Christian came to first, just as I predicted. It took him a moment to figure out his arms were cuffed behind him and then began an almost endless string of profanity and threats. I ignored him. He swung his legs down and sat up and I could hear him mumbling about his fucking head. Finally, he looks over at me and demands furiously,"Get these fucking cuffs off of me!"
I put my pen down. "Hello, Christian,"
"John, what the fuck is going on?" He starts looking around my office and suddenly sees Ana and Taylor.
He keeps trying to stand without success. I walk over in front of him and say simply, "Sit."
"Ana!" He says desperately.
"She's fine, Christian. I gave her a mild sedative. What do you remember Christian?"
The expression on his face changed from fear to overwhelming grief. "Someone said Ana was dead. "
"And how did that make you feel?"
"I wanted to die too. I needed to die. I needed to die and be with her. I couldn't keep her safe. I tried and tried but I just couldn't keep her safe, just like the crack whore." and he breaks down sobbing.
"It wasn't your job to keep your mother safe, was it?" But he is not listening, he throws his head back and let's out a mournful cry.
"Christian, where is Anastasia ?"
He looks up at me in confusion, "She's dead, John, she's dead."
"Christian, who is that?"I ask, pointing at his sleeping wife.
"Dead, John, she's dead. "
I take the handcuff key that Sawyer gave me and open the cuffs. He walks slowly over to his wife and kneels beside her. "I am so sorry, baby. Sorry I couldn't keep you safe. I am so sorry" He leans forward and kisses her on the lips, his fingers in her hair, his tears continually falling.
"Mmm, I love to wake up to your kisses, Mr Grey."
"Ana!" He looks at her in disbelief and then he looks at me joyfully, "John! Ana!"I shake my head from side to side and smile.
"Okay, Christian. Back to your seat. We're having an emergency session. "
"I am fine John. I have Ana. I don't need a session."
"Sit, Christian" he sits from sheet force of habit, from too many years of listening to me and following my instructions.
"Christian, tell us what you did when you thought Ana was dead. "
I can tell the minute he remembers by the look of horror that crosses his face. Slowly he turns and looks at Taylor.
"D-Did I do that to him?" He asks, the self-loathing creeping into his voice.
"Your wife helped. " I reply calmly.
"Oh my god," he buries his face in his hands, disgusted with himself once again.
"Go look in a mirror, Christian. Go look and see what he did to you. Your beautiful nose is broken. Your face, oh honey it must hurt so bad. And then to have you in handcuffs right out in front of everyone."
"What did you do sweetheart?"
Proudly, Ana describes how she took the heavy print with a glass frame down off the wall and just kept smashing it down on Taylor.
"Oh, shit, oh, honey, I really wish you hadn't done that. See, honey I-I " he pauses unsure how to explain. He looks at me but I simply instruct him to continue. He hangs his head in defeat and mumbles, "I thought you were dead. I couldn't cope with that so when Taylor came back to try and explain what had happened, I, uh, I tried to get his gun. I didn't want to live if you were dead. We fought for the gun. I remember thinking I won, I remember pulling it out of the holster and Taylor, he went crazy. I kept squeezing the trigger but nothing happened. Somehow, he knocked me out. The next thing I knew I was handcuffed and laying in the back seat. I pretended I was still out and when he bent to carry me over his shoulder, I knee'd him in the balls and head butted him. He sank to the ground and I just kept kicking his ribs, his face whatever I could reach."
"Why Christian?" I ask.
"Because I thought Ana was dead and he wouldn't let be be with her. I was angry, very angry. I was out of control."
"That is why I had to sedate you. Do you remember meeting with Mr Welch?" I ask and then watch the emotions trail across his face. Suddenly confused and emotional Christian is gone. Cold, analytical Christian has arrived; when Christian is in this mood he is at his most brilliant and most dangerous.
He looks at Ana to explain. "Someone has taken over every aspect of my business. They are hiding inside, like a Trojan horse, just waiting for the right moment to see me lose everything. They want you dead. They want me dead. They want everything. "
"Okay. I can see you remember, Christian. Let's pause for a minute. I want to get Sawyer and Gail in here and I want to see if we can rouse Taylor. "
Fifteen minutes later we were all gathered again in my office.
"Christian, do you want to start?" I can see he is anxious to speak and I want to be observing everyone's reactions.
Christian thanks everyone present for their patience and loyalty and states it has never been needed more. He slowly and deliberately makes eye contact with everyone in the room, saving Taylor for last. He feigns shock when he sees him and with the tiniest smile which curiously does reach his eyes he announces, "I'd ask what happened but I don 't want to embarrass you. "Taylor shakes his head and grins.
Christian continues, "Our number one problem today is my wife's safety. I have some initial plans made but I need a destination. And I have not been able to think of one. Suggestions?"
The room is deathly quiet. Finally, Taylor speaks up.
"I know someone. He's completely off the grid so it's not going to be like staying in Escala. I know he could help us a lot. He has a lot of contacts."
"What's his name?" Christian asks.
Taylor ignores Christian and presses forward. He is a retired sniper. His wife is retired from the FBI.
"She's a psychic too. No one gets near them unless their invited and I know how to ask for an invitation."
"The name, Taylor. " Christian demands again while worrying his finger through his hair. Taylor looks down at his fingernails and doesn't answer. Christian stares hard at Taylor.
"You're talking about the grave-digger, aren't you?"
"That is not the name I use."
"Semantics. My wife is not staying with a hit man."
"Retired hit man," he corrects.
"No!" Christian thunders.
"He owes me a favor. I know him a long time. I trust him. He could probably find a lot more about what is going on than we can."
"What part of no don't you understand Taylor? My wife, my pregnant wife is not going camping with one of the world's most notorious hit men."
Then Ana interrupts,"Christian you have some other safe place for me? Don't I get a say? It's my life on the line. If Taylor trusts him, so do I."
"Sir?"Taylor asks, "Have you given any thought as to why I would go off with your wife and disappear? No one is going to buy a relationship between your wife and myself, especially your mother."
"You think? What if we involve the playroom ?"
I watch as Taylor almost jumps out of his chair and says, "No! She's pregnant!"
I think Taylor just made a mistake. A bad mistake. I watch Christian stare hard at Taylor, his nostrils flared. Everyone in the room has become uncomfortable. Ana is watching the reactions of both men but strangely quiet.
Out of nowhere, Gail speaks up.
"If Mr Grey caught Ana kidding around with
Taylor, it could easily precipitate an argument.
If he stormed out and then returned and found her being held comforted in Taylor's arm..."
"I would fucking kill him." Christian glares at Taylor.
"Christian!" Ana hisses. "This is all pretend, remember? Stop looking at Taylor like that!""
I am suddenly very uneasy. If Christian's jealousy is this intense, the potential for dangerous complications may be too high to risk. I gaze at Taylor. He had always been very careful of what emotions he allows others to see. I wish I knew why he feels the need for such iron controls. I return my attention to the conversation at hand.
Taylor is speaking and his tone is glacial. "You can not take her to the playroom. There's probably cameras and audio in there now. Anything you do in the play room will have to be real. If I agreed to take her punishment - "
"No!" Ana shouts. "You can't do that, Christian." She pleads.
I want to agree with her. This is a very unhealthy scenario. Taylor is pushing. Christian is letting him. Something tells me Taylor is more familiar with the BDSM scene then I was aware. The conversation drags on as each little detail gets defined. I make arrangements to borrow a friends R V. and park it near the ER. Christian says he will goad Taylor into accepting Ana's punishment. He wants Sawyer to break down the door after two hours.
I am horrified. I think it's far too long. Christian says no. Punishment sessions are always conducted slowly so that the sub has time to consider the outcome. The physical punishment is usually brief."
Taylor snorts. Ana is non-committal but doesn't seem horrified.
I decide to speak with both with Taylor and Christian privately.
The planning is all complete. As everyone arises and heads for the door, I ask Christian and Taylor to remain.
They return to their seats somewhat reluctantly. I am not a BDSM expert, but I have studied it.
"Christian, " I begin, "I didn't hear you mention a safe word."
"It is a punishment fuck, John. There will be no safe word."
I look at Taylor. He says nothing and his face is devoid of all emotion.
I am appalled. "Are you going to fuck him in front of your wife?"
"If the cameras and audio are rolling, everything will have to be real. I can blindfold Ana and restrain her but she will need to react in the beginning. Then I will put a headset on with white noise so she can 't hear.
When it is over, he will require medical attention. Sawyer will call you and you will come with that private ambulance you use. Sawyer is going to have to go with them and drive. He'll need to attend to Taylor as well. "
"I don 't need Sawyer. I'll be able to drive."
"It will be a fucking miracle if you can walk, don't even think about driving."
"If I take Sawyer, how are you going to get there ?"
"I may hold off on that."
"NO!" Taylor storms. "You can't change everything at the last minute."
"I'm not changing everything, Taylor. Just making a few adjustments. I am quite sure that anyone who knows me, knows I will not let my wife run off with two men, no matter how provoking my behavior may have been.
We'll use the code you spoke of, list it under Personals. "
"Your family, sir. They will believe it. "
"Hopefully. If they will believe it, they will be safe. There is no other way to keep them safe."
"Your mother, sir - "
"I will be dead to my mother. The family will disown me but they will be safe. In the long run, their safety and the safety of Anastasia are all that matters."
I sit quietly behind my desk, deeply troubled, unable to think of a better solution. For the first time since meeting Christian Grey and taking on his care, I feel I have failed him, failed him in every way.
