Thank you all for reviewing. I really appreciate all the feedback and input. You guys make my world go round!
I do want to preface that there is some adult content in this update. It is not detailed or extremely graphic but it is content that might make some uncomfortable.
xxxx
Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
xxxx
He ended up where he always did when he couldn't think. When he needed a calm mind to help him sort out everything. He was thankful that after al these years he could still rely on Haley to give him advice.
"I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy."
Haley sighed; she could easily sympathize with her best friend though she herself could find no words of comfort.
"And now that Rachel's here I feel even more disconnected from her. I felt like we were getting somewhere, building trust."
"You are Luke. I think she trusts you the most of anyone. But you also scare her the most," her voice became a whisper in hopes of not hurting his feelings, "You hurt her the worst of anyone of us."
He grimaced slightly, "I know that. I feel like I will never stop paying for it either. After all these years I wish she could just let it all go."
She took his hand in hers, squeezing softly, "You reached her once before and I know you can do it again. You just have to keep faith."
She didn't want to add that it wasn't just the one time. That she could count on both hands the times Brooke had come to her in tears. Each one eroding the relationship until there was nothing left.
"That's easier said than done Haley. She hasn't told me anything about the attack or how she's feeling. It's like a brick wall. And Rachel shows up and she's telling her all sorts of things."
Haley didn't want to pry but the words slipped out, "Like what?"
"Victoria was behind the attack."
Haley remained quiet and her silence spoke louder than anything she could say.
"You knew too?" He was so frustrated and now he was even more confused.
"Lucas…" she started but was quickly cut off.
"Seriously Haley, how could you not tell me? How long have you known?"
She traced the outline of the saucer before finally meeting his eyes, "She told me when she first got back. But only because of the baby."
Lucas inhaled sharply and Haley felt the tension in his stance. She knew he still carried that guilt.
"Lucas…I would have told you but I couldn't betray Brooke's confidence like that. Not after everything that had happened."
He nodded slowly. He knows it's true. The words Brooke told Haley were always meant to be kept quiet. It had been the same way in high school.
He still didn't understand how it was easier to tell everyone else.
"Why won't she open up to me?"
Her voice was so quiet Lucas could barely hear it and she was half afraid of the words herself because this might be opening a chapter in his life that Lucas shut long ago, "Because really trusting you means she might have to admit things she doesn't want to. And that probably scares her just as much as everything else that's been going on."
"Like what things?"
"I don't know Lucas."
She turned on the sink to avoid further questions. He'd have to figure out the rest himself. She wasn't going to point out to Lucas that after all these years there was a reason Brooke had never let anyone else get close to her. That maybe he still had a place in her heart, even if he was ignorant to it.
He waited for her to turn back towards him but quickly realized she wasn't going to. That was all he was going to get from her.
"I better get going. Rachel sent me a text about Tric or something that I need to check on."
"Alright, I'll walk you to the door."
They stood awkwardly for a moment and Haley debated her words, trying to find a way to lift a single burden off her friend's shoulder.
"Lucas…one more thing," she paused, "The miscarriage wasn't your fault. I talked to the doctor; he said Brooke's body was too weak to sustain the pregnancy. There was no way she could carry to term."
He looked down to her, his expression filled with guilt, "That doesn't change the fact that the first thing I did when she got back was tell her how she ruined my life, instead of telling her how much I missed her."
She squeezed his shoulder before pulling him into an embrace, "Sometimes the things we really mean are the hardest ones to say."
xxxx
Lucas entered Tric for the first time in months. Since Brooke's disappearance he had not felt the urge to be around others having fun. When he felt the urge to drink he usually ended up at the Blue Post where the atmosphere was significantly more depressed.
He had hesitated in going but Rachel's text had made it seem like a necessity. He was really hoping the purpose was not to take her home from the bar.
He quickly spotted the red head at the bar with a drink. He frowned; his worst fears seemed to be true.
"So am I here because you're too drunk to drive?"
Rachel glared at him, "This is water. You're here because Brooke's had five shots of something that is not water and is refusing to stop."
He looked at her in disbelief. Brooke's routine had consisted of four places, none of which were Tric.
"You're going to have to do better than that. Brooke hasn't gone out since she came back."
She rolled her eyes before pointing down the bar to her right. Lucas's eyes followed to find a drunk Brooke leaning against the bar.
She was wearing a fitted pair of jeans, not as tight as he had seen her in before but still tighter than the ones she had been wearing lately. Her top was skimpier than her usual attire but still did not display as much cleavage he had once known Brooke to sport. She was still conservatively dressed for bar standards but he noticed how uncomfortable she looked. How she seemed to be trying to look sexy but hating every minute of it.
"How could you let her get this way?" He was angry with Rachel. He had been relying on her to help Brooke not bring her down.
"She texted me right before I texted you. She came here by herself and got herself drunk. She refused to tell me why and when I told her I was taking her home she dumped her drink on me," Rachel signaled to the dark stain on her shirt, "I figured my best option was to keep an eye on her until you showed up. I'm outta here because I've been sitting in clothes that smell like alcohol for the last hour and considering I am a recovering addict there is only so much I can take. I'm leaving her in your care."
She began to move when Lucas gently grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry I accused you of being drunk. It's just that I didn't really expect this from Brooke."
Rachel sighed and turned to watch Brooke for a moment, her lips taught and her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Trust me, this wasn't what I was expecting when she called me either. I don't know what happened," she looked towards him, her eyes full of the tears she refused she shed, "Promise me you'll take care of her."
He nodded solemnly and with that Rachel set off towards the exit.
He made his way over to where Brooke was standing. It was somewhat difficult given the crowd that surrounded her, he tapped her arm, "Brooke, what are you doing?"
She turned towards him quickly causing her to lose her footing. He steadied her and she tensed slightly at the contact.
She noticed the involuntary response her body had and quickly averted her eyes as they filled with some unknown emotion she refused to let him see. She quickly signaled to the bartender for another.
She looked at him again, the expression of vulnerability he was sure she wore moments a go replaced with a look of drunken carelessness.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" His expression remained stern and she giggled, "Alright Broody. I'm drinking. Better?"
He shifted awkwardly as the bartender appeared and poured her another shot, "I don't think you need anymore Brooke."
"Thanks for coming down but I've got this. So unless you're doing a shot with me you can step away before what happened to Rachel happens to you."
Her words were slurred and some random guy next to her offered to do the shot with her. This was not going how he planned at all. Not that he really had a plan to start with though.
"Brooke. I don't know what happened but I think its time to go home. Come on," he tugged on her arm slightly though she made no effort to move.
"Listen Lucas. Really, thank you for coming but I do not need your help. I can take care of myself and I am having a good time. Do you know how long it's been since I had a good time? Since I didn't feel like crap?" she paused and looked at him like he might actually have a response, when he merely averted his gaze she continued, "See, you don't know. And neither do I. So I'm going to take this opportunity to keep having some fun."
He wished he had a response. He really wanted to make it better for her but he just didn't know how. The one thing he did know, though, was that this was not Brooke's idea of fun. That the intoxicated patrons of Tric may not see beyond Brooke's mask of confidence but he knew it was a lie. He had felt her tense at the contact. The slight tugs at her clothing. This wasn't what she wanted; it was just what she had fooled herself into thinking she wanted.
He grabbed her arm with a stronger grip, "Brooke, lets just go before you do something you regret."
She yanked her arm out of his grasp, "I'm not going to regret anything Lucas so you might as well go home. I can catch a cab at the end of the night."
Someone on the other side of Brooke asked her to dance and Brooke nodded at the man's request.
Lucas quickly shifted to block their way, "She's not looking to dance."
"I think that's up to the lady not you." The man replied with a smirk.
Lucas's blood began to boil as the other guy reached for Brooke's hand and tugged on it to signal her to keep walking.
Brooke noticed Lucas's change in demeanor and placed her hand on his chest, "I want to dance Lucas. Seriously just go home. I'm fine."
He watched her snake her way to the middle of the dance floor and felt so defeated. He eyed the exit unsure of what to do.
xxxx
She wasn't sure how she had ended up at Tric. She just wanted to run away from it all and Tric seemed like the best option at the time. Drinking had been a good escape in high school and she decided on an impulse to return to it. Hoping it might make her feel better. Deep down she knew it wouldn't but somehow she still managed to get trashed and end up on the middle of the dance floor with some random.
The music was loud and the bodies around her pushed her closer to the man she was with. Not that he minded. His hands were on her hips and his hot breath against her neck.
She closed her eyes, her mind making connections she didn't want it to. The man she was with smelled like whiskey.
Her stomach churned and she felt sick.
The night of the attack the man had smelled like whiskey. Like he had used alcohol as cologne. Her clothes had reeked of it. It felt like it had taken hours to get the smell off.
He smelled like whiskey and she knew already that the night was going to end badly.
She had just turned off the lights when the door creaked and she was thrown backwards on to the hard marble floor.
He tightened his grip on her, moving methodically to the beat. She wasn't even dancing at this point but that didn't stop him from bringing her closer and grinding against her small frame.
She landed with a thud and suddenly he was on her. His weight was fully on her and it was so hard to breathe. He punched her hard, over and over, until she saw nothing at all.
He was whispering something but she couldn't hear. All she can feel is his sticky breath on her ear and it gave her goose bumps. He turned her around and presses himself into her.
His hands ripped at the fabric of her dress and it easily came apart at his hands. She tried to push him off but he was so much bigger than her. His one hand is covering her mouth and across her neck cutting off oxygen to her brain. Somehow she still managed to make out the smirk spread across his face.
The alcohol made her wobbly and his hands steady her. His grip is tight and uncomfortable. She could hardly breathe the way he was holding her but he didn't seem to notice. The room began to spin and she wanted something other than his hands to hold on to. But there was nothing there.
His hands were rough and calloused. They moved without reason or grace. She gathered her strength and managed to shove him off, her leg connecting with his chin. She tried to crawl away but he grabbed her again. He's still smiling as he wipes some blood off his lip. He whispers that he likes them to have a little life in 'em.
She tried to loosen the man's grip on her but his hands remained firmly on her hips. He seemed to misread her signals and somehow managed to instead pull her closer. She felt like she was choking again. The room too small and too many people around her.
He hit her again, this time she tasted blood. He whispers to her to shut up or he'll kill her and she can't help but hope that might be how it ends. She shoved him again and he's beating her with enough force for her to black out.
She felt his lips at her neck and she was desperate for anyone to see how uncomfortable she is. For someone to step in and release her from his grip.
The thin fabric of her thong breaks easily and she cringed as he enters her. She wanted to black out again, anything to not feel the pain again. He's still got a hand across her mouth and the other one holds her hands above her head. His mouth is against her ear and he just keeps whispering that he knows she likes it.
"Stop," she managed to get out but the music is too loud and the guy she was with doesn't seem to notice the look of panic that has swept her face. She tried shoving him again but his grip is too strong.
He grabbed the cash from the register and bent down to her level once again. She's too weak to do anything. He ran a finger down her cheek before whispering 'Have a good night.' And he's gone and she's all alone bleeding on the floor of the store that once held all her dreams.
Lucas grabbed the guy and shoved him away from Brooke. The anger he had felt from earlier was now ten fold. His fingers curled into fists.
"She told you to stop."
The other guy looked offended, "Yeah, well we were having a good time."
Lucas threw a punch and hit the other guy in the jaw. He fell to the floor and made no move to get up. The music stopped and everyone stepped away from the two men.
"That's not a good time. When a girl tells you to stop, you stop."
Lucas grabbed and punched the man again. He went to grab him again when two large bouncers constrained him.
He looked around to find Brooke and make sure she was alright. Suddenly he began to curse himself for not checking on her first.
Panic filled his body as he scanned the crowd and didn't see her anywhere. She had looked so freighted when he had approached them.
"Let me go."
The bouncer loosened his grip and Lucas ran towards the back exit of the bar, praying he would be able to find her.
xxxx
She was standing 15 feet from the exit, hunched over and looking a mess. Her chest moved erratically and it looked like a strain to just get in enough air to stay standing.
He reached her quickly and placed a hand on her shoulder.
She jerked away and looked up. He saw no sign of recognition from her. Her eyes glazed over and she seemed to be a million miles away from him in that moment. It sent a chill down to his spine and he feared where she might be in that moment.
He reached out again.
"Don't touch me." She growled at him before taking a step away. She stumbled and he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the lack of oxygen or a mixture of both. Whatever had happened inside the club had shaken her.
He had watched her from his place at the bar and saw her expression go from indifference to panic and all the while the guy she was with took no notice. He had pushed his way to her as fast as possible but it still felt too late as he watched her struggle to catch her breathe now.
"Brooke…" he said quietly, trying to shake her from wherever she was. He took a step forward and placed his hand on her shoulder again, "Brooke, it's me Lucas."
She took in a shaky breath before looking up at him again. This time he saw something reflected back at him.
"Lucas…"
He knew it was enough and quickly pulled her into his arms. She didn't fight him and for that he was thankful.
"Take me home," her voice was muffled against his chest and her arms were limp against her side.
He nodded and began walking with her towards the car. His arm remained wrapped around her and her head rested against his shoulder. She wouldn't ever have to ask him twice.
xxxx
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
xxxx
Ray Lamontagne
Next update we find out what happened to Brooke that caused her to go to Tric. And we'll have Brooke talk to Lucas about everything. Yes, like everything. I'm super excited about the update and I hope you guys are too!
As I said earlier, thank you for reviewing and alerting my story. You really do make my world go round. If you have a moment I'd love a review and any thoughts on the update. Thanks for reading!
