Saturnalia Miracle
Daria and Jane walked into the Morgendorffer home and stopped dead just past the threshold. They stared goggle-eyed at the Saturnalia orgy taking place on the first level of the house, their noses wrinkled at the indescribable stench of sex, liquor and clotted cream. For some reason, there were large-denomination bills scattered over the carpet. Jane spotted them and crouched to scoop up a handful of fifties, smiling.
"It's a Christmas Miracle!" Jane said happily. Daria had just witnessed her mother and Ms. Li doing a tag-team attack on Mrs. Johanssen before turning their respectable talents on each other. She opened her mouth to respond to Jane's merriment, when Quinn and the Fashion Club entered from the kitchen with cans of Redi-Whip and bottles of vodka and rum on silver trays. They wore expectant smiles and nothing more. Daria lunged across the writhing bed of tangled bodies, grabbed a bottle of Absolut and broke it against the wall.
"Like, what are you doing, Quinn's hired concubine or whatever?" Sandi queried, her words fanning out in a brown cloud of whiskey breath as Daria lunged with her makeshift shiv.
"Go to hell!" replied Daria.
-
New Years' Surprise
The Morgendorffer New Years Eve party was in full swing. Family and friends from all over Lawndale, and some from beyond, frolicked and boogied through the first story of 1111 Glen Oaks in inebriated contentment. Most of the guests wore costumes, but Daria was dressed in her usual ensemble, plus a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers (for comfort).
A short line snaked across the room and Daria sighed. Figuring that a bunch of drunks would be reluctant to venture all the way upstairs to relieve themselves and thus making more room for booze Daria climbed to the second floor and turned toward the bathroom. The hallway was empty and, a small smile on her lips, Daria strolled up to the door. She stopped short, finding it closed.
There was a hole drilled through the wood at around waist-height.
Frowning, Daria bent over to peer through the hole. Her glasses clanked against the door and she removed the obstruction and just managed to get her eye to the hole in time to see a fuzzy projectile shoot through and collide with her bare eyeball.
"GAH!"
Daria jumped back and clapped a hand to her abused eye as the door swung inward. There stood Jake in his pirate costume, pants undone and junk jutting out to further traumatize his brutalized daughter.
"Oops! Sorry, kiddo! Thought you were your mother."
The ride to Lawndale Medical was passed in uncomfortable silence.
