A/N: Okay, I am really sorry about leaving you in suspense, it truly was not my intention, I just wanted to explain what happened from Lizzy's POV.
After posting three chapters so close together, I'm afraid the next one will take an extra day or two to finish. Thank you to everyone who has left such lovely comments, they are truly appreciated!
The rain beat steadily against the window punctuated every so often by a bright flash of lightening and the reverberating clash of thunder, but she was oblivious to the tempest raging outside as she tried to make sense out of the chaos that her neat and ordered world had become.
Of three things she had always been absolutely sure: that Jane was her dearest confidant, supporter and friend and would be for always; that regardless of whether it was right or wrong, she was her father's favorite daughter; and that she would always consider Longbourn her true home.
Now she was forced to acknowledge that all three had been proven false in the last month, and she could honestly say that the thought of never returning to Longbourn held a very serious appeal.
She brushed out her hair and began to absently braid it in preparation for bed. Jane had taken to sleeping with Lydia of late, and with Mary now sharing with Kitty to allow the Gardiners her room, she had a bedroom all to herself for the first time in her life. She tied off the end of her hair with a piece of cloth and quickly blew out the candle before getting into bed, all the while knowing that sleep would not come anytime soon.
Tomorrow, weather permitting, she would meet William's sister, aunt and uncle for the first time and she was quite nervous. Not only because she truly wanted them to like her, but also because she dreaded the nightmare their visit might turn into if her Aunt Gardiner couldn't keep a reign on her mother's wayward tongue.
The visit had already been postponed for three days; first because of the 'crisis,' then due to rain, but with tomorrow being Thursday already, and the wedding scheduled for Saturday, and the 'secret' already out, it could no longer be postponed or put off. William's family must be welcomed.
Maybe her aunt would agree to drug both her mother and Lydia so the visit would have the greatest chance of success.
Had she now lowered herself to unnecessary laudanum use simply for her own comfort?
Yes … yes, she had reached that level of desperation … Lord help her!
Almost from the moment she returned from her walk that morning three days ago, in a very fine mood as a result of their sensual interlude, she realized something was wrong; wails and shouting could be heard from upstairs followed by the loud slamming of the library door and her father shouting about 'finding some peace in this madhouse.'
She quickly removed her pelise and started for the stairs just as her uncle Gardiner was coming down. As soon as he saw her he began to shake his head morosely in response to her queries and simply patted her on the arm before joining her father.
Feeling somewhat frightened at this point, she quickly made her way to where her mother's loud cries were originating from along with her aunt's attempts to calm her, to no avail. Her mother was obviously in distress about something … well, something more extreme than her usual complaints.
As soon as she entered the room that belonged to Lydia, she knew with a sickening certainty that things had indeed gotten worse … much worse.
Lydia was hunched over the chamber pot being desperately sick; her skin an unhealthy hue of green, with tears coursing down her cheeks as she wailed about her 'beloved George.' Jane was wiping her brow and attempting to soothe her while the chambermaid quickly switched bowls and hastened out of the room to dump the smelly mess. It was then she noticed Kitty and Mary huddled together uncertainly in the corner looking scared and very worried.
Was Lydia … ? No, she couldn't be.
Lydia's howls soon matched the volume of her mothers' as she cried out that 'her George would come for her and they would marry as soon as he returned, and he would be pleased that she was carrying his child.' As if that statement wasn't enough, she then loudly proclaimed that 'nothing would separate her from true love.'
Oh dear God, she was pregnant!
It took all of Lizzy's willpower not to blurt out that her 'one true love, who by the way had impregnated another young girl in town as well, was currently buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in London.'
Even she wasn't that cruel.
She carefully made her way over to Lydia and tried to assist Jane in comforting her so she could share the news in a more delicate manner, but her overemotional and overly dramatic sister refused to be outdone by her mother, whose howls of recrimination and ruination could probably be heard in Meryton.
The cacophony of noise reverberating around the room seemed to shake the very foundation of the house … Good Lord how these two could go on! No wonder her father and uncle were hiding out in the library. She would have liked to join them, but she knew someone would have to put a stop to this drama soon or they would continue trying to outdo each other.
Unable to tolerate the weeping and wailing any longer, she banged her hand sharply on the top of the dresser. The resounding slap was enough to momentarily shock the two hysterical ladies into silence, and Lizzy slowly approached Lydia and gently informed her youngest sister that George Wickham had been hanged for his crimes against the crown and was unable to come to her, or anyone's rescue any longer.
After the initial impact of her words had sunk in, the wailing then began again in earnest and while Mrs. Bennet was convinced they would be shunned by all of society and feared they would never be able to step foot out of the house again, Lydia refused to believe her and said 'she was just jealous because she had always wanted George while all the while he had loved only her.'
She tried to be gentle and understanding like Jane, but she could feel her anger rising. Unable to handle the hypocrisy any longer, she did something she had wanted to do for weeks … she lost her temper.
She was far from proud of her outburst, but at the time she was simply too angry to restrain herself.
She turned over and plumped her pillow in an attempt to get more comfortable as her mind replayed the ugly scene that had played out in Lydia's bedroom.
"Jealous? Jealous of George Wickham? You must be mad. I avoided George because I finally saw him for the lying, cheating scoundrel that he truly was!"
Lizzy held up her hand at her sister's attempt to interrupt and come to her lover's defense, and continued her speech; everyone in the room held captive by not only her words but her uncharacteristically harsh tone.
"George Wickham was a gambler, a thief, and a despoiler of young girls, and if you don't believe me ask Mr. Smelting, since his sixteen year old daughter is now with child and believed your 'true love' when he claimed to love and his empty promises to marry her as well," she paused to let her words sink in in the hopes her stubborn sister finally realized what type of man she was unjustly defending.
"He absconded with the payroll for the entire regiment, deserted his post, owed an enormous amount in debts, both in town and with his fellow officers, and most likely killed his accomplice while attempting to escape to the Americas. Does that sound like someone that was waiting to propose marriage to a young and penniless girl just because she was carrying his child?"
Lizzy hated that she was most likely hurting her sister, but she refused to listen to another word about how wonderful George was. Not after all he had put William and Georgiana through.
The shocked gasps from the other occupants of the room told her she had spoken indecorously, but the time for niceties was over as far as she was concerned.
Lydia finally stopped crying and was now glaring at her sister in absolute fury, "YOU LYING COW,' she screamed at Lizzy, who took a step back in surprise.
"YOU ARE JUST SAYING ALL THAT STUFF BECAUSE YOU ARE JEALOUS."
Lydia's face was now a brilliant shade of red as she continued her tirade. "YOU AND DARCY HAVE ALWAYS HAD IT IN FOR HIM, AND I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT MONSTER YOU ARE MARRYING PLANNED THE WHOLE THING AS A SET UP." her breathing was heavy and uneven as everyone in the room stared at Lydia in horrified amazement.
When Lydia next spoke, her anger seemed to have suddenly left her and her voice was clogged with unshed tears, "I know my George loved me and was a good man, and if he hadn't been wrongfully accused and killed … ," she paused as the words sunk in.
" … he WOULD have come back for me and our baby," she turned dark eyes towards Lizzy as she spoke, "I hate you! I hate you and that man you are to marry and I hope you both rot for what you have done to my George!"
Lizzy found herself unable to move at the bitter animosity in Lydia's words, and as she looked around the now silent room, she saw the same stunned looks on every face. It was Jane who spoke first, as always, the peacemaker.
"Lydia sweet, you don't really mean that. Neither Mr. Darcy nor Lizzy is to blame for Lieutenant Wickham's death, and you shouldn't say such things," she attempted to wipe away the tears that continued to course down Lydia's cheeks, but Lydia roughly pushed her away and stood, her lips tightly compressed as she addressed the room.
"I don't care what you say Jane, I will feel what I want to feel, and momma," she turned towards the woman who had spoiled and pampered her all her life, "I am keeping this baby! I will not give away George's child because it is all I have left of him," she began to cry in earnest and she slowly sunk back down to her knees as she continued to weep heavily.
"I don't c … c … care about my r … r … reputation, but I'm n … n … not giving up my child!"
Mrs. Bennet was uncharacteristically silent and seemed unable to respond to the heartfelt declaration, but Mary, usually so quiet and pious, had no such compulsion and angrily upbraided her youngest sister.
"So that's it? After all my unheeded warnings about going too far with your beloved George, all those times I caught you behaving inappropriately and didn't tell anyone because you begged me not to, and YOU suddenly decide what's best?" Mary paused to catch her breath, unused to such outbursts.
"You are holding all of our reputations at risk here, as well as the future happiness of all of your sisters, and you selfishly say that YOU HAVE DECIDED WHAT YOU WILL DO AND WONT DO?"
Lizzy was just as shocked as everyone else at Mary's violent accusations, but it simply proved her point that everyone had a limit … and it seemed as if Mary's had just been reached. She found herself admiring her younger sister 's courage, even if her departing comment was a bit cruel, she could hardly point fingers as she secretly felt the same way.
"YOU UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH LITTLE GIRL. I AM ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY SISTER!" Mary quickly departed the room, slamming the door on her way out, and no one spoke for quite a few minutes after their abrupt departure.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Lizzy felt laughter bubbling in her chest and had to struggle to contain it, as she sincerely doubted anyone else found this entire unreal scene amusing.
It didn't end with Mary's outburst however, because she was soon followed by Lydia's partner in crime, Kitty, who made her parting shot less antagonistic, but no less heartfelt.
"I have always looked up to you," she said quietly to Lydia, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "but I see what a fool you have been, and I as well for always following your lead, and now we will all pay the price for your bit of fun," and she too left the room, although she did it silently.
She was amazed that the sister she had always found to be as silly as Lydia had said something mature and profound. She sensed that today had been quite a shock to Kitty more than anyone, and had forced her to finally grow up a bit. As much as she hated the circumstances, she felt that maybe at least something positive would come of this mess.
She could tell that Lydia had not expected her sisters to condemn her, and watched in some sympathy as she looked beseechingly towards where her mother sat. The same mother whom always defended and commiserated with her youngest and most favored daughter … the daughter whose 'liveliness and high spirits' had been the very things that had gotten her into this predicament.
Her aunt wore a stern frown on her face and Lydia knew she would find no sympathy there, she rarely did, but her mother simply stared at the closed door as if trying to figure out how everything had gone so very wrong in her world.
"Mama?" Lydia asked softly, questioningly.
Mrs. Bennet sighed heavily and stood to leave the room, her expression harder than Lydia had ever seen directed at her, and she unconsciously snuggled closer into Jane.
"I will speak to your father about this, but so help me child," her vehemence surprised everyone, "if you have ruined your sister's weddings because of this; ruined our only chance at not being thrown out on the streets after your father dies, I will never forgive you."
Lydia's cries were heartfelt after her mother exited the room, as for the first time … ever … her mother had spoken harshly to her, and she wondered how long it would be before she was forgiven and could reclaim the title as her mother's favorite daughter once more.
Lizzy found herself suddenly meeting Jane's horrified gaze as they both pondered what this meant for them, especially with her wedding only days away. She felt her heart lurch at the thought that this would cause William to break off the engagement, and she felt her hand suddenly clutched tightly by her aunt as she was led from the room. Looking back, she saw Jane staring out the window as she absently stroked Lydia's back.
She would have to tell William. Would he still want her after word of Lydia's condition became known?
She shuddered as she recalled the stressful day she had endured wondering what his reaction would be. But she should have known her sweet William wouldn't cast her aside so easily.
He would have been well within his rights to end their engagement and no one would have blamed him … it would have devastated her, but even she would have understood, but he had come through once again for her and her family.
She gave a silent prayer of thanks for whomever brought William into her life.
Her revere was interrupted by a particularly loud boom of thunder and she snuggled deeper into her covers. It had been raining all day so she hadn't been able to see William, but she hoped and prayed it would clear up by morning. There were final plans to be made, and very little time left to make them.
Once the thunder died down, her thoughts drifted back over the past few days.
After leaving Lydia's room, it had taken her aunt the better part of an hour to calm her down enough to think coherently and then she had immediately sent word to William that they were unable to receive visitors, but tried to word the note in a way that would make him read between the lines and come find her by himself.
In the meantime, her aunt and uncle had tried to repair as much of the damage as they could, and had called all the servants together and warned, bribed and coerced them into not repeating any of what had occurred at Longbourn that day. She wasn't sure how they managed, but their secret was safe … or so they thought … until they could determine the best course of action.
It was decided that Lydia would have to go away somewhere to hopefully save the family's reputation somewhat. People would likely still speculate, but without concrete evidence, nothing would be known for sure. The problem was finding a distant relation or acquaintance that would be willing to take her in until the child was born.
The only relative able to do it was Mr. Collins … but that was an impossibility all things considered.
The suggestion of sending her away to a convent was adamantly rejected by Lydia, but she quieted as soon as she realized neither her mother or father had spoken out to agree with her.
And for the first time since news of her condition became known, Lydia knew real fear. The thought of being stuck in a convent for the rest of her life caused Lydia to shudder visibly.
She almost … almost … felt sorry for her.
Nothing could be decided until more information was obtained and inquiries sent out, and in the meantime, no one was to leave the house, nor were visitors encouraged. This was quickly solved by getting word to her Aunt Phillips that Lydia and Kitty had come down with the flu and may be contagious. They knew telling her would ensure that word would be spread around town in a matter of hours.
As the day progressed, she grew more and more worried about William's reaction, for while they had acted precipitously to contain the gossip, the reality was that word had likely already gotten out, and they would need to prepare for the worst. The worst, for her being the loss of William.
And the loss of Mr. Bingley for Jane.
She had worked herself into quite a state by the time evening came, and with still no word from William, she slept very little that night and was up well before dawn and on her way to to their favorite meeting place, praying all the while that he would come, and half hoping he wouldn't.
She had almost reached her destination when she heard the sound of horse's hooves and was half filled with elation and half despair as she spied William's unmistakable form astride his favorite steed.
He truly was a gorgeous male specimen.
He was off the horse and had pulled her into his arms all in the same moment, and she allowed herself to savor the feel of him as she cried out her agony and fear. He gently stroked her hair and whispered soft words of love until she was finally able to get herself back under control enough to continue on to a more secluded location where they could talk without fear of discovery.
Once there, she hesitantly confessed the real reason for the subterfuge about the illness, afraid that at any moment William would run screaming in the other direction, finally having had enough of both her and her family.
To her complete surprise, William was already aware of what had occurred. Evidently the stable boy who had delivered the note had shared the information with the kitchen maid at Netherfield he was courting, and she had shared it with the cook who had spread it around to the other servants … and somehow Caroline had found out and she had wasted no time in sharing the devastating news that the engagements would have to be called off since the Bennets were ruined.
William explained how they had acted quickly to contain the news within Netherfield, and had threatened and eventually bribed all the servants for their continued silence. He had then called together the family and explained what had occurred and by whom, exaggerating to some degree about George's influence over the 'innocent Lydia.'
His aunt and uncle had been understandably concerned, but Georgiana had surprised everyone by saying that 'he would be an idiot if he gave up the woman he loved over something George Wickham had done.' William, surprised but pleased at his sister's unexpected vocal support, told his aunt and uncle that he would never forsake Elizabeth regardless of her family's circumstances.
She decided that she would love Georgiana after William told her that, and it took quite a while before he could continue his tale because upon hearing he still planned to marry her she was so overcome with emotion he was forced to appease the wildly emotional woman in his arms.
Although as she kissed him passionately, he didn't seem to mind the delay.
After some time they separated and continued their earlier discussion, and he outlined their proposed plan for a solution to the Lydia dilemma that might save her reputation from total ruin.
He explained that his uncle had a tenant that had lost his wife and was looking for a new one to move with him to Scotland where his family owned a decent sized sheep farm. He needed a small amount of capital to make some much needed repairs to the property and a strong wife to help him run the place until he could afford to hire more help.
They had agreed to a sum of five thousand pounds as a dowry and to overlook the fact that Lydia had already been compromised and was carrying another man's child. It turned out that the farmer's wife had been unable to conceive, so he was pleased at the chance to have a son or daughter. All that remained was getting the approval of Mr. Bennet and they could be wed as early as a fortnight.
She had agreed to talk to her uncle and father as soon as she returned and would get word to him as soon as a decision could be made.
They had then spent a quiet hour just enjoying the sunrise wrapped up together for warmth and mutual comfort. It was a much needed respite from their hectic and chaotic lives and they each savored the moment of serenity their embrace afforded, and were both extremely reluctant to part even as they knew they must. The kiss they shared before departing was one of sweet promise and tender affirmation that touched each deeply as it nourished their flagging spirits.
The sentiment, while not spoken, was clear: no matter what happens, we will always have each other.
She had wasted no time upon her return informing her uncle and father about William's offer, and while her uncle agreed that it was the very best solution all things considered, her father merely grunted his approval and called in Mrs. Bennet and Lydia to share the news.
She almost laughed as she recalled how her mother had rejoiced when she heard the news of William's offer. Not only would her youngest daughter finally be married, but their reputations would be saved and the farm would have plenty of room for her should Mr. Bennet die anytime soon.
She even made a grudging comment about thanking William for his generosity before rushing off to make plans to supplement Lydia's wardrobe with warmer clothes.
Lydia, had been uncharacteristically subdued when she heard the proposal, but it wasn't until her uncle made it clear that as there weren't any relatives able to take her; it would either be the convent or marriage. Finally understanding that she didn't have any options left to her, she broke into tears after agreeing to marry and quickly departed the library.
Word was sent to William that his proposal had been accepted by all concerned and they agreed to host Lydia's future husband the following week at Longbourn.
Unfortunately, it had been too late for callers by then, and it had rained the entire day today, so no one could call, but a note was received mid-afternoon that confirmed the party from Netherfield would call tomorrow at ten.
Lizzy plumped her pillow yet again, anxious for sleep to come so she wouldn't have dark circles under her eyes when she met William's family for the first time.
The only issue that William had not answered her queries about, nor had Jane received any word from … was Charles. She knew his silence had hurt her sister even though she pretended it didn't, and William had simply said that it was between Charles and Jane and he was not getting involved, but admitted that Caroline and Louisa were both pushing Charles pretty hard to end the engagement.
She didn't share that news with Jane but hoped that Charles developed a spine soon so her sister wouldn't be hurt. She had tried to casually bring up the issue with Jane before bed, but her sister had simply hugged her harder than usual and bade her sleep well; refusing to discuss it.
She stared out the darkened window, watching the patterns the rain made against the glass and prayed that the last of their problems were over, and that things would progress smoothly for the next two days leading up to the wedding.
She had sensed a thawing in her father … or at least he had actually met her eyes and nodded his head after she had revealed William's offer for Lydia.
That could be taken as a positive sign, couldn't it?
She would try talking to him again tomorrow, maybe his anger … or resentment … or whatever it was that was bothering him … was finally fading.
And Jane hadn't hugged her for the first time in weeks, so maybe things were looking up there as well.
Her mother … well … her mother was, and always would be her mother. They may never see eye to eye, or get along, or even really like one another … but it was what it was. Besides, she had the Gardiners who were more like real parents than her own had ever been … and she had William.
And honestly … how she could ask for anything more than that?
