Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis or Lilting Glamour's characters
A/N: Guys, there's a really long A/N at the end about something kind of personal but really important to me, so you can skip over it if you want but it's just something I wanted to say.
~xXx~
"But if you'll never try then you'll never know
Just what you're worth."
-Coldplay, Fix You
~xXx~
"Are you okay, Sakaki-sensei?" Chizuru tilted her head, brows knitted in concern. She had asked him if she could pick up some sheet music after tennis practice, and he was currently unlocking the music room. "You look very tired."
Sakaki managed a small, wry smile. "Everything's alright, Kataoka," he nodded, rubbing his temples. "Prefectures are tomorrow, as you know, and the boys are rather excited."
Chizuru laughed quietly. "Sorano-buchou and Himura-fukubuchou are really busy, too, deciding the lineup and all that stuff," she agreed. "And Akechi-senpai being Akechi-senpai must be trying to kill us with conditioning."
He could easily imagine that. "Are you enjoying being on the team again?" Chizuru was one of the few members of the girls' team that didn't hate him, and he hoped to keep things that way. Sakaki was good friends with Aomori, her piano teacher, and often helped out with lessons and competitions.
The girl's rose colored eyes dimmed, her teeth biting into her lip. "Of course I am, but…" she trailed off uncertainly, like she was afraid of admitting something. "…but I'm the worst one on the team, so Sorano-buchou probably won't put me in the lineup that much, and I think she'll probably make Airi-chan captain next year."
Ah. That was what this was about. Once upon a time ago Sakaki might have told her to quit, that if she was the worst she wasn't good enough, but things had changed since he was coaching middle school tennis.
Atobe and the other third year boys had requested him to coach their high school team, as "the current once is an idiot" according to Mukahi. But they had made a deal with him saying that he was not allowed to make decisions on who would be cut.
"So nobody's allowed to get cut once they make it as a regular? Is that what you're trying to say?" Sakaki had laughed harshly, shaking his head in disbelief. Honestly, what on earth were these boys thinking, saying that they knew more than him.
Shishido shook his head. "What we're trying to say is that just because someone loses an official match doesn't mean they can be kicked off the team. Do you really still think nobody deserves a second chance?" He stated gruffly, staring him straight in the eye. Of course Shishido would say that, when he himself had fallen off the mountain and climbed back up to the top.
Sakaki could emphasize with that.
The next year, he transferred from middle school to high school tennis coaching, and there he met Miura Fuyuko, one of the most interesting people he'd ever met. At twenty-five, she explained that she had dropped out of college during her second year and had been making a small income with her paintings. She worked as Hyotei's art teacher and girls' tennis team coach to support herself and lived a steady life.
He hadn't liked her at first, found her to be wishy-washy and so annoyingly smiley. But then he saw her lead her team that afternoon, and realized that she was not to be taken lightly. The woman knew what she was doing, and her authority was never questioned. It was rather strange how it all worked out, but he never doubted her again.
Until she'd presumably gotten fired and told him later that she'd quit, that is. Now he didn't quite know what to think of her. Especially not after what had happened the last time he'd tried visiting her.
Kataoka though, he found, was different from the likes of Shishido and Taki. Sakaki would be lying to say she was a bad tennis player, because she was actually quite good. He could see how she thought she was the worst but didn't know if it was necessarily true.
"So what?" He suddenly blurted out, causing Chizuru to almost drop her sheet music in surprise. "I don't know or think you are, but so what if you're the worst? There's no such thing as a weak link, and you're incredibly multi-talented, Kataoka. You could do whatever you want and still succeed."
She mumbled out a quick thank you, but didn't quite seem convinced as she left the room.
He's surprised himself yet again, because he definitely wouldn't have found himself saying those words three years ago.
Too many things have changed since then.
~xXx~
"This is such a joke," Yuuka yawned, lacing her fingers behind her head. "St. Rudolph isn't worth shit."
This caused Tsukiko to shoulder check her like she always did, a motion the girls on the team came to recognize after a while. "Don't scare them off again, Yuuka. I for one actually want to get through a full match," she chided.
Doubles 2 was starting in half an hour, and the Sorano/Akechi pair was going to be playing it this round. All the other girls besides Erena had wandered off somewhere, a certain pair of sophomores probably off causing trouble. Or, as Tsukiko put it, having a magical adventure that involved unicorns and rainbows.
Dear lord, she was starting to freak herself out with those kind of thoughts. What was she, five?
Erena, who was slotted for Singles 2 just in case—nobody doubted Hyotei wouldn't sweep St. Rudolph, but whatever—had been staring off somewhere for a good while now. Suddenly, she grinned and nudged Tsukiko. "Would you look at that," she commented, grinning wider than before.
That caught the attention of even Yuuka, who shifted slightly from her comfortable position on the bench. "Well well well," she stretched out the words, her own grin broad. "That's something indeed. Look, Tsuki, your favorite sophomore is finally making a move."
Tsukiko, who had no idea what she was talking about, glanced up. Chizuru and Choutarou were sitting together at a picnic table with several books and papers spread out. They were even sitting on the same side, conversing peacefully as they did their homework together.
Good for you, Chizuru-chan, Tsukiko thought warmly. I'm proud of you.
Though she was very fond of Airi, the red haired captain had to admit that she liked Chizuru better. Airi was energetic and a ray of sunshine, yes, but there was something about Chizuru's quiet diligence that really struck her. And the fact that the first time she met her it had been because Tsukiko had overheard her confession to Choutarou, but that wasn't important. The girl had been crying silently after he had rejected her, and Tsukiko had naturally felt the need to comfort her.
Suddenly, Tsukiko couldn't help but feel lonely, like she was missing out on something that everyone else had. Yuuka and Erena had broken up with Atobe and Oshitari, but they had at least had good relationships. Now Chizuru, who she would forever think of as a younger sister, was making some progress. Tsukiko couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever move from square one, if she would ever get her first kiss or confession.
She tried to ignore it, but a bitter, nasty voice in her head whispered to all of them—to Yuuka and Erena and even shy, worn down Chizuru of all people—, what do you have that I don't?
Jealousy was such an ugly, ugly thing, and Tsukiko didn't feel so pretty anymore.
~xXx~
Well this is awkward…
Chizuru had been surprised and slightly mortified when Anna had passed on Jun's message to her but hadn't questioned it, deciding to just go along with it. But even though Choutarou didn't show any sign of remembering her failed confession to him all those years ago, it didn't help that they were both slightly awkward people and Shishido was sitting only a few feet away from them.
"You almost got it this time, Ootori-kun, except you misspelled 'rhythm.'" She read over his answers.
Choutarou, who had added an "e" by accident, looked confused. "But doesn't every word in English have to have a vowel in it?" He pointed out.
"Sometimes a 'y' counts as a vowel," Chizuru explained, a small smile on her face. "But you're absolutely right, Ootori-kun."
He smiled in return, ambers eyes closed in a peaceful expression. "You were a part of the exchange group in middle school right, Kataoka-san? How did you like America?"
He actually knew I existed back then? "It's nice there, and Denver's really pretty, but I got lost with Etsu-chan once and it took a long time to get back." She admitted, laughed a little. "Shioya-sensei was really mad at us and we got lectured, so I don't know if I'm exactly welcome to go back."
Choutarou laughed. "I wanted to go on that trip, you know," he mentioned. "But my English grades weren't nearly high enough, so I wasn't allowed to go." There was a trace of ruefulness in his voice, and Chizuru couldn't help but feel just a little sorry for him. Only the top twenty scorers in English went, Kabaji included, and Choutarou had never been able to get a grasp on the language.
"Well, there's always next year," she reminded gently, propping open the textbook to a new page. "And if you want to go, you'll just have to study hard, Ootori-kun." And if you can't make it I would give up my spot for you. You don't know how much I would give up for you, even if it's stupid of me to do so.
He smiled at her again, and she couldn't help but feel so good and yet so sad.
~xXx~
Hyotei made a clean sweep of St. Rudolph, advancing easily to the second round of prefectures. By request of Tsukiko and Shun, they were to meet up at Erena's house after dinner to discuss something important.
"Why Fukumitsu-senpai's house, though?" Airi wondered as she and Chizuru walked to the address.
Chizuru smiled a little. "Every time there's any kind of meeting it's always held at Erena-senpai's house because there's the most space there. Everyone else has siblings, but not her, so it's quieter." She paused for a second, rethought something. "Actually, I think they all have siblings. Akechi-senpai and Himura-fukubuchou have younger brothers, and Sorano-buchou has a sister. I think Hayashi-senpai's sister moved out though."
"What about Shiina-senpai?" Airi hardly even knew Ikue, sometimes she even forgot she was there.
"Shiina-senpai…I don't know. She never shares anything about her home life, I guess she's just a very private person," the curly haired girl mused.
The shorter girl said, "Then how come Shiina-senpai and Hayashi-senpai can be such good friends?" Anna and Ikue's friendship was the strangest phenomenon she'd ever seen, and she still couldn't wrap her head around.
"Well…" Chizuru cast her eyes to the sidewalk. "How are we friends then, Airi-chan?" She asked quietly.
Airi paused, actually stopped walking and stood there for a second. She was not one to question friendships usually, just thought that if people got along they were friends. She had never stopped to think about her relationship with Kabaji, wondered all of a sudden if she had been neglecting him recently because she'd finally made some friends that were girls.
Tomorrow I'll ask Munehiro if he wants to come over. Keigo-senpai too, if he's not busy.
She jogged to catch up with Chizuru, linked their arms together. "Because we're just so special, Zuru." Airi decided, flashing her a bright grin. Of all the people she knew, Chizuru was indeed special and needed to be told so. She wouldn't believe it, Airi knew, but that didn't mean she wouldn't ever.
"'Zuru'?" She looked absolutely perplexed, like the name was foreign and unfamiliar on her tongue.
"It's your nickname, since Chizuru is too long. That's why I call Munehiro 'Mune' sometimes."
"Huh."
"Come on, Zuru, we're going to be late."
For some stupidly nice reason—Airi's suggestion, obviously—they skip the rest of the way there, arms linked the whole time.
~xXx~
"I'm impressed, Yoshida, you're actually not late for once," Yuuka commented, flicking the short girl on the forehead. "Though Kataoka probably had to drag you all the way here so you wouldn't get distracted by the first doughnut shop or whatever. Props to you, Kataoka," as she ruffled Chizuru's long hair.
Tsukiko appeared, pushing Yuuka out of the way. "In other words, we're glad you're here. Everyone else is up in Erena's room right now, let's go," she smiled warmly, leading them with such familiarity they would have thought it was her own home.
It was a nice house, decently big but not oversized to the point of extravagance like Atobe's many mansions. There were hints of Greek architecture in the staircases and roof shape, creating quite a nice affect. Airi quite liked the simple yet tasteful designs. "So what's with this sudden meeting, Tsukiko-buchou?" she asked, suddenly remembering they'd come in the first place.
The captain smiled a little, opening the door to Erena's room. "You'll find out in a second, Airi-chan."
Airi was going to reply, but all words were stuck in her throat when she got a look at the bedroom. It was quite literally covered in photos, the walls made up of high quality photos. Even the floor, she noticed, was neatly arranged out of photographs, with a clear, sealed coating to protect them and make it possible to walk over. And they were pictures of just about everything, from mountain scenery to goofy pictures of friends.
She noted with particular interest that Tsukiko and Yuuka were in many of them, yet there weren't many recent ones of Erena. Most of the pictures she appeared in showed a younger version of her with long, jet black hair in low pigtails. Even Oshitari showed up in quite a few of them, along with a brown haired boy who looked about their age with the same blue eyes as Oshitari.
"That's Kenya-kun, Yuushi's cousin," Erena explained from her perch on the bed, snapping Airi's attention away from the photos. She didn't know how the senior had noticed her looking at that exact photo out of undeniably hundreds, but didn't say anything either. "I take these all myself."
"That's…that's amazing, Erena-senpai!" Airi exclaimed in awe. "But how come you didn't finish the ceiling?" The ceiling was only half covered, the half above her bed left bare with white paint.
Erena merely smiled. "Because I'm looking for something that's important enough to be the first thing I see when I wake up."
~xXx~
There was a TV in Erena's room, which Yuuka inserted a tape into. She cleared her throat, cracking her knuckles smartly. "All right girls, let get to it. We crushed St. Rudolph today, but it won't be that easy next week. We're playing Seigaku."
Ikue raised a brow in surprise. Seigaku already? She had expected to meet them in the prefecture finals, not the second round. But it didn't matter, because win or lose, Hyotei would move on to the Kantou. Everyone knew that it was Hyotei or Seigaku to be number one from Tokyo, but the only question was which one.
"Is this why you called us all over here? So we could watch Seigaku's tape?" Anna checked.
"Of course," Yuuka nodded, dropping down onto a beanbag chair. "And now we watch."
~xXx~
"Want to come over to my place today?"
Anna blinked. She had spent a lot of time with Ikue at her own house, but the other girl had never so much as mentioned her family life before. Anna didn't even know where she lived, or whether she even had a place in Tokyo. "Oh, sure…"
She wondered vaguely if Ikue's home life wasn't the best either. Anna already knew that Shun's parents had recently gotten divorced and that she'd cut all contact with three of her siblings, so it didn't seem like too far of a stretch to say that maybe Ikue's parents were divorced too. Just like mine, actually, she thought with twisted amusement.
They walked through a neighborhood Anna recognized, but not in a good way. This was the "trashy" place as her mother used to say, the place where the middle and lower class families lived (to which she'd been reminded that they technically weren't upper class either). It didn't seem that bad though, even if the only residential areas were apartments. She thought of her own house, not too big but decently sized with lots of rooms.
Who knew that Shiina Ikue of all people was at Hyotei on scholarship, too. She must be, if she lived in this kind of place.
This kind of place. Oh shit, she was turning into her mother now. God help her in case she ever turned into that kind of person.
They walked up to the fourth floor, where Ikue suddenly paused in front of number 416, pausing and staring down at the ground. She gulped a little, said, "There's a reason I don't talk about my home life, you know."
Anna could emphasize with that. "I get it."
"Yeah," Ikue nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear—and Anna suddenly noticed how she kept the two strips of dye always visible, that they were brushed carefully so they were in view at any angle. "But this is a little different, so..."
"Honestly, Shiina," Anna interrupted, smiling a little. "I won't judge you."
She merely smiled a twisted smile. "Will you really not, though?" Before the blonde girl could reply she had already unlocked the door and strode in.
Confused, Anna followed her into the apartment. It was smaller than she'd thought, though considerably bigger than a studio apartment—well, that should have been obvious though. When she saw a picture hanging on the wall, however, she froze, mouth dropping open. "Shiina…" It made so much sense now, why Ikue was so closed off about her personal life.
She looked away from the picture, saw Ikue standing with two people next to her. The smile on her face was even more twisted than before, and it was directed at Anna's shocked expression.
"Hayashi, meet my dads."
~xXx~
Erena didn't come here often, but when she did it was just for fun. She was naturally athletic and picked up sports easily so street basketball was a great sport to play when she wanted to relax. Unlike tennis, she didn't possess prodigal talents at basketball so there was no pressure and no expectations, just pure enjoyment.
"Hyotei wins!"
A very tall girl with black hair cracked her knuckles in victory and slapped Erena on the shoulder. "That last layup, Fukumitsu? You really should have joined us," Morita Leiko, the captain of the Hyotei girls' basketball team grinned. "Wasted talents, such wasted talents."
Erena rolled her eyes, ignoring the fact that the slap actually hurt. "About time you noticed, Morita-chan. You've just figured out why you haven't won yet in all your years on the team," she replied cheekily, ducking to avoid Leiko's fist.
"Oi, we're the third seed so we're not weak," she scoffed, cracking her knuckles again—the sound made the hairs on the back of Erena's neck stand up, god she hated that sound. "And the season hasn't officially started yet, but we're going to win this year, I just know it."
The winner will be Hyotei. "Good luck then, Morita-chan. You're really going to need it," Erena said quietly. "I think we have a chance this year, but Rikkai's as strong as ever. And we're playing Seigaku next week, which is pretty crazy to imagine since it's so early in the season." She thought of the video they'd watched earlier, of their Singles 1 player. It was unknown whether Seigaku would manage to bring them to five games, but they were serious and didn't take any shit this year.
Leiko grimaced a little at the mention of Seigaku. "Damn, you just reminded me. Seigaku's basketball is the first seed." She stretched out her back a lot less catlike than when Yuuka did it. "You'll come and watch though, won't you?"
Erena smiled a little. "Depends. Yuushi's invited me to go to his cousin's wedding in Osaka around the time your tournament starts, so we'll have to wait and see."
"Oshitari? Why are you going to his cousin's wedding with him?" The taller girl raised a brow curiously and skeptically.
"To be honest, I don't want to go," she confessed, staring at the basketball in her hands. It was Leiko's personal ball, and the surface was worn almost completely smooth and shiny. "I said I'd go if he doesn't find someone else, but I'd really rather not."
She thought of Yuushi and all his charming features and love for women, of how he knew her better than even Tsukiko and Yuuka. In some ways she'd taken his friendship for granted, didn't reveal any answers because he knew better than to ask. But he deserved better, and she knew that he probably didn't want to go to the wedding with her either. There were so many other girls out there, girls as graceful as Tsukiko, girls as mysterious as Ikue, and so many girls that were beautiful like Anna.
He could do so much better, and maybe that was why she'd never answered his unspoken questions. Maybe she was afraid of him actually finding someone better to replace her and forget about their friendship.
Which was why she needed him to go Greece with her, because that was the only way she'd be able to answer any questions. And after all that was over she thought she could maybe let him find someone so much better and then it wouldn't be as painful to have him forget about her.
You've given me so much Yuushi, and I'd like to finally repay you.
She tossed the ball back to Leiko, exhaled a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "If he really can't find someone though, I will go. Because isn't that what friends do?"
~xXx~
End
~xXx~
A/N: So this is my really long and personal note, and you don't have to read it because it is really long and personal but I just want to let you know that I don't think I'll be updating for at least a few weeks and that I didn't put any fun facts at the end because I'm just not up to it.
Earlier this week a boy in my grade that sat next to me in math died by suicide. I can't exactly say I knew him all that well, but we talked sometimes and said hi in the hallways and it's just something that everything in our grade feels terrible about. Like, we're all wondering if there's something we did, and the teachers all feel guilty, and it's heartbreaking thinking how his parents and younger sister must feel. Nobody should ever even have to think about that, and it's just terrible and sad.
And I would have never expected something like this to happen to him. I mean yes, he'd been really quiet and seemed really sad for about two years now, which I guess is where his battle with depression started, but still. He was an honors student and wasn't bullied or anything, he was actually pretty popular. We had an all school assembly in the morning, and everyone was silent for a good minute before we all started crying. All of us were crying, even the freshmen and sophomores who didn't know him. Because it makes us wonder if other people are going through the same things, and some people had similar experiences. Half the seniors, including me, were so distressed that the teachers told us to go home for the day. We were told that there was so much academic pressure put on him that eventually his depression got the better of him, which I think is crudely worded but so, so true.
I'm an honors student too, and in terms of popularity standing and all that crap I guess I'm sort of like him. And I will honestly say that I cried out of half grief for him and half because it could have happened to me, or more importantly it could have happened to my brother. I'm in advanced math and writing classes, but my brother, Alec, is on a completely different level. By freshmen year he was only taking classes that were exclusively for juniors and seniors, and by senior year—my age—he only went to high school for music and took all his academic courses at the local university. All those years he was always the top of the class, even when the classes were so beyond his age level. He graduated from Cambridge University a few years back and is now doing very well as an adult, but none of that changes that fact that it could have been him who committed suicide.
Alec fought with depression all throughout high school because like the boy who died, there was just too much academic pressure on him and he almost broke multiple times during his last two years of high school. I see him every month and Skype and text him all the time, and I know that he's much better now—he's permanently settled down in London with a good job and is engaged to a girl he met in Cambridge—, but what if he had broken? I never thought too much into it before what happened last week, but then I spoke to one of the guidance counselors about it and they recommended that I went home for the day. So I did, but I cried so much when I got home that I didn't go to school the next day either.
I know it's selfish to think of myself in this situation, but I couldn't help but think about what could have happened. Before entering high school my parents had already planned for me to be like Alec and take only advanced honors classes. So I spent the whole summer before freshmen year studying. I didn't see any of my friends, and Alec was traveling during that summer. When the tests came by I was completely calm and confident but then I didn't pass any of them. I almost got into calculus and physics but my other scores were abysmal. I felt like complete shit for a long time, because I had spent a whole summer studying and it wasn't enough because I was constantly being reminded by my parents that I wasn't nearly as good as Alec. The first few weeks of freshmen year were terrible because everyone knew what had happened and all the sympathy and pity started getting really suffocating. I'm okay now, but it just hurt so much to see my parents look so disappointed and say that I wasn't good enough.
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say at this point, but I guess it's just that Alec and my three younger brothers and my parents all mean the world to me, and what happened last week just hit me really hard. It's impossible for me to forget how depressed Alec was during high school, and when he left for university in another country we were all so worried that something bad might happen to him. I had a shitty time during my first year of high school, and I've learned a lot from that. My parents have too, because I still have three younger brothers who haven't gone to high school yet and I don't want them to go through the same stuff I went through and definitely not the depression that caused Alec to suffer so much. I just don't want anyone to ever go through that, and even though it's horribly cliché it's true that talking to someone does help. Keeping it all in is so much worse, trust me.
The boy's funeral is soon, and our grade is planning a memorial for him, so this will be my last update for a long time. I love writing, but it's honestly the last thing I want to do until the memorial is over, which should be in a couple weeks. So thanks for reading this really long and really personal note, and I'm sorry for spilling it all out here. I wrote this chapter a long time before this note, but I just didn't feel up to posting it yet until now. It's a tough time now for everyone in our community and there are a lot of personal things I need to address first.
Thanks for all the reviews and support, it really means a lot.
-Cara
