A/N: Back to the window-hanger! I had a lot of fun with this chapter, so hopefully it's good.


Sheik cursed, but stopped after a few profanities as she realised that in a situation like this, insulting the gods really wasn't a good idea. Instead she cursed herself for getting into this situation, but what choice had she had? When the nut had exploded she had moved instinctively, taking heed of Impa's advice. There were no convenient bushes in Zant's room, so instead she had flung herself head-first out of the (mercifully open) window. It was a miracle that she had managed to grab onto the ledge.

She clung on tighter, digging her fingernails into the stone of the ledge, but it was only a matter of time before she lost her grip. Could she pull herself up and back into the room? Possibly, if she was lucky, but unfortunately Zant didn't seem to have read the script. Everyone knew that when you found a thief in your room, and that thief then escaped, you ran straight out of the room in search of guards, leaving the room conveniently empty and allowing the thief to climb back in and make their escape through the open door. You weren't supposed to remain stubbornly in your room and wait for the guards to come to you. That was just unsporting.

Okay, going back in there wasn't an option. Neither was staying here, at least not for more than a minute or so. Either she let go or gravity was going to do it for her. Right, what were her other options? Surely if she let go, there would be something to grab onto? An old castle like this had drainpipes leading from every crack in the masonry, ivy which was so deeply rooted that it was practically holding up the stonework, and walls which were colonised to an almost alarming degree with gargoyles and statues of scantily-clad women which for some reason counted as Art (Sheik strongly suspected the architect of this castle had been a man).

She glanced around, then glared up at the sky. In defiance of all probability, Zant's window was located on the only patch of wall that had neither drainpipes, ivy, nor statues. It was as though he made this intentionally hard for her. Her fingers slipped a stomach-twisting millimetre, and a few crumbs of rubble parted company from the ledge, landing squarely on Sheik's nose as they fell.

'Thank you,' she muttered sarcastically to the universe in general. She could hear shouts from inside the room, and realised that the guards had arrived. And despite the fact that the Royal Guard had the combined intelligence of a brain-dead sparrow, they were methodical, and sooner or later one of them would think to check outside the conveniently open window.

But as Sheik slipped further, she could at least take comfort in the fact that if they did look outside, they wouldn't find anything. Not unless they looked right down to the ground at the splodge of miscellaneous mess which was all that remained of a thief who had fallen there several minutes earlier. Right, time to think, she told herself firmly. Come on, you're arguably the smartest person in this castle, and unlike everyone else in this castle you've done this before! Alright, not this exactly, but similar things! So climbing up won't work, and neither will climbing down. What else is there…

She risked another dizzying look down, and frowned. An open window was directly below her, light streaming out of it. And that wasn't the only thing coming out of the window. Someone was airing their laundry on the ledge, and although Sheik instinctively blushed at the look of the, ahem, racier items on display, she also saw a decent and more importantly strong-looking sheet. Would someone have had the forethought to secure that inside? Otherwise grabbing onto it as she fell would only save the guards the bother of covering up her corpse. Well, she would have to hope.

She took several deep breaths, trying to work up the nerve to let go. Unfortunately, it seemed as though even the gentle passage of air from her breathing was too much for the crumbling stonework of the ledge, which chose that moment to disintegrate completely.


Sheik plummeted downwards, only just remembering not to scream, and grabbed desperately onto something white as she passed it. It was the sheet, whose other end, from the sound of furniture scraping inside the room, was held under something heavy. As long as Sheik was careful, it would take her weight. She reached up, trying to find a better handhold, and grasped something small and red which came away in her hand. She frowned, bringing it up to her face. It was… lacy.

Suddenly Sheik realised what she was holding and dropped it as though it had suddenly become scaldingly hot. A shudder ran through her, not helped by a horrified curiosity as to what someone could possibly need an item of clothing like that for. On reflection, she decided that she would rather not know, and focused on hauling herself up on the sheet. She gratefully pulled herself over the window-ledge, collapsing in a heap once inside.

She took a moment to recover her breath, stood up, readjusted her bandages, checked that she still had Zant's letter, and strode purposefully towards the door. Or at least that was her intention, until she was confronted by a maid. Sheik's eyes widened as she recognised her as the maid who brought her breakfast every morning. That… thing I just dropped was hers! This is going to be so awkward tomorrow, she thought, suppressing another shudder. Wait, does she wear things like that normally? Yeugh!

She wondered why the maid hadn't screamed yet, but reminded herself that in her full bandaged glory she could easily pass for a man. Yes, the maid was definitely giving her a Look, an expression which had earned its capital letter. Clearly the maid was a certain kind of young woman who read a certain kind of novel which, in poor lighting, could technically come under the broad umbrella of romance, and entertained certain ideas about handsome young men climbing in at her window on a dark night. Still, this handsome young man was more bandaged and less eager to sweep her off her feet than the maid had been expecting, and Sheik could see her wavering towards screaming. She had to do something quickly, but she wasn't sure what.

Um… she thought, still staring. Her common sense had run off and hid the moment she had launched herself out of Zant's window, but her thief's sense was less cowardly, and now it was tingling. Go on, it urged her slyly. No-one will ever know. She's certainly not going to tell anyone. With a quick prayer to the Goddesses to forgive her, and also if possible to avert their eyes, Sheik ran forward and put her arms around the maid in one quick movement. She brought her face towards the other girl's, making sure there was still a generous inch between the maid's mouth and Sheik's own heavily bandaged one, but the suggestion was enough.

The maid swooned theatrically, raising a hand to her brow as her eyelids fluttered. Sheik took advantage of this to hastily prop the girl in a chair, running for the door before the maid recovered and realised that things weren't going to go any further. But some deep-rooted and previously-undiscovered sense of decency made Sheik pause, and she turned back awkwardly.

'Um… sorry about your… laundry,' she said in as gruff a tone as she could manage. 'One of your… undergarments… isn't there anymore.' "Is lying in a ditch several storeys below us" would have been more accurate, but Sheik didn't want to upset the poor girl.

'It's fine,' the maid said dreamily. 'You can keep it. To remind you of me.' Clearly she had misunderstood, but since Sheik didn't think she could set the record straight without throwing up she left quickly, closing the door behind her. Outside she shuddered, a real, proper shudder which ran right from the top of her spine to the tips of her toes, bounced off the inside of her boots and radiated back up again, meeting a second shudder halfway up.

I despair of young women today, she though primly, then sighed as she realised that she was turning into Impa. Wait, does she think this way about me? No, whatever other stains she may think are on my soul, no-one can accuse me of possessing skimpy red lingerie. Yeugh indeed!


She snuck back to her room, but didn't encounter anyone on the way. She assumed that everyone was gathering around Zant's room, but as soon as she got back to her own room she quickly changed out of her bandages and bodysuit, just in case. But before she put her clothes back in the chest, she removed Zant's letter and carried it carefully over to her desk. She scanned it carefully, squinting as she tried to decode Zant's handwriting. She hadn't been joking before, it really was terrible. But she knew it was unwise to go around showing people this letter as proof without having read it first, so she battled on through the scrawls. What she read made her frown.

Zant's "details" included the precise location where Zelda had last been seen, almost a week ago, near Hyrule's western border. That, from Sheik's tenuous knowledge of geography, was the border they shared with the Gerudo Desert. Why would Zelda be going to the desert? she wondered. Aren't we supposed to be enemies with that lot? But she had bigger things to worry about than Zelda's location. Zant's letter instructed the assassin to go over to the western border, to be ready when Zelda returned. In the meantime, Zant said, he would deal with the imposter.

Sheik put the letter down thoughtfully. The problem she had was that, although this letter was exactly the proof she needed to expose Zant, it also incriminated her. Yes, it proved that Zant was plotting to kill the Princess, but it also proved that the Princess who was exposing him was in fact an imposter. Sheik sighed. This really was very uncooperative of Zant. If only he could have written a slightly different letter, one which incriminated him but not Sheik. She frowned back at the letter. If only…


She was still at her desk the next morning when Impa woke her, looking worried.

'Wassgoinon?' Sheik asked blearily, trying to unglue her cheek from the cold wood of the desk.

'You need to get up, now. Zant's making an announcement.'

'What?!' Sheik asked, suddenly awake. 'What announcement? What's he doing?'

'I don't know, no-one does. But he's asked the entire Royal Council to gather, and he wants you to be present too. I assume Link and his Council will be there as well. Zant's up to something, I know he is. I just wish I knew what.' Sheik glanced back at her desk, where Zant's letter lay half-hidden in a pile of other paperwork. She knew exactly what Zant was up to, and the fact that he was going public didn't bode well for her. She had thought that, after last night, he would have wanted to keep as quiet about all this as possible, but clearly he had a different plan. She grabbed the letter, and nodded to Impa.

'Let's go.' She hurried down to the Great Hall, trying not to let her apprehension show. If this went wrong… The entire Council was already there, and so was Link. Sheik sighed. If she messed up, she would not only be executed for treason, she would also embarrass herself in front of Link. She failed to see how this could get any worse. But just then, the Goddesses proved that they had a sense of humour when Zant appeared as if out of thin air right behind her.

'Good morning, your Majesty,' he said jovially, as if last night had never happened. He knew who she was, Sheik was sure of it. He was mocking her, and the thought made her fists clench.

'Why are you doing this?' she asked. 'You know I've got that letter. All I need to do is read it out, and it'll prove what you're doing.'

'Yes, and at the same time you'll be sentencing yourself to death. How annoying it must be for you, to have gone to all that trouble to steal the letter, only to find that it's useless.'

'Oh, is that what you think?' Sheik asked with a raised eyebrow. 'It's useless? Well then, what do you expect me to do? Sit quietly while you expose me?'

'Exactly. I'm going to make you a deal. Give me the letter, and I'll make sure that when you're convicted your sentence is commuted to life imprisonment. Or keep the letter, for all the good it'll do you, and you'll be executed tomorrow.' Sheik glared at him. She knew as well as Zant did that he had no intention of commuting her sentence. Once she handed over the letter, he would be calling as loud as anyone for her to be executed. She looked down at it, smiled slightly, then looked back at Zant.

'You've got this all planned out, haven't you? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you've made a mistake.' Zant frowned.

'I am not in the habit of making mistakes.'

'Then I must say you're doing fantastically well for a beginner. Ahem!' she said, clearing her throat loudly. All eyes in the room turned to her, including Link. She tried to ignore him. She really couldn't afford to lose her nerve right now.

'Gentlemen and… slightly wrinklier gentlemen, we were called here today for Zant to make an announcement. However, I have an announcement to make first which I rather think will make Zant's futile. I have come into possession of a certain letter,' she said, waving said letter, 'which details a plot by Zant to kill me, the Princess of Hyrule.' There was a ripple of shock in the crowd, but Zant folded his arms.

'Why don't you read it, then?' he hissed. Sheik's smile broadened. Oh, if only you knew what I've got planned, she thought gleefully. She opened the letter, and cleared her throat.

'This letter is addressed to someone who I can only assume is an assassin. I need not read you all of it, but it details Zant's orders to kill me at night when the castle is asleep.' She passed the letter to the nearest Council member, whose face went through a variety of emotions including shock, confusion and disbelief, but finally ended up at anger.

'How dare you, sir!' he said, addressing Zant, and Sheik mentally shook her head in disappointment. I just told you that he's trying to kill me, and you still think "sir" is the right way to speak to him? There's just no helping some people. Zant looked confused, and reached out for the letter.

'Let me see that. No doubt it's a fabrication.' He scanned it carefully, but to Sheik's surprise his expression was undoubtedly smug. 'Your Majesty, with the greatest of respect, this letter is a steaming pile of bullsh-'

'Ahem!' Sheik interrupted quickly. 'There are ladies present! I'll thank you to mind your language! And what do you mean, a steaming pile of unmentionable? That letter has your seal and signature!' I should know, she thought, I spent over an hour last night forging it. But she had copied his signature exactly and carefully lifted the seal from the original letter onto the fake, so she was reasonably confident that it would stand up to inspection. Zant tossed the letter to one side scornfully.

'I don't know why my signature is on there - forgery, I suspect - but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that that letter is a fake!'

'Oh yes? And how can you be so sure?' Sheik asked, folding her arms. She'd laid down the trap in front of him. Now she just had to pray he walked into it.

'Because that is not the letter I wrote!' Zant said angrily, gesturing to the letter. Suddenly his expression changed to horror as he realised what he had said, but it was too late.

'And what letter did you write, exactly?' Impa asked, materialising at Sheik's side.

'I- I- She's an imposter!' Zant yelled, but Sheik just sighed. Zant had lost, and every protest he made now was just digging himself deeper. A few words from one of the Council members and a squad of guards appeared, ready to drag Zant off to the deepest dungeon. But as Sheik watched them taking him away, she couldn't help herself.

'Wait!' she called out, going over to him. 'I want to talk to the traitor for a minute.' The guards stood a respectful few feet away, but kept their eyes firmly fixed on Zant. Sheik leant as close to him as she could bear, enjoying the fierce glare he directed at her. 'I bet you thought you knew all about me,' she whispered. 'Well, you may know my face but that's all you know. You have no idea who I am.'

'I know you're an imposter!' Zant spat.

'Fair enough,' Sheik replied in the same infuriatingly calm tone. 'But I'm also a thief, and a liar, and a master forger,' she told him, gesturing to the letter and its signature. 'To put it simply, I am a criminal. And someone like you,' she continued, her tone implying that someone like Zant was generally to be found at the bottom of a pond, 'will never catch me, hard though you may try. Believe me. I've made a living out of being uncatchable.' She moved away slightly, but couldn't resist going in for one final gloat.

'Oh, and remember that story you told me the first time we met? The one about the deer caught in the landslide? Well, you were right. It was a pretty apt metaphor for the situation, and it still is. The only mistake you made was deciding which one of us was the deer, and which was the landslide.' With that she stood up and gestured to the guards, who dragged Zant away.


As soon as she made it back to her room, Sheik leant heavily against the door and sighed. In all the chaos after Zant's arrest she had managed to slip away unnoticed, even though she had seen Link fighting his way through the crowd towards her. Much though she wanted to see him, what she wanted most of all right now was to sleep. But unfortunately, she hadn't quite managed to shake Impa off.

'What was that about?' she asked, folding her arms. Sheik sighed, realising that she wasn't going to get any sleep until she told Impa the truth, so she reluctantly explained the whole story. 'Zant hired an assassin? And where is that assassin now, pray? Off to kill Zelda, I assume!' Sheik sighed.

'The assassin wasn't keen on doing the job when he thought he'd get paid and be in Zant's good books when he became king. Now Zant's never becoming king and he's in no position to pay anybody, and the assassin's not going to do the job for nothing, so calm down. Besides, I already destroyed the original letter Zant wrote, which was the one telling the assassin where to go. Even if he wanted to kill Zelda - which he doesn't, although Goddesses only know why that is - he wouldn't know how to do it.'

'And why didn't you tell me about any of this?' Impa asked angrily.

'Because you said I'd just mess things up, and I wanted to prove to you that I wouldn't,' Sheik said wearily. 'Lack of trust in me is one thing, that I get. But lack of faith is just insulting. I do this kind of thing for a living, and have done for years. I'm probably better at it than you are.'

'Well, I doubt I would have ended up in a situation like that with the maid,' Impa said with a hint of a smile as Sheik blushed furiously. 'But I admit that perhaps I was wrong to doubt you. Maybe I should have more faith.'

'Excellent. You can start that in the morning,' Sheik said, trudging towards her bedroom.

'It is the morning,' Impa said, confused.

'Tomorrow morning, then! I stayed up all night forging that damn letter, I'm tired! Wake me up tomorrow.' Impa nodded curtly, and went over to the door.

'Sheik,' she said quietly before opening it. Sheik was about to snap at her, but decided against it. 'I want to apologise for acting like that,' Impa said in the same quiet tone. 'I should have had more faith. I should have trusted you. So. Is there something I can do to make it up to you?' Sheik thought about this. Quite honestly, she was far too tired to make any kind of decision, but the back of her brain gave the rest of her a kick and pointed out that this was too good an opportunity to miss. For the first, and probably also the last time in her life, Impa owed her. What could she ask for? A few brain cells reluctantly fizzled into life, and she turned back to Impa.

'I want to learn some Sheikah stuff. You know, like the vanishing trick. But not that. Something else. Sheikah stuff. Yeah.' Then she turned back, judged the distance between her and her bed, decided that she really couldn't make it that far, and fell full-length on the carpet. She was asleep before she hit the ground.


A/N: I think we've all had days like that, when it really is just too far to bed.

I might not be able to update for the next few days, but I'll do my best. The next chapter will definitely be up by the start of next week though, so keep an eye out!