A/N: Your support and love for this story have been awesome so far, and I've been having a great time writing it. However, I've got to warn you that there's a 'hiatus' coming up. I'm graduating next week, which basically means about eleven days of ceremonies and dinners and prom and parties, so I'm going to apologize in advance for the fact that you're going to have to wait a while for the next update, because the chances of me getting the time to write are slim to none. Sorry! Reviews are love. :)
3x09
[The Sisterhood of Nate]
When he wakes up the next morning – alone, in his own bed – he wonders out into the living room, and then the kitchen, but it quickly becomes apparent that she's gone. He has no clue where she is; her only class of the day isn't until much later. He wonders if she even remembers last night, and what she thinks happened last night, and if she knows what she wanted to happen last night, because he's still grappling with that one.
So he just sits down and eats the last package of Pop-Tarts, which he realizes halfway through devouring that she must have left especially for him to eat.
[xo]
"Blair! Hey!" Serena springs up from where she's sitting on the steps of the brunette's home, coffees in hand. "I've been waiting for you."
Blair's eyes rake over the discarded coffee cups that litter the steps and smiles amusedly. "Yeah, I see that. For how long, exactly?"
"Um. You know. Since kind of early."
She accepts the coffee cup, which is surprisingly cold, from Serena's hands. "Yeah, define early, S."
"I don't know, like…six o'clock?" She says it like a question, wincing as she awaits Blair's reaction.
"Six o'clock in the morning?" Blair exclaims, almost dropping her coffee. "That's over twelve hours, Serena. Don't you have…I don't know, classes? Carter? Nate?"
"I don't have Nate," she replies hurriedly, in such a purposefully innocent tone that Blair's surprised her best friend's blue eyes aren't darting around. "Why would I have Nate?"
"Okay." Blair sets down the styrofoam cup, filled with what is undoubtedly now disgustingly cold coffee and reaches for her friend's hand, steering her back toward the steps to sit down. "You're worrying me, S. You do realize that the last time you showed up at my house this frantically you were convinced you'd killed someone, right?"
Serena shoots her a rueful smile. "Don't be worried. It's nothing bad. I mean, it is bad, but not bad like that."
Blair shakes her head incredulously. "I cannot believe you were sitting here all day. You must have been bored out of your mind."
The blonde shrugs. They're sitting like they always do near each other on steps, close to one another, their legs pointed toward each other's, and it gives her a welcome sense of familiarity. "Not really. I was just…thinking. I, um, called you, but it went straight to voicemail. I figured you were in class or –" She stops short at the expression on Blair's face and grimaces playfully. "Or with Chuck. You were clearly with Chuck." Blair smirks and Serena groans teasingly: "Please, spare me the details."
"Okay, okay." Blair reaches for one of her hands, giving it a squeeze. "So, tell me what it is that you were sitting here…thinking about."
"Carter and I broke up," Serena supplies.
"Oh. Serena, I'm sorry," she murmurs earnestly, pulling her into a one-armed hug which Serena accepts gratefully.
"Are you really?" she asks sceptically as she pulls away.
"Of course I am, if you're sad. What happened?"
"He had to go back to Dubai. He didn't have a choice." She swallows hard and sighs, meeting Blair's eyes trustingly. "He told me he loves me."
"Wow. Carter Baizen?"
Serena sighs once again and shoots her a pointed look. "Says the girl who's in love with Chuck Bass."
"Okay, I'm sorry, you're right," Blair concedes with a gentle smile. "So…did you say it back?"
She bites her lip and shakes her head. "No. I didn't."
Blair tilts her head, trying to meet Serena's eyes. "Because of Nate?"
Serena's eyes water. "I don't want it to be because of Nate. But I…I don't know. We've kind of lost each other ever since…well, since I left, and even though he tends to show up when I really need him…I feel like I'm just getting to know him again, you know? And I…" She buries her face in her hands and blows out her breath. She lifts her head to regard Blair seriously. "You're for this? You want this? Me…and Nate? Me and Nate."
The brunette can only shrug sympathetically. "It's not about what I want. It's about what you want."
Her best friend groans, throwing her head back momentarily. "You're being level-headed and mature and B., I love you and everything, but I need you to be manipulative and bitchy and tell me exactly what to do."
"Serena," Blair says, and her sentence stops there because she starts laughing.
After their giggles fade away in the hazy night air, Serena gnaws on her lower lip and confesses, "It's just that…the other night we went dancing and it was just…it felt like more than it should have. And yesterday when I went home I was upset because of Carter leaving and Nate took care of me. He hugged me and he listened to me. He watched Love Actually with me. He drank with me even though he had an early morning class. And when he was helping me to bed there was…a moment, when it felt like…" She sighs heavily; "Like I didn't want him to leave."
"So, did…"
"Nothing happened. He just laughed at me and I pretended I was drunk and he left and we'll both act like it never happened because…we're friends. We're…roomies."
"Serena, it's okay if –"
"No, it's not okay," she replies harshly. "God, Blair, I have been fighting my feelings for Nate since I even knew what it was like to have feelings, and I know that I wasn't always exactly successful and I'm so sorry for that, but I thought maybe I'd finally made it. Until last night, when he looked at me the way he did, and it made me feel thirteen years old again and I know you don't want to hear that because he was supposed to be your boyfriend, he was your boyfriend –"
"Hey. Stop." Blair looks at her seriously. "He's not my boyfriend anymore. He hasn't been for a long time. And I don't think he was ever my boyfriend the way he'd be yours."
"I don't even know what that means!" Serena cries, a tear falling down one of her cheeks as she smiles helplessly. "A year ago you would have hated me for feeling this way, and you might've killed me for telling you so."
"A year ago I didn't love Chuck," Blair says, like everything boils down to that fact, like it's that simple. "S., I was Nate's girlfriend for a very long time. And I thought it was perfect. I thought it was true love. But I didn't really ever feel anything close to what I feel with Chuck when I was with him. Chuck and I are finally happy. It's not that crazy that I want the same for you and Nate. You're two of my very best friends. I don't know if there's any better way for you to be happy than with each other."
"I think I have feelings for him," Serena whispers, staring at her hands.
Blair laughs lightly, almost sweetly. "I know you have feelings for him. And I'm pretty sure he has feelings for you, too."
"So…what do I do?"
"You'll figure it out," Blair says with a shrug. "You and Nate always find your way to each other. Even when you shouldn't," she adds teasingly, raising one of her eyebrows pointedly.
Serena makes a playful – but somehow sincere – apologetic face, wiping away her tears and laughing at herself for crying. "You really won't be upset about it?"
"S. Of course I won't. I've practically been pushing you toward this! All's forgiven, it's water, um…"
"Under the bridge?" Serena supplies.
"Yeah." Blair nods, looking contemplative. "Is that the reason you've been sitting out here all day, because you felt like you needed my…approval, or something?"
Laughing, Serena shakes her head. "No. I still feel so horrible about that, Blair, about what happened with Nate and me at the Shepherd wedding, for the kind of betrayal it was to you. But I guess I came here today because…I needed to make sure I could say it you. 'Cause if I could tell you, then it really had to be real, how I feel about him."
Both of Blair's eyebrows fly up and she takes a deep breath, almost as though she's doing so on Serena's behalf. "You told me."
"Yeah, I told you…"
"So it's real." Blair grins at her excitedly. "What's your next move, van der Woodsen?"
Serena rolls her eyes. "You've been spending too much time with Chuck. And…I have no idea."
"Can I give you some advice?"
The blonde throws her hands into the air, feigning exasperation and relief. "Finally! Hell, yes, you can."
Blair laughs. "The next time he gives you that look that makes you feel thirteen and you don't want him to leave…don't let him." Serena blushes at those words, a rare occurrence for such a wildly-spirited girl, and Blair shakes her head fondly. "Be happy, okay? I want that for you." Smiling, she pulls Serena into a hug, allowing her best friend to rest her blonde head against her shoulder. Blair rests her head atop Serena's and sighs contentedly as they wrap their arms around each other. "You're my sister, remember?"
They stare up at the stares, because the night sky is really beautiful, and they're allowed to appreciate that because they're both in love, and for once it's not with the same boy.
