Hello lovelies,
It's me again! Right in time for December, I'm finally done with an extra long, extra cute L+L(+R) Christmas chapter! I always feel like they owed us one in the series!
In my head the awful season 7 Christmas debacle is now replaced with happy, sappy, lovey dovey moments, which I hope, you will enjoy as well :-)
Ok, here goes...
- Chapter 9 - Merry Christmas -
The next days were spent in some sort of unreal, alternate universe, like living inside a big, safe bubble that was floating out in space. They pretty much isolated themselves from the town and other people. The two Gilmore women spent most of their days together and some nights they slept in Lorelai's bedroom and found comfort in each other's presence.
Luke was over as often as possible to check in on them. He brought food and coffee and made sure, they weren't just sobbing, self-destructive messes. He knew this mourning period was incredibly important for moving on from the pain of what had happened. While it was perfectly fine to be sad and to cry from time to time, it was a very thin line to cross into becoming depressed about the death of a parent.
Luke knew from his own experience how dangerous pulling back from the real world could become. He had done so and it had cost him years of a happy and hopeful life.
Lorelai hadn't been to the Inn for days and Rory had taken a break from Yale for the rest of the month. Since Christmas was right around the corner, there weren't many classes left she had to attend anyway.
They struggled and some days were worse than others. But all in all the saying was true, time slowly healed their wounds. The scars would remain, but they were making progress, little by little, day by day.
It had only been two weeks, but they were finally able to say his name, to talk about him and even laugh about lovely memories they had made with Richard throughout the years, without breaking into tears or drowning in sorrowful silence.
Lorelai apologized to Rory a million times over, that she had kept her grandparents from her for the better part of her life.
Luke was careful and very understanding. He dried sheer endless streams of tears, he ducked from flying pillows and words that stung like sharp knives. He didn't say anything when he saw two empty bottles of wine on her kitchen counter every day, for a week straight. He didn't comment on their insane intake of junk food and coffee. He listened to Lorelai when she called him late in the evening or even at night. He did everything he could, and he did it all right, but still something was missing. They were both glad to be back in each other's lives, but some tiny piece was still missing.
It wasn't just the lack of physical closeness. He lived years without that. He had survived years without being able to touch her, feel her, make love to her. But this time the hardest part was probably, that now he knew what he was missing and that made it even harder to bear.
Despite all that, he decided not to push her. They had to be careful with what do to, and what to say. Her emotions were all over the place as it was. He didn't need to add any more confusion to that. Maybe, someday, the missing piece would pop back up, but until then he would have to be patient for a little while longer.
He never stayed overnight. They hadn't talked about it, other things were more important.
Most nights he lay sleepless, thinking, pondering, looking for answers to questions that nobody had even asked yet. The constant overthinking had become a habit lately.
They had shared a sweet moment, when Lorelai told him about a day she skipped school and went to the mall, because she was heartbroken over a boy. Her father stumbled across her hysteric teenage self and dragged her along to the movies with him. One for him and one for her. And then he bought her a pretzel. Of course she hadn't forgotten about the pretzel. When they got home they just pretended she had been to school like she was supposed to be that day. Lorelai had never told anyone, but it was the best day she had ever spent with her father. She wasn't sure her mother even knew.
While she told him the bittersweet anecdote, he had held her hand in his, carefully caressing the back of it with his thumb. They had locked eyes in a way they had before. A sparkle in her blue oceans told him, she could feel it too. Luke internally kicked himself for being the gentleman that he was and not using her vulnerability to his own benefit. He didn't act on her longing gaze and the almost invisible nod she gave him and just like that, the tiny moment was gone again.
Luke let out a frustrated sigh and tossed and turned in his bed for another hour.
Shortly after midnight, the telephone on his nightstand rang.
"Luke?" by the husky sound of her voice he could tell she had been lying awake for hours, just like he had. He could hear that she had been crying and it broke his heart all over again. Luke wished he could make all her pain disappear once and for all. If he could in any way take the pain away from her and Rory, he would. He'd carry the weight of it for the rest of his life, if it meant Lorelai would someday be her former positive and happy self again.
He sat up in bed and wrapped himself up in his covers. It was freezing and he knew Lorelai would be cold as well.
He heard her breathing but she didn't say anything. They had phone calls like this before. He gave her time to gather her thoughts. Even if they didn't talk at all, he was perfectly fine with just listening to her breathing. At least that way, he had a little feeling of being there for her.
A few minutes into the call, she would usually get calmer, her breathing became more even, as if somehow Luke being there at the other end of the line would make it all better.
Another shaky breath was released before she finally made a sound. It was his name.
"Luke?" she asked again when he didn't react.
"Yeah?" his heart started beating faster at the intense and intimate sound of her voice.
He could tell, whatever it was, she was afraid to ask. Maybe she was afraid of the question. Maybe she was afraid of the answer. But he sensed, she was almost there, she just needed a little push.
"Talk to me, Lorelai." He said reassuringly.
"How long did it take for you to be… truly happy again?" the question was out.
Oh, what a tough one.
He knew he couldn't lie to her, so he wouldn't.
"Look Lorelai, you are not me. I'm different with these kinds of things. I can't-"
She interrupted him, sounding a little more like herself now "How long, Luke?" she asked again.
Luke took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Lights flashed before his eyes as his heart skipped a painful beat.
"Until the day I met you." He answered quietly into the darkness of his lonely apartment.
It was the truth. He didn't mean for it to sound so corny, but it was the truth, as simple as that.
His heartfelt words left her speechless and he could hear her form new sobs and tears. He wished so badly he could be there with her, and to hold her, to comfort her. He felt useless sitting home alone in his too big, too empty bed. It just wasn't right without her. Nothing was right without her.
Lorelai finally managed a little desperate laugh. "Oh boy. I don't think I can wait another 20 years!"
Luke couldn't help but smile at what she had said. "It wasn't 20 years! And besides, I'm here with you now, you know that right?" his voice a cautious plea, the meaning behind it clear as day.
Lorelai must have smiled a little at her end of the line, he could just feel it.
"Ok." She whispered, keeping his confession locked away in her heart until she was ready to talk about it with him.
"Good night, Luke. And… thanks!" He knew she meant more than just the conversation they just had, but he would address that another day.
"Anytime." He said sincerely. "Good night Lorelai!"
When they had hung up Lorelai turned around in her bed, wide awake now.
His words were replaying in her head. He never needed many to make her heart swell and make her feel like the most important and most loved person in the world.
They had made big progress. The events of the last weeks, as sad as they had been, pushed them forward, way out of their comfortzones and back into each others lives.
From time to time she wondered if they took things too fast, but on the other hand there hadn't been anything besides friendly conversations, innocent hugs and late night telephone talks. She decided it didn't matter. She would take one step at a time, or two or three, if necessary. Luke and her had such a long history, taking it slow wasn't exactly required in her opinion. She just wanted them to get back to the place they should have never left. She just didn't know if Luke felt the same way. What she did know was, that she needed him right now. Rory needed him right now. And he was there for them, no questions asked. Just like he had always been.
She turned to look over at the other side of the bed, reaching out to the small, sleeping figure there. She caressed her daughter's hair and smiled at the soft snoring noises she made in her sleep. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better daddy, hon." A new tear escaped her red and puffy eyes.
"But I'm trying to make this right, ok?" she breathed. When Rory stirred, Lorelai pulled her hand away and leaned over to kiss her daughter's forehead. "I'm really trying."
Rory rolled onto her right side, mumbling something incoherently, while Lorelai kept on staring at her back. She lay awake for the rest of the night, her thoughts a spinning carousel.
~.~
On Christmas morning they woke up to loud thuds and rattling noises coming from the roof above them.
"Is Santa here?" a sleepy Rory mumbled with closed eyes.
Another loud thud made Lorelai open her eyes, immediately wondering what the weird noises could be. Alarmed she shot up and crossed the room to open the window which would allow her the best view towards the roof of her house.
When the coldness of the air hit her, she straight away noticed the special atmosphere and smell that was coming in from outside her window. She smiled knowingly, but said nothing, When there was another thud, she spun her head around to look up at the roof.
Her heart sank, but in a good way.
"What are you doing?" she asked him in awe.
Luke shot up from his kneeling position, a hammer and a few nails in his hand.
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you!"
She grinned at him "You do rememeber what I have once told you about the beauty sleep these Gilmores need in order to remain their pretty adorable selves, right?" She lined her sleepy face and her tousled out-of-bed-hair with her hands in a dramatic gesture. "It still applies, you know!"
The pale pink puppy pyjama she wore looked so ridiculous and yet so cute, Luke couldn't help but smile.
He smiled at her but also at the memory of all these years ago, when he had accidentally woken her up early on a Saturday morning while he was –very loudly- fixing her porch rail. He remembered how pretty she had looked and the warmth that radiated from her sleeping body, the fresh, flowery scent of fabric softener that had been warmed up by the heat of her body, still drove him crazy. He wanted nothing more than to throw her against the wall, kiss her senseless and do other, not so wholesome things to her.
The next words left his mouth before he had a chance to stop them: "You could never sleep again and would still be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
They both blushed immediately. Lorelai was too flustered to even try to come up with a witty comeback. Luke cleared his throat uncomfortably and changed the subject to kill the awkward silence. "Anyway uhh- I was just, um- hanging a few Christmas lights here and there."
Lorelai was still a little distracted and puzzled by the unusal expression of his admiration for her features, as his words slowly sank in.
She leaned out of the window to see what he was talking about. When she spotted dozens of colorful twinkle lights hanging from her roof and porch, her eyes lit up like the ones of a little child that got the exact Christmas present it had wished for.
"Luke! You didn't have to do that! I mean, we could have- this year- I thought-"
He interrupted her "It's Christmas. You love Christmas. You love twinkle lights. You love loud, annoying, dancing Santas, sickeningly overdone Christmas tree decorations and hot cocoa in front of a fire place. You love ridiculous, childish, unrealistic Christmas movies." With every word her smile grew bigger. You forgot to mention something else I love, she thought to herself.
"Don't tell me you want to skip all of that this year. You love all that crap, so this is what you're going to get. It's no big deal. I know you love it... So here it is." Widely spread arms gestured in the general direction of her house and porch.
She smiled at him for a moment longer, looking for words, any words that could possibly let him know how thankful she was. When she came up empty, happy tears welled up in her eyes instead.
In his head he heard himself add 'And I love you...' Maybe soon enough he would have the guts to finally tell her for real.
Lorelai and Rory got ready and excitedly hopped down the stairs when they were hit with a mixture of gorgeous smells wafting through the living room.
"Oh my god, mom!" Rory said, her hand covering her mouth in disbelief as she took in the scenery in front of her. Lorelai's eyes roamed through the room, as she pinched her thigh to convince herself that this was real and she was awake.
"Oh Luke" she softly said to herself as the corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile.
In the back of the living room stood a large, wonderful, perfectly shaped Christmas tree. The typical scent of its needles enchanted them immediately and catapulted them right into the spirit of Christmas. It was the first time this year they felt remotely close to it.
Nobody had thought about a big celebration this year. All they wanted to do was order in, snuggle up on the couch and watch the Grinch steal christmas and Kevin hunt down burglars. The thudding on the roof had stopped a minute ago, now there were heavy footsteps and some indistinct grumbling coming from the front porch.
Luke let himself in and brushed some snow off his jeans, before entering the warm and cozy house.
When he saw his girls standing on the stairs, admiring his work, he smiled and winked at them.
"Merry Christmas!"
Both jumped down the stairs and ran towards him. He almost fell down when the two women forcefully threw their slender but strong arms around him.
Rory kissed his stubbly cheek, not thinking twice about it. "Thank you so much Luke!"
Lorelai just beamed at him, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know. The love in his dark blue oceans was unmistakable as he smiled back at Lorelai.
"You're welcome."
~.~
Since Logan was in London and April was in New Mexico with Anna, it was only the three of them for Christmas Day. Emily had refused to leave her house. She had said she wanted to stay home, and even though she cleary stated that she was thankful for the offer, she just wasn't in the mood for big, or any Christmas celebrations this year. Lorelai and Rory accepted her decision with a heavy heart.
After each of them had downed two large cups of homemade, meaning Luke-made cocoa, they were now curled up on the couch together. The burning wood in the fireplace was cracking nicely, they had turned on some festive music and were now waiting for Luke to come back.
"Can you believe he did all of this?" Rory asked with shining eyes, her face the same as the four year old Rory having seen 'the real Santa' for the first time at the annual Christmas festivity of the Independence Inn. Mia had arranged for a family friend to dress up and play Santa for Rory and the other kids whose families were staying at the Inn over the holidays. Her eyes had been so bright, so pure, so full of wonder, Lorelai wished she could keep all the sadness and the mean and ugly things in the world from ever affecting her precious little girl.
"He's too good to us." Rory concluded, drawing her gaze away from the tree that was yet to be decorated.
"I'm glad he did it." Lorelai finally said. "It wouldn't have been right to not celebrate Christmas properly. Your grandpa wouldn't have wanted us to sit around all sad and mopy today."
Rory nodded "You're right. He wouldn't have."
They fell silent for a while before Rory started speaking "Maybe we should call grandma again?"
Before Lorelai could answer, the front door flew open, causing them both to jump up in surprise. Lorelai's hands crossed her chest in order to calm her beating heart.
"Oh my god Luke, are you trying to kill us?" She quickly walked up to him and took one of the three boxes he carried from him.
Still struggling with the other two huge boxes in his arms, while trying to close the door with his left foot, he muttered a snarky "I'm sorry!" into his scarf. The not so fake annoyance in his voice made Lorelai grin, but –of course- still not help him with the boxes. She put the one she held in her hands down and walked back over to the living room.
"Good. You should be!" she said mockingly as she plopped down onto her place on the couch again, giving Rory a goofy smile. Her daughter hadn't moved and just watched the scene play out in front of her. Luke juggled the heavy boxes through the foyer and inside the living room, snow fell from his shoes and jeans, leaving tiny melting puddles behind.
"You're evil." Rory said, shooting her mother a grin.
"You know," Luke started, almost tripping over a table by the window "helping me out here a little wouldn't kill you!"
Lorelai sighed dramatically and walked over to him. Teasing him was too much fun, she just couldn't help it. "I'm sorry Lukey, I thought you were a big, strong, manly man, who would be able to carry in three boxes of Christmas decorations all by himself." Her playful expression triggered him.
"You know, Queen of the lazy, I am a big, strong, manly man. How do you think I got that goddamn tree in here? It weighs ten freakin' tons!"
Lorelai smiled a gorgeous smile at him, the one she knew he couldn't resist. "Exaggerating much?"
Luke rolled his eyes and shoved her aside, the boxes grew heavier and heavier by the second. "Move!" he hissed. Sensing she had won, she exhaled a childish "HA!" and hopped back towards the couch.
Then it hit her. In this moment, she was happy. She was really and truly happy. When she realized it, her emotions immediately backtracked. How was it possible, that with just a few exchanges like that he had once again made her heart bounce up and down inside of her, leaving her smiling absently like a retarded person. Rory noticed the change in her demeanor and laid her hand on Lorelai's arm.
"Mom?"
When Lorelai turned to look at her, Rory saw unshed tears glistening in her mother's eyes.
"I'm really happy, kid." she said softly, squeezing her daughter's hand affectionately, as she looked back at the amazing man she loved so much, unpacking boxes of Christmas decorations for them in their living room.
"Good." Rory sighed with relief, tearing her gaze away from her mom and back towards the amazing man, who she so badly wished, would one day be her legal stepdad.
~.~
Decorating the tree had been fun so far.
Lorelai and Rory managed to jump Luke's last nerve very effectively, which caused him to look for shelter in the nicely quiet and empty kitchen, halfway through box No. 2. Paul Anka had joined him and was now sleeping peacefully underneath the kitchen table.
A satisfying sense of inner calm overcame him and he smiled to himself.
He heard their laughs and the faint sounds of glass balls dangling against each other. He had promised to help them hang the ones far up the tree, since they couldn't reach the top on their own. But since they took forever to find a perfect place for every ornament, he figured he still had time and began preparing tonight's Christmas dinner. Luke had brought enough food to feed ten people, but there was one thing he was the most excited about. It was easy to prepare, but would be the biggest surprise after all.
When he heard them shriek a loud "Oh my god!" he put the wonderbread and cream cheese aside and ran over to the living room.
"What is it?" he asked startled.
The girls broke into loud heartfelt laughter again. His gaze dropped from their faces to Lorelai's hands. His neck instantly started to burn.
"Give it back!" he hissed as he made his way to her in three long strides.
Lorelai turned around to hide away from him, the grip on the old photo album as hard as possible.
"So Lucas, you showed Santa your little Lukey for Christmas? You certainly are a naughty boy!" Lorelai panted in between laughs. Rory started giggling all over again at her mother's words. Luke rolled his eyes. Goddammit, how had it gotten inside the Christmas box?
Even though he was embarrassed and angry, he couldn't help but smile a little when he saw the genuinely happy faces of the two hyperventilating women in front of him.
Rory tried to calm herself down, she knew how uncomfortable Luke must have been feeling at the moment.
"So Luke," she began, needing another deep breath to get her shaking voice under control. "do you want to explain yourself here a little bit?" She pressed her lips into a thin line and hoped it would keep another bubble of laughter from bursting out of her. Lorelai handed him the old leather-bound book and sat down cross-legged on the floor, tapping on it with two fingers to make him join her. With another dramatic eyeroll Luke sat down next to her.
"I was three or four years old okay? Don't mock a child for doing crazy things like that. I bet there's a few pictures of you when you were naked-"
She gasped "Luke!"
"As a child I mean, goddammit!"
She winked at him and they let the awkwardness wash over them.
"But Luke, this-" Lorelai pointed to the photograph of a very grumpy looking little Luke pouting at Santa. "What's up with this?" her cheeks were still burning as she tried to focus on something besides the little naked Luke in the photograph.
"I don't remember exactly. I think it was because of Liz. She had just been born and my parents were, of course, giving her all the attention. And I think I remember wanting for my mom to give me a diaper too, so I could be a baby again, you know? To get some of that attention back. Of course she didn't give me one and I complained to Santa about it. Jealousy doesn't become me very well apparently."
He grinned at the picture. "I can't believe you let Rory see this."
Rory looked at him "Luke, it's ok! It's not like I've never seen something like this before."
"Ah jeez. I didn't need to know that! To me you are still 10 years old and belong on top of the Christmas tree, you know that!" His fatherly tone gave both the girls some major goosebumps.
"I know." Rory whispered.
Luke cleared his throat and looked back down at the book in his hands.
"My mom would make one of these every Christmas." he started, turning the photo album around in his hands like a precious diamond. His fingers lined an almost invisible lettering on the front page, Lorelai and Rory hadn't noticed before. 1969.
Their eyes were glued to his rough hands opening the album carefully.
"Every year on Christmas Day she would make the three of us sit around the kitchen table and put together an album with the best photographs that had been taken that very year. My dad remembered all the dates and names of places we had visited, people we had met." He smiled a sad smile which made Lorelai feel a lump forming in her throat. He looked up at them and continued "Back then I found it to be a little annoying to be honest, because it usually took like two to three hours to get it done. Liz and I weren't exactly patient, but my mom always insisted we'd do it together. We would have hot cocoa and watch my mom add funny quotes and remarks to back the pictures up with enough material to laugh about for years to come."
Rory touched his hand, that had been caressing a beautiful, slightly faded black and white shot of his mother and father standing in the kitchen, covered in flour, while a little Liz was crying over a bowl of batter she apparently had dropped to the ground.
"She did good, Luke. You must have really loved her." Rory smiled at him and the adoration in her eyes left him speechless. When he felt tears burning behind his lashes he dropped his gaze to the book and started flipping through it again. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he was that carefree and happy.
They looked through it for a while longer and listened to Luke explain some of the memories made and pictures taken. Inside the box, which was wrongly labeled "Xmas", were more albums and a shoe box full of various loose pictures.
Luke scanned the labels on the leather-bound books. Apparently most of them, if not all of them, were still there. He hadn't seen them in almost two decades and wasn't even aware that they had been locked away in his basement for so long. He hadn't used any Christmas decoration in years so the boxes must have gotten a little mixed up.
"We have a book for every year. Well... except for the one year when she, uh, when she died. We didn't finish that. Liz was gone and dad and me, well, we didn't really feel like finishing it, you know. Not many photos to choose from that year anyway."
Luke's jaw muscles flexed and the blue of his eyes turned a darker shade. He readjusted his hat, a nervous habbit she saw him have since the beginning of their friendship. Lorelai's heart ached for him.
"I'm sorry, hon." she said quietly without even noticing the nickname she had given him. She laid her hand on his in a compassionate manner and locked eyes with Luke. Shortly before she was sure she would have drowned in them, the shrill sound of the kitchen timer interrupted the moment.
Rory, who had watched her mom and Luke in awe, got up from the ground and made her way towards the kitchen. "I'm at it." she said softly and left to get the cookies out of the oven.
~.~
Two hours later the sun was about to set, when Lorelai stepped outside the door for a minute. She needed to clear her head and cool down her overheated body.
The day had been very emotional and she missed her dad incredibly. There were only a few Christmases that she remembered, that they had really spent together as a family. Most of the times, when dinner was over, she was hiding in her room, blasting music on her Walkman, while she wished that one day she would get the proper Christmas that she only knew from books and TV shows. She always wanted for her family to enjoy this special time of the year. She loved how things slowed down, how friends reunited, how loved ones came home and just spent a few days in blissful happiness. No tragedies, no fights, no haste. Just punch and egg nog, candy canes and dumplings, friendly conversations and people coming together, enjoying moments full of gratefulness and love.
She didn't know back then that she would have to wait for years to finally have it that way.
She loved all the Christmases she had spent with just Rory and her friends, but this year, it was extra special. She had spent Christmas with Luke before, but it wasn't as great as it had been today. And even though they had set up a 'No gifts' rule, Lorelai realized he had already given her the biggest gift, he could have possibly had. He had arranged all of today's surprises on his own. She said she would have been fine with not celebrating this year, but instead Luke knew exactly that it wasn't what her heart actually wanted. She was longing for some sense of happiness on this special day, this special time of the year, and he willingly gave it to her, no matter how much it drove him crazy.
From inside the house she heard soft talking and Christmas music playing, the twinkle lights touched her beloved little house in the most wonderful rainbow colors. Her gaze drifted from the house and porch towards her lawn. The grassblades were frozen and all her flowers and plants were sleeping peacefully for the cold winter season.
As her gaze drifted further, she saw her Chuppah. She hadn't noticed before, but there it was, freed from any withered wisteria and grass that had overgrown it in the months of its neglect. Lorelai stepped down the stairs, the cold winter wind hit her with full force with each step she took. The smell of snow lingered in the air. She shivered slightly, but when she laid her fingers to rest on Gilbert the goat, her whole body warmed up again and made her blood rush through her like a freight train.
'You only get married once.
Theoretically.'
She absently rubbed her ring finger when she heard the front door open.
"I cleaned it up a little, I hope you don't mind?"
She turned around to see Luke, who was standing on her front porch, holding a cellphone in his hands.
"And I called your mom and convinced her that I'd pick her up to celebrate Christmas with us." At her shocked expression he continued "It's bad enough you have to celebrate without your dad, I don't want you to miss your mom too tonight."
For a moment she found herself to be a little ridiculous. How was it possible, that she teared up at every little thing he did for her or said to her. She had all these overwhelming and intense emotions bottled up inside of her and she was sure, she was about to burst.
"Luke, I-" she started speaking, but it was no use. He looked at her affectionately and gestured for her to come in. "I know, it's ok, come on in. You're freezing!"
Lorelai allowed herself one last glance at her beloved Chuppah, the symbol of Luke's love for her from all these years ago. How could she have been so blind, when it was so obvious, so clear for everyone to see. He had loved her all along. And probably, she had too.
~.~
"Don't get too excited," Luke said, before he dropped a heavy cardboard box in front of Lorelai's feet. "What is that?" she asked curiously but didn't get an answer.
When Rory and Emily walked into the warm and cozy living room, they were enveloped by an amazing smell.
Cinnamon. Oranges. Cloves. Fir needles.
Emily admired the sight for a moment. The Christmas tree was impressive and beautifully decorated, a little too much for her taste, but still lovely.
"The real ones are the best." She concluded before she turned to her daughter and pointed at the box.
"Luke told me to bring your photo albums." she shrugged and Lorelai's face went pale.
Luke shot her an evil grin. "Merry Christmas, now we're even." then he left for the safety of the kitchen again.
Rory excused herself for a little while. She wanted to go see Lane to wish her a Merry Christmas.
The youngest Gilmore had decided to speed things up a little on her own account. She had a very pregnant Lane get her some branches of mistletoe. She would hang them later in the evening, when it was dark enough for her mother to not discover them immediately.
If the Christmas miracle wouldn't come to them, she would help getting the miracle to them. She left her best friend's house with two paper bags in her hands. One contained the mistletoe, the other one held a special gift for Luke. Thank god for the Kim's antique store.
Rory snuck inside the house through the back door and hurried into her room.
~.~
"This movie is no fun on that big screen!" Rory pouted, breaking the Gilmore movie night rules for the hundreth time and Lorelai also seemed somewhat annoyed. The big flatscreen TV Christopher had bought was one of the few things Lorelai hadn't gotten rid off yet. Everytime they were watching old movies, the nostalgic feeling their old tube TV provided and that the girls loved so much was just gone.
"Everything is so... vivid and fast and bright and... I don't know, what's the word HD?"
Luke nodded at her.
"I don't like it!" Rory pouted again.
"Yeah!" Lorelai agreed, "Makes me even sadder now, knowing what little cute Macaulay has turned into."
"Crystal usually does that to you." Luke deadpanned.
Emily tore her gaze away from the movie she had never seen before "Who?"
Lorelai and Rory grinned mischievously. "Meth, mother. I'm sure the two of you have never met before."
Luke supressed a laugh at Emily's deliberating expression. She then shook her head.
"No, I'm afraid we haven't." And with that her view was fixated on Kevin pranking Harry and Marv again.
The other three smiled at each other while Lorelai had moved another inch closer to Luke.
In his head he went through every baseball stat he knew and helplessly begged his body to not react to the closeness of her body. Everytime she laughed at something that was happening on screen her head flew back against the couch cushions, her untamed bouncy curls followed and everytime she turned her head towards the screen again, a hint of her shampoo mixed with her perfume wafted towards him. It intoxicated him, made him crazy and while he tried to remember any kind of ball game statistics, he begged his body to calm down a little more insistently.
The palms of his hands got sweaty when for one scene Lorelai was laughing so hard, that she had to put her hand on his knee to steady herself. When her breathless laughter had died down she spun around to check if Luke was laughing too. She always did this, and while he pretended to be annoyed by it, he secretly loved her genuine enthusiasm for a children's movie. When her smile hit him, it was no use trying to recount who scored big time in the Major Leagues 24 years ago. A weird feeling overcame him.
Something in her eyes told him, that they would make it.
Something in them told him, he would have to be the one to make the move this time.
He knew he wanted this for the rest of his life.
To sit by the fire on a cold and snowy Christmas night. He wanted to watch ridiculous kids movies, he wanted to let them eat tons of sugar and have too much egg nog and mulled wine.
He wanted twinkle lights and sickeningly overdone Christmas decorations. He wanted to stand in the kitchen for hours just to give them a nice homecooked Christmas dinner.
He wanted to look through photo albums with her and let her help him take the pain away. Pain of years without his parents, without his family, without any kind of real love.
He wanted her to love him. He knew she was his all along.
The two of them being here that very day, it wasn't just a coincidence resulting out of two strangers meeting a decade ago.
This was fate.
This was meant to be. They were meant to be.
As her brilliant eyes guided him back down to earth, he had relaxed noticeably. He didn't need the baseball stats anymore to distract himself. He knew, their time would come.
And this time, he would make sure, it wouldn't be too long of a wait.
He wanted this. He wanted all of it and all of her.
"I'll be right back. Just checking the goose." He said it so softly, she almost didn't hear him. At his loving gaze her heart skipped a beat and when she turned her head back towards the TV she couldn't even remember what movie they were watching in the first place.
Out of the corner of her eyes she saw her mother staring at her, lost in thought. But the usual displeased look in her eyes was gone. Something else had taken its place. When she turned to look at Emily, her mother instantly looked away.
~.~
When the closing credits had rolled by, Luke slapped his hands onto his thighs playfully before he stood up from the couch.
"I'd say it's about time for these now." he said, pointing to the spread out photo albums on the coffee table.
"No Luke, come on!" Lorelai whined. „I'm hungry, can we please eat first?"
Rory immediately came to her rescue "Yes Luke, please! We're starving!"
Emily gave them a questioning look „How can you two possibly be starving? You've done nothing but eat while we were watching the movie!"
Luke nodded. "Plus all the egg nog you two've been having! How can you not be completey full already?"
Lorelai looked at them in mock surprise. She then closed her eyes theatrically.
"Lucas... Mother." She paused for dramatic effect. Luke and Emily both rolled their eyes at her antics.
"For how long have you known us?" Nobody answered.
"Exactly. Forever is the correct answer. So the two of you should know by now, that Redvines, Mallomars and pop tarts do not count as 'food' in this house. They're just snacks. Snacks you eat while you're stretching your tummy for the real thing. Like a gorgeous goose and marvelous mashed potatoes, or even that weird green stuff you prepared."
"That's asparagus." he said dryly. "And since when does a pop tart not count as food in this household?" Luke was seriously confused by now.
Emily grinned a little "I think we should get the table ready. Let me help you." She said and went into the kitchen, followed by Luke.
"Hey, what's our job?" Lorelai yelled after them. Emily turned back around, smiling knowingly. "You better sort through these photo albums real quick. Some might be a little embarrassing." She winked at her daughter and disappeared into the kitchen.
"So Luke." Emily said in a calm manner while busying herself with unpacking hand-painted plates from bubble wrap.
When Luke was done placing the baking dish with the roasted goose on the kitchen counter, he turned around to Emily. "Yes?"
"Why did you invite me over today?"
He swallowed hard. "Like I told you, you shouldn't sit home alone on Christmas Day. It isn't right." She eyed him suspiciously. She recognized the honesty in his words and in his eyes, but there was something else in them too.
"This is for Lorelai and Rory, isn't it?"
Luke's cheeks blushed slightly, and it wasn't from the heat that radiated from the oven.
"Emily, look-"
She interrupted him. „Luke, it's fine. I'm glad you did it. I'm glad that I'm here tonight and that I can spend some time with my girls."
Luke gave her a careful smile. „Richard would have wanted you to."
Emily's eyes suddenly glistened with tears at his words and she nodded. Before any salty water could escape her eyes, she looked back down at the table and continued placing dishes and silverware. That man was really good with words. He may not speak a lot of them, but he sure knew how to use them.
A few minutes later a slightly drunk mother and daughter bounced into the kitchen, chuckling giddily.
"What is it with you now?" Luke asked irritated.
"Oh nothing." Lorelai tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably when Rory started giggling again. Again both Luke and Emily rolled their eyes.
"How do you do it?" she asked Luke.
"What do you mean?"
"Tolerate them. Bear with them. Live with them." Emily grinned and her words caught all of them by surprise. Was this was her way of opening up to the idea of Luke being there and staying there? With them. Forever.
Luke smiled at her and just shrugged his shoulders. The little gesture made Lorelai's heart melt. "I'm kind of used to it by now." He added and turned towards the fridge to finally pull out the big surpise box.
Lorelai sobered up immediately. "Hey! We can hear you, you know?" she said in feigned anger and walked over to the table, that Emily had set up as festive as possible, considering the limited space Lorelai's kitchen table offered.
"Grandma, this looks nice! Really nice!" Rory said with an awed tone in her voice.
Emily lit the candles and looked up at her granddaughter.
"Well dear, you know… the Christmas decorations we put up each year? I didn't let the maids do that. It was always my responsibility and my wish to do it. I wouldn't even let them touch a fork."
"Oh I didn't know that, mom." Lorelai said full of surprise. How had she not known? She may not have spent a lot of years in her parent's house, but even in the 16 years had she lived with them, she never noticed her mother was the one to create the most wonderful and festive table settings she had ever seen. They were done so thoughtfully and precise and just perfectly flawless, Lorelai had to admit to herself, it should have been obvious that Emily probably did it herself.
Emily just smiled her at her before her gaze drifted towards Luke, who was putting away a lid from a box he had pulled out of the fridge. His broad shoulders shielded what he held in his hands.
"So ladies. First dish of the day." He said half cheerful, half afraid of what they would think about it.
But when Lorelai laid her eyes on the contents of the box he could see that his nervousness was for nothing.
The candle light emphasized the tears that started to form in her eyes when she saw a piece of wonderbread, shaped like a Santa sitting inside the box. Cream cheese, ketchup and olives on top of a large hamburger patty formed what she had once named the 'Santa Burger'.
"What is that?" Emily asked slightly disgusted, and Luke couldn't even blame her.
"It's a Santa Burger!" Rory explained happy, touching her mother's hand affectionately.
Luke groaned "You told her about it?"
Lorelai couldn't tear her eyes away from the stomach-turning, heartdisease-causing creation on her kitchen table.
"Of course I did Luke. I told you, nobody has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I needed to share that special moment with my daughter!"
Now that she looked up at him, the love and thankfulness for the memory they had created so many years ago overwhelmed him.
"I'm still thankful for it!" They locked eyes for a moment longer, before Emily cleared her throat. "Can someone please explain this to me?"
Rory nodded at her. "I will. Later. Let's have dinner now."
~.~
Rory and Lorelai basically ate the Santa Burger alone, and even though they agreed, it was actually a little disgusting, they still couldn't help themselves but eat it all.
The main dish was a roasted goose, mashed potatoes, dumplings and various vegetables, which, of course, nobody ate but Luke and Emily.
The amazing smell of thyme and honey filled the room. The flickering candle light touched Lorelai's small but homey kitchen in the most wonderful colors.
They talked and laughed. Had some wine and talked and laughed some more.
It was a great dinner, that left Emily speechless from time to time, even in the midst of conversation. So many hidden talents that man had.
She began to feel more and more sorry for the way she had treated her former son-in-law for all these years. Rory's words from the day of the wake resonated through her brain.
'What she sees in Luke is her whole life laid out before her and everything she ever dreamed of in a relationship. She sees unending devotion and she sees the father she always wished I would have had.'
The way Luke looked at, not only Lorelai, but also Rory made her heart swell.
The food he had prepared was nothing short of gorgeous and whatever it was with that bizarre Hamburger shaped like Santa Clause, it had obviously aroused something in her daughter. Memories and emotions from years ago came to the surface and Emily wondered, why she never wanted to be a part of it, or why she never wanted for Lorelai to be a part of it. The life her daughter had created with and around Luke apparently was something that dated way back before they had even started dating.
~.~
After dinner the four of them shoved their fully loaded stomachs towards the couch again and Luke was pleased they would finally look through Lorelai's old photo albums.
He also hoped they would forget about the ones they hadn't seen of him, that were still lying inside the box in the corner of the living room.
While Lorelai was pouting and complaining from time to time, the others laughed long and hard at some of the pictures Emily had put together all these years ago. Seeing Richard in them made them sad and happy at the same time. Looking back at it now, it had been a good life, not everything was perfect, and they sure lost a few years of happiness in between, but to Emily, it was close to perfect. She was blessed with a loving and caring husband, a smart and gorgeous granddaughter and her daughter, despite all the struggles they went through, turned out pretty great too.
She told stories of a stubborn and sassy little Lorelai at the Christmas dinner table, who hid her vegetables in her pockets to flush them down the toilet when she thought that nobody was looking.
Emily was careful to leave out any story that somehow involved Christopher and Lorelai was very thankful for that, because to be honest, there were a ton. The Hayden's had been over for almost every Christmas since Lorelai could remember. Luckily there weren't many pictures of that.
"Anyone want anything to drink?" Luke asked and got up from the recliner.
"Why Luke? Do you need alcohol to make it through the photo albums of you, that we haven't gotten to see yet?" Lorelai shot him a devilish grin.
"Oh no, Lorelai! No!" he said, shaking his head, the color fading from his face, even in the cozy warmth of the living room.
"Oh yes, Luke! Yes, yes, yes!" she mocked and jumped over towards the box he had hidden behind the Christmas tree.
"Don't think you can fool me, sweetheart!" the thoughtless choice of words stabbed his heart and his longing gaze wasn't lost on either Rory or Emily, who both instantly stared down at their hands with an abashed look on their faces.
When Lorelai returned with one leather-bound book in her hands, Luke rolled his eyes at her for the millionth time today.
"You're exhausting!" he grumbled and sat back down.
"Let's get this over with! It's late!" he said and prayed to god, he would have his pants on in all the photographs in the album that she had chosen.
The book had no date on it and only a few pages even seemed to have pictures in them. Lorelai pouted "Ah bummer, I chose the wrong one!"
Rory intervened for Luke's sake "Mom, leave it, you've been teasing the man enough for one day. We don't want to scare him away again, or do we?"
What was meant to be an innocent way of helping Luke turned into something more serious, when Lorelai looked Luke deeply in the eyes, whispering "No, we don't."
A few seconds ticked down, where nobody dared to make a sound.
Luke eventually cleared his throat and swallowed the lump there. The pleading look in her beautiful blue eyes had caused his heartbeat to speed up again.
She wanted him to stay. She didn't say it like that, but he knew it. He knew everything about her, or at least he used to.
To hell with all this awkwardness!
Emily took the book from Lorelai and opened it carefully.
"1984-1986" Emily read the lean and neat writing on the backside of the cover.
Luke said nothing but his shoulders tightened and he suddenly seemed even more uncomfortable than he did before. Emily sensed his change in demeanor and looked up at Luke.
"If you want me to close it, I will." She said softly, a tone in her voice, Luke had never heard her use, except for when she was talking about Rory. He shook his head and out of the corner of his eyes he saw two pair of expectant and hopeful eyes staring at him. He released a breath and gave in. "It's fine. Go ahead."
Emily's look turned more serious. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, just… just one thing-" he said, looking at Lorelai now, "no mocking. No laughing." He pointed to the book.
"These weren't exactly the happiest times of my life." Lorelai and Rory nodded and on Luke's signal, Emily opened the first page.
Luke's mother had just died and Liz was very pregnant and obviously also very high in some of the pictures. A few of them showed his dad and Luke. A fishing trip, the last one. Katherine's grave covered in snow. William behind the counter of the hardware store, his bad health very noticeable. The remodeled office, now apartment, above the diner. Luke in some sort of a class room, holding some sort of framed certificate. And then there was Luke in track shorts. Lorelai had a hard time not mocking it, but she didn't want to make Luke mad, so she decided to act like a grown-up for as long as they would look through the pictures.
Her mood turned more serious by the time they seemed to have reached the summer that Liz had given birth to Jess. He had never talked about it before. Lorelai didn't even know that, when Jess showed up in Stars Hollow at age 17, it hadn't been his first time there. Luke had never talked about it before.
Jess was an adorable baby. Chubby, his expression a little sad, but still cute. A head full of dark, crazy bird-nest-hair. Bright and curious chocolate brown eyes. Especially Rory swooned over baby Jess and she knew she would mock him for his mother's weird baby fashion choices the next time she would see him.
As Emily turned page after page, Luke grew more and more impatient. His discomfort was almost tangible. When Emily turned the next page, there was a faded note glued next to the picture of a beautifully carved wooden crib. It reminded Lorelai of the Chuppah standing outside on her lawn.
Emily lined the wobbly handwriting with her thumb.
"I'm sorry. – Liz" she then looked up at Luke, as did Lorelai and Rory.
"Luke?" she asked carefully.
He hung his head for a moment and when he looked back up he needed to take another deep breath.
"Liz wasn't exactly in the right place to take care of a child when she was young. She might have been around Lorelai's age, but she was nowhere near as responsible and reasonable as she was. She would ditch Jess in a heartbeat, something Lorelai would have never done." He looked at Emily, who was stunned to hear him say these words.
"My sister did a lot of drugs and alcohol. She was always with some loser boyfriend, one worse than the other. Jess' father seemed to be a little better, he wasn't as dumb and rude as the others, when we first met him. There was more to him, and maybe that's what Liz saw in him, but when life got in the way, he turned out just like all the other guys she dated before him. Only difference, Jimmy got her pregnant. And then he left. He did that again and again. And Liz fell for it all the time. He could be as crappy and useless as he wanted, she just didn't see it. Or didn't want to see it. I guess maybe… sometimes... that just happens to women and certain men." Luke glanced at Lorelai and she knew exactly what, or who she was referring to. She looked down into her lap, guilt washing over her.
The hurt in Luke's eyes was too painful for her to bear. He had been through all of that before with his sister, and for the past months she was the one to make him relive this nightmare over and over again.
Luke gestured for Emily to turn the page and continued "So when Jess had just turned one she came to live with us for a few weeks. She needed money and a place to crash. And then, one night, she left again. Alone this time."
Emily forced her eyes away from the picture of a sleeping, totally exhausted Luke with a peacefully sleeping Jess on his bare chest. A milk bottle in one hand, a book that tangled from his fingers, in the other. Emily's eyes widened. "She just left Jess with you?"
When Luke only nodded, his jaw muscles flexed and an unpleasent silence fell over the living room. The only noise came from the various clocks around them and somewhere in the kitchen or Rory's room a CD was playing Bing Crosby's 'White Christmas'.
May your days be merry and bright…
"So you took care of both your little nephew and your father who was already sick at the time, is that right? And you also worked in the hardware store to support your family's living?"
"Well yeah, it's family. You do what you gotta do, right?" he stated unceremoniously.
Emilys eyes welled up with fresh tears and she tried to hide it, but it was no use.
"I promised my father at his death bed that I would take care of Liz and Jess. And that's what I did, what I still do. She may be crazy and not always make the smartest life choices, but I love her. I can't just give up on people I care about, no matter the problems we might have had." He turned to look at Lorelai and Rory. "I never could. That's not who I am." Rory gave him a sweet, teary-eyed smile, which let him know, they knew he wasn't just talking about Liz anymore.
"We know that, Luke."
Emily handed him the photo album. "Luke, that's… I-I-" Then she got up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen.
A stunned Luke stood there baffled and Lorelai immediately went after her mother right in time to see her leave through the back door.
Lorelai closed the door behind her, afraid of what state she would find her mother in.
"Mom, what's-" And then she stopped, her eyes gazing up in surprise and wonder.
Millions of big heavy snowflakes tumbled out of the night sky and covered the trees and houses on Maple street like powdered sugar.
"I'm sorry, Lorelai." Emily whispered, tearing her daughter away from her thoughts and back to reality.
"Is everything ok with you, mom?" Lorelai touched her mother's shoulders affectionately. Emily was cold as ice, her fragile body shivered in the icy winter wind. She turned around to face Lorelai, her composure only slightly regained.
"Did you know he did that? Take his nephew in?"
"No, he has never talked about that. He doesn't like talking about that particular time of his life in general. He doesn't easily open up about it."
Emily nodded and her gaze drifted back towards the snowladen trees. She watched the snowflakes dance down to the ground and come to rest like a white, glittering blanket.
"I'm so sorry for how I treated him for all these years. He is- I don't know how to even comprehend it. He really is a good man. Selfless, upright. The things he did for his family, and the way he has been taking care of you and Rory for all these years… It's astounding."
She drew a deep shaky breath. "Richard was right, we did him wrong. We've been awful to him. He did nothing but good and we treated him like he wasn't worthy to be in our family. When really, I think, it was the other way around."
Emily looked at her daughter, who just stood there staring at her mother with wide eyes.
"You know what he said to me, when he called me earlier to invite me over?"
Lorelai's heartbeat had risen to unknown heights and it only allowed her to shake her head carefully.
"He said that nobody should be alone on Christmas day. And that even though Richard is gone, we still had each other, and we shouldn't let that band break. It should be stronger than ever. And one day it would be our last Christmas together without us even knowing."
Lorelai remained silent. The pieces of her heart ached in her chest.
"And he's right, you know." Emily continued.
"What do you mean?"
"Nobody should be alone on Christmas Day." Emily turned around fully, the snow on the old wooden floor boards of the front porch creaked under her feet.
She opened her arms and pulled a flustered Lorelai into a tight embrace.
"I'm so incredibly sorry, Lorelai."
Lorelai's voice was husky and she struggled with fresh tears.
Emily hugged her tighter and whispered into her ear: "You have to make this right again, Lorelai. With Luke, I mean. Rory can't stay here with you forever. And I… will not be around forever either. I don't want you to be alone one day, Lorelai. You need him, just like he needs you. I know I haven't been supportive at all so far, but I was so wrong about it all. I see that now."
She let Lorelai go, but held on to her shoulders to keep her from moving. "You remember the day, many years ago, it was Rory's first year at Chilton? We were standing in our kitchen and got into an argument about Luke and his role in your life."
"I remember. Not exactly one of our brightest moments." Lorelai admitted, smiling a little while she thought back to the talk she had with her mother back then. Luke had been helping her find Rory's loose chick.
'It seems like this man is always around when you're in trouble.'
'He's a good friend.' Yeah, sure Lorelai. Lie to yourself some more, will you? She internally rolled her eyes at her younger self.
'Oh, please.'
'Do we have to discuss this?'
'Lorelai, I'm getting a little tired of being lied to.'
Emily just couldn't let it go. 'Apparently we do.'
'This man was at Rory's birthday party, he came to the hospital with you, he's the male lead in every story you tell, you go to the diner every single day. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not a fool.' But I was. Clearly.
'Mom, please.'
'Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?'
The question had knocked her off her feet for a moment. 'I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought… Maybe I do.'
Emily then interrupted her trip down memory lane. "I knew it back then, Lorelai. I knew he was more to you than just a friend."
Lorelai nodded, still a little lost in thought "He was. He is."
Her mother leaned towards her and hugged her again, a determined look in her eyes.
"I know… Make it right again, Lorelai. You two deserve it."
Lorelai prayed to god her heart wouldn't stop beating at her mother's words.
With a sad smile she gestured for Emily to follow her. "Let's go back inside mom, otherwise Rory and Luke will have to scrape our pretty, but frozen bodies off the floor in the morning."
Emily gave her a small smile and followed her daughter back inside the warm house.
"Ok guys, we might have a little problem here." Lorelai announced when she had returned to the living room, her mother in tow.
Luke, still a little pale and uncomfortable arose from the couch: "What is it?" he asked cautiously.
Emily pointed towards the misty windows, through which they could clearly see the big snowflakes whirling around in the dark of the night.
The four of them moved closer and then saw the snow mountains that had been piling up outside Lorelai's house.
"Oh!" was all Rory said while Lorelai's eyes began to shine again. "It's beautiful." she said barely above a whisper.
It was almost midnight and nobody had noticed that they were pretty much snowed in by now.
Luke's face was covered in concern.
„The cars are all snowed in, I can't even see the walkway anymore." He turned towards the Gilmore women. "I'll shovel it first thing in the morning, but I can't drive you home tonight Emily, it isn't safe."
"Grandma, you can stay here for tonight. You can have my room. Mom and I are sleeping in her bedroom anyway. It'll be like one big snowy pyjama party." Rory suggested, her eyes, heavy from too much egg nog, were shining like those of a little kid.
"Oh I don't know, if that is such a good idea." Emily didn't feel very comfortable with the thought. "Emily, you really don't have much of a choice." Luke tried again.
She looked at him "And what about you? You can't walk home now either."
Contemplating what she had said Luke looked out of the window again.
"It's only ten minutes from here. I could-"
"Stay!" Lorelai blurted out, a little too loud and a little too desperate.
All eyes were on her as she cleared her throat and felt the blush creep up her cheeks in the already overheated living room.
"I mean you could um- stay on the couch, if that's ok. We have blankets and all and the fire is still good for a couple of hours."
"Are you sure?" he asked, internally begging for the answer to be 'Yes.'
Sensing his struggle Rory jumped in "Yes, she's sure. Stay Luke. You'll freeze to death out there. And besides, I'd totally love to have a nice after-Christmas-hangover-breakfast in the morning." She grinned innocently and remembered she also still had a mission to accomplish.
Luke didn't miss the small, hopeful smile playing on Lorelai's lips and as usual he gave in, because, how could he not.
~.~
Once everyone was snuggled up in their beds, or the couch for that matter, the house was awkwardly quiet for the first time in hours. Lorelai felt like it had been one of the longest days of her life. Her emotions got the best of her and she couldn't will her tired eyes to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. The clock showed it was shortly before 1 am.
Rory had come to bed only a few minutes ago and was now already sleeping soundly next to her. From time to time she mumbled something in her sleep and Lorelai was reminded of their early years, when they had shared a single bed in the tiny potting shed behind the Independence Inn.
Lorelai turned around and came to lie with her head facing the nightstand.
Her mother's words echoed through her brain.
'Make it right again, Lorelai.'
When another ten minutes had ticked down, Lorelai sat up, careful not to wake Rory.
Like a hundred times before she opened the drawer of the nightstand and took out her jewelry box. But other than before, she didn't have to put away two layers of meaningless Christopher crap first. She had brought his jewelry to a pawnshop and donated the proceeds to Stars Hollow's Goodwill organisation.
Next to her mother's words, Luke's words from this morning popped up in her head.
"You could never sleep again and would still be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
„When you're keeping me awake like that, I'll probably never be sleeping again anyway." She grumbled and lined the engraving carefully.
She missed the feeling of Luke's ring on her finger. She missed how right she had felt, when he had first given it to her.
"Oh Luke." She sighed, her heart ached for his love, ached for his touch. She remembered the amazing feeling of their intertwined fingers. They didn't hold hands very often, but when they did, it was heaven to her. She was so proud to walk around with him attached to her hand. She wanted everyone to know and everyone to see, that this amazing man, that Luke Danes, was hers. He was her man and nobody else would ever have him.
Her hand was shaking, when she positioned the ring above her left ring finger. Suddenly her vision blurred and a sleepy Rory sat up next to her.
Hot burning tears escaped Lorelai's eyes when Rory's arms closed around her mother's shaking shoulders.
Minutes went by, where they just sat there motionless until Lorelai's sobs had died down.
„Just tell him!" Rory finally said, as she watched the ring dance between her mother's fingers.
"I can't. It's too soon."
"It's not too soon! This is about Luke! Your Luke! Our Luke! The almost begging tone to her daughter's voice broke her heart all over again.
"Rory-"
"No mom! If anything, it's almost too late." Rory let that sink in before she continued. "The two of you are nothing but wasting time. Tell him."
Even in the dark of the bedroom Lorelai could clearly see the determination in her daughter's eyes. She hated that she was just as stubborn and convincing as she was.
Nobody spoke for a few moments and eventually Rory laid back down and stared at the ceiling.
"It's not that easy, Rory."
"It can be, if you allow it to be."
Lorelai simply nodded. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. After a few more minutes of silence, Rory had turned around and was asleep again.
Lorelai placed the ring on the nightstand. She figured, she didn't really need to hide it anymore. She didn't even know, if she would need it ever again.
Rory was right, she had to tell Luke what she was feeling. The not-talking they had done for months was what had put them in the position they were in now. She hated to admit, that she was at exactly the same point, she had been in May. She wanted to let him know now. And she wanted his answer now too. She was so sick of waiting. That ring belonged on her finger. His hand belonged into hers. His name belonged on her ID.
She wanted it all. She had waited long enough. Lorelai Gilmore was not one for patience.
Internally kicking herself for having her mother and daughter over for the night, she rose from the bed as quietly as possible.
When her sockless feet touched the cold wooden floor she winced and looked for her Hello Kitty slippers in the darkness of the bedroom. The moon wasn't quite full yet, but its light helped her make her way through the bedroom and along the hallway safely without making too much noise.
It had stopped snowing and Lorelai hoped she could make it to the Dragonfly in the morning, since she had to check in on the preparations for the Inn's New Year's Eve festivities.
With each step that she took down the stairs, her heartbeat was growing faster and louder.
The fire in the fireplace was still burning brightly and it blinded her for a moment.
On the table by the couch stood an empty tea cup. She smiled knowingly and remembered the taste of peppermint on his lips.
When her gaze drifted over to the couch her heart skipped a beat at the sight. She saw a sleeping Luke, breathing evenly. His presence in her living room, in her house, it made her feel safe and happy.
Lorelai picked up another blanket from the huge stack of blankets that Rory had laid out for Luke and carefully placed it next to the couch. She sat on it and turned towards Luke's sleeping form. She grinned at the blanket Rory must have insisted on giving to Luke.
Everything inside Lorelai slowed down in an instant, when she allowed herself to really look at Luke for the first time in months. She had all the time in the world, well theoretically. If she'd blush or drool, nobody would notice. His big, strong body filled her tiny couch completely. One arm was clamped under his hatless head and he had gotten rid of the flannel, much to Lorelai's content. With a pleased look she eyed his toned muscles and imagined the brush of his soft hair against her naked body. She bit her lip at the thought and felt her body react in a way that only Luke was able to make her feel. She leaned in a little closer and took in the rough beauty of his handsome face. If only his gorgeous eyes would have been open. Lorelai sighed a little. The flickering of the firelight did wonderful things to his beautiful features. She noticed a few lines around his mouth and forehead, that hadn't been there a few months ago. The tiny razor scar on his upper lip made her smile. It was basically her fault, as it had happened, when they had first become a couple. Both of them were getting ready for the day in Luke's narrow bathroom. Lorelai just came out of the shower and Luke was in the middle of shaving off the perfect three-day-stubble she loved so much, when she pinched his naked ass and he cut himself at the scare.
He made her pay for it, right then and there on the sink in his bathroom. He made her scream out his name over and over again and she remembered how tender his cut lip had been when she kissed him. Hot wanting kisses had left them swollen and burning. Burning for more. Which she gave to him willingly. There were days, when the getting-ready for the day took hours so that Luke would usually have Cesar open the diner. Because with Lorelai, you'd never know.
She lined his perfect, full lips with her eyes. When she closed them, she imagined herself kissing those soft lips. Goosebumps covered her arms as she lifted her hand and carefully laid her fingertips against his cheek. The stubble had grown back over the course of the day and the gentle touch sent electric jolts through her entire body. Only Luke could make her feel this way.
"I miss you." She whispered, her voice a mixture of longing and arousal.
She knew, he wouldn't wake up, he never did. Once he was out, he was out.
She caressed his cheek again and blew a soft, feathersoft kiss to his lips.
Fireworks danced before her eyes at the connection that she had missed so much for so many months. She knew, it wasn't the real thing, and she knew she couldn't rush things again, like she had done before. She wanted him, that much was true. But she needed to tell him first. No more mindreading. No more mind games. No ultimatums or yelling and fighting.
In the peace and warmth of the closeness to his body, Lorelai finally fell asleep, her head resting against his. His soft breathing lulled her to sleep as her hand was resting against his chest, covering his beating heart.
~.~
It had gotten a lot colder around him, he noticed, when first one, then his second eye opened, struggling with adjusting to his surroundings. It all came back to him in a flash as his view crossed the ridiculous Hello Kitty blanket Rory had insisted on giving him.
A branch of mistletoe was dangling from the ceiling above him. He was sure he didn't hang it there when he had prepared the living room early the last morning.
When he stirred, the delicate scent of peaches and vanilla encased him and he stared down at his chest in disbelief.
For a second he wondered if he was dreaming again, but the warmth that radiated from her sleeping body proved him otherwise. Her dark brown locks were sprawled across his chest and her head was snuggled up against it. The moonlight that was shining through the curtains illuminated her face in the most stunning way. Her lips were slightly open while she breathed evenly and he remembered the faint taste of coffee on them. He admired her cute little nose and started counting the freckles there. He remembered every single one as he had been laying awake for countless nights just watching her sleep.
Having Lorelai Gilmore in his life and in his arms, it had always felt like a dream to him.
He leaned down a little to reach the top of her head and place a tiny kiss there.
He carefully sat up, steadying her so she wouldn't fall over. He moved around on the couch until he was able to get up.
Like a million times before, he laid his hands on her body and carefully placed her on the couch. She moaned a little in her sleep but didn't wake up. Luke smiled at her and studied her face, her breathing. He carefully adjusted the blanket around her shoulders, her left hand slipped out from under her and he automatically leaned down and intertwined his fingers with hers.
It felt like a million tiny explosions were shaking his body at the sensation of the contact.
He leaned down a little further until his lips hovered above hers, only millimetres apart. Luke felt Lorelai's warm breath on his lips. The scent of her strawberry toothpaste tickled his nose.
"I miss you." He breathed, barely above a whisper before his lips closed around hers gently.
He lingered for a moment longer and then pressed another careful kiss to their entwined hands.
He no longer felt the coldness of the air around him, he didn't hear the footsteps that were making their way back to where they came from. He didn't hear the door close again on the floor above.
All that mattered, all that he saw was the beautiful woman lying before him.
He had missed her touch, her presence, the happiness and joy she brought into his life. The unique way, only she could make him smile and come out of that shell he hid under for most of his life.
Luke sat down next to the couch, in the very spot that Lorelai was sitting when he had woken up. He wrapped himself up in another blanket and like he had done a million times before, he began studying her features over and over.
"You'll be mine again." he whispered before he closed his tired eyes and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
~.~
Early next morning Rory woke up to the sound of something scraping over the walkway outside the house. With one tired eye she checked the flurry clock on the nightstand and slowly made her way into the bathroom to get dressed.
Last night when her full bladder had woken her up, she found the other side of the bed to be empty. On the nightstand she discovered the ring that Lorelai had been holding earlier. When she went to look for her mother, she witnessed a heart-wrenching scene playing out in the living room. Silently she had walked back into the bedroom and the ring was now packed away in her pocket.
She would make sure it would be back were it belonged.
When she entered the kitchen the smell of freshly brewed coffee with a hint of nutmeg made her smile. She poured herself a cup and grabbed the bag she had hidden in the closet in the hallway late last night. She downed her coffee and went outside to see if Luke was still there.
Behind a huge pile of snow she found him, shoveling the walkway. The three cars were already freed from snow.
"Morning!" she yelled in his direction.
Not expecting any Gilmore woman up at this time of the day, he jumped up in surprise.
"Jeez, Rory! You scared me."
"Sorry." she smiled. „I've got something for you, can you come here for a sec?"
Luke brushed off the snow from his army jacket and jeans and walked over to his former stepdaughter-to-be.
"What is it?" he exhaled. His fingers and nose seemed frozen and Rory felt sorry for him.
"Aww, you're freezing! Come inside Luke, you've done enough already!"
He shrugged in typical Luke-like manner "Ah, it's no big deal. I'm almost done anyway... So… you've got something for me?" he asked curiously.
Rory reached inside the bag she was carrying.
"Here. This is for you." she said with a sheepish smile on her face.
Luke took the neatly wrapped package from her.
"Rory, we said 'no gifts'!"
"I know, Luke. This isn't really a 'gift gift', just something for you to... well, see for yourself." She said, while he unwrapped the package.
A dark-green leather-bound book came to the surface.
"Oh wow, this is beautiful." he turned it around in his hands, admiring the quality. It looked very valuable, old, but in perfect condition.
He flipped through its empty pages, as Rory explained: "This one's for the new memories you're going to make. We can start with this year's Christmas and next year we'll add all the photographs we've been taking that year. You can add April's photographs too. Sound good?" a happy smile adorned her face while Luke looked at her, completely stunned.
"Rory, this is..." he was looking for words as he felt a lump form in his throat. To keep himself from getting too emotional, he pulled the youngest Gilmore into a tight hug.
"Thank you!" he breathed into her ear.
"You're welcome Luke. Thank you for all you've done. Not just yesterday, but in general. The last year was, well.. we all kind of hit a rough patch, but I think we're back on track now, aren't we?" She winked, gesturing towards the house, where the love of Luke's life was still sleeping peacefully on the couch.
Luke smiled a careful smile. "I hope so."
Rory reached into the pocket of her coat. "I know so!" she said with unshakable determination in her voice, as she handed Luke a little box.
When he realized it was the ring box that once belonged to his mother and then Lorelai, his heart stopped.
"Rory, what-?" Apart from the already cold winter wind, his face froze.
"Why-how...?"
„Give it to her when you're ready. But it better be soon, we have an album to fill!" she grinned and winked at him, looking like the exact replica of her mother doing so.
Luke still stood there dumbfounded, trying to understand what was happening.
"The two of you have waited long enough. And believe me Luke, she's ready! She is so ready for it!"
He finally managed to croak "It's too soon!"
Rory rolled her eyes at him. He was just as stubborn and stupid as her mother. "No, it's not, Luke! This is good and it's right. Nothing has ever been more right! The two of you... I mean, come on, you can't tell me, you're not still madly in love with my mother?" she asked lovingly.
The color was back in Luke's cheeks as he blushed slightly. He opened the box and the beauty of the ring that was once his mother's hit him like a ton of bricks. He saw the engraving he had chosen and remembered how touched Lorelai was by it, when she had first seen it. The memory of her sparkling blue eyes flashed before him.
Luke looked back up at Rory and carefully placed the ring box in his pocket.
Unshed tears glistened in his eyes.
"I never stopped loving her."
