YAMI NO MATSUEI
RAGNAROK DESCENDS
Chapter Seven—Getting to Know You…Again
To the Reader
Yami no Matsuei is a shounen-ai series (boys' love, guy/guy relationship, or insinuations of guy/guy relationships other than friendship). Apocalypse Rising is a sequel to Kyoto Files Revisited. As much as this story can be read in itself, some of the characters and situations contained in this story unfolded in Kyoto Files Revisited.
Ragnarok Descends will continue to explore darker themes and heavily-debated issues. Just like its predecessor fics, Ragnarok Descends will have violence, gory scenes, and angst.
And to answer the question of some readers via their reviews or personal email, yes... There will be much more of Muraki Kazutaka in this story.
To everyone, happy reading! Let me know what you think via reviews (especially if there are things that can be improved for the subsequent chapters).
Disclaimer
I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and Chief Satori and other original characters. Please read and review. Let me know what you think.
Please sit back and enjoy reading. I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this and the fics that I have been writing.
Many thanks,
PJ Zatken
Location: Tsuuri Troy Gravesite
Meifu
Hisoka's lips trembled, his mind's eye concocting images of Tsuzuki and Muraki in compromising positions. The past came back to haunt him, reliving scene wherein he fell in Muraki's clutches and became his doll for the last three years of his life. He bowed down his head, instinctively wrapping his arms around his drawn-up legs. His body shivered, his tears slowly streaming down to his cheeks since it was just way too much to take.
As to Abigor, he closed his eyes and did his best to stay calm. He sensed that Hisoka was on the brink of overload. Anything else that would add to the latter's psychic stress would surely push towards that direction. He also knew that what he just told Hisoka was too much to handle in one sitting. It was not easy to condition oneself into thinking that a significant other who slept with someone else did not cheat. It was even harder to swallow that your significant other was still sleeping with another person.
Technically, that was exactly what Abigor was asking Hisoka to do. He, who lived for eons, still found it hard to understand and adopt Caer's viewpoint that such deeds should not be considered as infidelity. If it was hard for him to accept that, then how could he expect someone as young and as innocent as Hisoka to understand? How could he make Hisoka comprehend and see such actions in a different light—one that would require unconditional acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness?
When Abigor felt that Hisoka relieved some of the stress from silent tears, he murmured as he stared at the calm waters of the lake, "What you and Tsuzuki-san have is far different from the relationship that Enma and I had. Enma and Tsuzuki-san are polar opposites, most especially in terms of loving others. You and I are different, too. Primordials and demons do things in complete abandon. Limitations are rarely a consideration, most especially for primordials. The offense has more to do with one's state of mind and heart, rather than the deed itself. True, Tsuzuki-san slept with the worst person you could possibly imagine…but think about the great deceit behind it all. Would you allow such a lie to continue? Would you let Muraki continue leading Tsuzuki-san astray?"
"So why aren't you putting a stop to it?" asked Hisoka after he lifted his head and stared at Abigor.
Meeting Hisoka's gaze, Abigor replied, "Because any matters pertaining to the heart and your relationship is…and will always be…between you and him... If you choose to have me privy to that information, then I consider that privilege as a gift coming from you and him."
After a long pause between them, Abigor dug his hands inside his leather jacket pockets. "I just can't tell you enough that you must handle this matter with a clearer head, a stronger will, and a more understanding heart. I advise you this for your own sake. Tsuzuki-san gave you all of that. Didn't it make you wonder at times if you deserved such treatment?"
A tightlipped Hisoka, still holding back his tears, nodded.
Abigor's tone became gentler. "Tatsumi-san told you before to learn Tsuzuki-san's ways, especially in terms of relating to others. You listened to him before. You were there for Tsuzuki-san in the most critical of times in Kyoto—not just once, but twice. Now it's time for you to return that favor again. You two are being tested individually and together as a team…as partners…as lovers… Sure, there are times that one has to cut losses to save whatever little there is left for saving…just as I did with Enma. That, however, doesn't apply to you and Tsuzuki-san. I don't believe it ever will."
Hisoka, still heavy-hearted, asked, "What makes you think that?"
"Tsuzuki-san might not remember everything, but I see it in his eyes ever since he saw you in Chijou that he's not thoroughly lost to you. I believe it because of who he is, and because of who you are, by nature."
"But what if he's too far gone? What if…" Hisoka paused for a long while, and then asked, "What do I do?"
Abigor let out a sigh. This time, he had a calmer disposition. He picked up that Hisoka was asking such questions to gain clarity rather than spewing words out of anger. "If Tsuzuki-san gets his memory back? If he chooses to spend eternity as Muraki's lover, with the full belief that this will make him happier than being with you...?"
Even though Hisoka did not say anything, Abigor felt how Hisoka's heart grew heavier from hearing what he feared most. He told Hisoka as gently as he could, "Then let him go. Wish him well. Do not hate him. Learn how to move on without any enmity towards him. But that is not the case yet between the two of you, is it?"
"No…"
Abigor's smile became warmer, more hopeful. "If you have to let him go, then do it with the grace befitting the nobleman and noble man you truly are. But for now, though, fight for him with all that you have. Fight for both of you. He would not do anything less than when it comes to you. Even if he is in a vulnerable situation…even if matters seem bleak…even if it tears you up inside…do not lose faith."
The two fell quiet, with Abigor resting his gaze on his grave. After a while, he said, "I never got to thank you for the life that I borrowed from you., Hisoka. That life should have been yours. Even with all the hardships that came with it, I thank you so much for the time I spent with Jii-san, Yuta, and Aiko."
"When you died, the school principal asked me to read your valedictorian speech before the school. At least for a couple of hours, I was in your shoes..." Hisoka got teary-eyed again, recalling the heart-to-heart conversation that he had with Tsuzuki in this very place immediately after the graduation ceremony.
"It is not the same, Son. It is not the same..." Abigor then sighed, then shook his head. "I would not have wanted you to suffer the ostracism I faced when I was still alive, but at least Jii-san, Yuta, and Aiko were there. They made life more bearable. They made me feel loved. They were my world. Because of them, life became bearable. I stole that world from you, even if I did not mean to. How I wish that I could give that life back to you, especially since you really never got to live life until after you died and came to the Shokan Division. Until you met Tsuzuki-san and the others..."
Hisoka, who now had his chin resting on his drawn-up knees, murmured, "We both had a hard life, didn't we?"
With a rueful smile, Abigor interjected, "Yes, we did. But that should not stop us from doing what is important."
There was long-standing silence between the two, although this time Abigor stood up from the comfortable boulder that served as a bench for Hisoka and him. He stretched, giving himself and Hisoka as much time as they respectively needed.
Out of the blue, Hisoka asked Abigor, "Were you like this when you were in Makai…when you led your people? Have you mostly believed in the things that you're telling me now…most especially before your change?"
"Define the words this way and things…."
"Kind… Optimistic?"
"Reminds you of someone we both know and love, does it not?" asked Abigor with a small chuckle. "He is much kinder and far more optimistic than I would ever be, Hisoka. I would guarantee you that… I can be kind and optimistic, relenting even. But just like anyone else, I have motivations behind my deeds."
Without hesitating, Hisoka asked, "So why are you giving me this talk?"
Abigor studied Hisoka for a while, and then gave him a knowing smile. "As weird as it sounds, you are my son. You are also my friend. After all that has happened, it would be nice to see happiness for a change. If your happiness makes Tsuzuki-san and the rest happy too, then it is better for me. But I am not being selfless in my motivations, either."
"Why?"
The smile that escaped from Abigor's lips became more meaningful. "I know that if you become happy, as in truly happy, then Muraki would not be. Call it my own wish for retribution."
"I see…"
Once he let out another sigh, Abigor took a deep breath. He had a small twinkle in his eye when he told Hisoka, "Just do me a favor when we go to Makai, will you? Do not mention anything about me being kind and optimistic in front of my troops. I still have a reputation to uphold, you know…"
Hisoka shook his head and then shrugged his shoulders, mumbling, "Fine, I won't."
"Just a word of advice when you accompany me to Makai. Do not be surprised with how they will treat you. They know that you are my son…so you will be treated in the best and worst possible way, depending on who you will be interacting with."
After a while of hanging out together, this time the two being more comfortable around each other, Abigor proposed, "Let us make another round, and then head back? We still have time for a good stroll and talk. We will still be on time for lunch once we get there."
Hisoka then straightened up. "Are Tsuzuki and Caer coming with us to Makai?"
Considering Hisoka's question, Abigor replied, "I plan to invite them. Caer would say yes. Tsuzuki-san, too… It is in the middle of a war campaign, so at least I know that Caer would find it interesting. Who knows? Maybe the other siblings would find the campaign fascinating to watch. Would you like me to invite them?"
With a tightlipped smile, Hisoka gave Abigor a quiet nod before the two walked around the peaceful lakeside the second time around.
A little while later, Abigor said, "There is another place that I would like for us to visit, Hisoka. I know it is not part of the deal, but I would love it if you choose to come with me."
Hisoka blinked, frowning a bit. "Where…?"
"Kyoto," was Abigor's reply, with a small smile. "Where it all began for me as a human being, and where it should have begun for you. To visit Emi, Yuta, and Jii-san's graves together. That is, if you would like to—"
"I'll go." Hisoka, noticing that Abigor was taken aback from his response, reiterated in a gentler tone, "I'll go with you—on one condition."
The Lord of Makai stopped their walk. He gave Hisoka a long look. Once he determined that Hisoka was dead serious about accompanying him, he said, "Name your terms."
Meeting Abigor's gaze, Hisoka said, "I'll go, as long as you show me around. Tell me everything as we walked through the places where things happened…through your eyes…"
There was a moment's pause between the two. Hisoka, seeing that Abigor was still wondering, added, "I'll get to know you…from the time you met my mother to the time that Tsuzuki and I took your soul back to Meifu. It'll allow me to get to know who I could've been, if things weren't changed."
Abigor's eyes glistened with tears. With a quiet nod, he replied, "Of course."
The two young men exchanged small yet meaningful smiles, and then continued their walk around the peaceful lake.
Location: Konoe Minoru Residence
Meifu
The ambiance in Konoe's home was tense and awkward during the first half of the shared lunch. The lunch that Tatsumi prepared—grilled fish, pot-stickers, steamed vegetables, rice, and miso soup—was a hit.
Tatsumi and Konoe took opposite ends of the head of the table.
Tsuzuki, Caer, Abigor, and Lumys sat on one side of the traditional table. Tsuzuki was situated to Konoe's left, while Hisoka sat to Konoe's right.
Lumys and Caer were observing everyone since they were unfamiliar with the food before them, listening and learning from Abigor as they ate with the others.
Hisoka, Oriya, Terazuma, Wakaba, and Watari sat on the other side…with Watari seated closest to Tatsumi.
From time to time, there would be momentary eye contact between Hisoka and Tsuzuki. At times, Hisoka would quietly turn away his gaze and resume his attention to the food before him. He felt embarrassed and out of place, especially when Tsuzuki would give him a sheepish smile.
And there was a moment where Hisoka accidentally touched Tsuzuki's hand when they were reaching out for pot-stickers at the same time, with Hisoka murmuring, "I'm sorry... Here…have some…"
"No, no… You go first," said Tsuzuki with a quiet smile, lifting the plate of pot-stickers and presenting it closer to Hisoka.
Everyone fell quiet, observing the scene as Hisoka took a couple of pot-stickers and said, "Thank you…"
Tsuzuki accepted Hisoka's gesture with a nod, and then took some pot-stickers.
When lunch was about three-fourths done, Tsuzuki asked Hisoka, "Would you take a walk with me after lunch?"
"S-sure…" said Hisoka, his chest clenching a bit.
Once those words have been said, Tatsumi—in an effort to make the experience feel less uncomfortable—announced, "There's dessert for those who want some."
Tsuzuki's eyes lit up, a coy smile escaping from his lips. "Dessert..?"
Tatsumi smiled at Tsuzuki. "Homemade vanilla bean ice cream and green tea honey cake. Sounds good?"
Tsuzuki nodded vigorously, making an inwardly amused Hisoka shake his head as he resumed his meal.
Lumys and Caer blinked, both throwing a glance at Konoe who innocently mumbled, "Your brother loves dessert. Sweet things..."
"And food—don't forget about food," interjected Watari with his customary smirk.
"But food is anything and everything edible," said Lumys with a curious frown.
"Exactly," replied Tatsumi as his gaze rested on Tsuzuki. "He loves dessert. He loves food. Comparable to a bottomless pit..."
"Then there is nothing different with him. He is like that at home," said Caer while sipping tea, which he found to be a beverage that he liked.
"I'm here, you know. You guys talk as if I'm not here," said Tsuzuki with a pout. "So mean…"
Tsuzuki then blushed and chuckled when everyone laughed. He had his right hand on the nape of his neck when he glanced upward, his gaze meeting Hisoka's.
Abigor caught the two exchanging small smiles. He let out a quiet sigh, looking over to Konoe and giving the latter a nod—something caught Caer's attention.
The shared laughter during the meal lifted the veil of uneasiness. Soon, those at the table were chatting with one another.
Konoe, Caer, and Lumys eventually engaged in a friendly and intellectual conversation about differences in perspective between those who reside in Heaven, Makai, Meifu, and the Pits of Hell…with a rather distracted Abigor answering a question here and there when prompted.
Tatsumi and Watari, on the other hand, were asking Terazuma and Wakaba about their stay at Gensoukai. Oriya's attention was divided between the two conversations, as if he was assessing everyone at the table. Tsuzuki and Hisoka mostly quiet.
"Kacho," said Tatsumi, prompting the conversation from the other side to pause. "Terazuma and Wakaba have an announcement to make."
When Konoe looked at Wakaba, the latter lifting her right hand. He smiled as he saw the ring that now sat on Wakaba's finger. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Yes, Kacho," said Wakaba with a nod, getting a bit emotional again. "Hajime proposed last night. Isn't it wonderful?"
"Yes it is," said Konoe, who stood up and went to the other side of the table. He hugged Terazuma, and then Wakaba, saying, "Congratulations. I'm so happy for both of you."
The rest gathered around the newly-engaged couple.
When Lumys asked Caer about what was going on, Caer said only loud enough for Lumys and Abigor to hear, "Engagement. If all goes well, it will lead to matrimony."
"Matrimony for beings that live far beyond the mortal timeline…rather…"
"Rather what?" Abigor asked Lumys.
Lumys replied in a matter-of-factly tone, "Impractical. If one loves another, then would it not be enough to spend eternity together?" He then looked at Caer and asked, "Do you agree, Brother?"
"It is a symbolic gesture, Brother Lumys. You have to admit that it is a rather poignant milestone in one's existence," said Caer, watching at how happy the Shokan Division folks seemed to be.
"Poignant, no. Impractical, yes…" Lumys then sighed, saying lightheartedly, "I do, however, wish them well."
Caer had his gaze on Abigor. "What do you think, Love? You have been married once before when you resided in Chijou. Are you still a believer of matrimony?"
Abigor nodded. "I still have at least one impractical bone in my body."
Caer then teased, "What if I do not share your sentiments?"
"An impractical bone in one's body does not make that person thoroughly impractical. What you and I have together, Caer...in all sense of the word…is utterly impractical," said Abigor with a smirk.
"Are you complaining?"
Abigor could not help but chuckle. "Do I look, act, or sound like I am complaining?" His smile became more generous when an amused Caer reached out for his hand, squeezed it affectionately, and shook his head.
After the comfortable silence, Caer then asked Abigor and Lumys, "Would you two not say that easing one's lust is highly practical? One does not need symbolic trappings for such affairs."
From the corner if his eye, Caer saw Lumys stir from his seat. He knew that he piqued his brother's interest.
A calm Abigor smiled softly. "Yes, I see what you are saying. But do you consider anything done beyond personal gain, physical need, and ambition as practical?"
"I categorize such matters as impractical."
The Lord of Makai chuckled a bit before saying, "Then consider me cursed for being utterly impractical, especially in matters pertaining to you and me."
"Impractical. Lighthearted and impractical... Reminds me of Verus in the old days," murmured Lumys, glancing at Tsuzuki and seeing how the latter seemed to have forgotten about his problems…or how the latter blended in with the others—even with Oriya—as if his world had not been turned upside down recently. He then looked at Abigor and asked, "Verus and the boy… Were they close?"
"They always have been, and they still are. See how happy Tsuzuki-san is right now?" Abigor then told Caer and Lumys, as they three continued to observe the Shokan Division members, "I support whatever makes Tsuzuki-san happy. I hope that all of you siblings will always be supportive of his happiness, too—no matter where that would lie."
"I never truly understood happiness, or the concept of it…" Caer drifted off, hearing Tsuzuki and Terazuma's voices getting louder.
Caer was about to rise from his seat, only to be stopped once Abigor laid a hand lay on his arm and told him, "They irk each other, but otherwise it is harmless. They have always been like that with each other—competitive."
Lumys shook his head. "This is just very new to me. So our brother is used to this life?" He shook his head even more when Hisoka nodded.
Abigor chuckled. "What is so surprising, Lumys? You joke around with Mirmi and the others all the time. What you see right now is pretty much the same as what you and the siblings do."
Lumys said in a jesting manner, echoing Abigor's words from one of their many conversations, "There is no difference between humans and primordials other than physiology and experiences."
Not taking offense, Abigor laughed. "Yes. And I will never get tired of saying that to you. So what are you and Caer so hung up about?"
Caer and Lumys stared at each other for a while. As Lumys let out a sigh, Caer told Abigor, "It is just far different from the last experience that we have seen Verus go through when he chose mortality."
"No ostracism. No sadness. No tormentors. Even if it is just for a second…" murmured Abigor, picking up the emotions coming from Caer and Lumys. He sobered up a bit, recalling his experiences as Tsuuri Troy. "Yes, I see what you two are saying…"
"Yes…" was all that Caer could say. He then looked at Tsuzuki once more, amused to see how the latter was being really chummy with Watari. "It was a good idea to come here, Abigor. Lumys and I thank you for the invitation."
"Speaking of invitations, I was wondering if the three of you would like to join Hisoka and me to Makai." When he saw how he piqued Caer and Lumys' respective interests, Abigor added, "I am still running a campaign there, remember?"
Lumys leaned forward, "How about the others? Mirmi, most especially…?"
"They are more than welcome to come, too."
"And the extent of the invitation—observers, or are we offering our assistance?" asked Caer, his mind's eye seeing a vivid image of Ashtarote stabbing Abigor during the Inquisition.
"Let us keep it a clean slate—an open invitation—shall we?" proposed Abigor, inwardly pleased that the two seemed to be saying yes. This ultimately meant that Tsuzuki and Hisoka would have more time to talk and bond together—something that he was happy about.
With a casual smile, Lumys' reply was, "Of course. I accept."
Abigor then became more silent, his heart weighing more heavily on him. This concerned Caer, figuring that Abigor should be happy that his invitation was accepted.
Abigor then looked at his two fellow primordials. "I have two favors to ask. I give my word that I will bear no ill feelings should either or both of you say no."
After Caer and Lumys have given their respective nods, Abigor sighed. "Let us start with the second favor first. If the second favor is not palatable, then it will be moot to go any further with the discussion."
Abigor paused for a moment. He gazed at Hisoka, Tsuzuki, and the Shokan Division as they continued to express happiness over Wakaba and Terazuma's engagement. Once he gathered enough courage, he told Caer and Lumys, "When we go to Makai…if worse comes to worst…please ensure Tsuzuki-san and Hisoka's safety. The same goes to any members of the Shokan Division, should they come on this journey."
Caer gave Abigor a grim stare, as if he was gauging the latter's feelings. He felt the utmost humility coming from his lover; the latter's feelings bare for them to see and clearly reflected through Abigor's eyes. "Why make such a request? A vision, perhaps? Are you in any danger?"
Abigor smiled ruefully and shook his head. "No. Those powers as a seer have mostly been taken away, remember? No visions, but just a warrior's instinct. Before the Inquisition, I killed Abraxas as well as all the traitors sitting in the Royal Council. I conquered their realms. That left only Ashtarote and another alive. The stakes are now higher since I am pitted against Ashtarote. As to the other demon, I do not know where his alliances are. Even if he says that he will serve me, I will accept that with caution. I must re-establish dominion over those newly-acquired realms. I must also protect those I originally have. I want to put this war to an end as soon as possible for the sake of many."
"Sounds illogical coming from someone who is meant to bring end to creation," murmured Lumys, his tone and words reflecting that there was no insult intended towards Abigor.
"Creation does not include Makai, Lumys. Remember that fallen angels have existed long before Chijou and mankind ever existed. I was ready to sever all ties with Makai when I chose to come with Caer. I thought Ashtarote would be the worthy successor to my throne. I have been proven wrong due to his betrayal. His thirst for war and blood made this even more so. I cannot move on until I know that my people…my realms…are in the right hands… My consideration for destruction does not and has never included Makai."
There was silence for a while, until Lumys murmured, "I understand. You have my word and my support, Abigor."
Caer studied Abigor for a while, looking grim. Feeling that this request meant a lot to Abigor, he told Abigor, "You have my word as well, Love. For the same reasons as Lumys might have, and much more than that…"
The Lord of Makai nodded, a small and grateful smile escaping from his lips. "I thank both of you. It means a lot to me…which brings me to the first favor I now ask you. You are my sounding boards, and I ask for your feedback and blessing before I approach the ones who I ultimately need help from—Tsuzuki-san and Hisoka… The outcome of this trip to Makai will help me figure out if I should approach them or not."
Caer looked at Abigor, frowning a bit. His eyes then widened a bit once he realized Abigor's intent on his requests. His gaze did not leave Abigor until he and Lumys fully heard what the other had to say.
Silence then dominated as a deeply worried Caer and concerned Lumys stared back at Abigor, who patiently waited for an answer—all while Tsuzuki and Hisoka were excusing themselves to take a walk around the neighborhood.
After Abigor bade goodbye to Hisoka and Tsuzuki, Caer said, "If Tsuzuki Asato…my brother Verus…consents to your request, then I will not oppose it. But it sounds that you need both their consent to make your plan work."
Abigor nodded.
Lumys stared at Caer for a moment, and then shifted his gaze at Abigor. He let out a burdened sigh. "I do not have a problem if Verus says yes to what you ask. I cannot speak for our other siblings. They have a right to express their opinion. Ultimately, the decision lies with Verus and your son."
A tightlipped Abigor said, "Then I thank both of you for being understanding. We will see how things fare out at Makai."
Location: Surrounding neighborhood, Konoe Minoru residence
Meifu
Hisoka led the stroll that he now took with Tsuzuki. He struggled to remain calm. Abigor's earlier words helped him ease his doubts and fears. In spite all the efforts, his heart throbbed and he was edgy.
Yet as nervous as Hisoka was, he was very glad that Tsuzuki was with him. He could not help but think, though, "Something changed with him…"
Hisoka frowned here and there, wondering as to what had changed with the other but his finger could not really pinpoint as to what it was.
After a few minutes of strolling with Tsuzuki in comfortable silence, Hisoka partly realized as to what was different with the other. His hands dug deeper into his denim jacket pockets. He was unable to help himself from letting out a subtle sigh, not knowing on whether he should be greatly relieved or deeply worried. "He's not sad anymore. He's nervous…searching to understand what he doesn't remember…but not inconsolably sad… The weight bogging him down all this time…it's not there. Not anymore…"
And at that moment, Tsuzuki happened to glance at Hisoka. He gave his partner the same smile that the latter had always been familiar with. He did not know that such a simple gesture filled the other's heart, just as it always did.
Hisoka granted Tsuzuki a small smile and a nod, being happy and pained at the same time as he thought, "What happens once he remembers everything? Will I be cursing him by making him remember? Am I sending him back to that dark place before all of this happened? Will he be better off not remembering?"
"Hisoka, isn't it?"
Hisoka blinked, shaking his head for a moment now that his train of thought had been broken.
Tsuzuki's gentle grin became warmer still. "Your name's Hisoka, right?"
"Y-yes..." Hisoka replied quietly.
With hands digging deeper into his black trench coat pockets, Tsuzuki fell silent once more.
The two continued their walk in silence, with the level of discomfort slowly but surely building up on both sides. Hisoka bore most of the burden, since his empathic abilities picked up on Tsuzuki's nervousness and added on his own emotional and mental load.
Five minutes of silence turned to ten minutes. Ten minutes turned to fifteen minutes. Each passing second became more unbearable the closer that the two got to the lakeside—the same venue where they have spent many precious moments together.
Hisoka's feet led them there, probably the last-ditch effort to keep it together.
"It's beautiful here," thought Tsuzuki as a feeling of peace began to settle his nerves.
For a moment, Tsuzuki's thoughts drifted towards Muraki and how the two had spent their time together before leaving for Meifu. A subtle hint of a smile escaped from his lips, his mind's eye playing on his senses…
The lingering kiss…
The sense of warmth and security that Tsuzuki felt from Muraki, after driving off whatever doubts he had in his mind…
The sense of being cherished and loved…
The countless hours spent together, which never seemed to be enough…
The feel of skin, the smell of sex…the giving and receiving of carnal pleasures in the bed that they shared…
The teasing promise of what would happen upon returning to Muraki's arms—all of it was all fresh in Tsuzuki's mind.
And the next moment, a tinge of sadness veiled upon Tsuzuki as he made a silent wish…all of that captured as to how the warm smile now became rueful.
"Are you kidding me?" blurted out Hisoka. He abruptly stopped their stroll, the two now at the ever-familiar road lined with a seemingly endless trail of sakura trees. His eyes were wide, a mixture of very potent emotions bubbling inside him.
A startled and very puzzled Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, his amethyst eyes reflecting the innocence he always had…yet that innocence was now mingled with emotions which unexplainably surfaced from deep inside. The dark emotions were disconcerting, yet so eerily familiar.
Hisoka, now numb and so confused, stood before Tsuzuki in silence. His fists clenched, wanting to explode…to scream. He bit his lip, trying to compose himself. But how could he?
The guilt gnawed at Tsuzuki as he met Hisoka's gaze. He did not know what to say, either. All he knew was that the younger man now stared back at him. It was the same look that he got when he first bumped into the other at Chijou. It was exactly that same probing look that had brought him here for a visit, and had now disturbed his quiet existence in the arms of his new lover.
Yet how could Tsuzuki focus on pleasant thoughts and feelings when the one before him—someone he did not know or could not remember—was evidently angry, feeling deeply betrayed for reasons that he did not understand.
In a near-whispered tone, a teary-eyed and livid Hisoka murmured, "I can't believe this. All of this… How…? Just how…?"
"How what…?" A very confused and saddened Tsuzuki shook his head, wanting to placate Hisoka…the latter now having his head bowed low as he valiantly fought back the tears.
The two stood there for a moment that seemed to be an eternity. One wanted the answer from the other, but unfortunately unable to.
Eventually, a helpless-feeling Tsuzuki told the other apologetically and in utter humility, "I remember Chijou. Please tell me what I did wrong. Do you hate me?"
Hisoka asked in disbelief, "Hate you? No... I..."
"I didn't mean to hurt you or anyone. Whatever I did wrong to hurt you, forgive me. I'm…sorry… Just please tell me what I did to hurt you this much…this deeply…."
Hisoka dared to look straight at Tsuzuki, in spite of how his heart felt as if it was about to cave in. His body quivered as the tears beaded more prominently at the corner of his eyes.
When Tsuzuki tried to reach out to Hisoka, he stopped when the younger man lifted a hand. His heart weighed heavier the longer he kept his gaze on the other.
"I can't…shouldn't…blame you…" said Hisoka, now looking away from Tsuzuki. Images from Tsuzuki's thoughts, wishful thinking which involved Muraki… All of those visions bombarded his mind and stabbed him in the heart.
And that was it. Hisoka snapped.
"Wait!" cried out Tsuzuki, now running after Hisoka as fast as his feet could carry him. "Hisoka—stop! Please stop!"
End of Chapter Seven
