Chapter 9. The Third World

My heart tightened painfully as I took in the sight in front of me. Bonnie, my best friend, my oldest friend… I remember her laughter in my ears like it was yesterday, how the side of her mouth would twitch up into a mischievous smile. I remember her linking arms with me as we walked across the school grounds, talking and gossiping like normal teenagers.

I do not want to remember her like this.

Bonnie's dark eyes widened as she saw me at her door. Her hands groped feebly around the cruel, cold metal wheelchair. She looked as if she attempted to pull herself up, but failed and slumped back in her seat miserably.

"Elena," She croaked, reaching out a trembling hand at me, "You're…you're back…?"

"Yes." I whispered. I tried to fight back the tears as I knelt down beside her, taking her hands in mine as I sobbed into them. They were so bony… so cold…

"Thank God…" Bonnie started to cry as well. Her sobs sounded a lot more distressed than mine.

When the two of us finally pulled ourselves together, Damon and Stefan ushered us inside nervously, afraid that we'd draw attention on the porch.

Bonnie's house was not what I remembered. Perhaps it was because it was another world, or perhaps just because she has been so depressed herself. Everything seemed dusty and dirty. Broken glasses were all over the place, and stained pots and pans spread out throughout the entire kitchen.

"Bonnie, you have to take care of yourself." I tried to say.

Bonnie smiled grimly and said nothing.

"A-And about your situation," I said carefully, hoping I wasn't crossing a line "Isn't there some kind of magic you can do?"

"No." Bonnie shook her head gravely, "Not when it was magic that caused this in the first place."

For a moment, both of us stared down at her legs. It pained me to see how thin they had gotten. Maybe it was due to the fact that she couldn't exercise them anymore, but they looked sickly thin, like two rigid sticks poking out of her pants.

As Damon and Stefan proceeded to explain my situation, Bonnie listened intently, not disrupting them. When they were finished, her face, like Damon's, dropped too and she didn't speak for a long time.

"So," Bonnie said in a hollow voice, "Next time it rains…you would have to leave."

I tried to nod, but that mere action seemed to take me all the energy I had. In the end, I managed a slight jerk of my chin.

Bonnie looked down at her knees, but I knew she was crying again. Large splatters of tears were falling on her pants, "I knew it was too good to be true." She whispered sadly.

On my other side, Damon held out a hand and grasped my shoulder. He, too, looked grave.

"Death would have been kinder." Bonnie continued in a barely audible voice.

I winced out of the pain in my chest. I did not recognize this Bonnie, but I understood where she came from. It would have been easier to her – to any of them – if I hadn't returned. If they could have just mourn in peace without having to lose me all over again, it would have been kinder. I tried to picture myself in her situation: paralyzed, struggling with the pain of the death of my two best friends… Even in my mind's eye, it was too much to handle.

"Don't say that," Damon had stepped up, his grip on my shoulder tightening, "We are lucky to…to have Elena back, even if it's just for a few days."

Bonnie looked up at me desperately, "Don't go."

This was the second time in the same day that I had gotten this request. Heart filled with guilt and pain, I looked away and did not answer. Beside me, I saw Damon and Stefan exchange furtive glances at each other.

"Bonnie," It was Stefan who spoke up, "We can't ask her of that. She has her own world to return to. She doesn't belong here."

"From what you've told me, there's no guarantee that she will even return to her original world." Bonnie said heatedly. For the first time since I saw her, some color flooded back into her cheeks, and a slight part of the Bonnie I knew rose up within her, "She could circle through the parallel universes forever for all we know! You said so yourself that there are infinite many universes out there – so why not just stay here? She's…You're…" Her eyes found mine, "You're needed here." She finished quietly.

I bit the inside of my lip so hard that my mouth went numb for a moment, "I want to." I choked out, "B-But…what about the people back in my world? The Bonnie in my universe?"

"We can't ask her to stay." Stefan muttered in agreement, "That's selfish of us."

"Maybe I want to be selfish!" Damon suddenly piped up angrily, his brow furrowing, "Maybe I've had it with your altruism!" He spat out the last word at Stefan.

"Damon – "

"No." Damon cut him off flatly as his grip on my tightened even more, "I'm not letting her go this time."

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The days that I've spent in the third world were both happy and depressing. Slowly, Damon was becoming who I knew him to be again, cunning and sly, with his signature smirk playing at his lips. Stefan, although still brooding, was a lot more cheerful whenever I was around. I even caught him humming to himself quite a few times. The only person that didn't seem satisfied with my presence was Bonnie. After our first encounter, she did not seek another meeting with me, nor did she express any desire to see me again. And when I tried to drop by her house, no one answered the doorbell even though Damon swears he hears shuffling inside.

"Don't blame her," Damon had said grimly, "She just can't handle you leaving again."

Although it brought me great pleasure to see two people that I cared for deeply happy again, I could not help wondering about Jeremy and Jenna's lives. Multiple times, I sat in the vast living room of the Boarding House, thinking about my family. No matter how many times Stefan explained to me how irrational it was for me to contact them, I still think of countless ways of approaching them.

"They think you're on the run," Stefan explained again patiently, "If you turn up, they wouldn't want you to leave again. You've seen how it was with Bonnie."

"But they're my family." I protested.

Deep down, I knew he was right. But that didn't stop me from feeling annoyed with him. I detested myself for my sway in my feelings, but it seemed like I was finding fault with everything Stefan said or did.

In contrast, Damon was more than happy to suggest that I meet up with Jeremy and Jenna.

"They've got a right to know." He said simply, "And they haven't heard anything from you for two years. Knowing that you're ok would reassure them."

Even though I agreed with him, it didn't stop me from contemplating the consequences. Once I announce my return, Jeremy and Jenna would want to know every little detail of my life as an outcast. And if I stumble across any of details, they would know that I was a fake. And if they knew I was a fake, they would know that the real Elena in this world died two years ago…

It was hard to imagine a happy ending to this. Instead, I had been secretly stalking them to catch up with their lives. Jeremy, although a little gloomy, was still carrying on with his life as usual. Twice, I caught him visiting Bonnie; and she had let him right in. Jenna, however, was a different story. It was no surprise that my departure devastated her. She stayed at home most of the time, and was rarely seen without a bottle of alcohol in her hands.

The more I saw of the damage I'd done to this world, the more I didn't want to leave. If I could just stay here…I would make everyone so happy. I would make myself so happy. I tried not to think about the results on my own world. Was everyone still frantically looking for me? Were they as worried as I pictured them to be?

It seemed that merely Damon and Stefan benefited greatly from my arrival. And Damon was right – the puppy did like me. The only thing was that Damon had been so bad tempered with it that he always shoved it off with an annoyed, "Move it!" So the puppy, now a grown dog, refused to answer to any other name besides "Move it".

Another great thing was the fact that Damon never seemed to get enough of me. Whenever he caught sight of me, he raced over with abnormal speed and kissed me so passionately that it felt as though we had not seen each other in several years. Even when we were in the same room, I sometimes catch him staring at me from the other side.

Stefan always made a gagging noise every time he saw Damon looking at me though, and that resulted in a fight among the brothers. Playful as it is, both nursed minor injuries that healed within the minute.

As the days dragged on, I almost felt scared of the weather. In spite of myself, I prayed that it wouldn't rain, so I needn't leave the people I so dearly love alone again. The thought of Damon and Stefan returning to their previous life was excruciatingly painful.

Again, after many deliberations, both Damon and Stefan finally agreed on me contacting Jeremy and Jenna – by phone. Stefan seemed to think that the sight of me would be too overwhelming.

So finally, one crisp summer night, after many preparations of what I was going to say and how I should respond, I finally picked up the phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

Almost at once, someone picked up.

"Hello?" Jeremy's voice pierced through my heart. He sounded so desperate, so eager…as if he had been picking up the phone like this for months…years…just hoping that I'd call.

"…Jer," My voice was suddenly raspy.

"Elena…? Elena! Elena, is that you?" Jeremy cried from the other end.

"Yes." I clutched the phone so hard that my fingers hurt.

"Aunt Jenna! Jenna, come here! It's Elena!" I heard Jeremy yelling hysterically and heard booming footsteps on the stair. Next thing, Aunt Jenna had picked up the other line and was breathing raggedly.

"Elena?" She slurred.

"It's me." I gulped down a sob.

"Where are you? Are you ok? Can you come home?" Jenna suddenly seemed wide awake.

It took me a long time to respond, "No. I'm sorry."

"Why? Where are you?" Jeremy asked urgently.

"I'm…somewhere safe. I can't say, in case someone comes to interrogate it out of you." I recited the prepared answers.

"Fine, then when are you coming back?"

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

Their questions collided into each other.

"Yes, I'm fine." I said hurriedly, "And I'm sorry, Jeremy, I can't come home. It's just too dangerous."

Jeremy let out a sigh of outrage, "Nothing is more dangerous than you wandering out there alone!"

"I'm not alone." I lied, "I'm with friends. I'm safe."

"What friends?" Jeremy demanded, "If you would just come home and see what happened to all your friends here – "

"Jeremy!" Jenna cut him off sharply before he could reveal more.

"She has a right to know!" Jeremy bellowed back, "If she knows what she left behind, she'd know she'd better come back!"

"I-I do know, Jer." I stammered.

Silence.

"So you'd known all along." Jeremy's voice was surprisingly cold and quiet given the fact that he had just yelled.

"Jer, I –"

"You knew, but you still left. You knew that Caroline and Tyler are dead! You knew that Bonnie is crippled! But you still don't bother to come back, do you? Your neck is worth more than any of us added together, so there's no need to come back and put yourself in danger, is there? You know what Elena? You're right. Maybe it's best if you don't come back. Maybe you should just stay wherever the hell – "

"That's enough, Jeremy!" Jenna had started shouting as well.

"Fine." Jeremy said in mean voice, "I have nothing else to say anyway." And he hung up.

"Elena…" Jenna continued on after a moment of horrible silence, "I'll…try to get him to come around. Can you…try to come home? It's been a disaster since you left." She gave a small hiccup.

Silent tears were pouring down my face, "I…I'll try," I finally conceded hoarsely.

"Good…I better go talk to Jeremy, you take care now."

"I will."

"And…" Jenna paused, "Call more often, Elena. We're all so worried about you."

After she hung up, I still couldn't bring myself to set down the phone. Damon's gaze seemed to cut into me, and I felt more horrible than when I first saw him in his drunken, grieving state.