Chapter Nine

Lt. Brown discovered Tegan hiding in the supply room much later on.

"The entertainment is about to start Commander, are you coming to watch?" he asked.

"A close friend of mine just died, somehow I don't feel like a party," she answered softly drying her tears.

"You mean that weirdly dressed guy that came in with you?" he asked.

Tegan nodded, "We were friends years ago before I came to be what I am now. He was our only chance of winning this war."

"Tegan, I'm so sorry," Lt. Brown said.

"Thank you," she answered softly.

"No, its not that," he said, "The Doctor is alive. He started breathing soon after you left. Little weak, but he'll survive. I've been looking for you ever since!"

Tegan smiled and then laughed. "I should have known it would take more than that to kill the Doctor. He's survived falling from a great height, bad regeneration, the Black Guardian, Daleks, Cybermen, Sea Devils, Silurians, the Black Death and millions of other things already!" she remarked.

They hugged for a moment. Steve stroked her hair gently. "Still want to stay here?" he asked.

"I think I'll join the entertainment after all," she said.

"Thought you might," he said and kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you," Tegan whispered.

"Did you really think I'd leave you grieving alone, after last time?" he asked.

"You are a good friend to me, Steve," she smiled.

Steve took her arm and they walked to the main area together. It was a large space, big enough to house several spacious curtained off areas, behind which weapons and simple box seats were stored. The largest area was filled with seats and people relaxing and eating.

The old Commander had thought communal off duty areas were vital for morale. After all the raids she'd been through, Tegan agreed. The walls were cut out straight out of the ground, she had no idea how the bases had been created. There must have been some seriously heavy duty machines to build them!

Around the top of the walls were strings of glowing lights, trying to give an air of space and light open spaces. It didn't work very well, but at least they could see!

Several tunnels and rooms cut off of this area, those were unlit for safety. Glow sticks were kept near every entrance. Most people managed in the dark, knowing the tunnels by heart.

Facing the seating area, a slightly raised platform had been pulled out and the young man she'd helped save in the tunnel was singing.

"Harry, we rescued him from a prison ship a few weeks ago. You weren't on that raid," Lt. Brown commented.

Harry finished his song and stepped down. The young medic Tegan had snapped at was next. "Are you coming?" Steve asked as she slipped away from him.

"Not right now, I want to change my clothes first. Its my turn for middle act, so I'll disappear until that's over," she answered.

He smiled. The middle act were terrible singers. Everyone tried to avoid singing with them. Unluckily it was Commander's duty to act with them once a month. Tegan normally found a way out of it though.

"Take care little one," Steve said.

"If you do, lofty," she teased.

"You dare to call me lofty?" he asked, in feigned annoyance.

"What you gonna do about it, lofty?" Tegan asked.

Steve grabbed her around the waist as she tried to nip passed him and tickled her. Tegan laughed, so he put her down.

"Don't be too long," he said.

"Only long enough to miss middle act, I promise," she smiled.

"You'd better hurry then," Steve commented, noticing that they were getting ready off 'stage'.

"Bye, lofty!" Tegan called, giggling as she ran off.

The Doctor smiled in his hiding place. It was good that Tegan had some good friends. From what Turlough had been telling him, she'd been through a lot. He had wanted to speak with her, but decided it could wait until she'd got changed. He disappeared back into the crowd to find Turlough.

Elsewhere Tegan had reached her sleeping area and found her curtained off bed space. It was simple. A pallet bed, wash basket, small clothes chest, small mirror and a small box for personal items. There was also a rack to store her weapons and raid items on. It was all she really needed.

She slowly and carefully peeled off her chocolate brown clothes so she wouldn't hurt her bruises, and dumped them in the wash basket. Checked her clothes chest. It was mainly stocked with the basic shirts, jackets and trousers she'd been wearing. All of which were badly patched and worn. Not that she could complain in her line of work.

Tucked down the bottom she discovered a tight leather skirt and white top with red and black slashes of colour. They were the clothes she'd been wearing the day she'd left the TARDIS's relative safety forever. The black high heels sat by the outfit.

She sighed. Leaving that day was the worst thing she'd ever done. She'd hurt the Doctor so badly. The time seemed right to her. After the horrors she'd seen that day. She should have waited. The Doctor had been right, she couldn't leave like that. But she had, and regretted it almost ever since.

Pushing the clothes to one side she found a knee length black velvet dress which looked new. It had been her husband's favourite. He'd given it to her on their wedding day. The cloth had been expensive. Specially dyed.

He'd then spent days carefully stitching the cloth into the gorgeous dress she was holding. It was beautiful, she adored the way it went down her leg on one side in a Spanish style. She'd looked wonderful in it when she danced.

Tegan had hidden it the day she'd lost him and never worn it since. For some reason she felt that she finally wanted to wear it again. As a tribute to her dead lover. She had to finally get over his death and stop blaming the Doctor for what had happened. Unluckily that was harder then she'd ever imagined it could be.

Tegan sighed and pulled on the dress and admired herself in the dirty, old, cracked mirror. Her tangled hair looked terrible. She spent ages combing the knots out gently, which seemed to take forever and a day.

She found her old box of make up and looked through it. She didn't feel like going to the hassle of putting any on, so dropped it back into her personal belongings chest.

This time when Tegan looked in the mirror she smiled. She almost looked like her old self. As if the last five years or so had been taken away, as she'd wished they could be, so many times before.

For the finishing touch she dragged her hair back into a large clip. For a moment she wished her husband was there to see her. Tegan looked the way she had on their first anniversary. The last night they had ever spent together.

Tegan pushed the painful memory aside and for the first time realised that someone was standing by her curtain watching her every move. She wondered how long they'd been there.

"Hello Tegan," the figure said.

"Hi Turlough," she replied recognising the voice.

"The Doctor is weak, but alive. I thought you should know," he said.

"Lt. Brown told me a little while ago. I'd been worried," Tegan said picking at a few strands of stray hair escaping the clip.

"Don't sound so happy!" Turlough snapped.

Tegan duck around the curtain to talk to him, but the room was empty. He'd moved fast. She sighed, couldn't seem to say anything right. Sadly she went to see what the entertainment was.

As she entered main area she realised that everyone was watching her. They'd all noticed that she was wearing the dress after so long. Tegan was so nervous that she nearly walked back out again.

Steve almost ran up to her, "You look wonderful!" he said.

"Thanks," she said, smiling shyly.

"Will you dance for us?" he asked quietly.

Tegan hesitated. She'd danced a long time ago to entertain everyone. She'd stopped when she'd lost her husband. In fact Tegan had stopped almost everything expect fighting. It was the only way she'd discovered to release all the pain and rage she'd felt at the time.

She nodded. She'd done enough nasty things to her friends today, now it was time to make up for it all! It was time to change. Time to let everything go. Time to try and make amends. Because if the Doctor couldn't think of anything, soon they'd all be dead!

Steve waited as she kicked off her black high heels, which after nearly a year, she could hardly walk in! And then helped her onto the platform stage.

The room fell silent within seconds of her standing there. "Attention friends. We are in for a rare treat. Our Commander has agreed to dance for us tonight." he the first time Tegan wondered if this was really a good idea as everyone sat down to watch her perform.

The music started softly.

Realising it was far too late now to change her mind, Tegan started to dance. The steps she hadn't even thought about in so long came flooding back to her.

The music grew louder and faster as Steve changed the records. It didn't matter to her. The perfect timing she'd always had was rediscovered. She leapt and spun, doing every step perfectly.

After a few moments the music had taken her over, just like old times. The people grew dim. All that mattered was the dancing and her music. All too soon the music ended. Tegan felt annoyed for a second that it had ended. But a few moments later she realised how tired she felt and how out of breath.

She realised also how many people were watching her and nodding. Every single one knowing and completely understanding how much strength it had taken just to get back up on that stage again.

The whole crowd stood and clapped as hard as they could, including two very familiar faces! She'd have to do something about them in a moment, but right now Lt. Brown was holding out one of their basic, home made microphones to her.

"You want me to sing as well?" she asked, taking it from him.

"Any song you want to do," Steve suggested.

Tegan thought desperately for any song she knew all the words to still. Her mind had gone totally blank.

One song finally floated to the front of her mind. A doubly perfect one. It would be a fitting tribute to her husband as well as her friends.

'How do I live, without you' was the song. She knew the words by heart. It was one of her favourites. Sung it most nights at the start of the entertainment. Her husband had insisted.

Trying to keep her mind off her dead love, Tegan began to sing. Her voice hadn't lost its power in its rest.

How do I?

Get through a night without you.

If I had to live without you,

What kind of life would that be?

Oh I,

Need you in my arms.

Need you to hold.

You're my world,

My heart.

My soul.

If you ever leave,

Baby, you would take away everything

Good in my life.

And tell me now.

How do I live without you?

I ought to do I breathe without you,

If you were to go

How do I ever,

Ever

Survive.

How do I?

How do I?

Oh, how do I live?

Without you ...

"I never knew that Tegan sang," Turlough commented from his seat in the back of the room.

"She told us herself that she'd learnt a lot of things in six years," the Doctor said sitting down next to him, "I'm just relieved that not everything was survival training and battle tactics!"

Tegan had finished singing now. She got a second round of applause when she finished, most people remembering the reasons behind the song. The rest guessing them.

"Thank you," she said as the clapping died down.

"I know its been a while since I stood here. I think you all know why," she said.

Several people near the front nodded.

"I hope that from now on I will be accepted up here a little more often," Tegan said.

There was a deafening cheer.

"Please don't. I haven't done anything to deserve that," Tegan objected, "I'm not proud of everything I've done today."

The crowd grew still again, waiting. Her friends were watching more closely. She noticed the Doctor smile at her reassuringly. She smiled back without thinking. "I recently rediscovered two old friends here in London. I wasn't nice to them though, and we argued over what I realise now were just silly things," she started.

"I can't ask my friends to forgive me. I just hope they understand that I didn't mean what I said before. I'd like to explain why I acted like I did, but I'd understand if you didn't want to speak to me again. I've blamed you for things that happened when you weren't even here," Tegan continued.

The Doctor appeared to be ignoring her, he was playing with his cricket ball. Throwing it up in and air and catching it again. She wasn't fooled, he could concentrate on a million things at once. If not more.

"There is only one thing I can say. Doctor, Turlough for what its worth, I'm sorry," Tegan finished.

When she looked again, both her friends were gone. Her words hadn't made any difference. she sighed and gave her microphone to Steve.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Nothing, it appears," Tegan said softly.

"Grab something to eat and rest," he suggested.

"I'll try to rest for a little while, but I have a lot to do," she answered.

"What ever it is can wait to the morning," he insisted.

"Not with one base all ready lost," Tegan replied, "Any more survivors come through portals?"

"Not as far as I know," Steve said.

"I'll go check," she said.

"Don't ruin your pretty dress!" he warned.

Tegan smiled in response and left to check the file of signed in soldiers.