I do not own D. Gray- Man!


Chapter 29:

I went and sat down next to Kanda after Miranda had finished healing my wounds. Apparently I had broken more ribs from the sound attack the Akuma did.

I looked over the black expanse that used to be Edo. The Earl just flattened the place with one attack.

We were up against a powerful enemy.

It was funny to think about this now of all times. It had never occurred to me before. How powerful the Earl was. For the years that I had been in the Order I'd only thought about the Akuma leveling up and being harder to beat. I'd never given any thought to the one who made them.

How were we supposed to win?

"What are you thinking about?" Kanda's voice cut through my thoughts. He spoke softly, like he always did when we were having our conversations.

Our conversations. Conversations that were only between him and me. Conversations that no one else heard. Conversations where I was the only one to talk and give answers. Conversations where Kanda learned about me, but I learned nothing about him. I finally realized that the things that I knew about Kanda were mere observations I had made. There had been no verbal agreement, from him, as to what I thought was fact.

He was my best friend. He knew more about me than my mother did. But was I his best friend?

Kanda turned to me, studying me carefully. I would usually answer his questions right away when he used his 'our conversations' voice. This time I was silent and my eyebrows were pulled together like they always were when I was thinking hard.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked more quietly but more urgently.

"Nothing." I answered keeping my gaze to where Edo once stood, forcing the muscles in my face to smooth out.

I could feel Kanda's gaze intensify.

I built the walls around my façade up. I froze my face in the calm look, the overly calm look, that I had when I was scared. Not intentionally.

"You're scared." He stated. And I was.

I was scared of him.

I was scared that he'd be able to see through me and get me to ask him all the questions that had been running through my head since we got here.

I was scared that I wouldn't like the answers he'd give.

I was scared that he wouldn't give me answers.

I was scared that I was nothing more than a burden to him.

I was scared of letting him know this.

Scared of letting him know how much I needed him.

Scared of letting him know he was my best friend.

Scared, because I was scared of knowing that I wasn't his.

I was scared of having him leave me behind as he proceeded in life at a pace that I would never be able to match.

I was scared of loosing.

"Why are you scared?" He asked leaning closer to where I was. I felt like someone was squeezing the heart that was in my chest. I felt it beating harder than I had ever felt it beat. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins, pounding through my body. I closed my eyes and pursed my lips together, trying to calm it down.

"Hannah." He said softly and my heart literally skipped a beat. As if you'd hit t to stop it and then hit it again to restart it.

"Not now, Kanda." My voice came out in a whisper. I opened my eyes and concentrated on rebuilding Edo in my minds eye. It seemed to help with the nerves. "Not here."

"Hannah." I turned to him and almost toppled over, he was closer than I thought. He backed away, giving me some space, but caught my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his.

I swallowed hard at the intenseness in the black eyes, he was trying to see through me, trying to crack me. My body backed away instinctively under such a hard gaze, but his hand held my face firmly where he wanted it. His eyes were burning into me.

I whimpered, something I had not done since I was five. It caught him off guard. His eyes widened in surprise and he let go of my face. I backed away a few centimeters.

I turned back to look where Edo was, brought my knees up to my chest, placed my head on them, and once again tried to rebuild Edo.

I couldn't believe that I had whimpered. I was so embarrassed, who whimpers? Besides, Kanda wouldn't hurt me, he only wanted answers. Well… who doesn't?

"Lenalee!" I heard Allen yell and I jumped turning to see Lenalee disappear into the ground. Allen followed and I got up to catch Lavi, as he was falling in too. The next thing that I knew was that I was falling in too.

Falling into the ground, then through a sky.