Chapter Nine
droopy Flowers
The chair was itchy and uncomfortable.
This was perhaps the wrong thing to be thinking about, yet it was the main stream of thought running through Kairi's head nevertheless. She wanted to concentrate on the problem at hand, of the awful chain of events that would occur if things didn't play out in their favour.
Naminé was crying, as could only be expected. Hercules looked pretty cut up too, and even Beast seemed worried and concerned.
Kairi didn't know how to act or what to do with herself. She wanted to cry and sob and pray, but part of her knew that this wouldn't help. She wanted to hug Naminé and tell her everything would be alright, but that wasn't strictly true. Besides, she didn't want to set her sister off again, as the blonde seemed to be calming down now, and simply sat on her chair silently, tucked up in a ball with her knees touching her chin, rocking herself from side to side.
Tears bubbled up in Kairi's eyes, threatening to spill. She stood up and dashed hurriedly out of the waiting room in search of the nearest toilets. When she finally stumbled across a ladies' that wasn't out of order, she entered, locked herself in a cubicle and let herself burst into tears. She didn't know how long she sat there crying, but it was with much reluctance that she finally came out, knowing that if she stayed much longer her family would get worried and Naminé, being the only other female, would be sent in search of her, and the blonde had plenty of other things to be thinking about at that moment.
Watching her timid reflection in the mirror that seemed to stretch widthways across the entire span of the wall, she crept closer, staring straight into her own eyes. Once warm purple and sparkly, they were now red and bloodshot from crying. Kairi yanked some paper towels out of the dispenser and fiercely rubbed her pale face with them until her skin was red raw and throbbing. Contrary to what she had been aiming to do, her eyes were still tender looking, and it seemed to be even clearer than before that she had been in tears previously.
She tried to smile at her reflection as a sign of reassurance, but failed miserably. When her lips began to curl up slightly, hinting at a possible grin, she felt a pang of guilt and shame and hang to squeeze her eyes tight shut to stop herself from crying again.
How could she even attempt to smile, when she knew deep down that this was all her fault? If she hadn't stormed off to the park in a sulk, her father and Beast wouldn't have questioned the idea of them getting married, Naminé wouldn't have tried to assure them that Kairi would come around and they shouldn't forfeit their happiness just because she has trouble adjusting to new things, and Yuna wouldn't have toddled her way up the stairs and into Naminé's room because she was bored and everybody was too busy to play with her.
It was only after they heard the screams that they realised something was wrong and charged up the stairs at full speed, only to find the toddler sprawled across the floor, writhing in agony, with Naminé's red-hot straightening irons lying next to her, as well as an almost-empty aerosol can labelled 'Dis Hairspray Iz Da Shizz', which Kairi remembered she had left perched precariously on the edge of Naminé's desk after she had picked it up.
So the way Kairi saw it, it was all her fault that Yuna was now in the emergency room with blackened burns on her arms, doctors crowding around her. She wasn't even three years old yet; she didn't deserve to go through such tortures, nobody did.
Naminé was blaming herself for not paying closer attention to the tufty-haired toddler, no matter how many times anyone tried to assure her otherwise. Kairi knew that they all secretly thought it was her fault too, but they were too kind to say anything.
She took one last fleeting glance at her reflection in the mirror, hoping to see an optimistic or hopeful expression on her face, but to no avail. Her face was as distressed and unhappy as ever.
Back in the waiting room, her father gave her a weak smile, obviously noticing the redness around his daughter's violet eyes.
"Everything will be alright," he declared, because nobody had said so yet, and at least one person is supposed to say that at some point while waiting for news.
Naminé coughed and spluttered and started crying again. Kairi took a seat next to her, putting an arm around her sister and stroking her long blonde hair comfortingly.
"He's right, N-Nami…" she stumbled helplessly, doing an awful job of consoling her sibling. "Honestly…"
Naminé sobbed into the redhead's shoulder, staining her t-shirt with teardrops.
"Yes, we've just got to keep our chins up," Beast proclaimed, agonisingly positive. "Things will always work out for the best in the end."
He turned and smiled at Hercules for a second, and Hercules smiled back.
Kairi was outraged.
"How can you think about yourselves at a time like this?" she cried, leaping from her itchy, uncomfortable seat. "You're so selfish I can hardly believe it! I mean look at you, exchanging lovey-dovey glances with each other when we're supposed to thinking about Yuna."
"Shut up! Just shut up!" Naminé screeched, glaring angrily at her sister. "We are thinking about Yuna, can't you see that? We're thinking about her so much our heads are going to explode, so why don't you just shut up?"
Kairi stared at the blonde in disbelief. Naminé had never lashed out at her before, not even when they were bickering little children arguing over the last cupcake.
"Naminé, why don't you go and get a drink of water?" their father suggested calmly.
"No, it's fine, I'll go," Kairi interrupted, and hastily left the waiting room again. She knew what Naminé was thinking about now. The blonde knew as well as the redhead that it was all Kairi's fault.
Outside in the corridor, Kairi sighed lifelessly as she meandered, rarely in a straight line, through doors and up stairs and down lifts. By the end of her long and winding tour to nowhere-in-particular, it seemed only logical that she knew her way around the hospital blindfolded. She wasn't entirely sure how long she had been gone, but she knew that it was a fairly long time, and she ought to be getting back. Although what she could contribute to her family unit at this point she had no idea.
Kairi sighed deeply again, and followed the signs to the 'burns and other fire-related injuries' ward, though she already knew perfectly well where it was.
She got into a lift, only to find three other people already in there with her.
Two were female, one adult wearing a lot of smudged black eyeshadow with a stressed and dishevelled appearance, and one younger, presumably the woman's child, also clothed in a lot of black, with chains hanging from her hips even though she looked only a little older than Yuna.
The third figure was male, indefinitely, his hair stood up on end in chunky chocolate brown spikes, a bunch of droopy-looking flowers clasped in his hands.
"Kairi?" he enquired.
She looked closer. "Sora!" she exclaimed happily, encasing him in a hug. "I knew you'd come! Everything's really horrible, everyone's crying and Naminé yelled at me so I had to 'take a walk'. I was just on my way back up to the waiting room actually, d'you want to come? Oh, it's so great to see you!"
Sora smiled weakly. He wanted to return Kairi's embrace, but couldn't bring himself too. Despite his nonchalant attitude, he was pleased to see her, having been apart for hours yet already missing her terribly. He had packed the shaky, worried redhead onto a taxi and sent her to the hospital, and then himself headed home, knowing that he couldn't contribute anything useful to her distraught family, but promising to come and see her later.
Said like that, he had made it sound like going on a pleasure cruise. Which it undoubtedly was not.
Sora hated hospitals. He always had done, ever since an early age when he was first brought into one to visit somebody. When at last the experience was over, he vowed never to set foot in a hospital again, yet he had broken his promise many, many times over the years, coming in every week to visit that same person again and again.
"Um… no, I can't…" he mumbled uneasily. "Sorry."
"Oh, well, at least you're here!" Kairi smiled. "Are these for me? Well, Yuna?"
She indicated towards the limp flowers in his sweaty grasp. He gazed at them, perplexed, as if surprised to see them there.
"No, Kairi. I'm sorry," he replied. She frowned slightly, wondering whom they could be for if not her or the injured toddler's bedside table.
The lift dinged, rudely interrupting her train of thought. The gothic mother began to leave, but the child was staying behind for some reason.
"Come along, Lulu!" the mother ushered, taking her daughter's hand and pulling her.
The child cried out, reaching for something near the back of the lift.
Sora nodded and smiled, then reached down and scooped up a moogle from the floor and gave it to the girl.
"Here you go," he smiled kindly, holding it out for her to take.
"Thank yooooou!" Lulu beamed happily, taking the fluffy creature from the boy before scurrying after her mother.
The lift doors closed again, sealing Sora and Kairi inside.
"So… if they're not for Yuna, who are they for?" the redhead queried once they were alone.
"Huh?" Sora murmured, turning to face her as if he had forgotten she was there.
"The flowers," Kairi pointed out, prodding at their droopy petals. "Who're they for?"
Sora looked at his feet. "Kairi… I'm not sure you'd understand."
Kairi was taken-aback, blinking rapidly with shock.
"What? But what about yesterday?" she exclaimed. "We talked… I thought we'd sorted everything out!"
The brunet nodded slowly. "Yeah, Kai, we sorted everything out about you," he pointed out. "But we never talked about me. We were just trying to get you to accept that your dad was gay and there's no conspiracies going on against you trying to kidnap your diary and hold it for ransom."
Kairi frowned a little. "Well… we've talked about me a lot in the past few days. That's true," she admitted. "So now it's your turn. What's bothering you?"
Sora sighed. "Like I said, Kai, I don't know if you'd understand," he breathed sadly.
Kairi gazed up at him. "I can try," she smiled, quoting his words from earlier that day. "I can always try. Please, Sora."
He chuckled slightly, obviously recognising his own words. "Alright. But don't overreact, okay?"
She nodded slowly and silently, sensing that this wasn't the right mood to start making more jokes in. The calm silence was all part of the deal.
The lift dinged again, stopping at the next floor and letting the two teenagers out into the open.
"This way," Sora informed her, interlocking her fingers with his own and switching the bunch of flowers to his other hand.
He led her down a long corridor, the luminous white colours of the ceiling and walls and the bloodcurdling squeak their trainers made as they skimmed along the floor. Eventually, they drew to a halt outside a door labelled 'Bay F'. It was closed, so they stood and stared at it for a while.
"Is Bay B a maternity ward?" Kairi asked, and then grinned at her own joke. Even Sora smiled a little.
"I don't think so. This is the mental health wing, after all," he pointed out.
Kairi nodded slowly, frowning slightly. "Who do you know who has mental health problems?" she asked softly.
Sora looked down at the floor again, clearly reluctant to answer. Kairi squeezed his hand encouragingly.
"Sora?" she prompted, smiling at him encouragingly.
"My dad," he finished finally, standing up straight and broad, trying to seem heroic and strong. "My dad was in a tram accident years ago. He was driving, but the tram went off the rails. He took a blow to the head and hasn't been able to remember anything after that day since."
He kept his jaw straight, not allowing it to quiver.
"Are you okay?" Kairi asked, squeezing his arm.
"I'm fine. I've never told anyone that before, that's all," Sora replied emotionlessly.
"You don't have to act macho," she assured him, looking up at him with genuine friend-like worry and concern.
"Yes, I do," he replied stiffly. "My mum went to pieces after it happened. I had to be strong. For her. And then the whole diary fiasco happened, and we fell out, and I was even more upset. But I didn't cry. I haven't ever cried."
Kairi gazed at him. She had always believed that Rikku and Sora's father had split up years ago and he had moved away, not making contact except for birthday cards to his son once a year.
"Oh, Sora," she breathed. "I guess I'm not the only one who's been keeping secrets."
Sora shrugged, desperate to feign false heroicness. "I've not kept him a secret, exactly," he pointed out. "Just… nobody asked."
"Just like nobody asked if my dad was gay," Kairi nodded in agreement, then paused for a moment. "And… and nobody asked… if Yuna was Naminé's daughter."
Sora looked up.
"You serious?" he asked. "Your sister… is really your niece?"
Kairi nodded sadly. "And… that's not the worst part," she added.
He frowned and shook his head. "That's not a bad part at all, it's a good thing," he objected. "Naminé's a great mother. I always thought she looked after Yuna really well, the perfect female role model. But I figured that she was just taking over, taking the responsibility, because… because your mum's… away."
Kairi breathed out. "Yeah. Yeah, she is away, isn't she?" she murmured. "But, anyway, what I was saying, was that…"
She paused, and took a deep breath.
"Naminé having a baby wasn't supposed to be a secret. She was perfectly happy for everybody to know, once she'd told our parents. Mum disowned her, but Dad was supportive, just like she'd been supportive of him coming out," she explained. "That's why she dropped out of high school, but the teachers kept it a secret because they didn't want anyone to know that a pupil from their school fell pregnant before she was married, or even in a stable relationship. But it's not like she was underage or anything, so I don't see what the problem was."
Sora nodded slowly, taking it all in. "So, how did it become a secret?" he enquired.
Kairi sighed again, beginning to wonder if she would have any oxygen left in her lungs if she kept breathing out so heavily.
"That was my fault," she confessed. "I chose to keep it a secret. It wasn't my decision, I know, but I did it all the same."
Sora frowned in confusion. "And… why did Naminé go along with it?" he asked.
Kairi shook her head. "Oh, she didn't! She's always told the truth, always accepted responsibility for Yuna. It was me who chose to tell people that Yuna was my sister," she explained. "Just like I chose not to tell anyone about my dad's sexuality."
She looked at the floor, tears welling up in her violet eyes.
"These things weren't even my choice, so I shouldn't have a say in whether my dad comes out or my Naminé chooses to be a mother," she burbled, the frequency of her voice rising. "I don't know why, but I wanted to keep them a secret, lock them up in my diary, hoping it would make them go away."
Tears began to stream down her cheeks, so Sora reached out and wrapped a firm arm around her.
"And now it's come back to haunt me, hasn't it?" she sobbed. "Yuna could die, or at least lose the use of her arms. And it's all my fault!"
Sora held her as she buried her face into his jumper.
"It's all right, it's all right," he whispered kindly, embracing the redhead in a hug.
When her flowing tears finally subsided, she wiped her eyes and gazed up at her friend.
"Oh, Sora, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. "I've done it again, haven't I?"
"Done what?" he queried, frowning.
"Well, you said we'd only talked about me this morning, and that's completely the truth. And now we were supposed to be talking about you, but we only ended up talking about me again…"
"Don't worry about it," Sora smiled kindly. "As long as you're all better, that's all that matters."
"I'm fine," she assured him. "But… what about you?"
Sora blinked. "Me?" he repeated. "Me? I'm… I'm fine."
"You don't have to lie, Sora," she pointed out. "You can tell me anything, you know that, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he smiled. "It's just that… that… well, I don't like sharing my problems with people. I like to keep them close, where no one can get at them."
Kairi rolled her reddened eyes. "Just like I did, and look where that got me," she sighed. "My sis- my niece, I mean, is covered in burns, my father probably hates me for being so against his boyfri- I mean, fiancé, and his sexuality from the start. Plus my sister, my actual sister this time, hates me even more because she knows it's all my fault."
Sora frowned. "How is what happened to Yuna your fault?" he enquired. "You can't just blame yourself for stuff like this, stuff you wish hadn't happened."
"But it is my fault!" she insisted. "If I hadn't run off like that, they wouldn't have sat down to talk about what to do next, and they would have kept a better eye on Yuna!"
He shook his head. "No, Kairi, that doesn't make it your fault!" he protested. "So you took the news about your dad and Beast badly. You just needed time to think it through and let it sink in, that's all. In all fairness, it's really Yuna's fault that she burnt herself, although obviously nobody's going to blame a three-year-old, especially not a three-year-old lying injured in a hospital bed."
"That's true, I guess…" Kairi mumbled. "But…"
"But nothing," Sora interrupted. "Now, let's go see if there's any new on your niece yet."
She frowned. "But Sora… weren't we going to… see your… dad?"
Sora glared at the floor. "We don't have to," he answered. "I see him every week, and he never remembers it afterwards, so what's the point?"
"I'd like to," Kairi replied firmly. "And besides, you've brought him flowers."
"They weren't really for him, they were for you!" Sora countered hastily. "Here you go…"
She raised her eyebrows at him. "Sora," she groaned. "Come on. Please, let me meet him."
Sora sighed reluctantly and reached out to push the door open.
"Oh, hello," a pink-haired nurse murmured, his tone bored. "My name is Marluxia. You are just in time to visit your loved ones. If I can help you with anything, please let me know."
His voice had been sleep-inducing-ly deadpan throughout the whole of the speech (which he had clearly memorised and been taught to say), and he obviously didn't give a damn about the patients or visiting time, so both Kairi and Sora telepathically agreed not ask him for help, even if they needed any. Even if they were falling off a cliff, they would not ask him for help. Even if they were drowning in a lake, they would not ask him for help. In fact, the only time they would even consider asking him for help would be if they didn't know which shoes went best with their outfits. They gathered that he would know a lot about clothes as his bubblegum-pink hair was excruciatingly neat, so logically his fashion sense was just as tidy and perfect, if not more so.
"Sora? Sora, is that you?" a man on the other side of the room croaked.
Kairi spun around to see who the speaker was- a wary-looking man with dishevelled hair, sat up in his bed reading a book.
"Hi… Dad…" Sora murmured reluctantly, taking Kairi's hand and tugging her along to his father's bedside.
"Geez, you've grown a lot since I last saw you!" the man exclaimed. "When was that, again?"
"Last week," Sora replied dully. He'd clearly had this conversation before.
"Ah, yes, yes… of course, I remember…" Sora's father murmured slowly. "Um… what did we do? We were going on the tram, weren't we?"
"Dad, this is Kairi," Sora interrupted before his father could finish. "She's my… my best friend."
The two teenagers turned to smile at each other for a moment while Sora's father passed judgement on the redhead.
"Oh, hello, Kairi," he nodded, beaming. "Sora never did shut up about you, did you son? Always round each other's houses… yes, I remember… you two make a lovely couple."
They didn't want to burst the man's happy bubble by pointing out that they weren't an item, so they just smiled and nodded.
"Nice to meet you, sir," Kairi greeted politely.
He chuckled. "Call me Tidus," he replied cheerfully. "So tell me, what are two perfectly fit and healthy kids like you doing in hospital on a Saturday afternoon?"
Sora breathed out slowly. "I'm visiting you, Dad," he explained. "And Kairi's visiting her niece. I just thought I might introduce you."
"Ah yes, yes, yes, very nice to meet you, Kairi," Tidus nodded, bobbing his head up and down. "Who are you again?"
"Actually, Dad, we have to go now," Sora interrupted, snatching Kairi's wrist and pulling her away.
"Do you know, you look just like my son!" Tidus exclaimed cheerfully. "See you, bye!"
Once outside the room, Sora's chin began to quiver again.
"He doesn't remember things. He doesn't remember anything," he grimaced.
"Sora, it's okay, you don't have to pretend," Kairi soothed.
"Pretend what? Pretend that he's normal? Pretend that I don't know him? Pretend that I don't care? Pretend what, Kairi!?" he yelled angrily.
Kairi put her hand reassuringly on his shoulder.
"Pretend that everything's alright, when clearly it's not," she answered calmly.
Sora stared at her. "Alright? Alright? Of course everything's not alright! I mean look at him! He scarcely even knows who I am!" he cried.
Kairi shook her head. "No, I mean pretend that everything's alright with you," she replied. "It's clearly too much for you, just like keeping all those secrets about my family became too much for me. Don't go through it on your own all the time, only visit him when you feel ready, really ready. Not just because you feel you have to. And bring someone with you, like me or Rikku. We can help you."
A teardrop rolled down the brunet's cheek. "I have… to pretend… because if I don't… then it will all fall apart…" he whispered.
Kairi wrapped her arms around him.
"No it won't. We're here to support you," she soothed. "And… you should never pretend to be something you're not, because the consequences could be deadly. I learnt that yesterday at school."
Sora laughed a little in between sniffs. "Yeah, yeah, I guess so," he smiled weakly, more tears streaming down his cheeks in gushing rivulets. "Thank you, Kairi."
"What for?" she queried.
"For being here," he replied, wiping his eyes on his glove.
"Thank you too," Kairi breathed, hugging him even tighter.
"What for?" he mimicked jokily.
She hit him playfully. "For being here," she mocked him, and they both started laughing childishly.
"Let's go and see Yuna," Sora declared finally. "So I can give her these flowers. I was always going to come and see you, Kai, but I had to… I had to see my dad first, you know?"
"It's okay," Kairi smiled. "Let's go. I can feel something good happening. I can feel it!"
They smiled at each other again, then clasped hands and ran down the long corridor.
"I'll race you up," Sora grinned as they came a stop next to the stairs and the lift. It was a difficult choice, but they had a way of making it fun.
"I'll take the lift, you take the stairs," Kairi agreed, smirking.
"Ready…"
"Set…"
"GO!!"
And together they set off, charging up the stairs manically, Kairi stabbing at the up button on the control panel until the lift doors finally opened for her. Once inside, she stabbed at the up button again, and held her breath until it got the top, feeling her insides churn around as it rose up, up, up.
Sora's legs were aching as he leapt and bounded up the stairs, sometimes tripping on a step, sometimes stubbing his toe, sometimes catching his elbow on the edge of a banister, but none of that mattered, because he was with Kairi, and he was having fun.
He got to the top of the stairs puffing and panting at the very same moment that she emerged from the lift, grinning massively. She spotted him straight away, and they exchanged mischievous glances.
"I'm going to beat you!" they exclaimed in unison, and then both charged forwards, running until they could run no more, tripping and falling and landing sprawled in a giggly heap on the floor.
Suddenly, a door opened beside them, and Naminé came out, beaming breathlessly.
"Kairi! There you are!" she cried, helping her sister up, then waving politely at Sora. "Yuna's going to be alright!"
Kairi let out a long squeal, joined hands with Naminé and started bouncing around in a merry little circle.
"I knew it! I knew everything would be okay!" she exclaimed happily.
Beast and Hercules heard the commotion and came through the door too.
"It always is," Beast pointed out, just as he had done earlier. But this time, he didn't turn and smile at Hercules. He turned and smiled at all of them, Hercules, Naminé, Kairi and Sora (even though he hadn't a clue who he was), in turn, and he did it all without even itching his ear.
"Sora!" Hercules declared cheerfully. "What're you doing here?"
Sora turned to Kairi, who nodded and smiled encouragingly.
"I'm visiting my dad," he replied confidently. "He's in the mental health ward, memory loss and whatnot."
"I had an aunt who lost all her memory," Beast announced thoughtfully. "She had a lot of cats."
Kairi grinned. "Beast, I'm really, really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to be so rude, I just need time to let it sink in, is all," she apologised.
"Don't worry about it," Beast smiled.
"I'm sorry too, for not telling you sooner," Hercules admitted. "I should have told you about Beast and I years ago."
"It's okay. I understand now," Kairi told them. "You know me too well. You knew exactly how I'd react, and it wouldn't be in a good way. So, maybe not telling me was for the best."
"And we're totally behind you one hundred percent now!" Naminé beamed happily, embracing both her father and Beast in a hug that stretched her arms further than they could go.
"Yeah, one hundred percent!" Kairi echoed, copying her sister's movements but opting to hug her father and Beast separately. And then everyone all together in one giant hug, which even Sora, who felt a little out of place amidst this tender family moment, reciprocated with much enthusiasm, and was happily accepted by the other members of the group.
They were never the 'ideal' family, but they did their best. It wasn't perfect, but it would do.
A/N: yayy! it's finally finished/partay/ this is like the first thing i've ever finished in my whole life, 'cause i'm such a lazy sod i can't be bothered to do anything. and umokay i'm really sorry that it's a day late and crap but now i'm going away for a week so i'll be back next saturday, hopefully the results will be up by then okay bye i hafta go now byeeeee hope you liked the story thank you to everyone who reviewed byeee!
xxTHE ENDxx
