Olivia sat in the waiting room as Mark had surgery. She was in the intensive care unit.

Jenny and Zane came into the hospital after Olivia called them. James agreed to go and watch the twins and Lilly and bring them to the hospital in the morning.

"How's he doing?" Zane asked.

"Still in surgery" Olivia answered almost numb. She was covered in Mark's blood.

Zane took off his dress shirt and handed it to her. He had a tank top under. "Here. You should change."

Olivia nodded a little and took her stepsons shirt. "Thanks" She got up and went to the bathroom.

Jenny glanced over at Zane. He had a ripped body. "I didn't know you had a tattoo," She pointed to his shoulder. It was his mom's name tattooed in cursive. He had another tattoo on his bicep.

Zane shrugged and sat down. Jenny sat down by him. "Do you have any tattoos?"

She smirked and blushed. "No."

He noticed the blushing. "Liar. Where is it?'

"None of your business." She playfully nudged him with her arm. He had incredibly soft skin. She noticed scars on his back. "What is that?" She gently touched his back where his scars were.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She moved her hand. "Trade you. I tell you where my tattoo is and you tell me what that is."

"Something from the army. I don't really like talk about it. Bad experience."

She nodded "Tortured?" He shrugged. "That answers it" She took his hand and placed it on her lower back right above her butt. "My tattoo is right there."

Zane smirked. "Can I see?"

Jenny shook her head. "No" She answered. "It's private."

"Ok" He moved his hand away. "So who actually knows about this tattoo?"

"The chick that put it on me" Jenny smiled. "Dickie and you."

Zane grinned and nodded. "Sweet."

Olivia came back. She was in her jeans and Zane's dress shirt. She sat down by Jenny. "Did the doctor come out yet?"

"No" Jenny answered. "Nice shirt mom."

"Seriously Olivia, pimping" Zane added with a nod.

Olivia rolled her eyes knowing they were trying to make her smile. "Thanks guys."

Zane got up. "I'm going for some coffee. Anybody want anything?"

"Coffee" Both women answered at the same time.

Zane nodded. "Sure." He went down the hall to get coffee. A nurse smiled at him as she walked past him. He instantly turned around and followed her. "Hi there."

"Hi' the young nurse replied with a smile. "How can I help you?"

He stuck his hands in his somewhat baggy pants. "How can I help you is the question"

"I'm on duty." She shrugged. "Sorry."

"Well I was going to get coffee but I made time for you honey." He leaned on the wall and then noticed Jenny looking at him. "On second thought you should get back to work. Got lives to save. Nice to meet you." He winked at the nurse and went back to Olivia and Jenny.

"Forgot the coffee?" Jenny asked. "Or did you leave it with the nice nurse?"

Zane nodded and instantly got up. "Coffee. Right." He walked away again.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the two. Lately they have been very jealous of the people the other hits on. She figured it was a weird protective thing. She said nothing.

Zane came back a couple of minutes later with the coffee and gave them to Jenny and Olivia. He sat down by them and sipped his own coffee as all of them kept quiet.

Brad and Casey came into the waiting room and spotted Olivia sitting there. Olivia called both since she wanted Casey there with her and knew Casey wanted Brad with her. Though she told Brad to come just because Mark was his boss.

"How's he doing?" Casey asked.

"Still in surgery" Olivia answered. "He lost a lot of blood though."

Zane caught Jenny's attention and jerked his head behind them. She nodded and both got up and sat in the chairs behind them so they would leave Olivia and the other two alone to talk.

They sat facing each other and started to play Slaps. Jenny kept slapping Zane's hand since he wasn't quick enough.

Olivia got up to call James to make sure everything was ok. Brad and Casey sat down and kept quiet.

"So…this sucks" Brad finally spoke up.

Casey nodded. "Yeah. Did Ben have fun the other day?"

"Yeah. I took him to the park and then the zoo. He had fun."

Casey kept quiet for a bit until finally looking over at him. "Look Brad…I was thinking on my way over here…that I don't want anything like this to happen to you. Especially because of Ben. We should work this out."

Brad stared at the ground. "I guess."

"I can wait for you to figure this out but I don't want to wait forever. Tell me now if you can trust me. If you can't then this marriage really won't work out."

He nodded a little. "I trust you…I don't trust myself."

"Why?"

He kept quiet and finally looked up at her. "I don't want to hurt you or Ben." He turned to look at her. "Just be honest with me, please. Did you sleep with him?"

"Once. You know about that. I never slept with him again I swear." She whispered. "You be honest with me. Please. Are you having an affair?"

"No" He answered. "Of course not. Is that baby mine?"

"Yes she's yours. I told you when I was pregnant with Ben that if you don't want to be involved you don't have to. I'm not going to pressure you into fatherhood."

"Casey we are married. This isn't like when we were dating and I could have just walked away. We're married and having another child. You know I want to be involved."

Casey nodded. "Good. Since were being honest I have to tell you that Dakota came to my office a while back and kissed me. I stopped it right away though. Then he told me how you were having an affair. I believed him because it all fit. You hardly talked to me; you were always at work and out late. But if you say you're not having an affair then I'll believe you."

He shook his head. "Casey I was distant because I thought you slept with him again. I was out late at night drinking…by myself because I thought he fathered your child."

Casey shook her head. "Are we stupid or what? We let some asshole come in between us with a couple of lies huh?"

Brad put his hand out. "Honesty next time."

Casey smirked and took his hand. "Honesty"

He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Can I come back home now? My parents are driving me nuts."

She smirked and hugged him. "Yeah. Come home."

The doctor came out "Mark Anderson."

They all looked around since no one was biologically his family. Zane finally stood up. "I'm his son."

Olivia finally came back. "I'm his wife."

The doctor went over to Olivia since she was his next of kin. "He is going to make it. The cut wasn't that deep but it affected his vocal cords. He won't be able to talk alot. When he does it will be low. He is asleep now and should be up in a couple of hours. We gave him some medication for the pain and stitching."

Olivia nodded and shook the doctor's hand. "Thank you."

The doctor nodded and walked away.

"Did he just say he wouldn't be able to talk alot?" Casey asked in shock. Mark always had something to say so this was going to be weird for all of them.

"This is going to be fun." Zane added with a smile.

Olivia shook her head and went to Mark's room to see him. She closed the door behind her and spotted her husband sleeping. He had stitches across his neck. She sat down and took his hand glad he didn't leave her.

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Mark's eyes twitched a little feeling the sun on them. Last thing he remembered was his rapist's voice on his ear. He felt someone touch his cheek. He instantly grabbed the person's hand and twisted it.

"Mark open your eyes." Olivia instructed. She could feel her hand get numb under his strength that easily overpowered hers. "Baby it's me. Your wife."

He opened his eyes and slowly let go of her hand. "What happened?" He whispered. His voice was low and raspy.

"The cut affected your vocal cords. They said you wont have your voice back for a couple of weeks and it might hurt when you actually talk so you shouldn't talk a lot." She told him.

He nodded a little. He looked at her with a nod.

Olivia knew what he was asking since she knew how his brain worked. "I'm fine."

He nodded again and kept quiet.

Olivia sat down by him and took his hand. "How you feeling?"

He just shrugged and pulled her down to lie by him. She gave him a kiss and then rested her head on his chest. "I love you." He whispered softly.

She pulled him closer. "I love you too."

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One Week Later…

Mark sat on the couch in the Federal Plaza across his assigned shrink. He wasn't talking even if he could speak now physically. All that was heard was the tapping of the pen on the doctor's notepad.

"We still have fifty more minutes Mark." George Huang informed him. "You have been quiet for ten straight minutes."

Mark shrugged. "So? I can be quiet a whole day." He pointed to his neck where his stitches were. "This proves it."

"Did you get bored being quiet?"

"No." He answered simply. "I was still the asshole I always am."

"What do you mean by that?" The doctor asked.

Mark smirked a little at him. "I am selfish. I am loud. I only care about myself. I'm not a good husband. I wasn't a good son."

"You are a good father. You are a good FBI agent. You are extremely intelligent." Huang countered. "Do you feel you are not useful or worthy of anything now?"

"No doc," Mark got up and looked out the window from the tall building. "I don't feel anything. Life is life." He turned to look at him. "Do you know what I thought of when my wife held me as I bled in her arms?"

"What?" Huang asked softly. Mark was one of the people that had the most problems in his life. He needed a break but never took it.

"I wished I would die. I wanted this pain to go away. Not physical pain. Not even emotional pain. Simply hatred for myself."

"Why do you hate yourself?"

Mark leaned on the window and crossed his arms on his strong chest. He kept quiet for a couple of seconds as he thought. "I'm a failure. I'm weak. I have so much shit going on that I can't keep it straight. I'm a disappointment."

"To who?"

He looked up at him. "What?"

"To who are you a disappointment? You are the captain of the bureau. Your wife loves you. Your kids adore you. Whom are you a disappointment to?"

He shrugged softly. "Other people."

"Like who Mark?"

He shook his head and looked at his watch. "I have to go. I have to pick up the twins from school."

Huang got up from his leather chair. "Mark…come back tomorrow and be ready to answer the question."

Mark nodded and went to the door. He opened the door and stopped. He looked over his shoulder at the shrink. "Me." He answered simply and closed the door behind him.

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Mark paced around the precinct. He couldn't sleep and needed to see Olivia even if he knew she was still on a case. It was already two in the morning.

Olivia came out looking worried and very tired. She was in jeans and sweater. "Hey I got your text, what's wrong?" She went over to him.

He stopped pacing and just shrugged. "I just needed to see you."

Olivia softly hugged him. "You ok?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her head. "I don't know. I don't want to do this anymore." He whispered.

"Do what?" She whispered. She knew he gave up on himself easily when he couldn't handle the situation. He was so used to knowing what to do on his cases because he was so smart that when it came to him personally he was lost.

"This. Everything. I don't know what to do anymore." He shook his head. "I want this to end."

She stroked the back of his hair. "It's ok baby. We all get confused sometimes."

"I'm always confused. Ever since I came home from the hospital I couldn't stop thinking that he will come back. I'm scared for you and the kids. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want it to end."

She slowly let go of him and rested her palms on his chest. "Go home. See the kids and try to get some sleep. We will talk when I get home."

"I can't sleep though. I just lay there because I'm so damn numb." He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "I don't feel anything and yet I'm in so much pain."

She softly nodded and placed a kiss on his lips. "Why don't you come upstairs and hang out with me for a while? Keep me company while I work ok?"

He nodded softly. "Sure. Thanks."

She took his hand and led him into the precinct. She knew it was much safer for him to be with her while he was so down instead him doing something stupid. She walked with him into the squad room and pointed to Elliot's desk. "He is sleeping, take his seat for now."

Mark nodded and sat down across her. He just sat there quietly and watched Olivia look through files. "I love you." He spoke up since no one was in the room.

Olivia smiled a little and kept reading her file. "I love you too."

He got up poured both of them some coffee. He placed one cup by her and then sat in Elliot's chair again. He put the cup in front of him and just stared at the black liquid. "Do I disappoint you?"

Olivia looked up at him. "What?"

"Do I disappoint you? Did I ever disappoint you?"

She shook her head. "You never disappointed me. Except the time you cheated on me but that's a totally different animal. But overall as a person you don't disappoint me. Ever."

He nodded a little. "I'm glad to know. I feel like I disappoint myself. I could be a better person but I'm not. I wish I was."

"You are a good person. You are a great husband and an amazing father."

He took a deep breath and took a sip of his coffee. "If I'm such a great husband then why do you always need to fix me when I'm down?"

"I said you were a great husband not Superman." She teased with a smile.

He smiled a little. It the first smile in the whole week. This got Olivia to grin since she loved and missed his smile during all this that was happening. "I think I can sleep now." He got up and went around the desk.

"Just because you're not Superman?" She winked playfully.

He nodded and kneeled down by her. "Yeah. It means more to me then you know that I don't disappoint you."

She nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad. Give the kids a kiss for me."

"I will." He gave her a kiss on the lips and got up. "Get some sleep if you can."

"I'll try." She smiled at him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight" He ran his hand through her hair and left the precinct.