Authors Notes - Did I say this was going to be the final chapter? I lied. Whoops. Next one will be though. I think. Sorry, El, Liv and the gang stole the story and ran away with it!

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It's amazing how quickly time moves on. One minute it was February and I was sat at Olivia's side in the ER and the next it was Christmas party season all over again, a fact I'd greeted with my usual level of scrooge like behaviour, and then some, given the way things had panned out for me the year before.

One person who was full of the Christmas spirit once more, perhaps a little surprisingly, was Alex, which was why, come Christmas Eve I found myself - yeah, you guessed it - making paper chains all over again.

And let me tell you, never has making paper chains hurt quite so much. As I sat at my desk, cutting and sticking, I stared continually at the newest addition to the framed photos on my desk, and tried to avoid making small talk with my latest partner whose name I hadn't bothered to remember because I suspected he wouldn't be around long enough for me to need to. None of the others had; he was the 4th in 9 months. Clearly I'm just not that much fun to work with.

Alex must have noticed that I was quiet because eventually she stepped away from the happy fluffy little corner where she and Huang were making snowflakes and came to my side.

"You ok Elliot?"

I nodded, but I could tell from the way that she followed my gaze to the framed photo of little Lottie that she knew otherwise.

Yeah, Lottie. Apparently Liv's mothers intuition wasn't as accurate as Kathy's had been, and when she'd emailed me 3 months earlier to tell me that she'd given birth it was to a daughter, not a son; baby Lottie, not baby Elliot as she'd planned.

Alex put her hand on my shoulder, opened her mouth as if to make sympathetic and nice but I couldn't face it, not at that moment. So instead I changed the subject,

"How come we're having a party anyway. I thought you'd have gone off the idea after last year, what with George batting for the other side and all that?"

She smiled, "Christmas is Christmas Elliot, and besides, that didn't work out so bad." she looked over at Huang fondly, "I've got someone to go shopping with and talk to about boys, that's not to be sneezed at, after all best friends are hard to find."

There was an awkward moment as she realised exactly what she'd said, both of us being acutely aware that although she'd gained a best friend in the last 12 months, I'd lost mine. She mumbled an apology but I shook it away. I didn't want her sympathy.

She did however give me a get out clause from the paper chains, asking me to go and fetch the pizzas instead, a get out that I took gratefully.

Without Olivia all the Christmas party preparations were just too much to bear.

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Christmas Eve wasn't panning out well for me. Lottie didn't handle the drive from our home to NYC well, wailing mid journey to be fed, and then, once I'd fed her, throwing up down her the Little Miss Claus dress she was wearing. Between feed stops and change stops the journey took twice as long as it should have done. Then, when we actually got into the city, I remembered just how much I hated driving there, even more so with the benefit of having not done so for 9 months. And finally, the icing on the cake, when I arrived at Alex's apartment, Alex had taken it upon herself to go AWOL.

Marvellous.

I yanked my cell phone from my pocket and dialled hers. I'd intended to spare her some Christmas spirit but by the time she eventually answered my patience had run out and I couldn't help being pissy with her.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Olivia, I'm sorry. The unit called me in and I got caught up here. Any chance you could make it down to the precinct. Then you can grab the key, then head back and settle yourself in."

I suppose I ought to have been suspicious and questioned Alex's motives there and then but she seemed genuine enough, and plus, a little voice inside my head reminded me that Elliot wouldn't be there anyway, not on Christmas Eve. We'd always let him have that off because he had a family and the rest of us didn't. Besides which, I didn't see as I had much choice, since Lottie would be due another feed before too long and I didn't fancy doing it in the street outside Alex's apartment.

I hung up, getting back in the car and heading for the precinct, wondering what it would be like to go back there. Being back in New York was strange enough, let alone being there, in the squad room, the scene of so many good days and bad days over the years. Not to mention the fact it was the place where Lottie was conceived.

I glanced down at my daughter who was sat in her car seat beside me, now dressed in a candy cane romper suit, sleeping soundly, and I couldn't help but smile. She looked so much like her daddy when she was sleeping, and always put me in mind of the nights El and I had spent together in the crib, when he'd inevitably crash out and I'd lay awake watching him sleep, and longing for the day that I'd be able to do so away from the crib, in our bed, in our home. Not that it was ever going to happen, but a girl could dream.

Suddenly I realised that the road ahead of me had blurred and when I brought my hand up to my eyes I found that my eyes were full of tears and that all the reservations I'd had about coming back had been justified. I'd really not wanted to do it, but Alex had done some pretty fast talking, convincing me that Lottie and I should spend my daughter's first Christmas with she and her - apparent - new best friend, Huang. And now, with Elliot back in my head, not that he'd ever left my heart, I was regretting it. Seriously so.

My sense of regret grew the closer I got to the precinct and as I paused at the door to the squad room, babe in arms, and found Alex and the gang merrily decorating it Christmas party style, it near as damn it overwhelmed me altogether.

I marched up to Alex, who was wobbling around on a chair putting up paper chains and without giving her chance to register my presence immediately lost my temper with her.

"What the hell are you playing at? Did last year teach you nothing? Like not to meddle in my life?"

To my utter annoyance she barely turned her hair, instead getting down from the chair and giving me a hug, "Don't be so ridiculous Olivia." she chirped, taking Lottie from me, "Had I not meddled last year, I wouldn't have a gorgeous goddaughter and you wouldn't be a mom. So don't start."

Before I could comment, I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my shoulders as I was engulfed in hug from behind. For one minute my breath was taken away as I thought, maybe even hoped, that they belonged to Elliot, but I quickly realised that they had too much bulk, too much leather and that the person behind me was lacking in his signature aftershave. I turned, and in spite of how pissed I was with Alex, I couldn't help smiling at the man in front of me.

"Tutuola!"

Fin hugged me again, a bear hug this time, as he told me, "I've missed your snippy little ass Benson. How you doing?"

"I WAS doing fine." I told him pointedly, as I looked round the room at the paper chains and the snowflakes, the mistletoe and the outers of beer. "Until I realised my good friend here seems to be pulling one of her famous stunts." I turned my attention back to Alex, glaring at her, "What are you doing Ms Cabot?"

"God. You've come back more paranoid than me." Munch said as he appeared in the door to Cragen's office, coming into the room with Cragen in tow. "Good to see you Liv." More hugs, more fuss, and lots of cooing over Lottie, who somehow had made it into Huang's arms, ensued. Not that that got my question answered.

I dragged Alex off to one side, looking at her questioningly, "Well?" I really couldn't believe she was doing this to me, forcing me into a situation which so conjured up the pain and heartache of the year before. "You know," I added softly, "how I feel about seeing Elliot. I mean, that's what all this is about right?" To my horror I found myself close to tears again, "He's going to walk through this door at any minute and I just don't want it. He knows that. That's why he's never been up to visit us." My own words prompted another realisation in my head, as it occurred to me that there was no way Elliot ever could have been part of Alex's charade. "He doesn't know I'm coming I presume?"

Alex, who to her credit was looking guilty, sighed, "He didn't." She said softly, then looking away. I followed her gaze to the doorway, where Elliot was stood, his arms piled high with pizza boxes and his eyes fixed firmly on me, his expression unreadable. I turned back to Alex all ready to give her a mouthful but she beat me to it with an apologetic shrug. "I guess he does now."

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Don't ask me how I didn't drop the pizzas. It came close. Just seeing her there, back in the squad room, where she belonged, it felt so right, made me regret the fact I'd let her go in the first place, but it was still one hell of a shock. As far as I'd been concerned, she was out of my life, save for occasional photographs of my daughter and the cards and gifts I sent the other way. I hadn't liked it, not in the slightest, but it was what she wanted. What she needed to stop hurting, and who was I to deny her that?

But now she was back. I handed the pizzas to Fin, who appeared at my side as if choreographed to be there - and in hindsight, and knowing Alex, he probably was, and then walked over to the girls. To Alex who was smiling at me, and Olivia who looked as shocked as I felt.

I took her in my arms without asking if I could. I couldn't help it. After so long without her, I just wanted to hold her and never let go. She hugged me back, but said nothing and when I looked down I found that she was crying. In the end, it was left to Alex to break the silence.

"Just to fill you in Elliot. This is as bigger shock to Liv as it is to you. And actually, I haven't finished with her yet." She looked at me pointedly, and it didn't take much to guess what she still had to do. What she had in mind. Not that I liked it,

"Alex." I said warningly, shaking my head furiously, "I told you not to tell her."

She shrugged, "And I didn't. But then I had endless calls from her where I got the impression she was missing you chronically, and I spent too many hours watching you mope around the squad room and I decided something had to give." She signalled to Huang who came over to us and my heart skipped a beat as I saw what was in his arms. Who was in him arms. My little girl, the one who, up to now, had only ever been an image in a photograph to me.

"This is your little girl Elliot." Alex said firmly, "Your little girl who needs a daddy. And this is her mommy." She added, indicating Olivia who was still in my arms looking completely bewildered, "Who needs you too. I'm sick of hearing how 'great' you're doing without each other, because its blatantly not true."

I knew she was right, although I was unconvinced what Liv's take on the whole thing would be. Just as I was pondering that the lady in question eventually found her voice.

"I don't understand what's changed." she said softly, "Of course I need him. I always needed him. But I can't. Because he has Kathy."

Alex looked across at me, challenging me with her eyes, a definite 'either you tell her or I do'. I took a deep breath, released Olivia from my arms and then slowly, deliberately held up my hand for her inspection, wiggling my naked wedding ring finger as I did so.

"No." I said softly, "I don't. Not anymore."

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