A/N: Yay for long author's notes! okay I really need to stop listening to Dane Cook while trying to write a serious chapter. Ugh! I'm starting to fall in love with Matt Skiba's voice too.
Oh! Question… which song do you like better: Hanging by a Moment or Everything? They're both by Lifehouse.
And yes, I do have a purpose in asking you, don't worry, its not completely random.
And I'm really in need of some motivation to keep writing, because I'm getting like 300 hits per chapter, and only an average of 5 reviews. So if you want me to continue, then you're going to have to tell me. Because if you don't I'm going to assume you think its crap and stop writing.
Disclaimer: not mine.
I walked through my bedroom door, still smiling, but stopped mid-doorway when I saw a figure sitting in my rocking chair, most likely staring straight at me. I couldn't tell, it was too dark. It was too big to be Alice, and too buff to be Edward. I could only assume it was one person.
"Emmett?" I squinted my eyes in a futile attempt to see in the darkness, but it wasn't working too well. I flipped on the light, and sure enough, Emmett Cullen was staring at me with a bemused grin on his face. He was the last person I would expect to be sitting in my bedroom at this time of night. I really had to start locking my window, but I didn't know how that would stop them, vampires could get through anything. Maybe I should put a sign up that says 'no vampires allowed after 12.' Not sure that would go over too well, though.
"So…how'd it go?" He asked.
I blinked a couple times; maybe I was hallucinating from lack of sleep. I heard that happens to people sometimes. "What are you doing here?"
"That's an interesting way of answering my question, Bella," he leaned forward in the rocking chair, making it creak a little. He looked really out of place in my bedroom, it was kind of odd and funny at the same time.
"No seriously," I finally shut my bedroom door. "What are you doing here, Emmett?"
He rolled his eyes and gave a little chuckle. "Rosalie and Alice made me come because they couldn't wait until tomorrow to hear what happened. They knew that Edward would notice if one of them was conveniently missing right after your date. So, they sent me, because Edward would never suspect me of coming to your house at midnight," he explained.
"Oh," I shrugged. "That makes sense." I was definitely sure I wasn't hallucinating by now.
"So, back to my original question, how did it go?"
I strode over to my bed and sat down facing the very out of place vampire in front of me. "Well," I began. "It went."
Emmett frowned at my lack of answer. "It went?" He raised an eyebrow.
"What else am I supposed to say?" I complained. "It was the best date I've ever been on, but…"
"There's a 'but'?"
"Unfortunately," I cringed.
He waved a hand to encourage me to continue. "Please, do elaborate."
"Well," I sighed. "I don't know. He's killing me here, not literally but you know what I mean, right?" Emmett nodded. "I don't understand how every conversation we have goes from fun and light to serious and heart-breaking. I want to forgive him so badly, but I still can't trust him. I'm so afraid he's going to leave again. I'm so afraid that he's going to decide that I'm not worth it and give up on me. Emmett, I couldn't deal with that if he did. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let that happen. I couldn't stand another heart break. But he's making it so hard not to forgive him. It's taking everything in me not to run into his arms and never let him go. Am I right for doing this? For making him work for my forgiveness? I'm not some horrible person, am I? Oh God, I'm evil. I'm an evil bitch," I stared down at my hands and started fidgeting. It was all I could do not to break down into sobs.
I heard Emmett get up, but I never expected him to do what he did. He picked me up from my bed and pulled me into a tight hug. My feet were dangling off the floor a little, and if anyone saw us, they probably would've burst out laughing.
When he finally let me go he said, "You're not evil, Bella, and you're definitely not a bitch. You're confused. You love Edward, but you're not sure if you can trust him. That's understandable. And he's trying. He's trying as hard as he can to win you back and make you trust him again, because he loves you. He'll go to the ends of the earth and back just to prove to you that he'll do anything you ask. You have to believe me when I say that Edward is not leaving. He's here to stay, we all are. You're family, Bella, we won't leave you. You're being a lot stronger than I expected, though. I'm very impressed; if I were you I would have broken down already."
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Instead, I placed a kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Emmett. You're the best big brother any girl could ask for."
He smiled sheepishly and hugged me again. "As long as we've established that I'm family. I love you too, Bella."
I yawned. "Well, as much as I love having this conversation, the human needs her sleep."
"Oh," Emmett jumped back a little. "Right. I forget sometimes that you're still human."
"Is that a compliment? I'm not sure; I'm too tired to decipher if it is or not," I yawned again.
"Hmm," Emmett stroked his chin. "I suppose it could be a compliment. Well, anyway, you have to sleep; Alice and Rosalie want you at the house bright and early and they want every last detail."
"Oh, great," I rolled my eyes. "Good night, Emmett."
"Good night, Bella," He replied, and then he was gone.
I walked into the house without even knocking. I had gotten into the habit in the last week, and since none of the Cullens slept, I never disturbed anything. There was always at least one person downstairs to greet me so it wasn't like I was intruding.
Alice was sitting on the couch with Jasper. They were curled up together and watching something on the TV. They looked adorable together.
"Morning, Alice," I smiled. "Morning, Jasper."
Alice was up from the couch and hugging me in an instant, and Jasper just raised a hand to acknowledge that he heard me. He was way too involved in the show to even look away from the screen.
"I can't stay long, I'm going to La Push to meet Jacob and Embry later," I said as Alice and I made our way into the dining room. It was tradition now; every morning I had breakfast specially made, even if it was just cereal or something. She settled me down at the table and then went back to Jasper.
I was half-way through my meal when I noticed that Edward was sitting in the seat opposite me, and watching me as I ate. Can you say creepy? I sure can.
"Edward, stop staring. It's disturbing," I glared at him as best I could, but it didn't work the way I wanted it too.
He grinned. "Sorry, it's just…how can you eat that? It looks disgusting."
"It's really not," I shoved a spoonful of Coca Puffs in my mouth. "You want some?" I waved the spoon in his direction.
"No, thanks," He scrunched up his nose. "Wait, why are you asking? I'm not human, remember?"
"It makes things easier," I shrugged. "If I think of you as human."
"What?" He looked confused. "Why?"
"If I think of you as a human, then I don't have to feel as guilty if I reject you. Because, if you're human, then you can die, and if you can die, then you won't have to remember me for eternity," I explained.
"You're thinking about rejecting me," Edward said. It was a statement, not a question and his tone had a hint of sadness. I chose to ignore it because if I didn't I knew I wouldn't be able to resist him anymore. I would probably drop everything and rush over to him to comfort him. Not happening, Bella. Nope.
I shrugged again. "It's always a possibility, Edward, you should know that," I looked down at the cereal box watch on my wrist, and realized I had to go. "Oh crap! I gotta jet," I paused half-way out of my seat. "Um, Edward?"
He looked up at me curiously and waited for me to continue. "Will you tell Alice and Rose to meet me at my house tonight? I think they wanted to talk to me or something."
"Oh," he nodded. "Yeah, sure."
"Thanks," I smiled and started sprinting to my Mustang.
"Jacob!" I held my arms out to him and he lifted me off the ground and spun me around. "Where's Embry?"
"You reek of vampire, Bella," Jacob stated while putting me back on the ground. He scrunched up his nose and held me from him as if that would make the smell any better.
"Oh," I shrugged. "Yeah, sorry about that. I've been hanging out at the Cullen's house all week."
"You what?" He growled, his face suddenly all seriously and mean.
"I have the right to hang out with who ever I want, Jake, don't be getting all mad at me for it," I pointed out.
"You and Edward aren't…together again. Are you?"
"No," I almost yelled in surprise. "Absolutely not," I shook my head furiously.
Jacob lightened up a little. "And you're not going to get back to together with him, right?"
I winced. "There…might be a possibility."
"Isabella Swan, I refuse to let you go near that bloodsucker."
I stepped back, shocked. Oh he did not just say that. "Ex…excuse me?" I stammered.
Jacob stood his ground. "You heard me."
"How dare you!" I screamed. "There is no way in hell that you have the right to say such a thing Jacob Black!"
"I think I do," he said. "That stupid bloodsucker hurt you once and I know he'll do it again. You will not go near him."
"Jake, you can't forbid me to see someone. Especially when you know you won't step foot in Forks while he's there," I shook my head in disbelief.
I had never fought with Jacob, that's what made our relationship so awesome. I couldn't believe that the second I finally get to see him again, he tells me I can't see Edward. Who did he think he was, my father? And I thought Edward was over protective.
"You're not allowed to see him, Bella." Jacob growled.
I turned around and headed back to my Mustang. "Try and stop me," I spat and drove away.
I shifted into fourth gear and continued speeding down the road. It was raining now, hard. I wanted to laugh at how ironic it was that the weather matched my mood at the moment, but I didn't think I was capable of laughing right now. I couldn't even smile at the Dane Cook that was blaring out of my speakers.
I couldn't believe I just told Jacob Black, my best friend, to try and stop me. What was thinking? Why did I even start the fight with him? Wait, what was I doing? Jake deserved it. He had no right to tell me I couldn't see Edward. It didn't matter if I was with him or not, I should be able to see him if I wanted to. Ugh! Men. Why were they always trying to protect me? I'm not that fragile.
I didn't know where I was driving. I was just following the road, and crying, and trying to see out the windshield. I slowed down a little, to make sure I didn't kill myself. I was back in Forks by now, and I was driving through downtown. I passed the street to Charlie's house and kept driving straight. A minute later I was pulling up to the Cullen mansion.
I parked behind Edward's Volvo and shut off the engine. But I didn't make a move to leave the confines of my car. I couldn't move. I could only sit there, listening to the rain on the roof and cry my eyes out. Had I really chosen my ex-boyfriend over my best friend? Oh God, I did.
I started crying even harder. My breathing was coming in short gasps and I wanted to scream. But I couldn't, I didn't have the energy. I didn't even fight back when Edward came outside and pulled me from the car. I didn't fight as he carried me into the house and up the stairs and into his room. I felt safe in his arms, safer than I had felt in months. I didn't want him to let me go. I didn't want him to move.
"Bella," he whispered. "What's wrong?"
My breathing was still a little erratic, but it was coming steadily now. I didn't have to gasp for oxygen anymore. I didn't answer Edward; I just buried my head deeper into his chest and kept crying.
Slowly the tears subsided and was I was finally able to push myself away from Edward's grasp. "Sorry," I bit my lip and curled up on the opposite side of the couch.
"What happened? You were gone for fifteen minutes and then you show up again, crying hysterically," he frowned at me.
"Fifteen minutes? It seemed so much longer than that," I rested my chin on my knees and looked at Edward.
"Yeah, well with your driving the way it is now, I'm surprised it even took that long," he gave a small smile. "What's up with that anyway?"
"Yeah, about that," I inhaled deeply. "While you were gone I sort of acquired a couple motorcycles and Jacob helped me fix them up and taught me how to ride. I guess speeding just came from that."
"Motorcycles…as in plural? Motorcycles," Edward gaped at me. "I thought that when I left you promised not to do anything stupid."
I shrugged. "I figured that since you could break your promise, I could break mine. And I was sort of doing it so I could hear your voice."
"Hear my voice?" He seemed confused.
I blushed a little and hid my face. "When I got adrenaline rushes, I found that I could hear your voice. Jacob said it was just my way of a little wish fulfillment, but I don't know, maybe I was just delusional."
Edward frowned again. "I'm not sure whether to be flattered or to yell at you for putting yourself into dangerous situations."
"I prefer if you were just flattered, but I guess I would know where you were coming from if you yelled at me," I started chewing on my bottom lip.
Edward sighed. "You know, you never answered my original question. What happened to you?"
"Jacob and I got into a fight."
"About?" He questioned.
"You," I whispered.
"Me? Why would you fight about me?"
I sighed and looked up at him. His face was full of worry and confusion. "Jake told me that I wasn't allowed to see you. That you broke my heart once and you were bound to do it again. But I told him he had no right to forbid me from seeing anyone. I told him he could try to stop me, and then I left."
"You chose me over your best friend," he stated.
"I guess I did," I replied.
I stood up from the couch and straightened out my clothes. "I'd better go," I turned to leave but Edward stopped me.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him. We were inches apart now; I could feel his breath on my face. He was staring down at me with those eyes that made want to melt. But this wasn't the way I wanted it to go, this wasn't the way I imagined it to happen. I was vulnerable, and he was taking advantage of me. So not fair.
"Edward," I whispered. "Please don't."
