Forget Me Not
Chapter Nine
Morning found Ben and Joan sitting next to the same creek only this time Ben was firmly, but gently, demanding some answers. Joan chuckled as she turned her head and looked at Ben. "You are a persistent one, aren't you?" She then turned her hands up as she threw her gaze back to the running water in front of them. "I guess after yesterday and last night," she said, as she remembered receiving the shock of her life when she woke a few hours after Ben to find herself still by the fire and in his arms. "You deserve some answers. Actually, I should have given to them to you before now. I was just too proud and thought for sure I had things under control."
'Under control'; those two words had Ben fighting to force a chuckle to stay down. If he'd learned nothing else in life, he knew that every time someone 'thought for sure' they would, most often than not, be proven wrong. Of course, he wasn't about to say that to Joan. It's not like he wanted her to feel like he was 'rubbing it in' in any way. So, he simply sat quietly and waited for her to begin speaking.
"I couldn't sleep after I left you that night." Joan began speaking slowly and Ben listened without interruption. He was surprised to learn that Joan had never intended to leave the Ponderosa for good, and that she'd simply been riding around trying to make up her mind and quell what she believed was a broken heart, but events beyond her control had changed those plans….
Flashback….
Joan, who had pushed her horse to the limit due to her own frustration and tears, slowed the animal to a stop. How far how she traveled? Eight, nine, maybe, ten miles. Her heart was breaking, but she knew riding around in the dark was pretty well useless. After all, she had no desire to go back to the Paiute tribe even if they had treated her well enough. That is, until they'd forced her to leave because the chief's son was looking at her. She turned her horse around deciding that she really had no choice but to get on a stagecoach and go to California, as she had in all honesty adapted to the white man's way of life.
Because Joan had her mind on her troubles, she didn't hear the movement in the bushes near her until it was too late. Before she knew it three bearded men were on three sides of her, and one had the reins to her horse in his hands.
End Flashback….
"I thought for sure they were going to have their way with me, but they didn't." Joan's voice grew hard and bitter. "It seems like they had a debt to pay…" she paused and then continued, "to a friend in California and thought giving them a 'squaw' would be a good way to settle it." She clenched her fist for a moment. "I tried to get away more than once and each time my flesh felt their fists or the warning blade of their knives." She rolled up her sleeves and showed the scars on her arms. Ben's eyes widened in shock; he couldn't help but gasp, appalled at the things he was hearing.
"The man they gave me to in California had, let's say, plenty of resources for his nightly pleasures." The sour look that came up on Joan's face reinforced what her words had implied. "So, I was made to work in the kitchen and laundry area. Thankful to some degree, but there was always a man 'conveniently' around those areas." She rolled down her sleeves as she told him of how one of the men had taken a liking to her and had succeeded in catching her unawares on two separate occasions. Joan had been lucky enough to escape the pain and humiliation of an actual rape, though the man's manhandling and threats had sickened her with fear. She'd sworn to kill the man the next time he tried anything, but he'd died in a freak work accident before she could. "Biggest blessing… that and the fact he had never had his way with me."
Ben felt himself get sick to his stomach as she told of the events.
"I managed to escape after two months, but I swore within an inch of my life never to be caught off guard again." Joan bit off her words as she told of fleeing into the mountains of California and making her way east and back to Nevada. "I met Paul and Annie; they had actually passed through the Ponderosa a number of times, but they never took anything that belonged to you and always trapped outside your land. They taught me everything when it came to handling a knife, a bow and arrow or any other weapon after they learned my story quite by accident."
Joan went on to explain how she'd fallen ill and talked while she had a fever. "I have lived by myself for a few months now." Joan finished, and then turned her eyes away from Ben and back to the creek.
If Ben knew who those men were, he would have gone straight to them and had it out with them, and then turned them over to the law. Maybe, it was a good thing he didn't know. He laid his hand on top of Joan's very carefully. "You don't have to run anymore, Joan. If nothing else, you can stay at the house with me and my family. In fact," he smiled, "Hoss is getting quite serious with his girl. I wouldn't be surprised if there was an announcement soon."
Joan bit her lower lip as Ben's hand rested on top of hers. She knew he meant well, but she couldn't see staying at his house when he still didn't love her the way a man would love a woman he wanted to marry. Sure, she might be able to accept the fact that he could, someday, be married to someone else. However, she could not stomach the idea of living under the same room as he courted that woman and then brought her into the house.
Joan shook her head and stood up. "Thanks for caring about me, Benjamin, and I am grateful for the offer, but no thanks. My place is here for now, until I can decide where in the white world I want to call home. I think I best get lunch started. Five more days and we'll head to your home. I'm sure your sons will be more than elated to see you when you arrive safely and still very healthy." she laughed, trying to break the tension that had built up during the details of her troubled journey."
As she walked towards the cavern, Ben thought about her living alone in the mountains. Because of what she'd just told him, he could see why she had temporarily drawn back from society. Still, he didn't think it was good for her to continue living up here, not when men like the ones who forced her to California and the men who had taken him prisoner were roaming around. By the time he started walking back to the cavern, he knew he was going to have to find a way to convince her to stay at his home, if only for a short period of time.
