had told him and he imagined the usual ways kids broke beds. He looked round at Teyla. "Jumping on it?" He asked and she laughed.

"Yes, and as you may have noticed, they are all very strong boys," she added.

John grinned. "It's good to know that kids still bounce on beds in whatever galaxy," he replied.

"I did not see it so amusing at the time," she said, though she was clearly still smiling. "I returned to the tent to find all three of them sat far too quietly around the fire preparing the late meal. Very suspicious behaviour," she explained and John smiled at the mental image she created. "Korlan was only about four years old and I had only to stand above them silently for him to immediately tell me what they had all done." She chuckled. "I walked to where you are now and saw that the bed had completely cracked across the middle, and that they had tried to cover it with the bed throw to hide the damage."

John glanced back at the newer bed, but saw only the image of a broken bed, the place where he had formed many strong and emotional memories of Teyla. In fact, a lot had happened around that bed so long ago, including two particular moments that, though themselves far apart, had determined the course his relationship with Teyla from friendship to so much more.

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Twenty-one years and 6 months before

The camp was busy around John, as it so often was nowadays, but half of the people moving around the camp were not Athosians, but medical staff moving from the campsite's main cooking fire back to the medical tents Carson had established on the far side of the camp. The medical tents had taken up most of the camp when the settlement had first been set up, some six months ago following Michael's death and the rescue of the Athosians. Now, the medical tents were fewer and no longer the full time hospitals that they had once been, but now more like day case centres for rehabilitation for the recovering Athosians affected by Michael. They were all human again, but many of them were still unwell and there was a constant movement of medical staff to and from the camp from Atlantis.

John wasn't here for them though, he was here because she was late, again. Teyla had been splitting her time between Atlantis and the Athosian camp, but her time keeping had been getting worse. She had been coming back to help in the camp almost daily and had even put up her old Athosian tent to stay over when needed. She had been driven to help her people recover and John had respected that, even when she had officially returned to her duties in the team, but today, as with last week, she had not turned up for a duty shift after staying in the Athosian camp overnight. At first he had put it down to her being so busy, though his mind had traitorously imagined that perhaps it was due to her personal attention she had been giving Kanaan. He knew better than that, for he had seen her working hard in the tents, helping as many as she could. When she had arrived late for that previous shift, she had apologised and John had of course brushed it aside, but she had been looking distracted during missions and that worried him.

When she did arrive for duty shifts she looked rather hurried, as if she had rushed there and though he did get to spend time with her for some of the city's social events, he had seen her around less. Most of her time off duty was spent in the Athosian camp and that decision of hers was affecting her work on duty. When she hadn't turned up on time today, still two hours late now by his watch, he had decided to take the opportunity to talk to her. So, he was now on his way to find her and have 'the discussion' he had been avoiding facing with her. He really didn't want to have to ask her about how things were in her personal life – it wasn't his business in most respects and he really didn't want to hear about Kanaan. But it was affecting her work now and he was forced to this. He didn't want to bring it to Woolsey's attention, or anyone else's other than the team's, so he would have this quiet conversation with her and go from there. He planned to suggest she lessen her hours with the team and perhaps, he hated to think it, but perhaps it would be best if she stepped away from the team again, until the Athosians no longer needed her as much. He hated it, but it had to be done.

She hadn't been in the medical tents, or around the framework being constructed for the latest of new tents put up for those who no longer needed to stay in the medical tents. He suspected she would be in her tent, which would be helpfully private for their conversation.

He pushed open the entrance flap to her tent. The scents of incense, baby and new leather surrounded him as he leant into her home, glancing around to the cooking area and the seating area looking for her, but saw nothing. She could be in the back of the tent, and judging by the fact that the cooking fire was still alight, she might be. He opened his mouth to call out and then remembered, and he now did, that he shouldn't call out when there was a possible sleeping baby inside. The last time someone had done that Teyla had made them, and it had been Ronon, rock Torren back to sleep. Ronon hadn't minded, as none of them did with little baby Torren, though Rodney was still reluctant to hold the kid, for fear of dropping him again.

He moved further into the tent, the flap dropping down behind him, and he called her name quietly, but there was nothing. He was about to turn and leave when he noticed that Torren's baby bag was sat on the table – Teyla never went anywhere without it, or whoever it was looking after Torren. John had used that bag himself, when he and Ronon had volunteered to look after the boy once or twice. That Torren had survived and he and Ronon had been able to hold it all together, had been a great event for them. So, it was odd that the bag was here, because that meant Torren was in here and then so would Teyla. What if Kanaan was here as well? There might be a good reason why Teyla hadn't replied from the back of the tent…John frowned at his wandering thoughts as he moved further into the tent to where he could see slightly into the sleeping area in the back. He immediately saw Teyla laid out along one side, Torren's crib stood nearby. He held back his relief for a few moments as he moved closer, worried that she was okay, but as he neared the entrance to the sleeping area he could already see her chest rising and lowering with her breathing. She was dressed in her Atlantis uniform and probably had laid down for a rest before leaving. She had overslept, that was all.

He moved in closer to wake her up without calling to her and perhaps waking up Torren. He peered into the crib to see that Torren was as fast asleep as his mother and John was pleased with himself for having remembered not to call out and wake the kid. He turned his attention to Teyla. He reached out to shake her shoulder, but he paused. She was fast asleep, lying on one side, one cheek pooled on top of one hand as she slept. Her face was completely relaxed, but his attention was drawn to the dark circles under her eyes and her slightly pale complexion. She didn't look ill, but she did look exhausted. He pulled back his hand and straightened, full of sudden indecision. He knew where she was, so maybe he should just let her sleep some more, because clearly she was very tired. This revelation only confirmed all his previous thoughts – she was stretching herself far too thin. She looked smaller here on her large double bed and he felt a squeeze in his chest at the sight of her. He looked at the blankets across the bed behind her, thinking to cover her, but she was lying over them. He frowned down at her, looking so small and still, and it bothered him deeply. This was the very reason why he had wanted to talk to her, only now his concerns were further informed by the discovery that her actions were impacting her health.

To his left Torren let out a sleepy grumble, drawing John's attention down to the baby. Torren stretched his little arms up and out, but settled quickly back into deep sleep.

Not only was she rushing around trying to get everything done, but she had a six month old baby to look after, almost entirely by herself. He looked back to her sleeping face, only to see her eyes were opening.

"Hey," he greeted her quietly, wanting to make sure she was aware of his presence in her bedroom.

She drew in a quick breath as she opened her eyes further, blinking up at him. "What time is it?" She asked hurriedly, looking around with the heavy lidded look of the truly sleepy. John assumed she was looking for her watch, which sat on her bedside table. He handed it to her.

"Its two hours later than you think it is," he told her with a smile, but her expression was stricken as she took the watch from him.

"I am late," she said with regret. "I am sorry, John," she said quickly as she sat up, her hand flattening her hair and running down to her cheek as she struggled to wake up properly. "I am ready to leave now." She moved to stand up, but John held out a hand. He didn't want her to leave the bed, because there was no point now. She had missed the mission and it would probably be best if she just went back to sleep after he left.

"No hurry, Lorne's team went on the mission with Rodney," he informed her and he felt a flush of regret at her look of embarrassment.

"I am so sorry. I neglected to set the alarm to wake me," she explained as she sat back down on the side of the bed, still looking sleepy and dismayed. "I had only intended to lie down for a few moments."

John pulled forward a stool that was nearby and, after removing a packet of wet wipes from its surface, he sat down opposite her. "You look like you needed the sleep," he told her and he saw in her face that she immediately understood what worried him and what he would was about to say.

She took in a deep breath, her eyes clearer and more alert now, but there was also a painful level of regret in her expression and John hated being in this situation with her, but they needed to address it.

"I realise that I have been rather tardy of late," she began.

"Only once before," he interrupted her. "Though, I've noticed that you haven't seemed as…alert as usual," he decided was the best way to put it.

She looked away, down to Torren, but John suspected she needed to gather her thoughts. "I have been spending too much time here in the camp," she concluded.

John leant forward, setting his elbows on his knees. "Teyla," he interrupted her before she went into berating herself. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to help your people, we all respect that, but…"

"I am endangering the rest of the team with my tiredness," she replied, her eyes lifting back to his and he saw her usual strength and confidence had returned.

"Teyla, on your worst day, you're always going to be better than half of those stationed in the city," he assured her with a smile, but her returned smile was strained like she did not belief him, but appreciated his comment. "What I'm…worried…about is that you're going to get hurt, or you're going to get sick pushing yourself like this," he told her honesty.

"My people are growing stronger each day, and Torren is growing fast," she began in reply. "I will limit my time in the camp."

John hated this. "Teyla, your people need your help, and you've got Torren to take care of as well," he glanced down at the still sleeping boy.

Teyla straightened her back at that, breathing in again in the way that told him that she was feeling pushed. "I am able to cope and once Kanaan is able to help care for Torren…"

She had a fair point. Perhaps all she needed was some time – time for the Athosians to need her less, for Kanaan to get stronger, and for Torren to need her less. She was banking on that, he realised, pushing herself because she knew that things would improve. Typical Teyla positive thinking.

"That'll be great, but maybe, until then, you should reduce your hours with the team," he suggested carefully, knowing it was a delicate subject for them both. Her surprised look confirmed that, as well as the annoyance that momentarily flared in her eyes.

"You were the one who was so insistent that I decide to return to the team," she argued, and that only told him how tired she was.

"I wanted you to make a choice, whichever one was right for you," he argued back despite himself. "I would have respected your choice to stay with your son and your people."

"But, now that you see I am unable to fulfil my part of the team…"

"I never said that," he interrupted her shortly. He caught himself before he got angry. Why was it that over the last year he and Teyla had argued so much? He had rarely, if ever, had argued with her before then, but now they seemed quick to reach that point too easily. He hated it, and today he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. "I'm just saying that I'm worried about you." He knew that she could not argue with that sentiment.

"I am fine, John," she replied passionately, leaning forward slightly as she tried to convince him.

"You are two hours late for a mission," he reminded her, but kept his voice light.

She sat back again and schooled her features. "I know and I apologise."

"You're tired, Teyla, you've been pushing yourself too much," he told her plainly.

"Everybody in Atlantis does so, at some point," she replied.

"No, because unlike you, the rest of us don't have a baby to take of, as well as everything else you do," he pointed out. "Look, I'm not saying that you can't handle things, I'm just suggesting that you take some more time to care for Torren and your people. You can come back to the team whenever you want." He looked at her directly, making sure she could see how honestly he meant his offer. Her eyes studied his for a long moment before she looked down and her shoulders dropped slightly. Her expression relaxed once again, and he realised how much of a show she had been putting on for him, perhaps for all of them for quite some time.

"I do not wish to leave Atlantis, John," she told him quietly.

John glanced away, his emotional limit almost used up for the day, and seeing her look of controlled admitted sorrow upset him. This was Teyla – she was strong, bold and confident. Yet, the truth was she was a woman with many responsibilities she had taken on herself. She had lost a lot, and had almost lost all her people and the father of her child. Something had changed in her on the day they had disappeared and now, despite their return for the most part, the dark sadness in her from that day still remained. John wondered if she blamed herself or something, but it wasn't his place to ask such things. But, her place on his team was important and all their safety was his responsibility. He wouldn't put her in danger's way just to cater to her pride, but at the same time, he knew how important the team was to her, and how much it was to him too.

"I'm not saying you should leave Atlantis," he replied quietly. "I'm saying that you have a lot on your plate right now, along with having to take care of Torren. I mean, how much time do you get to spend with him?" John asked, thinking maybe he could use that angle to his advantage.

Teyla's eyes dropped to her son and a flash of concern passed over her face that made John wish he hadn't said anything. "I have him with me as much as I can," she replied, but he could hear the tiredness in her voice again. He looked down at Torren and a new thought occurred to him. He looked back at her.

"Why haven't you asked for help with him?" He asked her.

Teyla looked surprised by his question. "What do you mean?"

"I know you have people here and someone on Atlantis taking care of him when you're off world on a mission, but what about when you visit here? Why don't you leave him in Atlantis with one of us, then you could focus on helping your people without having to be a mom as well. You're doing three jobs at once, Teyla."

"I wished to be with Torren as much as possible, and…I did not think it right to ask others to care for him in my absence," she replied.

John looked at her, seeing her tiredness, her annoyance at him pushing her and at her own inner conflicts that he couldn't all name. He didn't want to lose her from the city, from his team, or as the friend she had always been to him. Their friendship had been altered considerably by her pregnancy and the arguments they had shared since then had only pointed out to him that the distance he had hoped to create between them had not been wholly successful. All he had managed to do was to put a strain on their friendship, that it had survived at all was amazing really. Had he really been a friend to her these past months? He had seen she was struggling, but he hadn't done anything to help. He hadn't wanted to get any further emotionally involved, but he already was and not helping her wouldn't change that. The truth was that he hadn't wanted to spend more time with her because it might stir up those old feelings, and the chance of seeing her more with Kanaan…he hadn't wanted to go there.

He looked away from her down to Torren. All she needed was some help until Kanaan was better, and maybe some time to get some sleep. He looked at her.

"How about this…you consider Woolsey's offer as working as a consultant and not on permanent assignment to the team, you can always change your mind later and I'll fight tooth and claw to get you back on my team," he assured her before she interrupted. "That way you get to reduce your hours, still staying in the city and helping out here as much as you need, and you start using more baby sitters in the city. I'll take Torren as much as I can," he offered.

She looked surprised at his offer, as he was a little, but he meant it. She looked a little speechless, so he pressed his argument.

"You can leave him with me for the evenings that you're here, or working on a mission. And Keller's offered to babysit for you," he added wondering that perhaps she might not be all that keen on leaving her son with him that frequently. "Just, you know, until Kanaan and the others are stronger."

He went silent, letting her make her decision. She looked down at Torren and then back up to him. "You do not have to watch over him for me, John," she said, though he thought there was a subtle question to it.

"I don't mind, I'd like to look after him some more," John replied turning to look down at the kid, who was now mostly awake, blinking his little eyes up at them watching him. John reached in and rubbed Torren's little belly and the baby sighed and closed his eyes again. Rather pleased at the impromptu show of babysitting skills, John looked back at Teyla. "That way you get the time you need with your people and those of us in Atlantis get to influence Torren far more than you ever would have allowed us to."

She finally smiled and he knew that he had won. She rubbed a hand over her face, setting her chin in her hand. "Until my people no longer need me as much, I would welcome the assistance." He smiled up at her, pleased that this had gone so much better than he had hoped – she was staying in the city and she wasn't too upset with him for forcing the point.

Torren grumbled from under John's hand and this time John knew the sound wasn't going to stop with just a touch of reassurance. Okay, his babysitting skills would be put to the test right away. He reached into the crib and picked up the boy, already aware that the nappy was definitely going to have to be changed.

He realised, belatedly, that he had just offered to change a lot of nappies in his future.

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TBC