The Gossips
Warning
"Sorry, Captain," Zoro laughed, "we didn't realize! Gahahaha!"
Sanji said, "I don't believe it …! I still can't! You're …? Right now? I never imagined Devil Fruit Users couldn't … perform after getting dunked in a tub!" That was when Sanji joined the swordsman in laughter.
Groaning, Luffy raised a hand to alert the bartender, "Get me a Red Light Green Light."
Lighting his cigarette, Sanji sniggered as he blew out smoke, "Ohoho, trying to spice up that love life, Captain …?"
When the bartender set the drink before their captain, they stopped laughing, and blinked. It was only a shot glass, but the bartender had layered it with jalapeño juice, tobasco sauce, and tequila, and Sanji seemed to have an awful start.
"Hey, you can't have that!"
Luffy downed it before they could react however, and he slammed the glass back onto the bar with a hard sigh, and then a grin at them, "What, think I can't take it?"
Zoro said to the bartender, "Get us a bucket."
"I ain't gonna puke," Luffy said, waving the guy away. "I can take a little drink too."
Sanji pursed his lips, staring at him before he said, "You like shots?"
"I like tobasco sauce," his smile broadened.
"Let's get you a Red Hot Lover then," he said, gesturing to the bartender who nodded, and turned to prepare something in a cocktail glass.
"Forget the fancy shmancy stuff," Zoro said. "What you need is straight up gin."
Sanji said, "At a bar like this, it's the drinks with the looks that have the most punch."
"I don't want some fruity drink, dartboard. Just give me a pint of something neat, and I'm good for the night."
"You just don't have any class, do you? In a place like this, you don't just get drunk. You get drunk with a stylish drink in hand!" The bartender put the red drink in front of Luffy who began to chug it, "Ah! No, not like that!"
Setting it back down, Luffy coughed hard, "Damn!"
"You sip this one. Treat it like a woman. She is a fine, beautiful creature. Sip her, taste her, feel her. You can't just swallow mixed drinks like they're nothing."
Wiping at his teary eyes, Luffy frowned at him, "You should've told me!" He put it down, eyeing it warily before he called the bartender, "Another Red Light Green Light."
"You haven't even tasted that drink!"
"I'll sip it between shots," he said, and then pointed at the two of them, "And you're paying for 'em since you dropped me in the bath."
They blinked, looked at each other, and Zoro said, "Just how much are you going to drink?"
"As many as I want," Luffy said, and then tilted his shot back as soon as the bartender set it before him. "Now, get me a Shark Bite."
!#&()+
Luffy squinted through the shot glass with the purple liquid inside. Sometime during the night, Usopp had found the three. He still didn't feel sufficiently sloshed, but he did feel better.
"Yanno, ih looks like an eye," Luffy said.
Snickering, Usopp said, "I think you're drinking too much. At least, you're a mellow drunk though."
"Ahm serious. It looks like an eye," he pointed at the side of the glass, and then tilted it all back into his gullet before he set it back down with a grin. "This ain't nothing special, Usopp. I had bar back home, and Makino served me all th'time."
"Eh? Someone served you drinks as a kid?"
"Sure! Juice, and milk, and when I left, she made me Red Light Green Light, and then I vomited in her potted plant, and I don't think she noticed-ed it until I was gone."
"You're tanked," Zoro said.
"Nuh, I just can't talk right," Luffy said with a nod, and then waved at Usopp, "Hey, hey. You need uh … Absolut Train Wreck."
He raised a brow at this, "We're supposed to be making Nami miserable so she won't marry you."
"Oh, man, Usopp! I haven'had orange drink yet," he said before turning to the bartender. "Hey, I need an Orange … an Orange Tree on the rocks."
The man laughed softly, "I know a lot of drinks, but that's a new one."
"Iz simple," he said, "You take uh … orange liqueur, and cognac, and some mandarin juice, and some lemonade, and it's some real good drink. You jus pour it, not stir or nothing. Nami showed me how. On th'rocks."
"I'll see what I can whip up."
"Ah … Luffy, you know, we still got to plan something, or Nami will chase you to the end of the Grand Line, and then marry you there," Usopp said.
"Man, she must got plans, man."
Blinking, he said, "Huh?"
"I mean, she's gotta been doing all this stuff unnerving me to make me make her follow me."
"I'm not following."
Luffy patted the table with both hands, and then tried again, "I mean, she's had this along in her head. She's on purpose making me nervous."
"Hey, Captain, you rhymed," Zoro sniggered, pointing at him.
He grinned at him, "I know, was in my speech."
"Luffy, Zoro! You guys got to sober up!" He slammed his fist onto the bar, "If Nami catches you drunk, and overhears the plans, she's going to do worse than kill Luffy on their honeymoon. She'll let him live."
His eyes narrowing at Usopp, Luffy said, "That makes no sense. I'm drunk, Usopp, not you. Me."
"She'll make you live through that horrible, horrible marriage until the ends of time!"
The bartender set a short orange-colored drink in front of Luffy, and he started to sip it, nursing it slightly, "That would suck. I mean maybe I had plans too, and they didn't involve witches or dying or damned baths and sinking in the water and everything goes real dark."
Snapping his fingers, Usopp quickly regained Luffy's attention, "Just keep it together, and you won't have to marry her, okay?"
"But I mean the whole time she's staring at me feels like the water, and no feeling in my junk, and then there's this problem with breathing," Luffy said.
Usopp's eyes narrowed, gazing evenly at his captain, "Feeling in your …? Luffy, what're you talking about?"
"When she stares death at me, and it's like holding my breath in the water, and … I come up for air, but there isn't any. Iz like the whole world's air gone dried up, and you can't breathe in water, and … and man, Usopp, Sanji and Zoro dropped me in the bath, and now I can't feel my balls anymore because the fruit."
"Forget I asked. Now about Nami-"
"I'm gonna beat her up," he said then, and stood up, running out of the bar.
"Wait, what!?"
!#&()+
Man, I don't like this chapter as much … but it needed to be there. Transitional-like chapter, yeah …
babyluffy: No love for Luffy for a long time. Or a week. Whichever comes first.
wippe: Yes, gnads. Equals gonads.
!#&()+
