Author's Note: So every time I sit down to write I expect to be writing the sleepover scenes, but nope. I guess this could be considered the first though, so we are getting closer. There are things each time that I feel just deserve being expanded upon because either the writers didn't give it to us or maybe I haven't seen it before or maybe I am just feeling it. This is definitely my outlet right now as I handle so emotional downtrodden feelings. I promise we are getting to the sleepover lol I hope you enjoy and as always favorite, follow, and review :)

Chapter 9: What's up?!

Maya

I walk back to class. When I walk in everyone stops and looks at me. Matthews turns and says "Oh how lovely of you to join us."

"Anything for you." I say oozing with my usual sarcasm. I sit down. I can literally feel her eyes on me. Riley keeps looking at me. I can see her in my peripheral vision just staring at me. It is like she is looking for some sign that I am not ok. I don't know if it's because of the concussion or the feelings thing, but I am going to continue to look straight ahead like I am super interested in this lesson.

Riley

Something isn't right here. Maya just suddenly figures out she isn't interested in Lucas, tells us, and is just ok with all of this. She probably likes someone else right? I'm dating Lucas now? What is happening? My head starts to hurt from all the thoughts running through my head. There has been a lot that has happened this week. There was the Sappho lesson, learning about the LGBTQ+ community, Maya fainting, Maya saying she no longer has feelings for Lucas, and now I am dating Lucas. I feel like I am in some sort of TV show drama. I mean this is fricken ridiculous.

Maya and Riley

I am in a total daze and the rest of the day passes in what feels like a blink of an eye.

Maya

The bell rings and RIley immediately pops up and comes over to me with that bright earth-shattering, mind-blowing smile. Got to stop that… She is all excited because she gets three whole days with me. I grab my stuff and hold the straps of my backpack so she won't try to hold my hand. I know it is going to be hard to keep myself from being touchy with her, but I think it is going to be next to impossible to get her to not touch me. We manage to make it back to the Matthews without her grabbing my hand. Thank Goodness!

She immediately heads for the bay window and I know I am in for it. "Maya. Please come sit. You have some explaining to do." I kind of expected this so I don't freak out and I just walk over and sit down in my usual spot. I cross my legs to put a barrier between us.

Riley

"What's up?" What's up?! That is all she's got after this week? Really?!

"What's up. Well lets see. This week I had my mind blown by the Sappho lesson and learning about the LGBTQ+ community. I thought that would be the only mind blowing occurrence for the week, but no. Then I had you almost die on me-" I raise my hand as Maya tries to speak. "That was terrifying and I thought I was going to explode from sadness and anxiety. I thought that would be it. My week can't get weirder. Wrong again. Today I get to school and my best friend informs me that she doesn't have feelings for the guy that I thought we both had been pining over for the last several months. No inclination, just bam here it is. Then to go even further, said guy asked me on a date and I said yes. Which I think means that I might soon have a boyfriend and I have no idea how I feel about that." I then sit and look at her.

"Yup. Only thing I have to say is that sass is my thing, not yours. So you might want to bring it down a level." She smiles before continuing. "Also, I didn't almost die, I fainted and got a concussion." I literally can't believe her. How could she be so nonchalant about all this?

Maya

"I do not understand how this doesn't affect you more." All of these things are not new to me at all. The only thing that I have to deal with is my feelings for Riley. As long as that doesn't become a topic of conversation, I should be fine. When I don't say anything she starts again. "So like when did you suddenly realize you weren't interested in Lucas?"

"I have been thinking about it a lot the last week or so. It finally clicked Tuesday night I think."

"So you figured this all out the night before you passed out? The night you didn't sleep?" SHIT! Why does she have to be so damn smart? I swear if the whole weekend goes this way I will have a heart attack and then we will all really have something to worry about.

"Yes." Maybe that will satisfy her.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Nope, didn't satisfy her at all.

"I don't know. Was thinking about our conversation and where I stood with my feelings. My thoughts just ran on longer than I expected." I can't lie to her, but I can choose not to tell her everything.

"Okay." She is taking it all in. That means there are going to be more questions. "So how did you figure out you didn't have feelings for him? WHy didn't you talk to me about all of this?"

"I thought about what I should feel when I am interested. Then I realized Lucas didn't have those qualities. Made it pretty simple really. To why I didn't talk to you about it: I was trying to figure it out. How could I vocalize something that I couldn't even process in my own head?"

"That makes sense. Like what kind of qualities though?" Well great. Now I am basically going to describe how I feel about her, but in a vague way. Awesome.

"I thought about how I want to be with someone that when I see them my stomach gets butterflies and I can't help but smile. I want to be with someone that we can joke around and be flirtatious, but then turn around and have a super serious conversation. I want to be with someone that I want to be around all the time and that when they aren't there I miss there presence. I want to be with someone who challenges me, who makes me a better person, but at the same time makes me feel comfortable and allows me to be who I am. I want to be with someone who makes me feel passionately and is literally my whole world. On top of all that, I want that person to feel the same way about me as I do about them." I feel the weight of that seep in.

Riley

Wow. Maya really knows what she wants. I just never imagined that she thought about things like this so deeply. I feel like that is something I should know. But I have never asked, which is because I honestly don't think about relationships that deeply. I don't actually know what I want, but what she just said sounds pretty nice. "Maya, that is amazing."

That is all I can say to that. I have a million thoughts running through my head. What do I want from a relationship? Does Lucas even have those traits? What if someone else has those traits? What if Maya has those traits?

Woah… Did I just… Did I just put Maya in a romantic context? That is the second time that has happened. That Sappho poem opened up a whole world to me. It has made me question my feelings a lot. This conversation is only increasing the questions I have. I guess this weekend is a good time to try to figure some things out. I have Maya all to myself for three days straight and it's before any date with Lucas even occurs.

Maya

I can tell her mind is running a mile a minute. She has that little forehead crinkle she gets when she thinks really hard. Unfortunately, I act before I think. I put my legs down scooch over and put my hand on her leg. As soon as I do it all I can think is: well fuck. "Riles, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just have a lot of stuff going on in my head. This triangle has been a huge stressor for me. Now it is over. But I still feel stressed. As stressful as the triangle was, it was safe too. It gave me time. I thought I had time. Now I don't and I am not even sure what I want. And now with all this new information, I have a lot more to think about. After reading that poem by Sappho, I had so many things I wanted to understand. That has opened up a whole other world that I didn't know was possible. Just makes you question a lot." Holy shit. What is she saying? Where is she going with this? Am I the only one who thinks this sounds hella gay? Like would a straight person even give Sappho a second look? Riley continues "Then you just explained everything you want from a relationship. I realized that I don't know what I want. That I had never thought about it that deeply. That my thoughts on relationships have been really shallow: cute guy, cute dates, go to dances together. That is it. But now I am realizing there is a lot more to think about than that."

Woah. That is a lot. I think I am in shock. Like I cannot get words out of my mouth. She just basically told me that Sappho's poem and the LGBTQ+ community is really on her mind. Like a lot. Like it seems like she is questioning. Then to follow that up, she tells me she doesn't know what she wants and that she had not thought about all the things I had. I have to say something right?

"Riles, I put a lot of pressure on relationships. After everything with my dad, I don't see the point in just dating for the hell of it. I look at relationships as a long term thing. Not everyone does that. In fact, most people date just to date or to figure out if they are interested. I can't do that. I have to be sure. Because if I am going to put my heart out there and actually hope for something, then they better be pretty darn special." And she definitely is special.

Riley takes this all in. I know that after this week and even just this conversation, she has a lot to think about. It is going to take her time. She isn't going to come to any conclusions right this second. In fact, it would be better to let her subconscious handle that instead of her getting all anxious.

Riley

"Honey, why don't we go watch a movie? This is a lot. This week has been a lot. All of this is going to take some time and we can talk through all this in chunks, because otherwise your head is going to explode." I chuckle at this, which makes Maya smile. I take a moment to drink that in. I feel my heart skip a beat again and I can't help but to stare for as long as I can before it gets weird. I notice how her amazing blonde hair cascades down her shoulders in those loose bottle curves that just happen naturally for her. I see her blue-gray eyes that mesmerize me by just how deep they are and how much I can read from them alone. I look at her face all lit up from that smile. That smile. I have to look away now. I realize I don't think this is the straightest thing on the planet. I definitely have some things to think about. It is just that I have never thought about Maya in this context before and honestly, I don't know if I should. What if I actually think about it, figure out I have feelings for her, and she doesn't feel the same? And I have Lucas too. I know I like him already, so shouldn't I be paying attention to that? Exploring that only?

She's right. My head might explode. "You're right. This is a lot and I am definitely overwhelmed. I am really glad you are here though and that I get you all to myself for the whole weekend. Just you and me. Let's go get started. Like you said we can talk about this more later." And I can see how I feel with Maya now that I have a different mindset...