Author's note: I should have probably changed the rating for this story to M after some of the scenes between Olivia and Amanda in earlier chapters but I am definitely changing the rating now. There is some very strong language in this chapter and I need to stress that these are NOT my views. They are the views of the gang Amanda is trying to become a part of for her undercover operation and she has to say the things she does. Compare it to Dana Lewis/Star Morrison in the episode RAW. I apologise for any offence this chapter may cause and please know that I did not intend for this to happen.

WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE of a RACIST NATURE.


Chapter 9

Left alone with just a memory
Life seems dead and so unreal
All that's left is loneliness
There's nothing left to feel
~Dusty Springfield – You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

It was dark by the time she hailed the cab and climbed into the backseat. Dressed in a simple black pencil skirt and a salmon coloured shirt with three quarter sleeves, Amanda looked like the executive lawyer she was pretending to be. She had managed to wrestle her feet into the uncomfortable high heeled pumps and ignored the pain the straps were causing at the back of her foot. Her blonde hair fell freely down her shoulders, accenting the soft hint of make-up she had applied to her face. Expensive white gold earrings dangled from her ears, matching the necklace and bracelet she had found in the wardrobe earlier that night. She clutched a designer handbag made out of the finest black leather and fumbled with her cell phone.

Olivia had sent her pictures of a house and for the past three hours she had done nothing else but look at it. She had never imagined herself buying a house, or living in one. But she loved what she saw in the pictures but until she now she had held off texting Olivia back. As the cabbie drove her through the busy Manhattan traffic, her fingers flew over the small IPhone keyboard. I love it. Do whatever it is you need to do to make it happen. I trust you. I love you.

After she hit the send button she deleted the messages linking her to Olivia from her inbox and took a few shallow breaths. She was supposed to be bitter and angry, not excited and enthusiastic. To regain the feeling she needed for this operation she tried to remember Lieutenant Malcolm as he told her about the undercover stint. She hated his guts. The things she would like to see done to him varied from cutting his manhood off with a potato peeler to pulling out his fingernails with a pair of tweezers. She had never really disliked anyone this much but there was a first time for everything.

The nerves she'd felt the night before weren't there tonight and when the cabbie dropped her off a block away from Palace, Amanda walked with confidence and pride. There was an urgency to her pace, as if she was rushing to get to the bar. It was how she had observed the higher business end people to go through life. Always moving, desperate to make it to their next appointment in time. She had seen them on the trains across Manhattan. She never understood them.

Palace was less crowded than the night before and she found a seat at the bar without trouble. Her blue eyes darted around the dimly lit room and she made eye contact with the bar tender. He smiled when he recognised her and came over, leaning across so that she could order her drink and acquire about her target.

"She's here," he said casually as Amanda whispered she'd have a white wine. "Corner by the window, dressed in the white pants and black blouse. Seems to be alone. Usually she's with some of her friends."

"Do we know if any of those associates are taking part too?" Amanda asked, making sure she kept the smile across her face as she took the wine glass offered to her. She brought it to her lips and took a sip.

"I don't think so. She seems to come in with them but after a while she ends up talking to different people."

Amanda averted her eyes and stared down at the bar. She took another sip from her drink and allowed herself to get used to the taste of the wine. She would have to get used to the vile stuff if she had to hang out here night after night. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and her eyes were drawn to the window. She didn't really want to be here but the choice was no longer hers.

"You look like you could use some company."

The voice snapped her out of her thoughts and Amanda blinked a few times. A woman had appeared at her side, an empty martini glass in her hand. A slight smile played around her lips and kind green eyes searched her face, looking for a response. "Drinking alone is so boring."

"It's all I've got to offer," Amanda replied and smiled. A quick glance at the woman's clothes told her this was indeed the target the barman had been talking about. Nothing about her screamed violent gang banger. If anything she looked more like a hardened saleswoman who had ice where her heart should be. "Sad little ole me."

"Mind if I join you?" she asked but she didn't wait for Amanda's answer and slipped into the vacant seat to her left. She signalled for the barman to fill her drink up and he answered her with a smile, avoiding making eye contact with Amanda. Her fingers lazily followed the shape of her wineglass and she waited for her new companion to speak again.

"Long day?" the unknown woman asked.

Amanda snorted. "More like a long week."

The blonde woman arched an eyebrow in curiosity. "Tell me about it." She took a large gulp from her dry martini. "In our business, every week is longer than the one before."

Amanda cocked her head. "Ever had one so hard where you lost your partner, your home and your job all at the same time?" She finished off her wine and slammed the empty glass down on the bar. The anger suddenly radiated off her skin. She glanced at her new companion through her eyelashes and found the woman looking back at her, a little bewildered. She flashed a smile. "I guess not."

"Next one's on me," the woman suddenly replied when Amanda went to order another drink. "Sounds like you could do with someone to talk to."

Amanda narrowed her eyes but a hint of amusement laced her words. "My momma told me not to talk to strangers."

"My name is Lori," the blonde smiled. "Now I'm not a stranger anymore, right?"

"Diana," Amanda lied and shook Lori's hand. "Now, about that wine?"

Lori smiled and paid for the drink. The bartender pushed the glass towards her and Amanda took it. She leant back in her chair. "What is it you do, Lori?"

"Sales," Lori answered and Amanda grinned to herself, realising that her first interpretations had been correct. "I worked my way up through the ranks within the company." She fingered a strand of hair around her finger and a sly smile played around her lips. "It wasn't easy. What about you?"

"Corporate law," Amanda answered. "Well, that is, until this week."

Lori frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Son of a bitch hired someone else," Amanda hissed and took two large gulps from her wine. Anger flashed behind her eyes and she took a deep, noisy breath. The half empty wineglass trembled as she slammed her fist on the bar. "I only just told him that I needed some time and he went and got someone else. Bastard!"

"I'm sorry," Lori said softly and she briefly patted Amanda on her arm.

"Sorry isn't going to give me my job back or my girlfriend or my house," Amanda snorted and shook her head.

"It really hasn't been your week, has it?" Lori asked and a hint of a smile broke through on her face.

"She dumped through a text message!" Amanda exclaimed. "I should have seen it. All the signs were there and I just chose not to see it. She was cheating on me." She chewed her bottom lip and her blue eyes darkened as she looked at Lori. "I've seen what she's left me for. You know, people say that when you dump a lover you're supposed to move on to something better. She went the other way."

Lori suddenly leant in, as if seeing the anger in Amanda's eyes worked like a drug. "That make you feel better?"

"It makes me want to beat the little bitch to a pulp," Amanda hissed. "Leaving me for something like that!"

Lori frowned. "Something like that?"

The words tasted like poison as they rolled off her lips and her stomach did a double flip. The bile rose up in the back of her throat and Amanda forced herself to keep a straight face. Her eyes were full of fire and she looked Lori straight in the eye. "Stupid black whore!"

The words lingered between them for a few seconds, like a silent bond that started to build. Amanda knew that when those words fell from the tip of her tongue that she had drawn Lori in. She had seen the eagerness in her eyes, the sudden lust still lingering in her eyes. Amanda felt a sense of shock. She had never really believed people could feed of other people's hatred or anger but she saw it in Lori's eyes. She saw how she suddenly attached herself to her story, how the words found their way into her mind and fuelled a sudden anger in her heart.

"She left you for a black woman?" Lori whispered, unable to hide her shock. "That's disgusting."

"Not to mention stupid. The bitch ain't got an education, can't offer the money I earned for her. She never had to do anything," Amanda answered and her face was a mask of twisted anger. She forced herself not to think about Olivia. She knew her lover could never do the things she just spoke about. She jerked her head and sighed. "I wish I could knock her lights out."

"What happened to your apartment?" Lori asked.

"I haven't lost it yet but it's in both our names. She'll try and challenge me," Amanda replied and pushed her glass around on the bar. "I probably won't have it for too much longer. We're not married but she'll try and take me for everything I've got, even if she's the one who played me. Bitch deserves to live in a cardboard box somewhere, together with that whore of hers."

"Hey Lori, who's your friend?"

Two more women had walked into Palace and appeared behind Amanda and Lori. Both were blonde, like Lori. One was dressed in an expensive designer dress, the other in a tailored suit. They ordered two drinks and leant against their bar, their eyes roaming shamelessly over Amanda as they took her in. She stared back, waiting for Lori to introduce her, but she made sure the anger continued to flicker behind her eyes.

"This is Diana," Lori said, a sweet smile tugging at her lips. "She's had a bit of a rough week." Her eyes flashed from Amanda to the two new arrivals and she pointed at the woman in the dress before moving her finger towards the woman in the suit. Diana, meet Liz and Gina. Care to join us, ladies?"

Amanda realised that these two women were part of the gang. They had to be if they knew Lori. They shared the same blonde hair and the expensive taste in clothes. Both had to work in some high end job. She flashed a smile and extended her hand before pointing at the two empty seats at her other side. "I promise I don't bite." She grinned. "Not hard, anyway."

For the next two hours the four of them talked, sharing stories. Amanda's story was well practiced and she paid attention to their stories. She picked up the details and pieced together pieces that pointed at their racist views. As the women talked she learnt that Lori too had been abandoned for a black woman. Gina and Liz both their jobs to women of colour and pretended to still live the high life by wearing the expensive clothes they couldn't really afford. As the hours went on their anger became more and more evident, fuelled by alcohol.

When the clock struck midnight Amanda slipped out of her seat. Liz and Gina were gone and Lori followed her to the door. Once outside, Lori lit up a cigarette and offered Amanda one. She declined. Lori then took out her cell phone and smiled as she gave it to Amanda. "Put your number in here. I'll call you sometime. We should hang out more often."

Amanda typed her number in Lori's phone before taking out her own and giving it to her. Lori repeated the action and Amanda checked her contact list to see that her name had appeared. She gasped in surprise when Lori hugged her and kissed her on the cheek before starting down the sidewalk and hailing a cab. Amanda watched her leave and waited until the cab was long gone before starting to walk down the block and hailed her own cab.

She got into the backseat and rested her head against the window. She was tired and she felt sick. What she heard earlier tonight was awful. She was disgusted by herself. She hated what she had been forced to do. Her stomach turned and she started gagging but she fought to restrain herself. By the time she staggered out of the cab and into her building she was sure she was going to be physically sick. She pressed the button for the elevator and jumped when she felt an unexpected hand on her shoulder. She spun around, expecting to see Olivia, but yelped when the person behind her turned out to be a man. It took her a few seconds to realise that he was one of the two Gang Unit officers. She remembered his name was Michaels.

"Good job, Detective," he said and smiled. "You made contact."

"At what cost?" Amanda retorted. "I sat in that bar and I defiled myself. I am disgusted by what you have made me do!"

"Sometimes we have to do things for the greater good."

"Detective Michaels, no offence, but you have no idea what the greater good really is," Amanda hissed. "Saving children from paedophiles and making sure they never see the light of day again, thatis the greater good!" Her blue eyes narrowed and she wasn't sure whether it was the alcohol talking or her anger or both. She reached underneath her shirt and removed the wire from the inside of her blouse.

The tape that had held it to her skin was still attached to it and she held it up in his face. "Dragging me into your little undercover operation isn't the greater good. It's making someone else do the dirty work for you."

"It will get these women off the streets," Michaels countered. "It will stop these women from raping and abusing women."

"We would have caught them anyway," Amanda hissed and clutched the wire between her fingers. "We always do. Now you just get another pat on the back for bringing down another gang. It's like whack-a-mole. Get rid of one and two more pop up! I'll do what your Lieutenant asks me to do because I am not dumb enough to disobey a direct order but I swear to God I will nail his ass to the wall as soon as I get out of this!"

Michaels didn't get a chance to answer as Amanda turned on her heel and stepped into the elevator. She watched as the doors slid closed and once she was alone in the tiny space she felt the tears begin to stream down her face. She stepped out on the floor where her apartment was, stuck the key in the lock and went inside. She threw the wire on the kitchen counter in passing and without switching on the lights she walked straight to the bathroom. She stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower but no matter how much she scrubbed herself, she couldn't get rid of the horrible feeling that she was tainted somehow.

After what felt like an eternity she walked into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel and drops of water and fell down on the bed. She picked up her phone and felt her heart sink in her chest when both Olivia's name and Lori's name had appeared on her screen. Se decided to keep Olivia's message till last and opened Lori's first.

Had fun tonight. Wanna do it again tomorrow? Meet me at the corner of 23rd and Sixth Ave at 8 pm.

She felt horrible as she typed her reply. I'll be there.

Her fingers then scrolled down to Olivia's message. It had been sent around half past ten and the tears welled up in her eyes as she heard her lover's voice echo in her mind. Can't wait till I can show you the house. Will call estate agent tomorrow. I miss you.

I miss you too Amanda typed and hesitated. She wasn't supposed to share any details about the operation with Olivia but she didn't care anymore. Her fingers went back to the keyboard. Made progress tonight. Who knows, this might be over soon. I love you.

Olivia's reply was quick and Amanda wondered if she had woken her up or if she was still awake, for whatever reason. Stay safe. I love you.

Amanda put her phone down on the bedside table and crawled under the covers. The scent of Olivia's perfume wasn't as strong as it had been before but it was there. It didn't manage to erase the horrible feelings she experienced but it comforted her a little. She curled up on her side and stared into the darkness until her eyes finally closed and she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.