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Chapter 9

It had been over a month since Sirius had been caught coming back into his room. And he was still alive. But he could not remember ever being more miserable. His only comfort was that he would be leaving for Hogwarts tomorrow.

He hadn't seen Maggie since that night and tonight would be his last chance to talk with her. He waited, hoping to see her put out her usual signal, but he knew he wouldn't. She had stopped signaling a week after he'd been caught. He figured she must be pretty mad that he suddenly stopped coming, and he just wanted the chance to explain it to her. As he waited, he thought about what had happened.

"Sirius Orion Black! What do you think you are doing?" His mother's tone was already at shrieking pitch and Sirius winced after the quietness of the evening.

"I…"

"What were you doing out? How. Dare. You! Imagine what your father and I were thinking when Kreacher woke us up to tell us you had gone!" At this point, Sirius looked around and saw his mothers faithful, if slightly obsessed, house elf standing next to her. His eyes narrowed. He hated that creepy little elf. It always got him in trouble. "Don't look at Kreacher like that! We came to your room, because, surely, you would not be sneaking about. But no! Not only were you gone, you were with a… a…"

Sirius was slightly amused at his mother's dramatics, as she clutched her chest and acted like she was going to faint. Apparently his amusement showed on his face, because he was suddenly backhanded by her. He stood stunned and rooted to the spot. His mother continued to rant for the next five minutes at full volume.But for the ringing in his ears, Sirius didn't hear a thing. He wasn't even sure if the ringing was due to the slap or anger. Finally, she must have worn herself out, because he saw her turn and storm out of his room, Kreacher in her wake, leaving only his father and him standing his room.

"Sirius," Mr. Black said in his most calm and deadly voice. "Sirius, you are starting school soon. We had hoped you were ready. But this…" he made a sweeping movement with his arm, gesturing toward the window, "this behavior… You've gone too far this time." Mr. Black shook his head in disappointment. "Where did we go wrong?" he said, half to himself. "No matter, once you get to school, you will fall in line. Slytherins look after their own. They have ways of correcting a wayward brother. And you WILL fall in line or you will lose your place in this family." After a pause, his father seemed to decide something. "You will redouble your studies until school starts. You will spend your time either in the study, the dining room, or here. You will not be allowed out. Kreacher will stand guard at night until we decide you are trustworthy enough to not need a guard." Without another word, his father turned and left.

A week later, Sirius had never been more lonely. His parents had not even allowed him time with Regulus, fearing he would somehow influence his brother. And given half a chance, he would. His studies included everything about the superiority of pure-blood and the evils of muggles and the dangers of mixing the bloodlines. He learned more than he ever wanted to know about Salazar Slytherin and the Black Family. He was inundated with propaganda until his head was spinning and he was beginning to doubt himself. He needed to get away.

So that night, he decided, Kreacher or not, he would get out of the house. Once he thought the house elf was asleep, he snuck out of bed and headed toward his window. When he tried to open it, however, he couldn't.

"Young master is not allowed to leave."

"Kreacher," Sirius hissed. He had been startled by the elf's voice. "Kreacher let me out."

"No, young master."

"Come on!" Sirius thought for a moment. "Kreacher, I'm giving you a direct order. Let me out." House elves were not allowed to disobey direct orders from their masters.

"No, young master. My mistress' orders supercede yours and my mistress has ordered you not be allowed to leave."

"Kreacher!" In frustration, Sirius reached out to grab Kreacher, but found himself flying through the air. He met the wall by his bed with a painful, bone-jarring thud and landed on his bed.

Within seconds his mother swept into the room. "What happened?"

Sirius shook his head and then pointed at the elf. "He threw me!" he said indignantly.

Mrs. Black looked at her faithful servant. "Young master tried to sneak out again. When he could not succeed, he attempted to harm Kreacher."

"Sirius!" his mother turned on him. She gave him a cold look and Sirius was surprised when the shouting didn't start. Instead a cold sneer spread across her face. "Serves you right, Sirius. I hope you learn from this." And then she was gone.

Sirius wanted to throttle Kreacher, but there was no way he was going to lay a hand on him. See, I can be taught, mother. He laid awake the rest of the night, unable to expend his frustrated energy. Far from dissipating, it only seemed to build. In the early morning hours, when the light of the day was just dawning, tears of anger started falling. He had no other release. At first, this made him even more angry. Men don't cry. But eventually, worn out and tired of fighting, he succumbed to the tide and, surprisingly, drifted peacefully to sleep.

The next day had been a rough one. He was so tired during his studies that he drifted off several times. Fortunately, since he was left alone so much, nobody seemed to notice.

At dinner, his father said, "Kreacher reports that you finally showed remorse for your actions last night."

Confused, Sirius just looked at his father. He couldn't remember saying or doing anything that would give Kreacher that impression.

Right on queue, Kreacher spoke up, "Young master cried himself to sleep last night."

Nothing could have been more humiliating. Sirius dropped his eyes and stared at his plate. He felt hot shame sweep over him. He heard Regulus drop his fork and knew he was staring at him.

"Very well." evidently misinterpreting Sirius' actions, his father said, "Kreacher will no longer need to stand guard in your room."

Sirius nodded to acknowledge he had heard. In a voice barely above a whisper, he croaked, "May I be excused, please."

"Yes."

After that, Sirius waited every night for the signal from Maggie. He desperately needed to talk to her. But no signal came. So tonight, his last night at Grimmauld Place, he would go to her. He waited until the house was quiet and snuck out. He approached Maggie's house and then scanned the ground for pebbles he could throw at her window to get her attention. Managing to find a handful, Sirius chucked one and heard the tink of the stone hitting her window. When nothing happened, he threw another one. After the third stone, finally, a light came on in her room. He watched as she parted her curtains and opened her window.

"What?" she looked around and then spotted Sirius below.

"Oi. Can we talk?"

"What? What do you want?"

"Can we talk?" Sirius repeated.

"Uh… No."

"What? Come on. Let me explain."

"Leave me alone!" Maggie said.

Sirius knew she'd be angry, but he was surprised she wouldn't even give him a chance to explain and was even more surprised when she slammed her window shut. He proceeded to chuck more stones at her window until she came back.

"Go away!" she whisper-yelled.

"Will you just give me a chance to explain? Please? I leave for school tomorrow…"

"Explain what? I have no idea who you are! Now go away or I'm going to call my dad."

Again the window closed, but Sirius barely noticed. He was too shocked to comprehend what just happened. What was she playing at? Didn't know who he was… He tossed another couple of stones. This time, her window didn't open. Instead, a rather opposing man stepped onto the front landing of the house, his arms crossed in front of his large, solid chest.

"Young man, I strongly suggest you vacate the premise."

"Yes, sir," he said. He found a certain irony in the situation that this was the first time he had opportunity to meet her father.

Sirius wondered slowly back home, still trying to figure out what happened. As he approached his home he noticed light coming from the front of his house. This was not good. When he reached the walkway up to the house, his mother opened the door.

"She doesn't remember you. And she never will."

A memory charm! Sirius thought. His head dropped at the realization that he'd just lost the only friend he'd ever had. That would explain why she had stopped signaling him, too. They knew! His parents knew he would try to see her again, so they took her from him.

"You are part of this family, whether you like it or not. It would be better for you to just accept the way things are. Things will not get easier if you continue to fight us."

Sirius nodded, more out of habit than any sort of agreement to what she said. I think I preferred when she screamed. Sirius thought numbly as he headed for his room.

Lying in bed that night, he made a vow to himself. He'd be damned if he was going to accept anything. No! If his parents thought he had been fighting them before, it was all-out war now. He would do what he could to become anything but what they wanted him to be. He already knew they were wrong about pure-blood superiority. He also knew that his family readily accepted and used dark magic. He would not. Let them disown him. At least he'd be free. He smiled to himself. Hogwarts, here I come!

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A/N Thanks again to my readers and reviewers and my beta (J.A.Carlton) and editors (mom and mei mei). Love you all!