Chapter 9: Reunion
The memory faded and the pain in his chest vanished as quickly as it had appeared. His senses came back slowly. Mon-El was folded into a fetal position and couldn't hold back the whimpers that escaped him. His posture reminiscing that of a fetus in its mother's womb.
Mon-El had no understanding of the passage of time until he could finally move again, and even then, the hurt in his soul hadn't lessened a bit. That was why the first thing he searched for was Kara, but became fearful when he didn't find her there like she had been before the visions had taken him under and it was completely dark now.
"Kara?" His broken voice died into the misty and abandoned cemetery with no echo.
His mind was feverish and he could no longer comprehend his own actions when he stumbled forward in a random direction to find Kara. Where could she be? Who was he? Where was he? What time it was? What year?
He had lost his identity. Nothing no longer made any sense. Nothing, but one person.
"KARA!"
He shouted her name as loud as he could, with everything he had, as if she were his lifeline, the one notion that was keeping his quickly crumbling mind from complete annihilation.
He was close to collapsing when he saw something moving. The black cat pinned him to the ground with his bright emeral narrow slit eyes sitting on a tilted cross of an unknown tombstone.
"Streaky…"
He almost fell to his knees as he finally remembered who that cat was and what he meant to him. Streaky on the other hand didn't acknowledge him and only jumped down and walked away.
"Wait."
Mon-El followed him with regained strength. The cat paused for a moment to glance back at him before resuming his track. It seemed he wanted Mon-El to pursue him.
Even though he knew how stupid it was to expect an answer from the shadow of an animal, he couldn't stop himself when he asked. "Do you know where Kara is?"
For the next ten minutes or what felt like hours, Mon-El walked, ran and tripped in his haste until suddenly the cat disappeared.
"Streaky?" He was panicking in the darkness. His fear gave its place to frustration as he angrily looked around to see where he was. Then he saw an exposed figure curled onto her side on the ground merely a few feet from himself. A shadow was standing above her shaking body.
"You…"
It was him. He would know that face anywhere.
Mon-El Michael Gand
It was himself in a captain uniform and a full beard, just as he was the day he had died.
He had died?
Mon-El stopped breathing when the shadow looked over his direction with a mournful expression. Eyes dark and face fallen and ashen. They stared into each other's eyes and it was like looking into a mirror or an out of body experience.
Then the specter came at him so fast that he had no chance of reacting. It walked, or rather floated, right into him without ever crashing as though he was made of air and became one with him.
Mon-El fell down to his knees, griping his head as waves of emotions and memories attacked him, causing a whiplash. All the weight of his grief and things that had happened to him came back fully, shaking him to his core.
Mon-El felt his sanity tearing apart as he shouted out loud.
He crawled to Kara's side with violently trembling hands and new tears streaming down his face.
"Kara…" He whimpered her name as he tenderly turned her head to finally see her face in the light of the memories he had regained. It was too much. Her eyes were closed shut. The glasses were gone and she looked just as he remembered her. If only she could look at him once again with those blue eyes and end his tormenting memory of her death.
Nothing made sense anymore. His second life was only a faded dream and paled in the face of his vivid newly returned memories and it was beyond confusing, yet all he cared was the fact that he could hold Kara in his arms again.
He couldn't help himself as his eyes immediately looked over to where her heart was and let out a loud sigh of relief when he found her unharmed. The vision of her bleeding body was still sharp in his mind.
He witnessed the rise and fall of her chest and couldn't resist the urge to put his ear to her chest and listened intently with a hold breath.
Thump, thump, thump.
Her heart was beating.
Mon-El nuzzled into her neck to breathe her in and burst into tears when the familiar scent attacked his highly sensitive state of mind.
"Wake up!" He begged her in a broken voice as he tentatively brushed his fingers over the smooth and cold skin of her face and caressed. "Please wake up Kara."
The tremors of her body subsided and slowly but surely her eyelids started to flutter open. Mon-El cried in joy this time, his sight completely blurred by the tears.
"Whe…where am I?" Kara mumbled with unfocused eyes and Mon-El held her closer to himself.
"I got you Kara. I'm right here."
"Mon-El?" Her eyes finally found his and confusion was evident in them.
"Yeah, it's me." he reassured with a hysteric laugh.
When she didn't say anything, concern grew in his chest. "Kara?" His eyes searched hers for any sign. "Are you ok?" Mon-El was aware how badly his voice was shaking, yet he couldn't stop it. Without answering him, Kara suddenly sat straight and his hands slipped from her torso. The action left him feel abandoned and even more worried. "Kara!"
"I…I – please I need to get out of here Mon-El! Please get me back to my hotel!"
Mon-El felt his heart drop at her request. She didn't know. She didn't have her memories back. But why?
"Kara don't you –"
"Please Mon-El! Just stop! Stop with this! I- I don't want to hear it!" She almost screamed as she scrambled to her feet.
There were tears in her eyes now. She looked more lost and terrified than mad. The hurt in her eyes stopped Mon-El from attempting anything else. He couldn't withstand her distress and so he nodded in full resignation and rose to his feet as well.
"This way." Mon-El took the lead as he tried find their way out.
He was dying inside to reach out and hold her hand in his, to just have a connection, even the smallest to convince his crazed mind that she was really alive and right next to him, but Kara obviously was refraining from any touches and had her arms wrapped around herself protectively.
On their way, they didn't run into any other being, living or dead. Solid or shadow, not even streaky. They made it to Mon-El's truck and he helped her to buckle in as she seemed pretty out of it.
What had she seen? Had she seen the same memory Mon-El had? Then why didn't she acknowledge him?
Mon-El walked around the car and slipped into the driver's seat and then he was dumbfounded. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do and how to drive the truck!
His heart wouldn't slow down. It had been booming against his ribs since the moment they had stepped into the cemetery and he had no clue what he was going to do. After remembering who he really was, the life he had, the war and everything else, driving a car felt like the most unusual thing he had ever done. His hands remembered the hilt of a sword, its weight, how to swing it, how horrible it felt as he had poked it into an enemy's body, while the leather steering wheel was an alien under his fingers.
He stole glances at Kara to his right and caught her staring at front of her with eyes blown wide and still panting. She seemed completely oblivious to his sudden amnesia.
Mon-El took in some deep breaths and decided to trust his instincts and stop thinking altogether. It was working. Flashes of muscle memory were kicking in and his hand went to ignite the engine when a loud peeping noise made both of them jump out of their skins.
"What is that!?" Mon-El covered his ears as the sound kept piercing his brain.
"It's your phone!" Kara pointed at the rectangular device right in front of him over the console as she eyed him strangely.
His right hand hesitantly reached and picked up the noisy and constantly vibrating object. This was like a nightmare. Why couldn't he remember how to use this!? Mon-El gaped at his phone in sheer panic.
"For God's sake!" Kara finally had enough and grabbed the smartphone away from him and pushed the green button.
"Mon-El?!"
A demanding and persistent female voice filled the car. It was so familiar, yet he couldn't remember again who this was.
"H- Hello?"
"Mon-El? Where the hell are you?! Why don't you answer your phone?"
"I- I was busy…I'd lost my phone."
His voice must have sounded as freaked out as he was feeling because the woman turned soft after hearing him. "Are you hurt dear? Where are you?"
A face finally appeared against his vintage memories. A mother. Not the other cold hearted one, another one. Caring and kind. His mind flooded with a childhood memory of her reading him a book after she tucked him in bed and before putting a light kiss on his forehead while saying goodnight.
"I'm okay mom." Mon-El let out a breath before continuing. "I got held up with friends." His eyes connected with Kara's and she only stared back at him. The call was on speaker so she could hear his mom as well.
His second self was returning steadfastly and it was the most bizarre sensation he had ever experienced. He recalled the lunch with Winn and Eve vaguely. Even though it had been merely hours ago, to him, it felt like a lifetime ago. Or maybe a lifetime afterwards?!
"I'm coming home soon. Don't worry." He ensured his mother before ending the call.
Only then he saw the clock on his lock screen. It was almost midnight! How could they have spent over eight hours in that damned place?! Without hesitation Mon-El started the truck and drove them away in silence.
The empty dark roads kept him on edge. Too similar to that late tragic night. His mouth was so dry.
The moment he stopped the car in front of the Rouge hotel, Kara fiddled with the handle and slipped outside on unsteady feet. Mon-El rushed to the other side.
"Kara!" he held on to her waist. The contact was burning against his skin and made his heart throbbing painfully.
"I'm fine." She informed him in a stern voice and pulled away before watching the jarring look on his face. Without words, Kara walked away and disappeared behind the big golden entrance doors.
Mon-El stood rooted to the ground dejectedly for a full minute, until he was able to move and to find his way back home. His mother was the one who opened the door with teary eyes. She scolded him for being so careless and not letting her know he would be late. His father was long asleep, so he wasn't there to shake his hand at him like he'd usually do. Mon-El only listened and nodded with his eyes downcast. Everything felt not his own and someone else's, even his own mother.
When he finally made it to his room, he saw the window was fixed ,thanks to his father, and dropped himself on the bed without even bothering to take off his dirty clothes. He was covered in soil after lying on the ground. A fact his mother had pointed out amongst other things.
He couldn't stop spiraling. It was all too much and Kara's refusal was the last straw. Mon-El felt his entire consciousness break under the unbearable gravity of the truth. He was detached from reality. He truly felt he had gone insane.
Even so, his body had had enough and he surrendered to the physical weakness and gave in to asleep.
Again that annoying beeping made him bolt harshly awake as though being stricken by lightning. His hands blindly searched around while his brain still seemed not functioning. At last he found the damned phone in his jacket pocket and with squinting eyes looked at the unknown number on the display.
He was half convinced it must be a wrong number and was going to reject the call, yet something in his mind was nagging and curios.
"Hello?"
"….." Only heavy panting could be heard from the other end.
"Who is this?"
"….." The breathing turned into quick gasps.
His heart dropped when he recognized the sound.
"Kara?! What's wrong?"
The call ended abruptly and Mon-El was already on his way out of the house as quietly as possible and towards the truck again, as he redialed the number.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" He mumbled. Ten beeps later and still no one was answering. "Shit!"
I shouldn't have left her alone! Mon-El cursed himself as he threw his phone on the passenger seat and stamped on the gas paddle to speed towards the hotel.
He slipped into the hotel lobby and was happy to see no one around. Mon-El jumped over the reception counter and found the huge thick notebook that held the guests' information. He flipped the pages swiftly to get to the last one. There was only one guest since last month on that page.
Kara Danvers – Room 502
He didn't even close the notebook in his hurry to find the room.
Five flights of stair seemed infinite. Of course the elevator had to be out of order over the night in that dingy old place. By the time he reached the fifth floor, Mon-EL had to pause and catch his breath if he didn't want to faint before reaching Kara.
The narrow hallway was in complete darkness. Not even a small lamp was on. Seriously who ran this place and why would they not have at least a dim light always on for emergencies in the middle of night? How was he supposed to find the room?
Fortunately he had his phone with him. He turned on the flashlight mode and cast the light into the passage and almost dropped his phone as the white beams revealed a person standing merely a feet in front of him.
"Jesus Christ!"
He knew that disheveled golden hair by heart. "Kara!"
But the question was, whether this was really her or the ghost? The question almost answered itself when he noticed the clothes she was wearing. The same blouse and dark jeans from earlier. They still had dirt on them just like his. Nevertheless finding out he wasn't dealing with a ghost didn't put his mind at ease since she was staring at him blankly as though in a trance.
"Kara?" He touched her shoulder with his free hand. She didn't even react. Only looking at a spot between his shoulders without blinking even once, her face pale as sheet. Repeating her name didn't prove effective, so he tried moving her. She was really worrying him. What was wrong with her?
What Mon-El didn't expect were the deep growling sound coming from behind him. with a racing heart, he turned his phone flash light to search for the source and his heart almost gave out when the lights casted on a dark dog with bare teeth and coiled on its back legs staring at him with angry eyes.
A black Kanni dog.
"No way in hell!" Mon-El muttered under his breath.
He knew that dog. Had seen an identical one in that old life of his. An image of that dog running in a garden flashed in his mind. A specifically painful memory he always associated with that dog.
Mon-El ran as fast as he could on short legs to get himself as far as possible from the viscous dog that was after him with mean growls, in their own enormous garden. He was barely ten years old.
He was out of breath, throat sore and eyes blurry with exhaustion. His feet skidded on the gravel and he hit the floor harshly with great momentum. As expected and anticipated, the big dog reached him in matter of seconds and leaped over his small figure.
Mon-El's fear reached its peak so tensely that he was certain his heart would soon fail. He screamed loudly as sharp teeth dug into his forearms that were protecting his face. It wasn't that deep however. Just a tease to scare him. It also helped that his arms were covered by the thick fabric of the coat he was wearing. Mother would be furious if she were to know he had damaged his new garment.
An amused laughter echoed around the garden where the chase was taking place. A boyish adolescent voice that occasionally boarded too high and pitch due to youthfulness before shifting to bass and matured.
Alexander Luthor, the fifteen year old boy who enjoyed watching others in pain and fear, and preferred it much better when he was the one inflicting them. Every time the young Luthor came over to their mansion in company with his parents, he would torment Mon-El in any way he could think of and this time had been no exception. This time he had decided to set his newly trained dog onto Mon-El.
"Good girl! Good girl!"
He praised the loyal creature for her cruelty and encouraged her to rip into Mon-El's coat deeper.
"LEX! YOU ASS!"
A girl shouted the name in rage as she ran past him to grab onto the collar of the dog to drag him away from Mon-El who was about to faint at this point.
"Bugger off Lena! You ruined the fun!" Lex whined.
Mon-El was trembling from head to toe, clothes shredded and soiled with dirt and a little amount of blood, and face wet with tears. The miserable sight of him trying to stand up on shaking legs apparently was another source of amusement to Alexander who threw his head back, his curly dark red hair waving as roars of laughter rattled his body.
Meanwhile his sister was struggling to keep the barking dog away from Mon-El with all her might. Lena – with only one year over him – stared at him ruefully and Mon-El saw the pity shining in her green eyes.
Anger boiled in his veins, giving him power enough to overcome the shock and pain. No one should dare to pity Mon-El Gand. Especially not a Luthor.
Mon-El broke into run once more, wiping the tears vengefully, aiming for the trees at the edge of the garden and behind the dried fountain decorated with cupids. His usual hiding place that no soul knew about.
Mon-El blinked a few times, letting the shock of seeing that dog in this narrow hotel hallway in the dead of night after two centuries, settle in, before doubting his mind and took a cautious step backwards.
"Kara I think we should –"
When he turned his head around to glance at Kara behind him, he saw another person standing behind Kara and his heart stopped. He had a top hat and long black coat.
The dog barked once but he didn't take his eyes off of that man's face who was staring at Mon-El with cold eyes and a wicked smile.
No…this can't be…
Suddenly the tip of a dagger cut through Kara's chest and blood spattered. She only gasped. Eyes wide open, locked on him.
"NOOOOOO!"
Mon-El's eyes flew open, his heart pounding so hard as though trying to burst out of his chest and cold sweat had broken all over his body.
It was all just a dream! He was still lying on his bed in filthy clothes just as he had. Mon-El instantly threw his legs to the side and sat straight and reached for his cell. There were no miscalls. He unlocked the phone and searched for Kara's number in the logs. It was well past three in the morning, but he wouldn't let this go so easy even if it were just a nightmare. Never again.
The dragging beeps went by. "Come on, come on, come on." Mon-El's foot was tapping nervously against the wood boards of the flooring and his eyes darting from the desk to the drawers and to the door in a nonsensical cycle as a result of anxiety. When no one picked up, Mon-El shot up and ran out of his room and down the staircase on the tip of his toes. He was careful to jump over the last step which he knew since childhood would make a loud snapping sound that would be like an explosion in the silent house.
It was like a déjà vu. He was doing the exact same things had been done in the dream.
When he reached the hotel, he swallowed hard and pushed the front doors. It was locked. Great, at least something was different from the dream. Mon-El went around the building and checked the back doors. All locked as well. He was about to give up when he found a kitchen window open. It was high and small, but with determination, and thank to the high adrenalin still pumping into his system since waking up, he jumped high enough to clutch the edge with both hands and pulled his weight up to slide inside. Finding his way through the dark kitchen and restaurant to the hotel lobby, Mon-El saw it looking exactly like in his nightmare, with only one small difference. Someone was in the room behind the reception. A light was shining from there, but no sound could be heard. Mon-El waked up there and peeked cautiously through and found the care taker asleep on his chair.
He let out the breath he was holding and with shaking hands he found the notebook (again?) and searched for Kara's name (again?). Room 502. An ominous sensation filled him all over.
Mon-El was going for the stairs again, but decided to try and see if the elevators worked. He pushed the button and his soul almost left his body when its doors opened with a loud ding. He stalled a few seconds get his bearings, before stepping inside and pushed fifth floor button. The elevator was an old and slow one. While most hotels needed the guest's card to function to increase the security, Crimsonwood had never been a tourist attraction for its hotel to spend that much money on things like that. Besides burglaries rarely ever happened here.
After a long trip, the heavy metallic room came to a halt and once again the deafening ding marked the opening of slide doors. Mon-El prepared himself for pitch darkness, as it had been in his dream. But it wasn't. Small lamps on the walls were casting dim light into the narrow, yellow hallway. Mon-El stepped out of the elevator and walked over on the soft carpet covering the floor. Two parallel red stripes on its edges stretched forward, guiding the passenger.
The rooms started at 510 on his right, so Mon-El continued. When he found room 502 he stopped. He raised his hand to knock but hesitation gnawed at his insides. What if this was a stupid idea? What if he was going to disturb Kara and make everything worse? The internal battle continued until Mon-El noticed the door wasn't completely shut, making his heart drop.
The sight resolved the indecisiveness immediately as Mon-El pushed at the white door open, fearing the worst.
"Kara?!"
The only light source in the room was the orange night lamp that made eerily elongated shadows on the furniture and other features of the room. His eyes fell on the only bed in the small suit. Kara was sitting on the opposite side, her back to him. She didn't turn to greet him. Simply sitting there motionless. Was she in a trance like in the nightmare?
Mon-El closed the door behind him anxiously, dreading what might happen next, and walked around the bed to see what was happening to Kara. The closer he got, the more he noticed the tremors racking over her body and heard the soft panting.
"Kara?" Mon-El knelt down slowly in front of her to get under her line of sight. The lamp on the night stand on the far side of the bed wasn't strong enough to brighten her face, yet he saw the trace of tears on her cheeks and how her eyes were glued to her twitching hands intertwined with each other in her lap.
She didn't even seem to have noticed Mon-El sitting there, gazing at her with concern pouring out of him. Mon-El had no idea what was going on. Could she maybe having flashbacks? Mon-El brought a hand up and gently put it on her knee, not wanting to startle her. He whispered her name once more.
Kara's whole body grew stiff and her eyes snapped to his, filled with fear. "Wh- Who are you?" Kara flinched away.
Mon- El withdrew his hand. "Hey, it's me. It's Mon-El!" He said quietly.
"Mo- Mon-El?" She repeated his name as though this was the first time she had heard it. "Mon-El?" And a second time to examine the name as she moved forward. He couldn't see clearly, but felt her keen stare on himself and it send shivers through his body. Did she remember him after all? Recalled who they were?
"Yeah, it's me." He confirmed in a broken voice. His entire being yearned to hold her once more in his arms. Just one last time.
Kara leaned forward, making Mon-El's breathing stop and then suddenly drew back as her eyes strayed to the dim surrounding and the fright settled back in them like the beginning. "What is this? What's happening to me?" With quickened exhales, she raised her hands and stared at them in total bewilderment as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Where am I?" She cried.
Mon-El assumed she was experiencing the same perplexing disorientation he had in the cemetery earlier. "You're in a hotel in Crimsonwood." Mon-El explained in clear words as he moved to sit on the bed next to Kara. She was hyperventilating and anxiety was taking her over. She grasped his forearm tightly as if to ground herself. "H- How? How's this possible?"
Mon-El took her trembling hands in his and caressed lovingly, trying to distract her from the obvious tore in her consciousness. "Kara look at me." She immediately obliged.
"I know nothing makes sense right now, believe me I know, but just breathe, it's gonna be alright. I'm right here."
When her distress didn't subsided and her breaths turned into gasps, Mon-El slowly wrapped his arms around her and nudged her into his embrace, shushing soothingly. Kara pressed her head into his shoulder and let him brush her hair to calm her. Mon-El felt his heart almost giving away under the intense sensation.
"Breathe with me." He instructed. "In… and out. In… and out."
To his relief Kara listened and slowly her breathing evened out. Her body felt warm and rather limp in his arms. Mon-El used a hand to stroke her hair away from her face to find her eyes closed. Just as he assumed she had fallen asleep, Kara's eyes blinked open, landing on him. They gazed at each other for minutes with only their quiet breathing filling the silence.
"Is it really you?" Kara finally whispered.
Mon-El felt her gentle hands on his cheeks, tenderly cupping his face and his heart fluttered. He held her tighter in his arms. "Yes, Kara dearest, it's me." Tears welled up in his eyes as he clenched them shut and leaned into her touch. "I remember you, all that we were and all that I lost, and much more…" The whispering words came on their own, taking the same tone of speech one would use two centuries before unintentionally. Kara's fingertips explored his skin, all the curves and the edges, as if trying to rediscover him.
When he finally opened his eyes, he met Kara's sky blue tearful ones. "Mon-El." This time when she said his name, it was full of recognition and he realized that she finally remembered them. But more than that, it was the way she was looking at him. The same look she had reserved only for him and him only in that lost life.
A broken smile then appeared on her face accompanied with new tears. "Mon-El." Her hands held his face firm and with full affection. "You're here!" she gasped out loud in disbelief.
She was completely overwhelmed and Mon-El could understand since he felt equally enraptured by the improbability of this reality. He couldn't decide if all this were real or just another dream, but then it came naturally to them as they both leaned towards each other without saying another word and vigorously pulled one another in a passionate kiss.
And they burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Mon-el repeated like a mantra as he planted kisses after kisses over any part of Kara's face, head and shoulders he could reach. Kara squirmed against him and pulled away to look at him questioningly through the tears.
"What are you talking about?" Her voice cracked. "What are you sorry for?"
"It was all my fault." Mon-El covered his face with both hands shamefully. "I couldn't protect you." He whimpered. "I let you die." The last words came out as quiet as a murmur. It wasn't possible for him to say anything more after that.
"No!" Kara pulled at his hands to force them away and he let her. He had no power to resist her, but he refused to meet her eyes.
"Mon-El." She caressed his face and cupped to make him raise his head and look directly at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for my love." Her voice was hushed and choked, her eyes swimming with sorrow as though she felt the pain he had carried for centuries on his soul. He didn't feel deterred by it even a bit, no, this wasn't a look of pity. This was sheer empathy. The compassion written on her face was so pure and tangible that slowly it thawed the ice in Mon-El's heart.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." Kara cried, paralyzing Mon-El with her confession to which he couldn't find the words to protest, while she rested her forehead against his and continued. "I can't imagine what you went through." She once more pulled back to look at him in concern as her hand brushed through his short hair. "What happened to you my love?" More tear rolled down her cheeks as she read the endless suffering he had gone through just by looking into his eyes.
There was so much to say. "I…" Mon-El didn't even know what to say, where to start. He didn't even want to talk about it. So he simply stated the fact that defined his life. "I lost you and I lived with that until the end." He said wearily and reached to brush away the tears on her cheek. Suddenly he felt he didn't deserve this. All the hardship and self-shaming he had inflicted on himself didn't allow him to enjoy this reunion any more than this. And so he pulled back from Kara, making her hands slip from his face and stood up.
"You- you need to rest. I should leave you."
"No!" Kara gripped his arm tightly and the hurt in her face made Mon-El's heart clench. "No! Please don't go Mon-El!"
There was no way he could reject her. The moment Mon-El sat back on the bed, Kara pulled him back into her arms.
"I didn't tell you, but for the past couple of days… I keep seeing this dream…where I'm walking down this path, it's peaceful, and serene, and you're there waiting for me… and all I want is for you to be in that field with me." Once more her hands touched his face. "Now you are."
Mon-El felt a lump pressing in his throat. "Now I am." He said and finally gave in to the overwhelming feeling of love and longing inside him.
The two laid down in each other's arms for the rest of that fateful night, wide awake, simply listening to the other's heart beating, completely bewildered by this impossible. They had no answers. They didn't even know what questions to ask in the first place, nevertheless all they cared was having one another alive and close to each other again and that was more than enough.
