Lorelei had gotten Jeff's message annoyed that she wasn't around when he had called. Her heart leapt when she heard his voice on her phone. After days of calling with no answer he had finally called her back. His voice was quiet and soft. There was something in his tone that gave her a bit of hope. She recognized some of what he was feeling in her. There was the same hurt and desire. The same mix of wanting and not knowing how to go about it once more. Lorelei held the phone in her hand not knowing whether or not she should call him back at that moment. Her hands twitched over the numbers on her phone. She knew that Jeff would probably be doing a post match cool down or something of the sort. The desire to talk to him was so strong that she didn't want to leave a message and risk missing his call again. She had been watching all the matches that she could just to see Jeff's face. There was a passion that lit Jeff up when he was in the ring. His sheer determination to make a name for himself in the industry could inspire anyone to go to the same great lengths in whatever they wanted to achieve. Lorelei loved seeing that in Jeff. There weren't many instances when she could see the same drive in him. She decided that it would be best to leave him a message if he didn't pick up rather than letting him think she didn't want to talk to him.
"Hey Jeff I know that you are probably somewhere trying to shake off the aches and pains of the night. I got your message and I'm so glad that you called me. I have been waiting to hear your voice for so long. I miss you a lot. I'm so sorry about what I said and did to you. Call me back ok?"
She hung up the phone and waited up just about as long as she could hoping to get a call from him but the phone was silent all night long.
Jeff heard her message and felt butterflies in his stomach that he hadn't allowed himself to feel for her in a few weeks. Knowing that the same strong feelings were coming back he thought it best if it was he this time that told Lorelei that things would not work out for the best.
Lorelei was awakened by her phone ringing early in the morning.
"Hello," she answered very sleepily.
"Hey Lee," Jeff said nervously.
"Jeff?"
"Jeff," he answered a little amused by how disbelieving she was. "I'm sorry it seems like every time that I call I am waking you up."
"Oh No don't be sorry. I am just a little surprised that you would be up this early. You work late nights and the sun is barely out why would you be up so early?"
"I never really went to sleep. I've been doing a lot of thinking since last night and I thought that it would be best if I were honest with you. You deserve a lot more than me ignoring you."
"I can understand why you would want to do that."
"You always understand no matter what the situation. That is one of the best things about you. No matter how bad you are hurting you can still make other people feel ok."
"Hey it's what I was born to do. So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? I mean there is a lot for me to say to you but I have a feeling that you are going to ask to go first anyway."
"You are right about that. And I wanted to talk to you about us."
"Oh really what about us? I hope that you aren't going to tell me something that I don't want to hear."
"Lori," Jeff's tone all of a sudden changed from a bit playful to serious.
"Uh Oh It is something that I don't want to hear. You are going to tell me that you can't forgive me or see me ever again."
"Lorelei before you babble and exaggerate I think that I should talk."
"I do not exaggerate or babble!"
"Please Lorelei let me speak. I was up all night thinking about you. I can honestly say that it was all wonderful thoughts. Anytime I think about you I have such great thoughts. There isn't one thing about you that I can't fall in love with over and over again."
"Well this sounds like a bad start to bad news, or really good start to great news," she said with a bit of a laugh.
"I love you always and I want you to know that. I just can't talk to you about us."
"What do you mean?"
"Lorelei if I do that then I start to wonder how I measure up against Matt and your feelings for him. I don't think there will ever be a time when I won't wonder if you are thinking about Matt."
"But Jeff I don't think about him. You have been the only thing on my mind."
"It doesn't change anything. You left me to make him happy. What am I supposed to do with that?"
"I don't know Jeff. Get angry, yell, throw things, cry, then forgive me. It was a bad choice and a huge mistake. I was trying to salvage whatever relationship the three of us had together."
"You were trying to make things easier for Matt."
"Jeff please don't do this. You know that I have a long past with Matt and something like that doesn't just disappear over night. Especially when it comes smacking you in the face after half a decade of ignoring it."
"That is the thing that I cannot compete with. I will never be as special as Matt."
"Jeff that is only true because you are more special to me than Matt has ever been. Please Jeff. I will fly out to meet you wherever you are. I'll hop a plane right now and we can have dinner together, we can have breakfast together. Tell me what you want me to do and I will do it."
Jeff stayed silent for a long time. He wanted to tell her to come to him. He wanted to say that he would go to her. He wanted to be able to say without a shadow of a doubt that he could love her and be loved just as hard in return. Instead he swallowed it all. "I don't want you to do anything. It's just right now I don't know what to feel with you."
"Jeff you know that you're safe with me. You have always been safe with me. Don't do this to me. Not after all these years, don't you go and shut me out."
"Lee don't you worry you will always be a part of my life. I just don't know how to deal with anything right now."
"Tell me to go to you. We'll spend the day figuring out what happens."
"Sorry Lee I can't tell you to do that. You are a wonderful person and I can't stop loving you; but I also can't stop thinking that I will never add up to Matt. I just wanted to call you to tell you that."
"So- so this is it? You tell me that you are a little insecure and because of that we can' work our problems out? OK fine if that's how you want it. Thanks for calling and telling me. Well I guess that in a few months time I'll hear from you again. Be well Jeff Hardy and don't get injured." She hung up the phone before all emotion spilled over into something that Jeff didn't deserve.
Jeff was right for feeling the way that he did. She had been the cause of all his insecurities and she wasn't all that surprised when he said that he couldn't work around it at that time.
The entire day Lorelei walked around in a fog not knowing what was happening around her. How could she just simply sit in classes and at work while her relationship with Jeff was crumbling? Standing up in the middle of class she knew then that she had to go to him and convince him to take her back no matter what it would take. She walked out quickly when she realized that all the class had begun to stare.
"Matt," she said once she heard someone pick up the phone. "Where are you guys going to be between tonight and tomorrow? I'm at the airport and I need to know where to fly to. I'm not going to let him say no to me because he wants to stay hurt to avoid any other feelings. I'm going to talk to him and get him back."
