I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!! And I shall not waste your time!
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Bella
Childhood
I sat in silence staring at the ground as I struggled to determine what had just happened. How could I not know who I was? How could I be addicted to Edward? How could giving up everything for the person you truly loved ever be a mistake? I was completely at a loss to answer these questions.
Then Grandma Swann broke my reverie, "What are you thinking about honey?"
"What am I not thinking about?" I retorted.
"Well you've been through quite an ordeal today, it's understandable."
"I just don't understand why I have to be here," I admitted.
"Well," Grandma Swann replied, "What do you know about love?"
This seemed like a pretty ridiculous question to me and I thought I had a fairly straightforward answer. "Grandma, I love Edward more than life itself, what else is there to know? I love him more than anyone else has ever loved anyone else."
"Are you confident in that statement?" my grandmother asked me.
"Absolutely" I replied unthinkingly.
"Walk with me please," Grandma Swann replied stoically. We started walking down the path and then I saw two people I certainly did not expect to see. Rosalie stood there, proud and beautiful as ever. My first reaction was that filled with guilt a sympathy, but looking at her I saw she shined in a way I had never seen when she was a vampire, as if in her element as a human. Emmett was at her side looking at her in a way I had never noticed before. It was like something akin to the way a werewolf looked at their imprinted one. It didn't make sense to me. How could they be here? How could they see each other differently, and even odder, more gloriously, when they were human? I just stood there with my mouth open in complete incredulity.
Bella!" Rosalie called out in a melodious voice. She rushed forward and embraced me. It was the first time I had hugged her and not felt like I was hugging a rock. She pulled away and looked at me; I searched her gleeful blue eyes, even as a human her beauty easily towered over any other woman. It was as if the only difference between her human and immortal states were the freckles that sprinkled her fair cheeks, and hidden in her smile was a shifted overlap in the top row of her teeth.
"You look great Rose," my mind lost all thought of what to say in this strange situation.
"Isn't it wonderful?! For the first time in a long time I know what it is like to truly live."
"Aren't you upset? I mean we're dead." My eloquence seemed to be slipping farther and farther away from me.
"At first it felt a little like that, but over all its just to be able to breath easy again."
"Now that we actually need to breath," Emmett rolled his eyes.
"Emmett!"
"Hey little sis," his chuckle lit up his now permanently beetle black eyes.
I moved on to greet Emmett. His bear hugs were certainly nowhere near as bone crushing as they used to be, but he was just as I remember, the wide grin on his now tanned face was goofy as ever, but there was an out of place scar that ran along the top of his right eyebrow.
They led me away from the path, regaling me of their final moments on earth, and into a clearing containing a house with a huge wrap around porch and continued, "One of the best things is we have another chance to lead the life I've always dreamed of." She looked at Emmett tenderly and he commented, "This is such a weird experience, the only thing I'm sure about though is Rose," he grinned wildly, "besides, someone has to keep my crazy ass in line."
I was completely taken aback, "How is it you two are so calm about this?" I blurted out, "What about your family?"
"Well…" Emmett replied slowly, "No one can live forever, as we've just found out, so things will work out eventually, and what other choice do you have? I mean, you're dead as dirt Bella, there's not a lot you've got to worry about now."
"But you two have each other, how am I supposed to do this without Edward?"
"Wait," Rosalie's brow came together in puzzlement, "He's not with you? Where is he?"
"I don't know!" I exclaimed helplessly, "No one will tell me!"
"Well, we had to find each other, but it didn't take long," Rosalie answered. This was completely confusing; surely Rosalie and Emmett didn't love each other more than me and Edward. Surely they didn't deserve to be together more, so how was it possible that they had found each other so quickly? I must have looked upset because Emmett spoke up again, "You'll find him Bells, and if you don't I'll go out and drag him back here myself!"
"Thanks?" I said blankly.
"Come on Bella," said Grandma Swann, "there is much to see." We said our goodbyes, and they retreated into their dream home and I was brought back to the main path. She led me along a wall with what seemed like projections of my life on them. Most of them were of Renee, Charlie and I as an infant and small child.
"Why are you showing me this?" I asked, now even more bewildered, "Renee and Charlie are not even together any more."
"Well, did they still love each other?" she asked. "How long you love someone in life is irrelevant. It is how you love them that matters. Why do you think Rosalie and Emmett found each other so quickly?" she asked.
Then it hit me, this whole time I had been thinking about how much I needed Edward to get through this experience, not how much I actually loved him. It became clear why Brina had thought that I had an "addiction" to Edward when she first met me. Maybe I didn't really love Edward the way I thought I did. I sat in stunned silence. Then I thought about my parents, how most of the time I thought of them as "Renee" and "Charlie", not "Mom" and "Dad". Like, because they weren't together, they couldn't properly be my parents, and they couldn't possibly have known what love was. This whole time I had been thinking about how much I needed Edward, and not about how devastated my parents, the people who took a chance at loving each other just so I could exist in the first place, would be. Shame washed over me for the first time since Edward came into my life.
"I can't believe it!" I screamed. "What have I done? Rosalie and Emmett never chose to become vampires. They didn't choose to leave their loved ones behind. They found each other quickly because when they died they had no choice but to make the best of things. They had no choice but to love each other because when you get to the bottom of everything they had no one else left to love but each other and their crazy mixed up family. I neglected the two people in my life who deserved to be loved the most all because I felt like what I had with Edward was so superior to anything other relationship I had. What kind of person am I?!"
"And so the questioning begins" said Grandma Swann as she held me tightly, "You are so solid, like your father, and yet so versatile like your mother. I know you will not allow yourself to stay here forever, you are not of that blood." A long way off, a wolf howled.
There's more to come!!! Stick with me! Be Honest! Everyone Please review!
