"You were a young fool who felt immortal, did remarkably ill-advised things, and it cost people their lives, eh? You bloody idiot. That doesn't disqualify you from being a watcher. It makes you perfectly suited to mentor a slayer. They're young girls granted tremendous power. Who can relate to them better? A man like your father, who's done the right and proper thing his entire life? Or you?"

-Edna To Giles

Chapter 9-

"Careful"

"Sorry." Buffy pressed the ice pack she had scrounged up, lightly against Giles head. He had come around only a few minutes after going down, unfortunately he nicked the side of his head on a chair leg on the way down. He'd managed to stand, barely, but followed as she directed him to a chair. Flopping down on it gratefully, she left him to think and searched for a cup of water and a Tylenol. By the time she came back Giles looked much better, still in pain but better. He accepted the water and pill half-heartedly. Buffy smiled gently down at him before settling in the chair across from him.

"So...?" She began.

"So..." He countered smoothly.

"I told you I, Buffy Summers, Slayer of all evil thingies, are in love with William the Bloody, one quarter of the Scourge of Europe, Hundred-something year old Vampire, Slayer of Slayers, commonly known as Spike."

Giles went pale and Buffy braced herself against the accusations, the guilt-trips, the general 'vamps are evil' and 'are you insane?' bits that were sure to erupt from her Watcher at any moment. When one long minute passed, then two more, Buffy felt herself relaxing. Giles was dead silent, watching her with a kind of intensity she had seen precious few times in her life. Consideration.

"So...?" Buffy tried again. Giles glance at her before turning his gaze from her. There was a beat of silence and then, "These...Feelings, they began before or after your dream?"

"After." She answered honestly.

"Buffy...You need to believe you can trust me. Can you do that?"

Buffy rose, affronted, "Of course I trust you Giles. I've always trusted you." His eyes watered, always sentimental. Oh she had missed this Giles so much. The Giles she had seen scraps of every now and then, less often after the First. Kneeling at his side she grabbed his hand tight in her own, "What do you need me to do?"

"The truth."

So she did.

She told him how in her first life the Master had killed her, how she'd picked Angel and unleashed Angelus. She told him of Amy and Willows descent to darkness. She told him about the Initiative and the chip. Told him of the Cruciamentum, meeting the First Slayer, Glory, going to Heaven...being ripped back down. She told him how they'd all abandoned her. All of them but Spike, always at her side. Always keeping her sage. The ying to her yang, testing her and pushing her and accepting her despite it all. She told him of his sacrifice, told them what his fate would be. What all of their fates would be. Not enough details for him to alter much, no specifics. Enough to consider the consequences of the now. To avert that disastrous ending in which they lived empty lives, slowly turning into all the things they hate most because everything that was good was being ripped away.

He sat silent through it all, twitching only once. He took the time to consider and match everything she had done with everything she had said. The problem lay in that she didn't look the part of a wary woman who'd endured only to be forced to endure again. No Buffy looked positively delighted. She had managed to surprise him at every turn, taking charge, ending a threat before it hurt anyone, knowing them all as she did. Knowing his favorite book, pointing out Willows magic (and it was there. The potential was there). Things she couldn't possibly have known about them and yet, she did.

So was this Buffy dangerous? Would he subject her to the Councils judgment? She was in love with a vampire. Admitted she had once loved another. She had been intimate with them, tainted by them, her ability to see the black vs. the white gone. She saw grays. It was inconceivable to his mind. There was evil and there was good. Nothing could exist in between and yet...This Angel had a soul, Buffy had informed him, even now. Does that make him good? He rather thought not. Perhaps the souled vampire was trying to achieve redemption but Giles did not believe he ever could. Not when he hadn't earned it, hadn't wanted it. Giles would have to keep an eye on this Angel then, just in case. He'd read about Angelus and a better representation of evil he'd never found.

Of this Spike, William, he'd read nothing. Had probably, at the time, not considered it important. But if he had, indeed, killed two slayers why then would he ever join with a third? Even with the chip, while stopping him from hurting people physically, would have easily allowed him to poison them, hire others to kill them. There'd been a plethora of options available to him. Yet he would stay? No, that was hard to believe. All of this was hard to believe.

He should report her. End her before she destroyed herself and others and yet...She had placed her trust in him. Even knowing his history, even after what she had said he would become (and he could see how that could happen. The man he had been in that other life had been too rigid. Needed control. Over the last months Giles had watched, in amazement, as children allied themselves to the Slayer and won. Every night they won. So perhaps he was a bit more open-minded). The faith she must have in him to do what is right, despite all the crimes he supposedly committed, was touching.

And it was not the trust of a child. It was the trust between equals. She sat there, eyes downcast as if waiting judgment. She looked very much alone. To be trapped between what is and what once was, trying to achieve what could be. He could not leave her alone in this. Clearing his throat he leaned forward and grasped her hand. Her hazel green eyes warily rose.

"We should, perhaps, begin a more rigorous training routine. Yes?"

Buffy let the words roll over her, let the assurance in his voice soothe her. She smiled softly and nodded.


Her Willy had returned. Ran away from the rays of light that cloaked the fires of Hell. Returned without Daddy Miss Edith said. Oh how the stars were twirling, round and round. Changing. She could see, yes, there and there. Choices and possibilities. Her life flying up in the sky with Anne's face. She flinched, cold arms held her tight, a whispered plan.

Oh yes her William had come back but he wasn't all hers anymore was he? The birdies were dead and all the little children cried. Daddy would come and make things better but first she had to make him better. Daddy or Willy? But William wasn't all hers anymore. Someone had taken him. A monster that would never stop. She could see it but she couldn't understand it. She could feel him clutching her closer and raised her lips against his. Trailing her lips against his cheek and neck, sucking lightly. With a guttural growl she plunged her fangs into him, ripping the blood viciously from him. Pressed her hand against his mouth to stop the words that were still flowing.

"Shhhh no Willy. Miss Edith sent the darkness to destroy the sun. Itty bitty little one and the wolf, so sad. Don't cry." She moved as if to wipe unshed tears from his eyes, "Daddy will make it better. You'll see, right Miss Edith? Once the sun dies."


It was her birthday and no one had said anything. Well they had said hello but otherwise she hadn't gotten so much as one happy birthday. As a matter of fact it was like everyone was avoiding her. She had called Willow and Amy to see if either of them had wanted to go shopping with her but both had claimed to be busy. So she had tried Xander who had promptly told her that he couldn't talk to her and hung up with no other word of explanation. Even Jesse and Giles were avoiding her like the plague. She was almost desperate enough to call Angel. Not that she would, that would be opening a whole nother can of worms. So it was a dejected Buffy who arrived home from her solo trip to the mall. Her mother offered nothing more than a curt nod before turning back to her show. Sighing Buffy made her way to the kitchen, feeling the need for a carton of ice-cream.

She hadn't expected to see all her friends surrounding the kitchen table. The table itself laden with gifts and a simple birthday cake. They smiled openly at her.

"Happy B-day Buffster, what did ya think we'd forget?" Xander asked as he reached her side, wrapping on arm around her shoulders to guide her to the rest of them. Her mother trailed behind them, chuckling gently at her daughter's bewilderment. In no time Jessie and Xander had started a barbeque, Giles and her mother trading stories, Willow encouraging her to open her presents, Amy gently teasing. It was perfect.

The doorbell rang.

Buffy excused herself before walking to the door. Opening it to find no one. She took a few steps forward, frowning.

"Who is it dear?" Her mother's voice called out.

"No one mom. Just some stupid pra- Oomph!" She was flying through the air, something pulling her from the doorway. She landed with a grunt but whipped to her feet immediately. Around her were three beings she recognized. Growling in frustration Buffy stomped her foot.

"Really!? On my birthday?" They didn't speak, only attacked. Buffy dodged the first fist, jumping up to avoid a kick to her knees, felt one of them grab her foot. Twisting her body she placed her hands against the ground, using all her strength to flip that one over her body and releasing her foot. The three chuckled.

"Buffy?" She heard her mother moving closer. Suddenly terrified she called out as loud as she could.

"GILES DON'T LET HER COME OUTSIDE!" Her mother continued to call her, panicked now. Her voice was cut off abruptly, the sound of something shattering urging the three forward. One of them managed to get her by the throat. One knee surged upwards; the vamp released her and bent over in pain. She turned only to see him break apart into dust. Standing next to him was Willow, her hands trembling. Before Buffy could call out a warning another one of the three rushed the young witch. She felt arms grab her from behind and lift her off her feet.

She twisted and turned in the vamps arms. She heard struggling in Willows general direction. She pulled herself down, letting the vamp wrap his arms around her throat. In one swift motion she kicked one leg upwards, hitting the vamp in the head and making him lose his grip. She turned to look for Willow only to see Jessie and Amy pulling her to safety while Xander tossed her the stake he had just used to kill the second vamp. Catching it she dropped to the ground, avoiding the last vamps swipe. She tangled her legs with his, pushed making him lose his balance. She rose as if to catch him, pushing the stake deep into his falling form. He landed on the ground in an explosion of dust.

Brushing off the dust that covered her shirt Buffy turned back to her friends. All safe. Xander chuckled nervously, "Guess it's a good thing we've been training with you huh Buffy?"

She couldn't help but laugh, "Definitely." She agreed. Her laughter came to a halt the moment her mother appeared in the doorway, her clothes in disarray from when Giles tackled her to the ground. Giles himself standing behind her holding his broken glasses and what would soon be a black eye.

"Buffy Summers you tell me what is going on here." Her mother ordered after a minute of quiet shock. Well Buffy though sardonically at least this time I've got back-up.

"Well, mom," She tried to sound compliant, hoped it would get her out of the trouble she knew was coming, "I'm a vampire Slayer."

Redglade- I'm very glad you're enjoying the story. I'll try to make sure you can stay happy with this story, just be prepared for a few moments of serious hatred for me. It's Buffy, heartache happens.

AGriffinWriter- I always sympathized with Angel when I was younger. Then Spike hit the scene and I was in love. I also couldn't stand the idea of writing bratty Buffy, I'm glad everyone likes the compromise between the cannon version of her and mine. Woot! I might just have a thing for picking on Giles. Can't help it he was always so stuffy.

BeneficialAddiction- I won't lie it hurts to write Spike so confused...A little. The rest of me is having too much fun mixing that confusion with his usual 'i'm the Big Bad' personality. Twisted I know but so much fun.

KittenOfDoomage- Truth be told I always figured that he would've joined the Gang anyway if he'd survived. Putting him as second in command wasn't something I originally planned. It just sort of happened and once I thought about it I realized it just...Fit.

Once more a huge THANK YOU to my beta aka The awesomeness that is Ginar. Wonderful advice and wonderfully helpful, I tip my hat to you.

And for everyone else out there who has been reading (and reviewing) this story:

I've haven't even gotten started yet.