So here's our regular Sunday update! Yay! Hope you guys enjoy the return to the normally scheduled posting. So I just posted the previous chapter a few days ago, so for once I don't have much to say, just our disclaimer:
I is not owning digimon.
Chapter 9 My Lost Memories
Sora
I was walking deeper into the fog, not really able to see anything at all, when I heard it. There were voices ahead of me, and they seemed very familiar. I listen carefully attempting to identify them.
"…I noticed you seemed to be all by yourself, and I was wondering if you wanted to play soccer with us?" A boy's voice said. It seemed familiar, as if from a dream, or a distant memory.
"What's soccer?" A girl's voice replies, and I'm shocked, because this voice sounds like my voice, only much younger, like when I was six…
That's when I realize who the boy's voice belongs to, Tai! I get very excited, hoping that I can find his so he can save us, and I can apologize. I try to remember what the voices were talking about, trying to remember the memory.
"It's only the best thing in the whole entire universe!" Tai exclaimed, and that started to jog my memory a little bit.
"Ok, I'll play!" Sora shouted, and it hit me, and only made me feel worse that it had taken me this long to realize what day it was. It was the day that I'd met Tai, and we'd become best friends. As I had this revelation a TV appeared in front of me, displaying the very memory. I could see six year old Tai, even then with his hair way too big for his head, and wearing his goggles, which were just a little too big, even for his hair, standing near a bench with a ball under his arm, and six year old me, wearing my favorite blue hat, sitting on a bench, listening to Tai excitedly.
That's when I see him, Tai. Not little happy six year old Tai about to embark on the wonders of a new friendship, but the sad and depressed eighteen year old Tai, who had just had his heart crushed repeatedly, and finally ripped from his chest by the very girl he was starting the friendship with in the memory.
"Tai!" I shout, trying to get his attention, even though he is in a TV. Nothing I do works, and the memory concludes as the screen whites out.
"No, Tai!" I shout, losing sight of him. Before I have the opportunity to break down, the screen lights up again with another memory, another one I had allowed myself to forget.
"Come on Sora!" I see a ten year old Tai pulling a ten year old me to the top of a hill, our hill, in the park. I gasp as I suddenly remember this day. The one after my mother had prevented me from playing soccer, and my team had lost because of that. None of my friends had been able to cheer me up, or get me to stop crying, that is until Tai returned from his own soccer game, and found out what had happened. He'd immediately been at my house, not even stopping at his house long enough to change out of his soccer uniform or anything.
He'd been able to cheer me up in a matter of minutes, and spent the entire day with me, even skipping his team's championship dinner. The next day he'd been at my door before nine o'clock, and spent the entire day with me, so I wouldn't regress.
That had always been one of my best memories of Tai, why haven't I thought about it in forever? I ponder to myself, even though I already know the answer to that question.
"Slow down Tai!" Ten year old Sora shouted with a laugh.
"No way, we got to get up here before our star gets here!" Tai responds with a grin, and I suddenly feel horrible. Another thing that I've forgotten or just ignored, our star. The early morning, or early evening star, that Tai and I had claimed for ourselves. I put a hand over my mouth as I really begin to realize the scope of which I'd been burying everything about me and Tai in anger. Before I can stop myself, every single one of those memories comes pouring into my head, reminding me of everything that I'd inadvertently pushed down out of mind.
I was yanked back from these memories, now on the verge of tears, as Tai spoke.
"Sora, you don't have to thank me, one thing that you can always, always count on is me being there for you. That will never change, no matter what." Tai told my younger self on that hill, and I remember the exact feeling I had then. It was possibly the best feeling I'd ever had, and I'd completely forgotten it, but now it came rushing back. It was a warm feeling, spreading throughout my body, feeling every inch of it with warmth and belonging.
I'd only ever felt this feeling around Tai. Matt had never made me feel that way ever, only Tai could do that to me. I gasped a little as the feeling coursed through my body, and I think I know what it was, I just couldn't admit it to myself at that point.
"I'll always be there for you too Tai!" I hear myself say, just as I hug Tai. That drives me to tears, since I know that I had done anything but be there for Tai in the last few months, in fact I'd caused every single one of his problems.
"Tai…" I choke out, reaching for the TV, and the tall, sad faced friend watching the memory, who I'd done such horrible things to. The memory turns white again, just as I touch the TV screen. Suddenly I'm somewhere else, and I recognize it, its Etemon's pyramid, where I was held captive until Tai had saved me. I looked around shocked that I was here, until things started to play out, and I realized that it was another memory. Then I saw him, standing not twenty feet from me was Tai.
I look at him and he looks at me, and I want to cry. There's not a flicker of anger in his eyes, something that I'd expected and he'd certainly be entitled to. But there was none of it, instead I just saw sadness, and I knew what from. Deep down I see something in his eyes that distantly reflects how he would always look at me, with, I realized, love in his eyes. It's still there, even if it's buried deep down, and there's nothing at all that I can do to at this moment to bring out the love, and destroy the sadness.
I realize right then and there, that there is nothing I want to do more than dispel the sadness from Tai's eyes, and bring back the love of all things, and, especially, me. I could have no peace in life until I accomplished that goal I realized. Suddenly the world went white, and I realized the memory had ended.
I'm floating now, and Tai is across from me.
"Tai! Tai!" I shout towards him. "I'm Sorry Tai! I didn't know what I was doing!" I look at him waiting for some reaction, but nothing comes, he just stares at me with those sad eyes. I'm pretty sure that he couldn't hear me. Tai would have had some reaction in his eyes to what I said, whether anger, or happiness, I don't know but they would have changed.
Suddenly we were shot into a pizza parlor that we used to hang out at all the time. I look and see thirteen year old me and Tai sitting at the table, and I remember the day, now very well. It's the afternoon of the battle with Diaboromon that I had missed because I'd been a jerk to Tai. Though he had deserved it a little bit, if only because he needed to learn to think before speaking.
I also noticed I was wearing the hair clip that Tai had given me, the one I had worn almost every day until I started dating Matt, just another thing I had done to try and separate myself from Tai.
"I'm so sorry Tai; I was acting so stupid…" Sora told the boy sitting across from her.
"Sora, it's fine really. It's at least partially my fault; I just don't know how to think before speaking." Tai replied, trying to keep Sora from getting down on herself.
"You can say that again." Sora replied with a mischievous grin, a sure sign that the two of them were done being mad at each other.
"Hey! I was only trying to cheer you up!" Tai said, sounding hurt, but everyone in the memory knew that he was joking back, especially when seconds later he flashed his huge lopsided grin at Sora. That was probably the worst part. I had not seen that grin since before Christmas, and I was pretty sure I knew exactly why that was, and I really missed it.
"I really am sorry Tai, I almost broke that promise I made on that hill three years ago…" Sora said after a few seconds of munching on pizza, turning the conversation serious once again.
"Sora, I know that you would never break any promise to me, let alone one that big! So don't worry about it!" Tai said before walking around the table and hugging Sora.
I really was stunned, knowing that I had broken that promise finally, and I still did not know what the final cost of my decision would be. I looked at the older Tai watching the scene in front of us, and knew, not thought, knew that he was thinking about his younger self's words, and how they were no longer true.
The memory changed again, and I gasped as we were shown the back of Matt's concerts tent.
"Hey Sora wait up!" I heard a voice call out, and I turned seeing sixteen year old Tai walking up towards sixteen year old me, Agumon in tow.
"Tai." Sora replies in a much quieter voice very nervous around him, especially since she was going to see Matt for help on making him jealous. She then blushed and looked down at her present.
I remembered all of the emotions going through me this day, and how I could only feel sorry for myself. Now I started to wonder how Tai felt.
"Something smells good!" Agumon said, about the same time that Gabumon came out the door Sora had been standing by.
"Matt is busy getting ready, but I'll give those to him...mmmm." The wolf like digimon said reaching for the box.
"I bet you will...no way! You'll eat the whole thing yourself!" Biyomon said.
"I resent that! I'm on a diet."
"So, um...Sora? Are you going to the concert with anybody? I mean, not that it matters to me. Just wondering." Tai asked Sora, very nervously. I watched the older Tai observing the memory, he was shaking there in front of me, and I think he was actually crying.
"No, I want to be available in case Matt is free afterwards..." Sora said with a little laugh that was quite nervous, then quickly looked away from Tai.
The second Sora said that, Tai's face went from nervously excited to absolutely crushed. It was painful looking at it. The sparkle in his eyes died right in front of my eyes as Sora told him this. I gasped as I saw the amount of pain in Tai's face.
How could I not have seen Tai's face during this at all? The stupid ridicules plan that Mimi came up with, hurt everything, Tai was hurt, I was hurt, and everyone was hurt. But this wasn't Mimi's fault, there is one person who made all of the wrong decisions, and that is me.
Somehow Tai seemed to be able to hide the pain, and stepped forward, and I finally understood two things, one that Tai quite literally cared more about me, at least at this point in time, than anyone else could possibly ever have, as he prepared to do what he thought would make me happier. And two, Tai Kamiya could literally be the best actor I've ever seen.
"Oh, I see...Matt, huh?" Tai said, letting only a small amount of the pain penetrate his voice.
He then put a hand on Sora's shoulder. "It's okay."
"You're not mad at me, Tai?" Tai then did what was probably the most selfless and caring thing that he had ever thought to do. It didn't matter if it wasn't what I wanted; it's what he thought that I'd wanted.
"No, of course not!" Tai said."Now go in there and say hi to Matt for me." He encouraged me. I felt horrible. I was crying now, along with Tai, and things only got worse, as we were forced to watch all of the horrible things that I had done to Tai over the last two months.
I'll be honest, I was a complete jerk, there were no other words for it, well actually there were a few of them, but I couldn't use them here and now. I'd completely taken advantage of everything that Tai was, and had done for me, and then been completely horrible to him.
When we got to the day in the park, I couldn't take it anymore. Watching all of these horrible things that I'd done was bad enough, but there was something worse. Just watching Tai as he watched all of this I could see that he had been hurt worse than I could ever imagine by these simple thoughtless moments of mine.
He didn't seem to know anyone was with him, or he just didn't care, so he didn't even try to hide the raw agony that covered his face as the girl that he cared about most in the entire world was being a complete bitch to him, for no reason whatsoever.
"Tai!" I cried out, knowing that I was sounding whiney, but I still had to try. There had to be some way to apologize to him. I knew that I definitely didn't deserve it at all, but I still needed to try, and I realized at that moment, I would try for the rest of my life until I could get some form of forgiveness, Tai meant to much to me to not do that. My feelings on this grew stronger the longer I thought about it. I suddenly knew that something had reawakened within me, or rather something had pushed itself into full view of my mind, something that I thought was no longer true, but had been the most true part of me for as long as I could remember.
I still loved Tai Kamiya. The confused feelings that I'd tried to drown out with anger had come from this buried feeling. I thought I had loved Matt, but my heart had always belonged to Tai, and, odd as this must sound, my heart and mind had argued, I think, causing my confused feelings.
This was no excuse, but I finally thought that I understood why. Before I could do anything else the memory we were existing in disappeared, and I was back in the digital world. I looked around and saw Tai and Agumon on the ground in front of me.
"Tai!" I shout, running to him and his partner. I want to tell him everything that I'd just realized, and exactly how I felt, but as I got closer, I stopped. Our friends were in trouble, and needed our help right now. I had to wait, at least until the battle was over to tell him and apologize, because it needed to be done right, and that would take a long time.
"Sora?" He asks weakly. I nod my head, my eyes tearing up a bit.
"I came for you Tai." I tell him, hoping he won't be too damaged by my delay. "We need your help. Someone is control Davis and Matt. They're attacking the others! We were here searching for you!" He nods, getting off of the ground.
"Agumon." He says so quietly I can barely hear him. "Time to digivolve."
Ha! Did any of you expect that? Lol, so what did you guys think? Anyone who said they didn't like Sora feel a little differently yet? Oh well, now that Sora realizes her feelings we can do the whole fix everything with an I'm sorry and be done! Or can we? What about that creepy voice thing?
Guess it'll have to wait until next time…
Ok, here's your preview for next time.
"Magna Blast!" Magnamon blasted Angewomon as the angelic digimon attempted to attack with her Celestial Arrow attack.
"Now Davis and Matt!" Tai ordered the two Megas, who jumped into the air, cutting of the rapidly retreating boys, a menacing look in their eyes.
Sora hung her head low, then, "I know I don't deserve it, but please, can you forgive me?"
And finally review responses!
anonymous08: yea, that's what I was going for. Of course I've never really ever felt something like that (and pray I never have to) but that's what I think it would kinda be like. In response to your questions, I'm actually not sure yet. Not directly, but I haven't worked out of the Parasimon were or not yet, so its an idk. And the voice? Nope. I think the whole Daemon thing is cool for TaioraWarriors story, but I'm not a huge fan of the whole being taken over thing, so it's something different that'll you'll have to wait for.
TaioraWarrior: Lol yea I know, as we've discussed, I actually have read your story. And yea it is pretty funny. When I originally put this story together back in july I didn't plan on having any sort of digimon bit in it, I was just using the digital world as a good split refuge for Tai, but then throwing in some evil digimon into the mix just made things better, and will help keep things in character in a couple of chapters. Plus it sets things up wonderfully for my sequel. And of course it would be a Taiora! The very first thing I started to write back in June I didn't start as a Taiora, then found out that I literally couldn't do that. So expect anything I write to be a Taiora, or at least have it in it if it is primarily a Taiora. And this sequel is for this story arc, so it'll still be about Tai and Sora mostly, so no worries, and no need for the gun lol. And exactly! I almost felt a little bad since the only new thing in this chapter is Sora's feelings, but I do believe it's important to show them. And yea you did a really good job with that guessing so I had to throw a couple of curve balls at you last time (and this time too lol). And no, Greymon has to wait for another time for Sora snacks jk! Lol and yea, I was doing that as a joke as well, I have to try some (rather bad) humor every now and then.
Oh yea, and no, no Myotismon. AS awesome as he is (and he really is an awesome bad guy) he's been resurrected way too many times, so we're going with another old bad guy, so let the guessing begin lol.
Melovingyou: Lol, if I did that though, the story would be over too soon! And that'd be no fun lol. Hopefully three days is soon enough for you. And yes, I can do that. My first story (the 120,000 word one I mentioned in TaioraWarrior's respons last time) was a 02/03/05 crossover (though it kept them in separate parts until the end) and I was debating rewriting it and your request is going to have me do it. It probably won't be published for a little while (I have three other stories in the works already and my college classes to deal with occasionally) but it'll be coming. Just as fair warning it'll be focusing on Tai, Sora, and their relationships with the other seasons peoples.
Supershooter: yea, you could say that. Some of the repercussions will be felt in the next chapter, but the big one won't come until the next fic. This one is primarily a relationship fic, so not a whole lot of adventuring unfortunately. And we'll have to see, though I'm sure she'll pull through.
fireangel08: Yea, Those bad guys, their so evil lol, and yea that was the whole pretext of this story actually, Tai losing his emotions (or becoming so depressed that he suppresses them) so things are about to get interesting. I mean, how's everyone going to react to an emotionless Tai? It's gonna be hard for them…
