I'm sorry guys, but I'm not saying if this is a Shepard/Kaidan or Shepard/Garrus story. It's both, but please don't let that deter you, the ending I've got planned is a happy, albeit bittersweet one, for both shippers.


Chapter 9

"Please tell me I can sleep in an actual bed tonight," Shepard complains, arching her sore back pointedly. "I think the apparent savior of the galaxy deserves a bit more than a medical bed."

A smirk pulls at the corners of Shepard's mouth.

Kaidan and Garrus had left the medical bay for a few hours, under the pretense of giving Shepard some time alone to think everything through and grasp her bearings. It hadn't helped overly much, but she hopes that the time apart had helped them recover. Garrus had obviously been uncomfortable with the whole situation, and Kaidan had just been plain confused.

Her smirk widens, confident in her ability to still understand her friends.

Kaidan raises an eyebrow at her widening smirk, but doesn't comment on it.

"I can't have you wandering around my ship, raising questions amongst the crew," Kaidan explains, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't wander," Shepard rolls her eyes, "I swagger in a purposeful manner." She crosses her arms atop her chest in mock indignation.

If Kaidan is thrown by her sudden change in mood, he doesn't show it.

Shepard had simply decided that she would prove to them, and to herself, that she knew, without a doubt, who and what she was. Even if that meant pretending to be fine, when all she wanted to do was curl up in a dark room and sleep for the next few cycles. Again.

What was more Shepard-y than grinning and bearing it, anyway? She thinks somewhat bitterly.

Kaidan slowly lowers the overnight back he's had balanced on his shoulder since entering the medical bay minutes earlier, leaning it against his ankle silently.

"Is the ship designed the same as the original?" Shepard asks, reevaluating the small medical bay.

"Somewhat," Kaidan crosses his arms. "It's bigger, mainly."

Shepard doesn't like how proud he seems of this statement. No matter how much bigger it apparently was, it would never be as impressive to her as her first Normandy. It would never be home to her.

"Captain's Cabin still completely separate to the rest of the ship?" she queries. She takes a deep breath, pushing forward and forcing a mocking smile. "And don't get your knickers too much in a twist, Kaidan; I'm not propositioning you. I just want a good night's sleep without feeling like a damn lab rat."

His face remains impassive, giving Shepard no hint as to what he's feeling.

Eventually, he shakes his head, a small smile pulling at his lips.

"You could have at least given me a chance to be a gentlemen, and let me offer up my room, myself," Kaidan finally responds by way of agreement.

"Can't have that, Commander," Shepard tries out his new title.

Shaking his head, Kaidan reaches down, picking up the handle of the overnight bag by his feet and offering it to Shepard.

Shepard takes a small step forward, and takes it off of his hands, noticing with a twinge of pain how he is cautious of not letting their fingers get too close to touching. She covers up her hurt under the pretense of investigating the contents of the bag.

She is somewhat disappointed to find it is just old clothing. Pulling out a large black hoodie with the N7 logo on the breast, she holds the item of clothing up for Kaidan to see.

"What am I, a petulant sixteen year old?" she eyes him with a raised eyebrow.

He simply shrugs.

She pauses, noticing the familiar scrawl of 'Shepard' on the clothes' tag at the collar. A small "Oh" comes unbidden from her lips, and she doesn't say anything more on the matter.

She drops the offending item of clothing onto the bed, and Kaidan turns around without any prompting.

She removes her sweaty medical clothes and promptly pulls the large item of clothing over her head. Pulling back the sleeves, she rifles through the bag until she comes across a pair of familiar black cargo pants. With a satisfied smile, she quickly dons them as well. She pats her clothes down, finally comfortable.

Even if I am dressed like a teenager, she thinks.

"Done?" Kaidan asks when the sound of the bag's zip closing reaches his ears.

"Done," Shepard replies.

She pulls the light overnight bag onto her shoulder easily, there isn't much left with the two biggest items of clothing removed.

Kaidan turns around, not really looking at her. He rubs at his face roughly, drawing attention to the bags under his eyes.

"Please tell me I didn't dress like this," Shepard raises her baggy arms in the arm pointedly, hoping to break the silence.

Finally Kaidan looks at her, and he offers a small smile, his expression reflective. "She really did," Kaidan responds.

Shepard isn't given time to think of a suitable response to his statement, not missing the casual 'she'. Kaidan is already approaching her, shaking his head with a rueful smile on his lips.

Shepard tenses, not knowing what to expect of her old Lieutenant. He reaches for her shoulders without a sound, her breath catching as she tries to create some kind of eye contact. He pulls the hood of her jacket atop her head, and then turns around and makes his way to the medical clinic's doors.

She pulls her hoodie's sleeves down her suddenly goosebump-covered arms, making to follow him silently.

"Try to keep your head down," Kaidan finally offers over his shoulder, reaching to open the doors.

She nods her head, even though she knows he can't see her. She doesn't trust herself to talk.

Without another word, he leads her quickly from the medical bay, past the kitchens and down a hallway to an elevator. She tries to keep her eyes on Kaidan's feet as he leads her away from prying eyes, but she can't help it. She tries to take everything in as quickly as she can, catching so many unfamiliar faces with their curious eyes on her.

She doesn't recognize anything or anyone.

She hurries to catch up with Kaidan.

Her breath catches in her throat when they make it to the elevator, Kaidan promptly hitting the arrow for down.

He looks uncomfortable, and his eyes don't leave the closed doors of the elevator, his foot tapping impatiently.

Shepard takes the moment of reprieve from prying eyes to evaluate the hallway, suspiciously eying the many closed doors that sprout off in all directions.

That isn't what truly captures her attention though. It is her name on the wall that finally draws her wide eyes.

'Commander Shepard.'

Her mouth hangs open when she realises what she is looking at. It is but one of many plaques on a memorial wall for the fallen.

Her plaque.

She stands rooted to the spot, the goosebumps returning, tenfold.

Finally, drawing a ragged breath to calm herself, she dares to continue her evaluation. That is when she finds Anderson's plaque above her own.

'David Anderson.'

With a strangled sound, Shepard turns away from the horrible wall, facing the elevator. Uncomfortable doing nothing, she leans across Kaidan, whom she can feel evaluating her silently, to impatiently press at the down button again.

Kaidan offers her no words of consolidation.

She breathes a sigh of relief when the elevator doors finally open. She doesn't look back.