Chapter 9 "We Found Each Other in the Dark"

"It doesn't fit you."

"Are you sure?" I ask, trying to fasten the buttons on the vest over my white collared shirt. "I could have sworn it fit."

"It fits when a girl isn't in the room. It doesn't when a girl with style is in the room."

She makes me laugh a bit from the chair she's sitting in. I look at the suit I'm wearing, and for some strange reason it honestly doesn't even look right anymore, let alone fit right. It's like magic. How come the girls are always the ones with the good fashion sense? It makes me look silly.

She creeps up behind me and kisses my cheek. "You still look cute, don't worry."

"I'll just have to pick out something new. It's nothing to worry about."

"No keep it. You look fine."

We walk out to see Beck and Jade walking out from their own fitting room. Tori backs up a bit when she sees something, but I'm not quite sure what. Jade takes a long sip from her slushie as Beck puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers into my ear, "I look good and it's cheap."

We drive a long way. Tori falls asleep in my arms. Jade takes periodic glances into the rearview mirror. Beck taps his hand on the driver door to the beat of the Classic Rock music playing. The rings on his hand make the tapping very irritating, but I drown it out by falling asleep with Tori, my head leaning against the window, watching things fly by and I feel myself blurring away again into a black, white, and gray static. I can feel my hands tangled in her hair before I drift away.

"How do I look?" She giggles, spinning around and around in her dress.

"You look beautiful," I sigh, in awe of her look. She blushes a little and turns back to Cat's bedroom mirror, assessing herself. Beck and Jade are downstairs putting on their shoes and Robbie and Cat are outside doing whatever it is that they do. Tori assesses herself a little while more before I warn her of the time. "Okay, okay," She grumbled and grabs my wrist and rushes out of the door. I nearly trip down the stairs as I follow her. She's eager tonight. She's happy, and I'm glad of that. Tonight I feel my heart beating. I can feel it hitting my chest and making me pain, but it's a beautiful pain. It means I'm alive, despite what I've been feeling. This just means that everything passes, you just have to give it time. She rushes through the kitchen and loses her grip on my wrist in the process. Before I reach everyone at the front door, she's already halfway out the front door. And as I put on my black dress shoes, I feel fear sink to the bottom of my stomach like stones. I don't want to blow this for her. This is her day. This is what she wants, and I need to make it a perfect night for her. She deserves everything to be perfect. And once I reach outside, Beck and Jade take off on his motorcycle, revving down the narrow street, and Cat and Robbie are getting into the limo that the rest of us are taking, and everything is moving too fast. I need time. I need time to make sure everything will be perfect, for Tori, and for Cat. They deserve it. Tori runs fast to the limo door, nearly breaking it off as she gets in. They're all shouting for me to hurry up. I'm so nervous. I'm far from perfect, but I need to feign it, for her, for them, for all of them. I owe it to them for dragging them down with me when things were bad. Things are good again now, I owe it to them. "Scoot over, Robbie," I say as I sit down on a warm leather seat. Cat's dancing to the music echoing quietly throughout the car. She takes Robbie's hands in hers and she makes him dance to, and he's absolutely fine with it. It's as if Cat never had feelings for me. It's as if Robbie had never punched me in the nose. It's as if things have been fine forever, and none of the previous months ever happened. It was just a bad nightmare that I'm now just waking up from. I'm making the direct transition from terrible nightmare to wonderful dream.

Tori looks out of the window with a bitten lip. I think, to her, time can't go fast enough. Yet all I want to do is freeze time. The extravagant bun her hair is in is glorious, the blue dress she's wearing is magnificent, and the make-up she's wearing make her eyes look like waves in an ocean. She's prepared to truly live up to her name and be a princess tonight. She takes my hand in hers and she squeezes hard a few times, quietly squealing to herself. I lie my head back on the leather seat and close my eyes. Everything is great, despite my nervousness. Everything feels a bit too great, like if I don't mess anything up, somebody or something will.

The school has loudness to it, but it doesn't echo into the streets. You can just hear the bass bumping inside and the vibration under your feet. There's an aura of exhilaration obtruding from everyone here tonight. Cat and Robbie already make their way inside, giggling the whole way to the front door. Tori makes her way inside as well, but I hang back and wait for Beck and Jade. It takes a few looks out into the huge crowd to find them, but it's not hard to see Jade's black lipstick and her dark blue highlights. Beck fixes the silver watch on his wrist as he walks up to me, nudging me in the shoulder and asking me what am I waiting for. Jade says to him, "I'll be inside. Don't wait until your hair is gray to come in." as she walks past us and into the school. "Let's go, bro, can't keep the ladies waiting."

The darkness and the loud music all makes me feel like I'm at a rave. The colorful lights don't help. I lose everyone but Tori in the dark and the crowd, but really she's all I need. I hold her close. Her arms wrapped around my neck and my hands filling the small of her back. We dance slowly, like the floor below us is fragile glass. Her face is buried into my shoulder, but her eyes still see me. I know I'm all she sees, and she's all I see. This is no different from when we danced in my room. The close intimacy is still here. The sense of hope is still here. She's still here, holding me, having faith in us again. It's all I ever wanted. It's all I ever needed, her and me. She giggles as I twirl her around and pull her back to me. Everyone is happy, everything is good. This feels like the end of a long, overrun love story. The boy gets the girl, in fact, all the boys get their girls, the happiness is back, the angst is gone. Except, the rising action didn't even come, there was no climax, and the villain still lives, so how can it be the end? How can it be a proper story? "Let's never fight again," I whisper into her ear, but I don't think she hears me over the soothing music playing. I look around at everyone around us. They all hold their lovers close, with love and with comfort, but still their love doesn't compare to Tori's and mine. None of their love compares. And I think she knows the same, because I feel her smile on my shoulder. I can't see it, but I know it's beautiful.

She mutters something into my shoulder, and I bend down to hear it. "What did you say?"

"I said this is perfect."

We leave earth, and enter through the gates of Heaven. A Heaven I'm starting to believe in now. We dance through the fog of clouds, feathers falling like snow. Her nails dig into my back. She's afraid to let go. I brush my hand through her hair and tell her to close her eyes, "It'll be okay." I tip her chin up and our lips collide. This is our perfect moment. No moment prior has been as perfect as this. And nothing will ever be again, not until we say our vows and bring angels into the world, looking up at us with innocent, childish eyes. But I'm looking too far into the future. I should be here-in the now-but forever. I should never forget this feeling. Even when I'm on my deathbed, or sitting by her on hers, I should always be able to tell her the stories we had in our youth, particularly this feeling. It's unexplainable, but I'd try my best, and she'd still enjoy the story and she'd smile, and that's all I need. Her lips taste of anxiety, but her now open eyes show love, hope, and comfort.

The song ends, and we're brought back down to earth. We break apart and stare into each other's eyes.

"Thirsty?" I say, having nothing else come to mind.

"Only a little."

I turn around and begin to ease and occasionally shove through the crowd as a faster song starts to play. I search for them, and they're not hard to find. Cat and Robbie are dancing with each other like it's the 50's, but it's still cute in some weird way. I can't find Beck and Jade but they're probably off deep in the crowd somewhere. I reach the punch bowl and smell it to see if it's spiked. I grab a hard plastic cup and the ladle in the bowl and I pour her half a cup of fruit punch. I begin to bang my head to the loud and fast Dubstep playing and I start to walk back. Tori's talking to some guy who seems a bit familiar, but Cat catches my attention with a playful nudge of her elbow.

"Hey, Andre, having fun?"

"Yeah, it's really cool here. Where'd Robbie go?"

"He went to go clean his pants, he got punch on them," She puts her hands to her mouth and giggles. "It looks like he peed himself."

"I wouldn't put that past him, actually."

"Andre…I just wanna thank you for helping me with Robbie. I'm really happy."

"I'm glad about that, Cat, I really am."

She stands on her tiptoes and pecks me on the cheek and smiles sweetly. She turns her head and her expression changes confusingly. "Hey, who's that guy talking to Tori?"

I turn my head and the punch nearly slips out of my hand. It's Troy, the head of the mob who attacked me and Beck and preyed on Cat. He's trying to do the same to Tori. I leave Cat and rush through the crowd, spilling most of the punch on the way through. I hurry up to them, and Tori rushes to me.

"It's you," Troy says.

"Andre, he was trying to hit on me and I just kept saying no."

I look at Troy incredulously and I splash whatever's left of the drink onto him, and then I jump on him and begin to wail on him. One of his goons grabs me by both of my shoulders and throws me onto my back. Tori screams in the loud gym and I'm not surprised everyone heard her, even the principal by the front entrance. By the time Beck gets into the fight and begins to help, it's a brawl. Everyone's attacking everyone, and the officials have a hard time getting through the viewing crowd to detain everyone. Shockingly, Robbie shows up and hits one of Troy's friends with a wooden chair on his back, knocking out the guy. I get grabbed by someone and held while another guy punches me in the stomach a few times before I kick him in the face and head butt the guy behind me. I think I break my hand punching Troy in the chin, but it's worth it seeing his chin collapse and hang open as he plummets to the ground. Tori looks on with worry and shouts for us to get out of here, but I've got something to finish. I turn Troy around and get on top of him. I use my different hand to wail on him again, forcing tears out of him even though he had no intentions on crying. Blood soon overcomes the tears and his face is a mess. I may feel bad later, because this isn't me, this isn't me at all, but he's been harassing me and my friends for the longest, and it's time he learns his lesson. Beck and Robbie run over and try to pull me off of him.

"Hey man, it's over, it's over. We won."

"Come on, let's get out of here, like Tori says."

The lights raise, and blinding, flashing lights rush into the room. Whistles are blown. The police are here. Kids run all over the place, trying to get out. Through all of the chaos, we all see Tori's dad among the men in blue.

I grab Tori by the shoulder and shout, "What is he doing here? I thought he was gone on official business or something."

With wide, fearful eyes she responds, "I don't know! I have no idea! Let's get out of here!" And so we do. Robbie and Cat help us blend into the crowd while Beck runs off to find Jade. The music is turned off and the gym instead fills with the screams of hundreds of marijuana and alcohol carrying teenagers. Tori runs faster than practically everyone on her way out of the door, with us close behind. I grab her shoulder so I won't lose her in the huge, frantic crowd until we get clear. The teachers try to restrain everyone so the cops can detain us, but we push through and only a few are caught when I look back. I don't look back again.

Her night is ruined, and it's because of me. It's because I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control my anger, and I ruined a perfect night. But when I look at her with question on my face, and she looks back with understanding, I confirm what I already knew; she's the one for me. When a person still loves you even in your darkest hour, she's the one to keep. "Come on, man, we gotta keep going," Beck shouts as he runs into me. And so we do.


Days Later

"Francine Harris was a wonderful woman. She was bold…and brave…and, uh, and strong. She lived a long life, but God wanted her home, and he's got big plans for her. He has big plans for all of us…"

I hate this. I don't even wanna be here. I don't even know anyone besides the gang. My grandma sits up there with a pastor that doesn't even know her. I guess that's the problem of not belonging to a church, you have to resort to a rinky-dink one. These strangers with sad, overly operatic faces on, I should know but I don't, and I feel uncomfortable. I came here for my grandma, not to hear a pastor bullcrap his way through a funeral and not to be showered with fake condolences from family I've never even met or family friends who rarely visited, if ever. I get up abruptly and walk down past the pews and out of the front door. I bang my fist against the door as it closes, the cast wrapped around my hand making a loud knocking noise. I don't care if people looked, I don't care. I don't care. Screw all of them. I don't know why they came. I don't even know why I came. I don't deserve to be here. Tori was more a grandkid to her than I ever was. She rushes out after me, asking what's wrong.

"That goddamn pastor knows nothing about my grandma! When a pastor doesn't personally know the person they're talking about, they rush their way through, it's called bull. I've been sitting here for three hours hearing nothing but botched information and false love coming from this guy, and not to mention no one's gone up there to say something sweet about her." She takes my hand. "And I'm just sick of it. If they were gonna just disrespect her like this, they could have just taken her back up to her bedroom and left her there to rot. I'm just…sick of it."

"Well you haven't gone up there to say anything either, Andre…"

I narrow my eyes at her. I think I scare her, which upsets me. "I'm just saying maybe your anger is misdirected right now, alright? That's all I'm saying."

"Then what should I direct it at then?"

"I don't know, just, let's just go back inside and stay calm. That's all I'm asking."

She stares at me a while. "Do you wanna go?"

"Yeah."


Tori

It's not him throwing plates at the wall this time, but me. I storm past shattered glass on the floor in my rage. I can't control my anger. He is sober, so he doesn't hit me. He just sits and listens in silence. I can't even keep track of my words, of my jumbled sentences, of anything I say. I'm just so angry. Trina and my mom stand over by the kitchen, awkwardly sitting in silence as well, listening to a spew of fury. "MOVING?" I shout at Rick, slamming an open hand to the wall, the small mirror close by swinging left and right before shattering on the floor.

"Why are we moving?"

He sighs before responding. "You weren't here when I got back. I know where you were, Victoria. Where else would you be? Now…I'm not angry, just disappointed."

"Oh wait is that supposed to make me feel better? Tell the bruises on my face from when you were drunk! You're sober now, tell me you're sorry for being a lousy drunk! Tell me! Tell your daughter that you're sorry you beat her! Tell her you're sorry you beat her like a dog! Tell your little princess that you love her!" The anger vanishes, and I fall to my knees.

I look up at him, but he makes a hard effort to not meet my eyes. "Daddy please…don't do this. Dad, Dad," I repeat, shaking his leg. Dads don't do this. I want him to see me. I need him to see me. For the first time in years, he needs to know who and what I am. "I love him, Daddy, I love him…please. You can't change that. Nothing you can say will change that. Don't do this to me. Dad look at me….dad." And as much as I hate him, as much as I hate him to see me cry, I do.

My room is cold, not warm and comforting as it usually is…as it should be. It's like it knows I won't be back to see it days from now. It's like a shunned dog or something. But no matter how cold it gets, how shunned it gets, it always has open arms and a soft pillow to bury my head in. No one's been in to check on me since I came up here two hours ago. The closest to it was Trina, who stopped at my closed door to listen in and spy on me. I guess that's something. It's…it's not nothing, at least. A simple knock on my window and I don't have to think twice. I know it's Andre. He eases on in and I shut the window after him. His face is wet and his clothes drenched. I didn't even know it was raining outside. He can see the distress on my face, in my heart.

"What's wrong?" He asks, standing in the middle of my room, dampening my floor.

I breathe heavy and stare at him right back.

"What is it, Tor?"

"Andre…"

"Did he beat you again? Did he hit you again?"

"No, no, calm down."

"Then what…is…it?"

I slowly walk over to him and take his hand in mine. "Promise you won't get mad."

"You of all people know I can't make that promise."

I exhale deeply. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And you know I'll love you forever?"

"Hopefully…what is it?"

I play with his hand, rubbing my fingers over his fingernails. I try to get the words out, but I know Andre, and I know what he'd try and do with Rick right downstairs. So in my anxiety, I kiss him. It's unexpected and he falls back onto the bed, our kiss not once breaking. My kisses are rough, frantic, feral. If I never see him again, this will be our defining moment. This will be us, and only us. His hands find their place on my hips, and that's as far as they travel. He's afraid to venture, and I can't say I'm not. All we do is kiss for a long time. Even though our lips are soft, the embrace is still rough and rushed and fast. This doesn't feel like love, I know this isn't love. This is fear. It's the fact of who I think deserves what, and if I'm up to giving that to them, whether they want it or not, whether it's the time for it or not, because that time won't ever come again. There never will come a perfect time, so I have to make this time perfect. It storms outside, and it storms inside. The rain is falling down on us hard, and it's filling my room, it's rising above us and filling our lungs. We're drowning. We're drowning in our passion, in our fear, in our love, but then I realize I'm the only one drowning, and it's in my own tears.

"What's wrong? Hey, hey Tori, what's wrong?"

"I can't…I just…I can't! I'm sorry."

He hushes me as best he can. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay. Just like last time, it's okay. No one's…no one's pressuring you."

"Andre…I'm leaving."

"To where?"

"I don't know where. I'll be gone…I'll be gone a long time, Andre. I'm…we're moving."

He sits up, his eyes narrow again and staring at me, through me, down the hall and straight into the dragon's lair. He nearly throws me off of him and starts towards the barricaded door before I pull on his arm.

"Andre no! Will you stop? Please, Andre, don't! He's got a gun, please, Andre!"

He rips himself from me and yells at me. "Get off of me!"

"Andre…"

"I'm sick of it! I've tried and I've tried! Things only get better to get worse again! There is no top, there is no goddamn bottom! It's always gonna be a bottomless pit with you isn't it?"

"Andre, lower your voice, please!"

"All I've been through, all I've been through and all I get is problems."

"Are you saying I've caused all this?"

"I'm saying you're the problem!"

What…

"Andre…please stop yelling at me."

He hits the wall behind him a few times with his cast. He's close to hyperventilating.

"You're the one being the cynic now, aren't you? You're the one giving up hope now."

"You don't have much more hope than I do."

"I have a plan."

He slides to the floor and sighs angrily.

"Just quiet down and listen to me please. I know the route we're going to be taking, because it's the only way out of the city, maybe even the state, from here. I'll flatten the car tires or something, and then I'll run out into the fields with the high grass…where you'll be waiting. Do you know Freeway 73?"

"Yeah…I know it."

"Do you know the grassy field out there? Be there at four P.M tomorrow."

"You're leaving tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, Andre…I really am. Let's just pray this plan works."

He gets up and walks back to the window. My head is spinning, everything has been moving so fast…I get up and stop him halfway out the window.

"Tori, stop." He looks up at me. "I'm sorry for what I said. You know I didn't mean it. I never mean it."

"I know. You've been through a lot. Just…just get sleep tonight, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

"I doubt I will," He says, jumping from my window to a tree close by.

"Wait, to getting sleep or to seeing me again?"

I think he answers me, but the heavy storming separates us in darkness. It always does.

A/N-The next chapter of Ivory Heart is due to be the last one. It's time now that I thank everyone who's reviewed, alerted, and favorited so far over the past few months Ivory Heart has been written, and time that I tell everyone to hang on to their seats.