9
Of past and present
She was alive. She was right there in his bed. And she was fucking twelve years old.
Kakashi sighed deeply burrowing his face in his hands. He had been sitting in a chair next to his bed, where Sakura was currently sleeping, ever since he had used his Sharingan on her. He still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the thought that his dead girlfriend was now alive again and four years younger than she had been, as the two of them had dated all those years ago.
With every passing hour the Jonin's thoughts had become deeper and more depressing than he had actually liked them to be. About six hours ago he had confessed to Sakura that he had been incredibly happy. And he was.
Kakashi was indeed delighted, happy, relieved that he finally had her back. His feelings were beyond joyful that he could finally hold her in his arms again, except the little, but also annoying problem, that he eventually couldn't hold her at all. It simply didn't feel right to him anymore.
The fact that Sakura had died in his arms, didn't make it right. The fact that he had buried her lifeless corpse, didn't make it right. The fact that he had been dating a sixteen-year-old Sakura, didn't make it right. The fact that she left him, didn't make it bloody right.
With this thought circling around in his mind, the Copy Ninja's head snapped up towards sleeping beauty. All of a sudden his feelings changed. He was still overwhelmed with joy by having her there, but something inside of him slowly made its way to the surface.
Disappointment. Hurt.
Anger.
He was angry at her. She had put him through twelve miserable years. He had been a wreck without her and she must have known, what her death would do to him emotionally. And she still had gone trough that damn plan of hers, fully aware of what the consequences of her fatal action would be. However, she hadn't given a damn about the consequences. Why would she anyway? She had known that she would die. She had known that she wouldn't feel anything. It was Kakashi who had to live through it all.
It had been him, whom she had left to suffer alone.
It had been him all along.
Kakashi's eyes narrowed dangerously with each new thought, until he clenched his fists so tightly that he could feel the blood under his fingernails. The longer he looked at the girl, who had caused his misery, the less he could stand the mere sight of her.
Not being able to stand being in one room with her anymore, he jerked out of the chair, went out of his bedroom, noisily closing the door behind him, and started to pace in the small hallway, which connected his bedroom with his living room.
As soon as he put some distance between himself and Sakura, he couldn't believe himself. Here he was being angry, when he actually should be grateful and happy and feeling nothing beside that. But since Sakura really was in his bed, safe and sound, Kakashi simply couldn't hold onto those positive feelings for long. At the moment he just wanted to yell at her, to curse her, to accuse her of never really caring about him and then only wrap his arms around her and keep her there for the rest of his life.
That's true. He actually didn't want to fight. He wanted her to know, how he had dealt with her death and what it had done to him. And above all he wanted to know, why she had felt it necessary to sacrifice herself. The Copy Ninja wanted answers to his questions and then get it all over with.
After dealing with his pent-up anger, Kakashi wanted to continue, where he and Sakura had left of, but, besides the fact that he felt emotionally torn at the moment, there was still that irritating problem that Sakura was only twelve fucking bloody years old!
Kakashi groaned, stopping his pacing and sliding down against the wall, until he sat on the floor next to the bedroom door. The back of his head was now constantly banging against the wall with his eyes closed. How would he be able to survive the upcoming four years or to keep out of prison for assaulting his twelve-year-old student if Sakura continued behaving like she had done earlier that night.
He was only a man. A man who had gone without it for twelve years.
The Jonin's head started to hurt with the force he put into banging, while trying to dispel the unwelcome thoughts out of his mind. Suddenly he had to think of Sakura's 'hard-to-get-attitude', which she had put on until both of them finally had gotten together.
"Her current behavior couldn't be further from 'hard-to-get'," Kakashi thought desperately.
A loud knock on the Copy Ninja's front door interrupted his ordeal. For a few seconds he wondered, who would be knocking at his door at this time of night, while getting up from the floor. Making his way to the door, feeling slightly dizzy, he suddenly had a bad foreshadowing, which was proved right, when Kakashi opened the door and saw the Hokage standing in front of him with a weary look in his eyes.
"Please don't tell me that she is here," Minato mumbled, as if he was barely awake.
"Don't tell me you're are looking for her because of what I think," Kakashi replied, sounding just as tiredly, as he stepped aside in order to grant his Sensei entry to his home.
Entering his house Minato went straight into the living-room and made himself at home on the sofa, waiting for Kakashi to do the same. Both men were visibly exhausted with deep shadows under their eyes. Since they both had an incredibly long day and just wanted to get a couple of hours of sleep, they didn't beat around the bush.
"Since I don't have much time for obvious reasons, I'll ask quite bluntly. How did it go?"
The Hokage's curiosity was earnest and a good opportunity for Kakashi to get rid of some pent-up frustration. The Jonin shifted into a more comfortable position on the sofa and tried to put his predicament into words.
"She simply isn't the girl who left me, Sensei," the Copy Ninja clearly had trouble finding the right words under Minato's gaze.
"I mean, I know that she is Sakura, but she isn't my Sakura. My Sakura was never this bold," he frowned deeply, "She tried to seduce me tonight," Kakashi explained seeing the Hokage's questioning look.
Minato nearly choked on his own tongue.
"Not to mention that I am so mad at the whole situation we are in," the silver-haired man said through clenched teeth, his anger surfacing again.
"What situation?" Minato asked truly confused at Kakashi's revelation.
Kakashi's gaze, which had been focused on the floor before him, turned to the blue-eyed man next to him, "She is twelve, Sensei. Twelve! The fact that her parents sent you to look for her, makes it all the more true. And the most thing I want, apart from yelling at her, I can't get, as it would give you every right to accuse me of molesting my student."
The word 'misery' was practically written all over Kakashi's face by now. Even Minato could tell that he was torn between doing what the Jonin thought had been right and what he wanted to do.
Shaking his head slightly, before looking at Kakashi again, the blond said soothingly, "I understand your situation, Kakashi, and I think you did the right thing by stopping her tonight," he stopped suddenly, his eyes widening, "you did stop her, didn't you?"
Kakashi could only sneer at that, "Of course, I did."
Ignoring his attitude, Minato nodded and continued, "As I said, you did the right thing tonight. And although I know that it will be difficult, but I think that it would be for your and Sakura's best if the two of you waited until she is old enough. I am not saying that you should break off with her," Kakashi's frown reappeared, as Minato stated things as if Sakura and Kakashi had never been separated for twelve years, "but take it slow."
"You are talking as if I was the one seducing her, but I wasn't," the silver-haired man snapped at his former Sensei.
At this remark Minato's eyes narrowed a bit, "You seem to be under the impression that I would be the one making your life a living hell if you and Sakura take things further now. However, I am not. It would be her parents, Kakashi. Her parents and most of Konoha's habitats, who don't know you personally. People wouldn't care about your background, much less believe you, but they would only care about the juicy stuff. A teacher courting his twelve-year-old student. Believe me, you don't want to put her through that."
During Minato's speech Kakashi averted his eyes and instead focused on the floor again. He knew exactly that his former Sensei had been right with everything he had said and the Copy Ninja was determined to tell Sakura the exact same thing, as soon as she would wake up. But, damn, he knew the next four years wouldn't be easy on him.
"You are right," Kakashi said at last, still focusing on the pattern on the floor, "but if you only saw how Sakura behaved tonight. You would understand that I'm not particularly seeing forward to spending four years with this bolt version of Sakura without being allowed to touch her. I can't even describe how disturbing it was. The things she did and the way she behaved. She acted like, I don't know... she acted like -"
Before Kakashi could finish, there was a third voice joining their conversation.
"A slut."
All color drained from Kakashi's face as his gaze snapped to the figure, standing between the hallway and the living-room. When he finally met her eyes, he had all his answers he had needed. He could see it all in those green eyes.
Insecurity. Desperation. Longing. Hurt.
Love.
