My plan for today had been to finish Need You Now but a last minute e-mail pretty much mucked up my writing time so instead I'm posting this as despite having it written up to part 12, I keep forgetting to update (and really need to write the next few bits - as i have the later bits done). Hopefully this is ok and thank you to anyone reading / reviewing.
The next morning, Jonny and Mo sat together at the table, eating a small breakfast and sipping coffee while Jac continued to nap on the settee. Jonny knew she'd awoken a few times in the night and slipped to the toilet or simply sat for a short time before she had slipped back off to sleep. He didn't think she'd been aware of the fact he'd been watching her.
He'd slept in the chair, and it had left him with a stiff spine but it had been worth it. For the first time in months, he had been near her and he hadn't wanted to leave. His sleep hadn't been peaceful or restful. His mind had taken the time to try to process the events of the previous day and night, it had wrestled with the emotions that battered him and tried to make sense of everything that was going on.
"So is everything ok?" Mo asked finally, they'd been sat in a companionable silence. They didn't need words. But the curiousity had gotten the best of her. She had fallen asleep quickly after laying her head down, so she hadn't heard any more of the conversation between Jac and Jonny.
"It's" he paused "there's so much going on Mo" he said finally. He wasn't even sure he understood everything himself, or at least not Jac's reasoning. He hoped one day she may be able to open up to him and to let him in to that part of her mind but until then he had his theories.
"She's a complicated lady" Mo answered with a slight smile, as she looked over at the sleeping woman. If there was ever a woman of mystery it was Jac Naylor. There was so many layers to her and even when you thought that you knew everything about her, there was still something more. And yet, Mo pondered, the same could also be said of Jonny.
"Hmm she is – but the baby has medical needs" he said finally, knowing there was little point keeping Mo out of the picture. Mo frowned as she contemplated this, and the fact that Jac had obviously been facing this alone. She tried to think back to when Jac had disappeared, they hadn't spoken about any worries she'd had but then Mo should have known that Jac wouldn't open up willingly. She should have noticed. She'd spent so much time with Jac, that she should have seen that something was up, that something was potentially wrong. But then Jac was the master of hiding, of disguising the truth.
"Oh Jonny" Mo whispered, feeling for her friend and the amount of information that he had taken in over the last few hours.
"Jac's terrified she's going to lose her" he found himself looking over at the sleeping form, wondering what was going through her head as she slept. "I've done something stupid Mo" he added, feeling that he needed to admit to his friend his actions the night before.
"Jonny" Mo's tone was low and he recognised the warning. She knew how close he was, that one wrong move and Jac would be gone forever but that equally he had a chance because she was here. He turned back to his friend and frowned a little.
"I read her notes, her handhelds" he said quietly, hoping that Jac wouldn't wake up quite yet "she couldn't seem to say the words, the diagnosis, only that she was scared" he realised though that that was progress for Jac. That she'd been able to admit that she was scared, that she'd said the words to him.
"Oh Jonny" Mo repeated, and she closed her eyes. Trying to think how it would feel to be in Jac's place, to worry about whether she would be able to carry her baby home or whether she would leave the hospital with empty arms. Mo knew that feeling, though she'd also known that the baby was out there; being loved and cared for by his real mum. It didn't take away the knowledge that her arms should have held a baby as she left the hospital.
"That's what all this arrangement stuff is about – only I didn't read the plans or anything" he spoke quickly and he closed his eyes for a second; wondering what exactly it was she'd arranged. He could have looked but he had known it was wrong. "I just needed to know" he whispered and Mo reached across the table and grabbed his hand.
"I know" she whispered in response. It made sense to her, as much as what he had done was wrong; there was so much he'd been kept in the dark about that she could understand his need to know; to feel involved. The pair of them turned as they heard stirring coming from Jac.
"Morning sleeping beauty" Jonny spoke brightly as Jac twisted her body in order to look at them. She'd woken a few times in the night and found herself temporarily confused at being in this strange place but there was something quite comforting about the sight of Jonny and Mo sitting across from each other at the table. They looked like the sort of perfect older (although obviously they didn't look old) couple who had known each other for a lifetime; but equally it didn't work to view them as anything other than friends.
"Hi" she answered, and she smiled at them. She wondered what it would be like to wake up every day in a place like this, knowing you were with someone who cared about you and who wanted you there. She hoped that she would be able to give that feeling to her daughter, though she wished she could feel it for herself.
"You going to join us for some breakfast?" Mo grinned, indicating a third seat which was currently empty; "You and that baby of yours look like you need feeding up" Jac felt a twinge of emotion at the sound of someone showing concern for her. Of course the doctors and the midwives had spoken to her on the importance of eating properly and she had confirmed – in her usual manner – that she already knew this but Mo wasn't just showing professional concern. It was genuine.
"I'll just have some dry toast if you don't mind" Jac responded pulling herself up from the settee – which took her a few attempts – before she made her way, a little unsteadily, towards Jonny and Mo. Jonny shifted and stood, giving Jac a smile.
"You sit and I'll make it" he told her and because it seemed like the easier option she sat down. It was strange letting someone else take care of her and yet it did actually feel quite nice; though she knew it couldn't last. Tomorrow she'd be making her way back to the pokey little flat she'd rented – and awaiting the arrival of her baby.
"So how're you feeling?" Mo asked, taking in the strained look in Jac's face but not wanting to let on about what Jonny had told her. Jac turned to the woman and tried to force a smile on to her face.
"As good as anyone is at this point, I'd guess" she answered, trying to sound positive but knowing she probably failed. Mo smiled, remembering how she'd felt as the due date had loomed closer, bringing ever closer the moment when she had to hand over the baby.
"I remember" Mo said, a little bit fondly but with a hint of sadness and felt herself smile a little bit more naturally. She could remember clearly the heavily pregnant Mo, although the overriding memory was of having her hands practically broken by the labouring registrar and the beautiful baby she had cradled because her junior hadn't been able.
"It's stupid but I don't want it to be over" Jac whispered, looking down at her hands. As long as she was pregnant, she knew that she could protect her daughter, she was safe within the confines of her womb – or at least the non-clinical side of her mind thought that. Occasionally the clinical side would butt in but for the most part it stayed on the quieter side with matters relating to the baby.
"I know how you feel" Mo answered, her voice soft and sad. Yes the discomfort of the latter stages of pregnancy had been difficult and Mo had wished for them to end but at the same time, she didn't want that point to come. For Jac, the situation was different. The baby at birth would remain hers but there was still that great unknown.
"Do you think about him?" Jac asked, remembering the baby she had held. The beauty of that little boy who she'd held. She had never understood how Mo had been able to carry him, and then to let him go and she understood it even less now.
"Mmm" Mo murmured, considering the question. It was strange, she knew that she missed him. There was an all too familiar ache within her – something had had become a part of her – that every so often panged that little bit harder but she tried not to dwell on it. She knew it was there, but she didn't think of it. It was almost a comfort now, to have it there.
"I couldn't do it" Jac stated, running her hands over her bump and gently using her fingers to feel her daughter's position. It was a force of habit, feeling the way she was lying – they'd been a worry that she was going to be breech and then she'd turned to cephalic and Jac had silently praised her clever little girl for doing so. She had simply wanted to do it in her own time.
"and you don't have to" Mo responded with a smile, "Your baby is yours, but William was never mine" she added softly. And Jac nodded, but even though her daughter was most definitely hers, it still didn't mean that she was here to stay.
