A/N
Sorry this is late - I just hit a bit of writer's block, so was completely unable to get anything down. And then when I did manage to write something, would let me upload! Anyway, enjoy.
"…it's very quiet in here, now." Sam looked around the tent, which seemed almost empty despite the presence of the crew. The other three bakers were cracking on with the first challenge of a chocolate tart, their intense concentration only adding too the tension. "I miss the others." Missed certain competitors more than others, but she wasn't going to admit to that. "Feels more serious now, like an actual competition." Part of her wanted to go back, back to the beginning, with everybody there and weeks in which to get to know them. "I sometimes wish that it wasn't nearly over."
There was a sudden smell of burning, and Sam snatched her caramel off the stove. "Then this happens, and I come to my senses!" She worked rapidly to create another caramel, unflustered by the mistake, as it frequently happened to her – she just got distracted by some other part of the process, which is why she had started with the caramel on the off chance that it would go wrong. Again.
Sam really didn't like the atmosphere in the tent. The week before she had been somewhat preoccupied and hadn't really noticed the silence in the tent, and before that it had been a lot more lively, thanks to… but now, it was just quiet and studious and Sam hated it. She always reacted badly to tension, fighting the impulse to make a loud noise or do something crazy, which didn't mix well with baking.
She forced herself to calm down. She took a look around the room at the remaining contestants. Edie was flitting back and forth, chattering away to herself as she worked, as she always did. Milner was a cool and collected as he always was, methodically working his way through his instructions. Adam… well, Adam was just there, doing whatever it was that Adam did. Sam hardly knew the man. He had made his way into the semi-final simply by not drawing any attention to himself. Maybe she should try to get to know him better? Even as she thought this, Adam glanced up and smiled at her. She smiled back. He seems nice enough.
Her chocolate tart went quite smoothly, well for her. She felt only slightly flustered by the end. Somewhere in between making the cinnamon peanut butter and chocolate peanut mousse, she thought perhaps she had bitten off more than she could chew. She could have done with some of Milner's calming words, but he was at the front of the tent and she was at the back, on the other side.
So, she had to make do with Sue, who hovered nearby, stealing peanuts and licking the spoon from the mousse. On her third attempt, she actually managed to make a halfway decent salted caramel and shared a stinging high-five with the dark-haired presenter, who then burnt her mouth attempting to steal some of the left over caramel.
The final result looked good enough, she could only hope that the taste was good too. She left the tent, while the crew tidied up and pulled out her phone on her way to get a cup of tea. She smiled when she saw a message from Mr Foyle. He had taken her number before he left the previous weekend, with a vague comment about staying updated – on what, she wasn't exactly sure. His message was short and simply said "STOP STRESSING." The all caps amused her. She was certain he knew how to change it but didn't, because it annoyed Andrew. Her mouth turned down as she thought of Andrew. Don't think about him.
The turnaround on cleaning the tent was quicker than ever before, and Sam didn't actually get to have any tea before they were being called back in for the judging. She sat at the end of her bench and stared at her tart, as the camera lingered on her face. The producer sighed. "Sam, can you look more 'I'm proud of this' and less, 'let's get this over with'? It's a cake, not a trip to the dentist!"
Sam shrugged helplessly. The producer shook her head. "Pretend it's Andrew if you have to." Sam immediately frowned – not what she wanted to be thinking about now. "Or not," the producer continued at the sight of Sam's glare. "Just try to look…" she made a helpless gesture, "…happy."
Sam sighed. She looked past the producer, at the rest of the room, and caught sight of Edie pulling faces at her. Sam smiled and quickly looked back at her cake. She managed to hold onto her amusement long enough to satisfy the producer. When the camera left her, she looked back at Edie, who gave her a thumbs-up and a wink. Sam returned the thumbs-up, grateful for Edie's help.
The judging went very smoothly – both Mary and Paul were very impressed with her tart, leaving her glowing with pleasure. In fact, all the bakers did very well, which left her conflicted. She was pleased for her friends, but she was aware more than ever, that this was a competition and she needed to be better than the rest. Still, it was only round one, so there was a chance for someone to slip up before the end. Probably me, she thought, amused at herself.
"Thank you, Edie, for before." Sam surveyed the buffet, trying to decide what she wanted to eat today.
Edie laughed. "Don't mention it!" She gave Sam a sideways glance. "You seemed to have lost your sense of humour, particularly when she mentioned..."
"I do not want to talk about that." The potato salad landed on her plate with more force than she had intended, with bits flying off in all directions.
Edie got the hint and immediately switch conversational track. "Your tart was delicious. I managed to sneak a bit before the crew ate it all."
"Thank you." Sam smiled. She decided against the coronation chicken and selected a couple of cold chicken legs instead. "So was yours – I actually had to fight the boom operator to even get a taste!"
Edie laughed, and turned away from the food, to find a table. Sam was surprised when Edie didn't head towards the table with the other contestants but found a vacant one instead – not that she minded it being just the girls for once.
"I thought we could do with a bit of girly time for once, after all that stress." Sam nodded in agreement and applied herself eagerly to her food. For a few minutes, they ate in companionable silence. When they had satisfied the edge of their hunger, Edie sat back from her plate and eyed Sam thoughtfully. Sam inwardly sighed, fearing that Edie was going to asked her some difficult questions.
So she was pleasantly surprised when instead Edie asked, "what are you going to do when this is all over?"
Sam stared at her, trying to catch up to the question that was asked, rather than the one that she had been expecting. "Um, not eat cake for a while?" Her answer came out more like a question in her uncertainty.
Edie giggled. "Definitely! I don't want to even see a cake for at least two weeks."
"More like two months!" Sam exclaimed.
"My stomach will certainly be pleased." Edie patted her middle. "I don't think the cake diet has been doing me any favours."
Sam shook her head in sad agreement, "me neither."
"It will be so nice," Edie leaned forward, and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, "to not have to spend every waking minute practicing my bakes."
Sam also leaned in. "Think of all the time we will have."
"We could go for a walk."
"Or shopping."
"Or watch tv."
"Or go out for tea." They both started laughing. "But no cake!" Sam followed up.
Edie slowly sobered, but her smile remained. "After this, we definitely need to stay in touch. We can go for coffee or tea – no cake."
"That would be lovely." Sam's smile made her cheeks ache. She didn't have many female friends – engineering still tended to be a male dominated profession, so it was nice to think that she would be coming away from this competition with a new friend, even if she didn't get anything else.
"I'm so glad I met you, Sam." Edie reached across the table and took Sam's hand. "I didn't think I would make such good friends doing this but," she glanced over her shoulder at the table with the other contestants, "I been so lucky!"
Yes, Sam thought as she nodded her agreement to Edie's statement, no matter how difficult thinks have been, I've definitely been lucky.
Sam waited anxiously for her chance to start the technical. The evil judges – or the producers (whoever actually came up with the technical challenges), had decided on a staggered start and Sam, of course, was last. Edie had been first and had begged the others not to leave her. Sam would rather have been first than last.
First Adam had left and then Milner. Now Sam was sat by herself, chewing her finger nails nervously. To distract herself, she pulled out her phone. There was another message from Mr Foyle. "IT'S NEVER AS BAD AS YOU THINK." She smiled to herself. How did he know just what to say? She was grateful that Mr Foyle still wanted to be friends with her, despite how things with Andrew had turned out.
She frowned to herself, her fingers hovering over her phone. Giving into temptation, she brought up her answerphone messages. She bit her lip as she held her phone up to her ear.
"Hi Sam, it's me…" Andrew sounded tired and… empty. "I know I have no right to be calling you…"
Sam jumped violently, snatching her phone away from her ear and hiding it guiltily behind her back when someone called her name. Heart racing, she realised it was one of the crew, calling her through for her turn at the technical. She hurriedly shoved her phone into her pocket and rushed to the tent.
Perhaps she hadn't been in the best frame of mind going into the technical, but chocolate soufflé was never going to be something she excelled at. Sam ducked out of the hotel, before anyone else could spot her – she was not in the mood to talk to anyone. She walked rapidly along the paths into the gardens.
Fourth in the technical, in the semi-final. It was disaster! Sam gulped, afraid that the tears were going to come before she was adequately hidden away. Edie had come first, with an excellent soufflé. Sam had been flustered from the start, feeling behind and unprepared. The second feeling was usual for a technical, but because the others were ahead from the start, she had felt like she was constantly trying to catch up, which was perhaps why she had pulled her soufflé out too early, so they collapsed.
Sam ducked quickly into the walled garden and sank down onto the bench. She struggled not to cry. What am I crying for? It's just cake! But it wasn't just cake. She had been doing so well and then last week, it had gone so badly. She had seen this week as a chance to get back on track, but now…
She indulged herself in a few minutes of tears, before giving herself a stern talking to. She wiped her eyes decisively and took a deep breath. Sam closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. In, out. In, out. Slowly, the quiet of the garden seeped into her and she felt calmer. It's just cake.
When she opened her eyes, Sam realised that she had hidden in the same spot as she had weeks ago, when her spanische windtorte had gone so wrong. Only, Andrew wasn't here to comfort her this time. I don't need him she thought fiercely. And she didn't. But she had wanted him.
Sam sighed and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She didn't trust people easily, and she had let Andrew in against her better judgement. And I was right! He had hurt her very badly with his callous method of dumping her. She had flicked between rage, humiliation and sadness the previous weekend, which had impacted badly on her bakes. She had sworn, as she drove home, that she wasn't going to think about him anymore – he wasn't worth it.
Then… he had rung her. She wasn't allowed to use her phone whilst at work, and in fact, tended to forget about it. She had pulled it out at the end of the day, intending to look up ingredients for her tart and had instead seen a message saying she had a message. Completely unsuspecting she had started listening to the message as she got into her car. When she heard Andrew's voice, she had sunk into her seat and stared out of her windscreen in disbelief. She had had to listen to the message twice, before she had been able to take it in. Then she had driven to the supermarket in high emotion, swearing, again, to not think of that man.
She pulled out her phone now, running her thumb over the screen. She took a deep breath and activated the message again.
"Hi Sam, it's me… I know I have no right to be calling you…" She could almost hear him swallow. "I am… so, so sorry for what I did. You're right, I am a coward. I…" He had paused here so long that the first time she thought he'd hung up. "I must have hurt you so much, and the worst part is, I didn't even mean it. I… care about you, a lot." He gave a small, sad chuckle. "Not that that matters now. I blown it." He sighed heavily. "That's not why I'm ringing – I'm not asking you to forgive me, I don't deserve it." For a moment, his voice was fierce and passionate. "I just wanted to apologise. I'm sorry Sam, I was an absolute ass, a coward – anything you can think of, that's me and I'm sorry. I hope that…" He sounded tired again and Sam ached to hold him, even as she fiercely denied that feeling. "I hope that I haven't ruined anything for you." Another sad chuckle. "How arrogant of me to think that you would let me affect you in anyway. I know you won't. I know that you are going to use this to make you stronger. I know that you are going to ace the competition. And I know that you are going to have a great life." Sam swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you, for everything you did for me," Andrew's voice wobbled slightly, "even though I didn't deserve it. Thank you for being part of my life and for making it brighter and better for a few weeks at least." It sounded so horribly final. "I wish you all the best – honestly Sam, you deserve it." Again, he had hesitated. "Maybe, one day, I can… make it up to you." Another pause. "Thanks Sam… and, goodbye."
Once she had got over her initial anger, that he would ring her so casually after what he'd done – that he would ring her when he knew that she wouldn't answer – she had made herself listen to the message again, carefully. She had caught more of the nuances to his voice and his phrasing. And, she had noted the time. He had rung her at one o'clock, which was her lunch break. Normally, she would have answered, but she had worked through her lunch that day. So, he had actually tried to talk to her, which made her feel a little softer towards him. Soft enough that she's tried to ring him back, but he hadn't answered. In fact, his phone had gone straight to voicemail every time she tried, both then and since.
She could have asked Mr Foyle, but she didn't like to involve him – it wasn't fair. Still, if she still hadn't heard from Andrew in the next week, she may have to go through his father. She tucked her phone back into her pocket and stood up, giving her eyes a final scrub. Andrew was right, she was going to ace this competition. She laughed at herself then, already feeling better.
"Are you looking forward to this challenge, Sam?" Sam looked in surprise at Adam Wainwright. He had barely spoken to her over the last 9 weekends.
"Umm, well not really, after yesterday's disaster with the soufflé." Adam smiled at her, very charming!
"I wouldn't worry about that, you got a Hollywood handshake for your tart." Sam smiled at him.
"I did, didn't I?" She needed to focus on the good things, that was the only way to get through today. If she kept thinking about what had gone wrong, things would only keep going wrong. Adam gave her another charming smile and moved over to his own bench.
"I'm going all out for this," Sam told the camera that came to observe what she was doing. "After that soufflé yesterday, I need to do something special." A chocolate centrepiece, using some form of white chocolate, that had to be free-standing and attractive – no problem. Sam snorted to herself, forgetting about the camera as she got to work. No problem!
She worked hard to make the necessary elements of her chocolate peacock. Tail feathers, eggs, nest, decoration for the tail feathers, the peacock itself… might have over done it this time! She forced herself to work methodically through her instructions rather than dwelling on how much she had to get done. Andrew had taught her to do that. She swallowed down the emotions that rose with the thought of Andrew and constructed her tail feathers with shaking fingers. I'm going to ace this, she thought fiercely.
"I still have to construct the nest, and the log," she looked wildly around her work station as she spoke to the camera, "actually, I have loads to do, so I just can't talk to you right now." She suited the action to the words and worked without talking.
She was in the middle of constructing the tail, when she heard a sharp gasp from the bench in front of her and whipped her head up.
Edie was desperately trying to hold her chocolate carousel which was collapsing. Sam dropped what she was doing and dashed around the bench to help. Before she could reach Edie, someone caught at her arm. She turned to find Mel hanging off her arm. "Sam! You have to get back to your bake!"
"But Edie!" Sam waved wildly in Edie's direction. Mel forcibly turned Sam back around – who knew she was this strong?
"Sue and I will help." Even as she spoke, Sue was rushing in. "You need to do yours, so that we can help Edie and don't have to help you!"
Reluctantly, Sam went back to her peacock. Her position behind Edie meant that she could see every desperate attempt they made to keep the carousel upright. She tried to focus on her own construction, which was fiddly and time-consuming, but her heart ached for her friend.
At the end of the challenge, Edie had managed to salvage something, but not the pretty carousel she had shown Sam in the pictures she'd taken of her practice ones at home. Sam was disappointed on Edie's behalf. She slipped her arm around the other woman as they left the tent to allow for tidying. "Oh Edie, I'm so sorry!"
Edie shook her head, "it's my own fault, the puffed rice roof was always a bit dodgy and this time it just didn't hold together." She wrapped her arm around Sam's waist and squeezed. "Thank you for coming to help me."
"I didn't actually do anything." Sam blushed slightly.
"It's doesn't matter, you would have." Edie gave her another squeeze and then disentangled herself. "That's me gone."
Sam shook her head. "Not necessarily. Remember, I messed up big time yesterday."
Edie smiled, although it was a sad smile. "That peacock of yours is amazing, I don't think you're in trouble at all." She took a deep breath, and then gave a more genuine smile. "Still, I had a good run."
Before Sam could say anything, Milner appeared, and Sam left him to console Edie. Without anything to do, she wandered over to Adam. "So how did you find that challenge?"
Adam raised his eyebrows and grimaced. "Could have gone better. My bell tower looks like a child made it."
Sam was inclined to agree, but would never have said so. "I think its very charming." Adam looked at her side-long and she struggled to hold his gaze.
"You're too kind, Sam." She shrugged. "Hopefully, it tastes good and that will make up for it." He suddenly laughed. "That's hardly the point of a 'Showstopper' is it? Looks bad but tastes good."
"It's doesn't look bad," Sam insisted. Adam shook his head and refused to accept her protests. Before she could really warm up to the subject, they were called back into the tent.
"The overall effect is really very beautiful," Mary said. "It shows a lot of skill." Sam let out the breath she'd been holding.
"It's a great work of art." Sam knew she was gawking at Paul, but she couldn't help herself. Her astonishment only grew, as both Paul and Mary praised the taste of her various chocolate elements. She was in a daze as she took her peacock back to her bench. She passed Edie, who gave her a double thumbs-up. Paul and Mary had been very gentle with Edie during the judging, which had restored a little bit of her confidence, but she was still insistent that she was going to go.
Sam couldn't believe how things had turned out. Edie, despite winning the technical, was out. And despite failing the technical, Sam had won Star Baker. She felt bewildered. She was in the final! How had that happened? She rang her parents to tell them and deflated at their lukewarm congratulations. She wished desperately that she had someone who would be ecstatic for her. Previously Andrew would have…
Before she could think better of it, she dialled Andrew's number. It rang a number of times, which was better than previously, but it didn't seem like he was going to answer. Just before she gave up, the ringing stopped and a voice said, "Sam."
"Oh! Mr Foyle, sir!" Sam was astonished. She hadn't been expecting him. She floundered for something to sat. what would he think of her, calling Andrew after everything. "Umm… er…"
"How has the competition gone?" Mr Foyle was as calm and collected as ever, which helped Sam to gather her thoughts.
"I'm in the final!" She couldn't keep the glee from her voice.
"Of course you are." Mr Foyle didn't sound surprised at all, which was very flattering. "Congratulations Sam, you deserve it."
There was the sound of a voice in the background, indistinct. "Sam's in the final." Mr Foyle's voice sounded as though he'd turned away from the phone for moment. "No, I'm not surprised either." Before she could ask who he was talking to, Mr Foyle said, "Andrew says congratulations too."
Sam was speechless. If Andrew was there, why wasn't he answering his own phone. "Andrew, I'll be back in a minute." There was the indistinct voice again, and then the sound of a door opening and closing.
"What's going on?" Sam was unable to contain her curiosity any longer. "Why didn't Andrew answer the phone himself?"
"He's… taking a break." What did that mean? Mr Foyle carried on before she could ask any questions. "Andrew's career in the RAF is over."
Sam tried to digest this. "He's out of the RAF." Mr Foyle made a noise of agreement. "But… the RAF was his life…?"
"That's not healthy. Not for someone like Andrew." Sam was very much inclined to agree with that. Andrew was too sensitive for the RAF, he dwelled too much on what he'd seen and done. "Anyway, he's out now, for good."
"And he's not allowed a phone?" She had to ask, she wanted to be sure that he hadn't answered because he couldn't, not because he hadn't wanted to.
"No. Thought it best if he took a break from everything." Sam remembered the hollow, emptiness of Andrew's voice through most of his message and agreed. "He only switched it back on today. When he saw you calling…" Sam could imagine Andrew asking his father to answer on his behalf, and Mr Foyle reluctantly doing so – reluctant, not because he didn't want to talk her, but because he didn't want to interfere.
"Tell him…" What did she want to say? "Tell him, I got his message. Tell him… tell him I…" She hadn't forgiven him, not yet, but she felt that she could forgive him, one day. "Tell him I understand, and I hope he's better soon." It wasn't exactly what she wanted to say, but it would have to do.
"I will. You can tell him anything else yourself." Mr Foyle sounded a little amused. "When he's up to it, I'm sure he'll call." Sam felt nervous, did she want him to call? She hoped he would call. "Congratulations again, Sam, you deserve it."
"Thank you, Mr Foyle." She felt a glow of pleasure, at his confidence in her. She hung up the phone, taking a deep breath. I'm going to ace this thing.
A/N
Just one chapter left to go. Who will win the Great British Bake Off?
